AN: I give you…fluffy Snape. And a lemon. Hopefully it's funny. And…a total bastardization of anything canon…or, really, anything related to the epilogue written by JK. Enjoy! I love writing him, (and reading him) this way. REVIEW!
Don't own. Don't sue. Clear on that? Fabulous darlings.
The Bonus
Life was full of little surprises. Severus Snape knew this well. Because of this knowledge, he was well prepared, this particular morning, when he stepped on a toy fire-truck that had been left by the side of his bed which immediately began a loud chorus of WHEEE-OOOH, WHEEE-OOH. He cursed, grabbed his wand, and blasted the thing to kingdom come. After waking up a bit more, he regretted his actions, really. They'd had to replace more of Sam and Serena's toys than he could count, much to his wife's vexation. But Severus was a former spy, and honestly who in their right mind made all children's toys move, beep, squeak, rattle, speak, and light up? After several more minor disasters and narrow escapes: searing his hand on the hair straightener his daughter had left on in the loo (dammit Serena!), re-charming his robes back from lime green to black, (very funny Samuel),tripping over a stack of books at the entranceway (oh Hermione…) he made his way to the Great hall, greeting several of his seventh years, who at that age were no longer afraid of their infamously demanding professor.
He nodded and smiled at eleven year old Sam who waved covertly and winked from his seat beside his two best mates, and he pretended to ignore fourteen year old Serena, who was doing her very best to ignore her. Severus inwardly smirked. He understood that it was hard to be a teenager at a boarding school where both parents were well respected members of the faculty. He caught her half smile, though as he passed and he smirked in response, continuing on his way to the staff table.
"Hello love!" Hermione greeted him fondly from her seat at the the table. She patted the wooden bottom of the chair beside her. Giving her shoulder a brief squeeze and pecking her lightly on her cheek, he sat and began to eat. "What took you so long? I thought you'd fallen in," she asked as she sipped her morning tea. Severus scowled and glared at her.
"You know very well what took me so long. There was no way you could possibly have missed what color your son turned my robes this morning!"
Hermione giggled, snorting only a bit of her tea up her nose. "My son is he? It isn't my fault our eleven year old is as intelligent as his father. Most of the other first years took weeks to master the color changing charm."
"Yes, and what a thoughtful teacher they all must have." Severus snarked.
"Oh, ha bloody ha darling. It's a useful charm." Hermione smiled blithely as she dug into her eggs.
"Hmmm. Indeed. I see Serena is still in her 'I am not related to my parents phase."
"Yes, I noticed that as well. I suppose that one will last another…four years or so. Perhaps she'll acknowledge us when she's graduated." Hermione said. Severus watched as his wife of fifteen years grew wistful.
"Sickle for your thoughts?"
"Oh! I suppose I was just…remembering when they were small. Can you believe we have two school aged children?" Hermione smiled fondly, at her memories.
Severus smiled too, something that had become far more common in his…ahem…old age. "It is a joy I never thought I would experience that's for certain, Hermione." He frowned then, "I won't miss the crying though. Or the nappies. Or the midnight feedings."
"Severus! I was the one doing the midnight feedings. You were snoring right on through them."
"I was not" he had the decency to look embarrassed, though. "And I do not snore. Snