Chapter One
Monogram was smiling. "Come on, guys, Disney is the happiest place on earth. You should be jumping up and down with excitement that you get to come here while your owners are on vacation!"
"They usually take me with them." Perry muttered. But of course, Monogram only heard "Gnakakakaka".
Pinky the Chihuahua was playing with a cootie catcher. "Pick a number."
"Eighty two." Perry stared out the window.
"I don't want to count THAT long."
"Count fast."
"An hour left in the drive, and we get put in the car with Sir Optimistic." Said Otis the Owl.
"Come on!" Pinky said. "Let's play a car game! I know! Let's play that game when you say a letter and then the next person has to say a word starting with that letter!"
"I'll start." Perry glared at Otis. "X."
Otis glanced at Perry, then at the floor.
"Game over." Perry went back to gazing out the window.
"Or we could do that one where you look out the window and you have to find a word for every letter in the alphabet in order. By looking at the road signs."
"You and Otis can play. I'm gonna sulk." Perry said.
As soon as Pinky and Otis got to the letter J, Otis clapped his wings excitedly. "Hey! I got it! Every time we find a letter, let's sing the Ducky Momo song to that letter! Jucky Jo Jucky Jo Jo…"
Pinky began to sing along.
"Good thing they started at J and not F." Perry mumbled.
"Jucky Jo Jucky Jo Jo, Je's jor jery jest jend! Jho's ja jappy jime joy joy…"
As they parked next to Carl's car in the Fort Wilderness parking zone, Pinky and Otis had already gotten to U.
"Uuoucky Uuo, Uuoucky Uuo Uuo!"
Perry put his hands over his ears. Why couldn't he have been grouped with nice, quiet agents like Ferdinand or Peter instead of THESE guys?
"All right, guys!" Monogram said cheerfully. "I'll get everyone checked in. You wait in the car. Be good boys!"
He left the air on and locked the car.
"Let's play 99 bottles of pop on the wall!" Said Otis.
"Let's NOT." Perry snapped.
"What's wrong with you? We're in DISNEY! It's the land of dreams come true!" Pinky cried.
"It's just… my family usually takes me on all their vacations. This time they didn't. I don't understand it."
"At least you get to go somewhere fun." Otis reasoned.
"I don't mind lying on the couch watching soap operas all day. Makes me less lonely."
"You're lonelier in the world's greatest theme park surrounded by people… than when you lie on a couch, alone, surrounded by chips and cookies?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
"It's because he's anti-social." Pinky explained.
"I am not!" Perry insisted.
"You've been ever since I've known you. You prefer your family's company to the other agents."
"I just haven't hung with you in a while is all."
"Still, you never come to O.W.C.A's main room very often. You only get together with other agents when you have to."
Perry slumped down in his seat. "You could be right."
Monogram came back a moment later. "All right, I'll drop you off at your nice cabins. Otis, you'll be rooming with Ferdinand, Peter and Lucy. Pinky, you'll be with Perry, Poppy and Billy."
"One of these things is not like the other…" Perry started to sing.
"Huh?" Otis gave him an odd look.
"Billy's name starts with B." Pinky explained.
"I bet you ten bucks the line is longer than the ride." Perry said.
They were sitting in a plastic log on Splash Mountain.
"Smells like moldy plastic." Devon the dog said from behind him.
"THERE'S NO SAFETY BELTS!" Carrie the cat shrieked.
"You don't need them." Perry said.
"But… it says there's a 50 foot drop!"
"You stay in the log, okay?"
"What if I fall out?"
"You seat cushion functions as a headstone."
Carrie gave him a wide-eyed look.
"Sorry. That's one of Phineas' jokes. You won't fall out, Carrie."
"This seems a pretty cool ride." Darren the duck said. He was seated next to Perry. "Filled with water. I love it."
"There's a bunny on the front of this log." Perry pointed.
"Hm. Ancient bunny carving."
The ride began to start. They floated down a lake.
"Yes, Carrie, this truly is frightening." Devon said.
Carrie folded her arms.
The log went upward. A talking frog was on their left.
"That's not legit." Darren said grumpily. "Frogs don't speak English. They speak frog! DUH."
"They don't expect people fluent in frog to ride this thing." Perry shook his head. "Merely ignorance."
"Carrie." Devon said. "Take your hands off of your eyes."
"Only when the scary part is over!"
"There's nothing scary about it! We're just floating along again!"
"I read that if there's a fat person in the front of your log, you get a bigger splash." Darren said.
"We should get a huge splash, then." Devon clapped his paws. "We got Perry in the front!"
"Hey, I'm a good weight! I just look fat when I sit down!"
The log floated lazily into a room filled with singing animals.
"That goose frightens me." Darren hunched down.
"I remember when they made my lair entrance like this." Perry frowned. "That was NOT fun."
"Hey look! It's all dark!" Devon screamed. "It's the drop!"
"AAAA-ah?"
It had only been a short one. The log continued to float past bunnies and bears and foxes.
"Huh." Perry shrugged. "Although, I'm glad that wasn't it."
"Too dark." Carrie agreed.
"Look! Vultures!" Darren pointed up at the ceiling.
Carrie gave a screech and covered her eyes.
The log went higher and higher, past a tied-up bunny.
"Hey, he must know Doofenshmirtz." Perry commented.
The log teetered for a moment. Then it blasted down.
"AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!"
SPLASH!
The log started to drift again. The animals all looked at each other.
"How come Perry's the only one who got wet?" Carrie asked.
Perry squeezed the water out of his fedora. "Well. That was an interesting experience."
"How were all the rides?" Pinky asked, running up to Perry at the end of the day.
"Well, I was the only one who got wet on Splash Mountain, Darren freaked out at Everest, Devon got terrified on Thunder Mountain, and Carrie nearly fainted on…"
"All of them?"
"Yes. And the carousel."
"Seriously?"
"She was always a little skittish, you know."
"Tomorrow we go to Hollywood Studios!" Pinky leapt in the air. "That's gonna be so fun!"
"I guess."
"Still missing Phineas and Ferb, huh?"
"Like crazy. I can't believe you aren't homesick for Isabella."
"I'm just happy to be here with you guys. And not Poofenplotz. Man, it must be nice to like your nemesis…"
"I wouldn't say I LIKE Doofenshmirtz. Sure, he shares food with me and stuff from time to time, but he can't get that evil out of his system. He always winds up doing something bad to me."
"I overheard him saying he thinks of you as family."
Perry sighed. "I'm really tired, Pinky. Let's just go to bed."
"You call this a portion?!"
Poppy gave Perry's plate a second look. "It's fine, Perry."
"I can COUNT this pasta!"
"Pasta's not exactly a main dish."
"It is for me!"
"I didn't cook any more."
"Pinky cooks tomorrow, then." Billy the beaver said.
Poppy gave him an angry look. "So I'm not good enough, huh?"
Perry smiled a little. "It's great, Poppy. We'll just make smores or something if we're still hungry."
Poppy still looked hurt. She stormed into the bedroom and slammed the door.
"One, two, three…" Pinky counted. "You were right about the pasta."
Chapter Two
Perry wobbled over to a bench and sat down. "I could probably work up enough rug art to fill twenty museums."
"Let that be a lesson to us." Darren lay down on the sidewalk. "NEVER eat the huge portion of macaroni at that TV at your table place and then go on Tower of Torment."
"It's more like Tower of Sickness. That thing went up and down like twenty times." Perry held his stomach. "Ugh. I think I need a trash can."
"You guys went on Tower of Torment?" Asked Kenny the koala as he walked past. "Was it scary?"
"Too sick to be frightened." Perry moaned.
"Major stomach pain." Darren agreed.
"I love it here." Kenny said, heading off again.
Darren leapt up after a second. "Where to next? They have huge tours and stuff. And there's this movie ride."
"No more rides that go up, down, spin, bounce, fly, do the worm, or tip over."
"Actually, The Tiniest World back in Magical Fairytale Fantasy Kingland is the only ride that doesn't do any of that."
"Let's do it."
"Okay, now I'm sick of it."
"It doesn't go up or down."
"Yes, but it goes through a whole land of creepy singing dolls. It's like a ride full of Carloses!"
"Carloses?"
"Carlos the caring clown. This stupid toy Candace had. I blew it up in the toilet, but it came back to haunt me."
"So they bought a new one, huh?"
"Yeah."
The boat floated on as the dolls sang.
"It's a land of fun and a place of friends, if you don't have friends then you don't have friends, though the world's such a place where mouths lie on our face it's the tiniest world anyway!"
"Who wrote the lyrics?" Perry asked.
"Guy who was held back twenty two times."
"I think I saw that clock tower before." Perry pointed at a clock shaped like a sun. "I'm pretty sure it tried to assault me with its evilness."
"Clocks can't assault people. Then again, you are the guy who was mauled by a corn dog."
"It literally attacked me."
"I'm gonna have this song playing in my head for the rest of my life." Poppy said from behind them.
"Tell me about it. It's catchier than My Name Is Doof." Perry leaned his head against the side of the boat.
"What's that one?"
"I can't sing it or you'll get brainwashed."
"Sounds fun. Hey, I got Disney Princess hot chocolate at the store. We can have it when we get back."
"I've already had it. Isn't that the stuff that's blue, pink and purple and tastes like milk with melted candy in it?"
Darren shook his head. "A pure crime against hot chocolate."
Poppy folded her arms. "Got a better idea, then?"
Perry nodded. "There's this campfire thingy tonight. You eat marshmallows and smores. And then they show a movie after."
"Perry's right." Darren agreed. "Smores are wonderful."
Poppy thought a moment. "Fine."
"Okay, they said nothing in the brochure about a sing-a-long." Perry was sitting on a log next to Pinky and Darren.
"It's Disney. There's singing everywhere." Pinky said.
The man on the stage had a banjo. "Come on, guys, you all know the words! This land is your land…"
"I forget what comes next!" Pinky gasped.
"This land is MY land." Perry mumbled.
"Now, on three…" Said the man. "Let's all say where we came here from. One, two, three!"
"MARS!" Perry shouted.
"Excellent!" Said the man. "Now, let's sing a famous song all together!"
The man began to sing Mickey Mouse Club.
Pinky looked toward Darren. "Why does he only pick the songs I don't know the words to?"
"Because he KNOWS." Darren said creepily.
"What movie are they showing?" Perry asked.
Darren looked at the brochure. "Snoozing Pretty."
"I've seen that movie twenty-eight times." Pinky said. "Isabella loves that thing. Don't they ever show any movies we guys would enjoy?"
"Who said guys can't like Snoozing Pretty?" Darren said, a little defensively.
"Look. I got this marshmallow perfect." Perry pulled his marshmallow off a stick and gulped it down. "Sure you don't want one?"
Darren grimaced. "Can't stand the taste."
"You want to know how they make marshmallows?" Pinky asked. "First they-"
"Hey, I'm EATING." Perry stuck another marshmallow on the stick.
"Can I try roasting one?" Darren asked. "I always wanted to stick one directly in the fire."
"Go ahead. Don't come running to me when your stick flares up."
"I stuck a jumbo marshmallow in the microwave once." Pinky said. "We couldn't get it open for six whole days."
"Bet your host family was happy about that."
"They're pretty chill about it, actually."
"Mine goes crazy any time I do anything out of the ordinary, because of the baby around." Darren said. "I guess I should be glad I didn't have a host family like Terrence."
"I miss him." Pinky said sadly. "I can't believe they'd just… you know… poor Agent T. I'll never forget that November."
"I know I should be grateful, but…" Darren sighed. "Sometimes I just hate my host family, you know? Ever since Baby Elle came, it's like I'm a problem or something. They still care about me, I know, but it drives me insane."
Perry didn't say anything.
"You're marshmallow's brown." Pinky said.
Darren gave Perry a closer look. "Is he… crying?"
"Fine, I am, so what?" Perry threw his branch on the ground and hid his face in his hands. "I miss them. They didn't take me. They always take me."
"It doesn't mean anything." Darren said. "Families are unpredictable. But those guys love you."
"I know they do. I just wish I was with them." Perry sniffled.
"You should live in the now." Pinky said. "Right now, you're in the greatest theme park in the world, with two of your best friends and a bag of marshmallows."
"My friends are somewhere else right now."
"Come on, Perry." Darren ruffled his fur. "We're your buds too. Just see this as a chance to do something else for a while."
Poppy came over, holding a box of graham crackers. "Is he okay?"
"He misses his family." Darren said.
"Poor guy." Poppy held out the crackers to Perry. "Want one? It may make you feel better."
Perry shook his head.
"I'll leave it with you anyway. You guys may need them for smores." She put the box down next to the log and left.
"And now, folks, we'll enjoy a classic movie: Snoozing Pretty!" Shouted the man on the stage.
Everyone cheered.
Perry stood up. "I'll be right back."
"Where are you going?" Pinky asked.
"Just over to that fenced area. It's quieter. I'll be back in a few minutes." Perry wiped his eyes.
"You're not going to watch the insanely girly movie with us?"
"It is NOT insanely girly!" Darren snapped. "Perry, come on. You can't waste all this time just moping about your host family."
Perry stared at Darren.
"I didn't mean it like that." Darren said quickly. "In that tone. It just came out that way."
Perry tore away from them. He stopped running when he reached the fenced area.
It was a lot quieter. He sat down on the fence and looked up at the sky. Only a few stars were visible.
"Snoozing Pretty's not my favorite film either."
Perry looked over at Poppy, who was sitting under the fence, pulling apart a dead leaf.
"What are you doing here?"
"Ditching the movie."
"Me too. Not at first. But…" Perry felt tears coming into his eyes again. "I just really miss them."
"They probably miss you too."
"Then why didn't they take me?"
"Maybe they couldn't. There are a lot of places that don't allow pets." Poppy sat down next to him. "I know how you feel, though. Some agents relocate so often that they don't really care who they end up with. But when you really become part of a family, it's something different. That's why Agent D has trouble understanding that. He's never connected with his family."
Perry turned away from her.
"I promise you, they do miss you." Poppy said.
"How would you know?"
"Because you're part of their family."
Perry looked at the sky again. "I'm going back. I've never seen that movie before."
"Trust me, you missed nothing."
Perry smiled a little. Then he headed back to the campfire.
Perry waited as his videophone called the Danville Zoo.
He hoped it would hurry up. It was cold outside. He hadn't wanted to wake up the other agents.
Finally, the screen revealed an image of two platypuses.
"Hey, Per." Said Percy.
"Perry! You have returned in the magical box!" Pansy said happily.
"Hey guys. How's stuff back there?"
"Ever since the big explody thing happened Percy is my friend again." Said Pansy. "You saved him."
Perry smiled.
"How's your leg?" Percy asked.
Perry showed them his leg. "Only a small scar. You can hardly see it."
"It had white marshmallow padding on the sewing." Pansy said.
"Well, the cast and the stitches are gone now. I'm doing good."
Percy smiled. "Glad to hear it. Really sorry about getting you into all that."
Pablo peeked his head inside the screen. "Perry! Remember when I made pancakies?"
"You made a mess." Perry said.
"Big delicious pancakies!" Pablo cheered, running off again.
"I had an encounter with Dennis again." Perry said.
Percy sucked in his breath.
"Bad rabbit. Meanie punched my magical egg platypus." Pansy growled.
"Don't worry, I got away without getting hurt. He's got plans, though."
"Call me up if you need my help." Percy grabbed a rock away from Paige, who had been chewing on it.
"Hey! That was MY rock that I FOUND!"
"I can see you're busy." Perry said.
"Not at all."
"I NOMMED IT FIRST!" Paige snapped. She chomped down on the rock.
"OW! YOU GOT MY FINGER!" Percy shouted.
"I'll call you later." Perry hung up quickly.
It was good to know Percy and Pansy were doing well again. He kind of missed them. But not half as much as he missed Phineas and Ferb.
Chapter Three
Perry could seriously feel his brain melting.
He was sitting in the top bunk, watching TV. Only Playhouse Disney was on.
"It's the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Come inside, it's fun inside!" sang the TV.
Perry sighed. The other agents were probably all eating whatever small breakfast Poppy had created. He just wanted to stay in bed a little longer.
"Come inside, it's dumb inside." Perry muttered along with the song. Kids shows were so boring. All they did was teach you about squares and colors and red circles.
"I heard the TV." Poppy said, opening the door. "You wanna come eat, or would you prefer to sit here and watch Mickey count to ten for the forty-seventh time?"
"For your information, he's only counted to ten sixteen times in this episode."
"I got rid of the fake hot chocolate, in case that's what you were worried about."
"Nah. What's the breakfast?"
"Pancakes. Pinky's making them."
Perry shrugged. "Maybe. First I need to find out if Donald Duck is going to win this drawing contest."
"He does."
"Okay. I'll be right there." Perry stretched and got up. He climbed down the ladder and walked drowsily into the kitchen.
"Guess what?" Pinky said, thrusting a plate into Perry's hand. "Darren invited us onto the Epic Film Ride. It's a leisurely drive through a bunch of movies."
Perry, Darren and Pinky had seats up at the front.
"Aren't we lucky?" Pinky said happily.
"Yeah. We have the loudest seats in the building." Perry pointed at the driver, who was directly in front of them. He was talking about valuables in a New Jersey accent.
"At least we're in a cowboy movie now." Pinky said.
"That last one was intense." Perry whispered. "All the shooting and stuff."
"This is a nice, calm movie." Darren said.
Suddenly one of the plastic cowboys took out a gun and pretended to shoot at another guy. The driver moved the cart along into a space movie.
"Is this Space Adventure 14?" Perry asked.
"No, this is Martian." Said Darren. "I saw this movie once. It has a lot of exploding humans in it."
"Exploding humans?"
"Yes, because the little baby martian…"
"Look." Perry pointed. "There's a chain. It has slime on it."
"Maybe a dog drooled on it!" Pinky said.
Sirens began to wail. A plastic woman to their left looked very frightened.
A martian came out of the wall. "RAWR!"
"That guy has two mouths." Perry observed.
"How does he eat?" Pinky wondered. "Does he eat with the first mouth or the second? And what if he accidentally bit the second mouth?"
"It's a second HEAD, guys. It just doesn't have eyes." Darren said.
"Yeah, because that would be a boring point of view, having to look at the inside of your mouth all the time." Perry said.
"Watch! I've been on this ride before. One comes out of the ceiling."
"AH! THERE IT IS AGAIN!" Screamed the driver, pointing at the roof.
Smoke came out.
Then nothing.
The driver looked confused.
"Maybe it's not working." Darren said.
"Epic martian fail." Pinky shook his head.
"I'm glad it didn't come out." Perry said. "It would have come out right in front of me-"
As if it had heard, the martian popped out.
"Hey, they fixed it!" Darren said.
"RAWR!" The martian said, straight at Perry.
Perry wiped off his face. "They added fake drool to it, too. Gross." He looked at the slime on his hand.
"What's this ride called?"
"I don't know. I call it the Corny Joke Cruise." Darren said.
Perry shrugged and took a handful of popcorn out of his bag. "You ever want to do this without paying money, ride on a boat with me."
"Confident in your corny jokes?" asked Carrie.
"Believe me, he knows EVERY corny joke in the book." Darren said.
"See if you can guess the punch lines." Pinky jumped in the boat.
Perry followed him. "Okay."
Someone sat next to him and poked him. "Hey, buddy."
Perry would know that metallic voice anywhere. "Platyborg! How've you been?"
"Pretty good. Home's fantastic, you know? But my family went on vacation, so I decided to visit the first dimension and see what's going on with it." His one eye focused longingly on Perry's popcorn.
"Take some." Perry held it out.
"Thanks!" Platyborg stuck some in his mouth, chewed, and spit it out.
Pinky stared at him.
"He can't swallow." Perry explained. "He likes the taste of it, though."
Doofenshmirtz hopped in and sat down next to Carrie. "Oh, hello, Perry the platypus! Are you on vacation too?"
Finally the boat started. The driver got on and smiled.
"I like your costume, buddy!" He told Platyborg.
"It's not a costume." Platyborg muttered.
The driver, only having heard a rattling noise, turned back to everyone else. "Welcome aboard!"
"If I said welcome offboard, we'd be swimming right now." Perry whispered.
The driver said exactly that a second later.
"Wow, he's good." Pinky said with amazement.
"Is the guy gonna tell jokes all this time?" Poppy asked, squeezing between Platyborg and Perry.
"You came out of nowhere." Perry said.
"It's a gift of mine."
"I do that too!" Platyborg said happily. "We can be popping-out-of-nowhere buddies!"
"He's extra friendly." Perry told her. "He got every evil bit zapped out of him."
Poppy nodded. "You're his twin brother?"
"Nah, I'm his second dimension self." Platyborg said, giving her a huge smile. He always did that when he was proud of something.
"You have only one eye."
"No, I have two." Platyborg pointed. "See? That blue one there. It sees MUCH better than my actual eye. And it can lock on to targets, take pictures and has a zoom feature. Basically, my entire head is the ultimate camera."
"The pictures get stored in your head, I suppose?"
"Yes! And then I can plug myself into any computer and upload them."
Perry squeezed his eyes shut. "I don't know why I find this conversation disturbing."
"Because you prefer your digital camera." Platyborg patted him. "I'm fine, really."
"I can tell. You talk so casually about it."
"Take a picture of us." Poppy said.
Perry gave her a sick look.
"Sure!" Platyborg said excitedly. "You'll love it, it's like an HD camera." He got up and stood in front of them. "Okay… move in closer… Smile, Perry! This isn't a 'Who Can Make The Least Happy Face' contest!"
Perry forced a smile and gave him a thumbs-up.
"Come on. That's not your real smile."
"You've got two seconds before it goes back to the disgusted face." Perry said through his teeth.
Platyborg pushed a button on his arm and a blue light flashed from his eye. "Got it."
"Send it to me." Poppy said.
"Sure thing." Platyborg sat back down, looking very pleased with himself.
"Take one of me!" Pinky said. He stood up on the seat and pretended to lean on the guy next to him.
Platyborg got up again.
"Man, I wish I had me as a friend." Poppy said enviously. "Not to sound self-centered or anything."
"He wasn't always my friend, you know. The first time we met, he sucker-punched me."
"I did not!" Platyborg called, still trying to help Pinky pose. "You knew it was coming!"
"I was defenseless!"
"You were not. You proved that about two seconds later!"
Perry shook his head.
"Still." Poppy said. "It stinks how I never have any really good friends. All my girlfriends are weird."
"Doesn't my hair look lovely today?" Perry said in a high-pitched tone.
"That's exactly what I'm saying! They only talk about fashion or call each other stupid… Or call each other every two seconds on their videophones. When they're right next to each other. I can't ever be myself around them."
"I believe fashion is stupid."
"That's because you're a boy. But I agree."
"Well, just so you know…" Perry searched for the right word. He was so bad at complimenting people. Doofenshmirtz would take a lame smile, but agents always seemed to need more. "You're a lot cooler than most girls. I actually forget you are one sometimes."
Poppy glared at him. Perry replayed his sentence in his head. "Wow. That sounded like an insult, didn't it?"
She gave him a friendly shove. "I know what you mean."
Perry shoved her off the edge of the boat. It had been an accident.
She pulled herself back on and waved her hand at him. Water splashed on his head.
Perry laughed a little. They started wrestling.
"EEK! We're going in a scary cave!" Carrie shrieked. She held her paws over her eyes and peeked through her fingers.
"I can toss you off again." Perry said.
"Don't get cocky!"
A tourist broke up their fight, probably mistaking it for a hostile one. Perry sat back down. He hadn't had a play fight since he was a baby. He'd fought with Doofenshmirtz, but that was more of a life-or-death thing, and it wasn't challenging. Play fighting made him feel a lot less lonely.
Platyborg looked tired. "I think I need to import my photos soon. I'm running out of space for them."
"You're quite a worthy opponent." Poppy said to Perry. "I underestimated you."
"That was nothing. I was going easy on you."
"Sure."
"I could beat you senseless."
Poppy shrugged and went back to her seat. Platyborg smiled at Perry. "Can we duel sometime? You're the only one who can match me."
"Look, buddy, even though we're evenly matched, you could cream me! You have a spike on your tail!"
"So I almost ripped you open the third time I fought you."
Perry focused on the driver. "He's about to tell a corny joke."
The driver pointed to their left. "That's Carlos the cannibal."
"Carlos." Perry shuddered.
"There are good Carloses." Pinky said. "My brother's name is Carlos."
"I had dinner with him once. I told him his wife made a good stew."
"And he sure is gonna miss her." Perry said.
"I sure am gonna miss her…"
"Ha!" Perry pumped his fist in the air. "I GUESSED IT AGAIN!"
"Glad to see you happy again." Pinky commented.
Perry sighed, remembering Phineas and Ferb. He put his chin in his hands.
"Way to kill the moment." Darren muttered.
"What's that chewing noise?" Pinky whispered from the bottom bunk.
Perry peeked over the edge at him. "I forgot to eat dinner. I snatched some leftover smores from the fridge."
"You're eating them in your bed?"
"Yeah."
"Well, keep it down! I'm tired."
"I don't chew THAT loud. Mmm, this one's extra crunchy."
"GOOD NIGHT, PERRY."
"Hush. You'll wake up everyone else."
Chapter Four
"Wake up, Perry." Pinky shook his friend.
"No."
"Come on."
"Sleep makes Perry happy." Perry mumbled.
"So does Disney fun that he has to wake up for!"
"Nothing that has waking up in it is fun."
Pinky sighed. "I guess I'd better get a huge bucket filled with ice and dump it on your head, then."
"Mm."
"Going to get the ice."
"Mm. …NO WAIT I'M UP!" Perry leapt off the couch and glared at Pinky. "You are cruel."
Pinky smiled a little. "Ready to go on Test Track with me, Devon and Darren?"
"What's that?"
"You get to be in a car that gets tested!"
"Wonderful. Like we haven't had enough stuff tested on us already."
"It's just a ride. They don't REALLY test the car."
"I have to go to the bathroom." Darren said.
"You shoulda taken care of that before we got on." Devon said. "The line's too long now."
"It's only like a two minute long ride." Pinky buckled himself in next to Perry.
"Yes. Worth the hour wait." Perry slumped down in his seat.
"Well, it better not be too intense a ride, because I REALLY gotta go."
The car started. It drove up a big hill and turned a corner.
"Let's test out some bumpy roads!" Said the car.
"Why me?" Darren growled.
The car began to jiggle.
"Hey, cool! Brick road!" Said Pinky.
"NO. NOT COOL." Darren hissed.
"Upcoming is giant rock road!" Perry said happily.
Darren didn't look pleased.
"Now, let's test this car in extreme temperatures." Said the car.
The car entered a room filled with red lights.
"Too hot." Gasped Devon.
"It's hardly hot at all." Perry said.
The car went into the next room. This one had all the air conditioners on high and fake ice.
Pinky began to shake wildly.
Then the car went into a green room with robots. The robots sprayed something on the car.
"What are they doing?" Perry asked.
"Some corrosion test." Said Devon.
"What does that even mean?"
"No idea."
The car drove around a while longer and nearly crashed into a fake truck, which scared Devon senseless.
"I can only imagine Carrie on this." He said once he got his wind back.
They entered a room decorated with crashed cars.
"Great." Darren said.
The car stopped. Then it drove at full speed toward a marked block of wood.
"It takes your picture here." Devon said.
Pinky and Darren screamed.
Perry yawned a little and adjusted his position.
The wood opened up and the car went zooming down a big road.
"That's a lovely picture." Pinky said after a while.
They looked at the photograph they'd gotten from Test Track.
Pinky and Darren were wailing and looked thoroughly terrified. Devon was still in the middle of talking. Perry looked half-asleep.
"That's a terrible picture of me." Devon said.
Perry shrugged. "I've had worse photos."
Pinky started to laugh. "Oh man… Remember that one time when you were covered in honey? ...THE MITTEN!"
Perry stared straight ahead. "Yes, Pinky. I remember. That's exactly the photo I was thinking about."
They walked around the park a little more.
"There's Poppy and Ferdinand." Pinky said, looking toward a giant ride that looked like a golf ball.
"Phineas and Ferb built that once-" Perry began. Then he looked down at his feet. "I wonder if they built anything today…"
"I'm sick of it!" Darren shouted. "You've done nothing but mope the whole time we've been here!"
Perry didn't answer.
"C'mon, let's go say hi." Pinky dragged Perry over to the golf ball. Devon and Darren followed.
"Hey!" Ferdinand leapt up in joy when he saw them. "Are you going to get on this awesome ride too?"
"I've never been on it." Pinky said.
"It's so cool. They take your picture at the beginning, and then at the end they put your face on this weird body in an animated thing…"
"So, hypothetically speaking, if you held your hand up to your face when they took the picture, would you have two arms on the animated thing and an extra hand by your face?" Perry asked.
"Yep." Said Ferdinand.
"Awesome, I'm riding."
"It's a two-person seating arrangement." Poppy said.
"We'll fit, then." Darren got into the line.
"I like these kinds of rides." Perry told Poppy. "It's really calm. Lots of darkness and stars. So when do they take the picture?"
"See that flashing light up ahead?"
"Yes."
"When it gets to our cart, it takes the picture."
"Get ready, then." Perry waited until they were close, and then he stuck his finger in his nose.
"Real mature." Poppy muttered.
"It'll look funny in the end." Perry cleaned his hand off with a moist wipe.
Poppy looked outside of their cart. "So, we're traveling through time or something. There's the Egyptians."
"Very nice. Hey, I wonder if they bothered to make a face for that fake guy over there whose back is to us."
Poppy and Perry stared at the fake guy as the cart went on. Right when it looked like they might be able to see a face, a pole blocked their view.
"Safe bet they didn't, if they tried to cover it up." Poppy said. "Now, what time period is this?"
"Who knows. I like the sleeping dude."
The cart suddenly stopped right next to the plastic man asleep on the desk. Recorded snoring sounds were audible.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain seated. The ride will start momentarily."
Perry waited.
The snoring continued.
"If we don't move in three seconds, I'm gonna rip that snoring recording out of the wall." Perry whispered.
The ride started to move again.
They headed up through more rooms. Finally they reached a huge area covered in stars. In the center, Earth spun slowly.
"It's beautiful." Poppy said quietly.
Perry didn't say anything.
He kept watching the Earth as the cart began to turn around.
"Are we going down… backwards?" He asked.
"Yes. Goes slowly though. And it's not dangerous. We're well in here."
A shadow appeared. Some reckless guy was climbing out of the ride.
"May be dangerous for him." Poppy said.
The shadow climbed over some heads and sat on the front of their cart. "Well, imagine seeing you here, Perry. You don't seem like the kind of guy who'd like this sort of thing."
"Remain seated, Dennis." Perry fixed his gaze on the rabbit.
"You keep trying to destroy the agency." Poppy snapped. "You better start realizing that you won't succeed."
"She's smart." Dennis said coldly. "A little too smart, if you ask me."
He threw a punch at her and leapt off the ride.
Luckily, Perry's reflexes were still working hard. He grabbed Poppy just as she fell.
It wasn't a great hold, but he managed to hoist her back into the ride.
She climbed back into her seat and gripped the side of it. "Wow… he… he sure can punch, can't he?"
"He's invented this thing that makes you stronger and faster. My sister's the only one who can match him now."
"Thanks. For saving my life."
"It was nothing."
The screen on the front of the cart lit up. A cartoon started to play.
Perry and Poppy's heads were on astronaut bodies.
Perry started to laugh. He pointed at his astronaut.
"Okay, you were right." Poppy said. "It IS funny."
"He has three hands!" Perry snickered.
"Dennis was there?" Pinky asked the next morning. "You could have been killed!"
"I was fine, really." Perry was splayed out on the couch. "I was more worried for Poppy. She nearly fell. And Dennis, he just jumped down like the fall wouldn't hurt him one bit. He's probably strong enough to catch himself. Still, a fall that deep would probably hurt him."
"Dennis is stupid." Billy said.
Billy had a tendency to blurt out what he thought, regardless of how people would react. Perry almost agreed with him.
"He's stupid for wanting to destroy the agency," Perry said. "But I wouldn't exactly ALWAYS describe him that way. He's pretty good at planning stuff."
"Monogram himself trained Dennis." Said Pinky. "They used to be like this." He crossed two of his fingers together. "Monogram was heartbroken after Dennis turned. Now he never really gets to know agents any more. He just gives them their mission. Never asks them about themselves."
Poppy entered the room. "Who made breakfast?"
"You're fat." Billy said.
Poppy gave him a cold look and opened the fridge. "Where are all the smores?"
"Perry ate them." Pinky said, picking up a brochure.
"I was hungry." Perry said quietly.
Billy finished his breakfast and got up. "I'm going outside. I'll probably be back tonight."
"Okay." Pinky didn't look up from the brochure he was reading.
Poppy closed the refrigerator and slumped down on the floor. "I can't believe that Dennis. He just whacked me."
"He's a jerk."
Poppy shook her head. "I'll get him back one day. I will-" She gave Perry a curious look. "Did Billy really mean it… did he really think?"
Perry tried to figure out the best way to answer. Poppy WAS a little chubby at the moment, but…
"You're not fat."
"I am." She said. "You just feel like you have to lie to make me feel better."
"Not at all."
"Then maybe you really can't tell. Maybe no one notices it. Well, who cares?" She ran into the bedroom and slammed the door.
Pinky stared after her. "Huh. Well, I always figured that telling a girl she wasn't fat was the way to keep her happy. She's obviously different."
Perry shrugged and rolled onto his back. "Where do you think my owners are now?"
"On vacation."
"But where?"
"Just enjoy it here, Perry. And maybe see if you can calm Poppy down. She had a fit like this a couple days ago, but she doesn't like me as much as you."
Perry sighed and got up.
Chapter Five
Perry hid behind a statue of Mickey Mouse and answered the call on his videophone. "How did you get my number, anyway?"
"I have my ways, Perry." Dennis responded. "I'd like you to meet Fir."
The image shifted over to a black bat with red eyes, then back to Dennis. "He doesn't malfunction quite as much as Sandy. And he told us all we need to know about this Palmer."
"Palmer?"
"Don't you remember? A few weeks ago, we had a little chat about an agent that Sandy had seen in the future. An agent that was to be born directly into O.W.C.A. and, due to the instant training, would be incredibly powerful."
"Well, I still have no idea who Palmer is, so you can just call someone else about him."
"Of course you don't know him. But I do. And according to Fir, I HAVE called the right person. Once Palmer is born, turn him over to me. And I won't hurt…"
Perry put his hands over his ears. He was sick of these stupid threats.
"No, Dennis. I'm not helping you any more. And I wouldn't give a helpless puppy, kitten or whatever Palmer may be to you."
"I know what he is." Dennis said cruelly. "I know who he is, who his parents are, and where and when he is going to be born. And it just so happens, Perry the platypus, that you are going to be right there when Palmer is born."
"Why?"
"Because Fir said so."
The image vanished.
"Perry? Are you behind that statue?" A voice called.
"No." Perry said. "This is someone else. Who is not named Perry."
Poppy approached him. "Who were you talking to?"
"No one. I'm really sorry if I upset you yesterday. I didn't mean to."
"I was just really jittery. But come, I want to show you something."
"Why?"
"Just come."
She grabbed his hand and pulled him to their cabin.
She pointed next to the couch.
"Huh. Is that breakfast?"
"No!" She shouted. "I mean… no. Sorry. Didn't mean to go off on you like that. It's an egg."
"Exactly what I meant by breakfast."
"It's… my egg."
"Oh." Perry took a closer look. It was a nice egg. Pale white with a thin shell. "Congrats. Where are the others?"
"That's the strange thing. I only laid one."
Perry started to feel a little uneasy. Maybe the egg was Palmer.
"Did you name it?"
"I don't even know what it's going to be yet! But… if it's a girl, I'm thinking Pam."
"And a boy?"
"Maybe Petie."
Perry breathed a sigh of relief. "Good names. Why'd you want to show me?"
"Because you're my friend."
Perry smiled a little.
"And, you're a platypus. Other animals wouldn't understand the whole excitement over an egg."
Pinky came in. "Hey guys! Oh, is that breakfast?"
"NO!" Perry and Poppy screamed in unison."
Pinky held his paws up. "Sorry. No worries."
"This is gonna be the awesomest ride!" Otis said happily.
"You said that about the last one."
"Yes, well, THIS one is gonna be even awesomer!"
Otis, Perry and Darren were inside the Winnie the Pooh ride.
"Seems a little less extreme than the rock and roller coaster to me." Perry said, trying to get comfortable in the honey pot.
"Kids LOVE this ride. And who doesn't love the virtual honey that was in the line?"
"I must say, that virtual honey was quite interesting."
The ride started. The honeypot shook back and forth like it was dancing.
"I'm dizzy." Said Darren.
"Rug art! Rug art!" Perry shouted, clapping his hands over his mouth.
Then the honeypot went into a dark room. A friendly tiger popped up. "Hohohoho! Bouncy bounce!"
The honeypot bounced.
The tiger kept appearing.
"It's a stalker tiger!" Said Perry.
"HE'S EVERYWHERE!" Darren yelled.
"Oh, stop it guys."
After a few minutes, the ride was over. The three animals got out.
Perry started laughing. "The bouncing honeypot… stalker tiger… house fell down!"
"Good to see someone happy." Darren said.
Perry grinned. "You know what, you're right. I have been a little stubborn. I couldn't choose whether I could go with my owners on vacation, but I can choose whether or not I have a good time!"
"Exactly." Otis agreed.
"Let's…" Perry started to say.
He stared straight ahead.
"Perry? Earth to Perry?" Darren said. He followed Perry's line of vision. "Oh. Oh my."
Getting into one of the honeypots was a family of five.
Lawrence, Linda, Candace, Ferb and Phineas.
Perry watched them as the honeypot departed and went inside Poohland.
Then he turned and ran from the ride.
"Perry, please come out."
"No!"
Pinky sighed and knocked on the door again. "Perry, can't we just talk?"
"We're talking now."
"Poppy's egg gets into more in-depth conversations than you. At least open the door so I can get my magazine out."
"You should have taken your magazine out before my heart broke into a million pieces!"
"Perry, just open the door."
"I can't. I'm too sad to get up."
"Don't make me get my battering ram."
"Where do you even keep that thing?"
"This fedora can hold a lot more than you think."
A pause.
Perry opened the bedroom door.
"I'm obviously allowed here." He said quietly. "They let us on all the rides. Why didn't they take me?"
"Agent P is allowed here." Pinky said. "Perry isn't. They let us here because we behave sort of like humans. But when we're animals…"
Perry nodded slowly. He sat down on the bed.
"She got Eggy a crib?" Pinky asked.
Perry looked down at the crib next to the bed. The platypus egg sat in it.
"Yeah. I don't really think the egg cares where it is, though. Billy put it on top of the fridge the other day and Poppy was the only one who had a freakout."
"What's the matter?" Pinky asked, picking up the egg and rubbing it against his cheek. "You aren't fond of little Eggy Weggy?"
"Be careful. It's leathery. Can break really easily."
"Oooohhhh." Pinky said, putting the egg back in the crib. "I get it now."
"What?"
Pinky laughed. "You're jealous of its father! You like Poppy, don't you?"
"I'm not interested." Perry turned away from Pinky in disgust.
"You like a gi-irl." Pinky sang.
"We don't even know who the father IS, so it doesn't matter." Perry snapped.
"Perry likes a gi-irl!"
"That song has no tune."
"Yooouuu like a giiirrrlll!"
"You're not a one-hit wonder, Pinky. Now shut up."
Pinky patted the egg on its top. "Pal liked my song."
"Pal?"
"That's what I'm calling it."
"Poppy's going to name it Petie or Pam."
"She can name it Rumpy-stiltskin if she wants. I'm calling it Pal."
Perry wrapped his arms around a pillow.
Pinky frowned. "I'm sorry, Perry. I didn't mean to give you a hard time. Especially not after what happened with your owners and everything."
"Did Poppy ever tell you who Pal's father is?"
"No, but I'd assume she knows. You know, you can't really NOT know, you know. If you didn't know it would be pretty hard not to at least assume that you knew who it was."
"If you say 'know' one more time, I'm going to kick you."
"She's probably… aware."
"The last time Phineas hugged me…" Perry said softly. "Was when we were in O.W.C.A…"
"He loves you, Perry."
"I just hope he misses me as much as I miss him…"
"Until then, you have me. And the other agents." Pinky patted the egg again. "And little Pally Wally! Do we have you, Pal? Huh? Do we? Oh yes we do! We do!"
"You're going to stunt that egg's growth."
"When babies are talked to, it helps their brains." Pinky said.
"I meant the patting. You're gonna bash its head in."
Pinky laughed.
"M-I-C-K-E-Y, M-O-U-S-E!"
"That's me!"
"M-I-C-K-E-Y, M-O-U-S-E!"
"Huh ha!"
Perry lay on his bed, unshaven and surrounded with bags of junk food. He had been too lazy to get up.
Well, fetching the snacks was fine. Getting up just to be out of bed wasn't.
Darren cracked the door open. "You gonna mope in there all day?"
"Maybe." Perry said, scooping up a handful of marshmallows. "Maybe all night, too."
"Monogram just wanted me to tell you that your owners are coming home today. Which means you are, too."
Perry nodded. "When do I leave?"
"Monogram's coming to get you at twelve."
"Okay."
Perry switched off the TV just as Mickey Mouse was figuring out what he was going to do that day. He jumped down and followed Darren outside.
"You need to pack?" Darren asked.
"Nah. All my stuff's in my fur pockets."
"You forgot something."
"The snacks? Those things make me fat."
Darren pointed at his face.
"Stupid beard." Perry muttered.
"Stubble." Darren said.
"Whatever." Perry went back inside the cabin and slammed the door.
Monogram knocked on the Flynn-Fletcher door.
Phineas answered. "Oh, there you are, Perry."
"I found this little guy running around." Monogram said. "And I believe he lives here." He handed Perry to Phineas.
Phineas gave his pet a huge hug. "Hey, don't I know you-"
"Toast! Gotta butter it!" Monogram ran down the street.
"I missed you, Perry." Phineas said, cuddling him. "Disney wasn't half as fun as being with you."
"Same here." Perry chattered.
Chapter Six
Perry slid into his lair.
It was dark. He saw a shadow near his chair, bent over something.
Perry took out his dartgun. "Don't move."
"Perry, is that you? I thought you'd come here soon… it's hatching."
Perry lowered his gun. "How'd you get into my lair?"
"Never mind that! Come watch!"
Perry sat down next to Poppy and stared at the egg.
Little pieces began to break. A tiny platypus bill popped through the leathery shell.
"Come on, Pal." Perry whispered. "You can do it."
"Pal?"
"That's what Pinky calls it."
The egg broke. A tiny platypus stood in the middle of the carnage.
It shook itself, settling its new blue fur. It looked up at Perry and Poppy.
"Gnakakaka." It said.
"It's a boy." Poppy said.
The baby platypus stepped off of the remains of the egg and sniffed the air. His eyes were dark brown.
The door to the lair opened. "What's going on in here?" Monogram asked.
He stopped when he saw the platypus. "Oh."
Poppy picked up the baby and held it out to Monogram so he could see it better.
"What's its name?" Monogram asked.
Poppy took out a pad from her fur pocket and scribbled something down. She showed it to Monogram.
"Palmer." Monogram said. "A good choice."
Perry lost his wind. "Wha- what happened to Petie?"
"Pal's just such a cute nickname." Poppy said. "This way, he can keep that nickname."
Perry didn't say anything else.
Dennis was all he could think about.
Palmer approached Perry and put a tiny blue paw on his leg. "Blahgnsuoplzph." He said.
"So you're Palmer." Perry said. "You're the great new agent." He smiled a little.
Palmer smiled back.
Things at the O.W.C.A were going to get a lot more complicated.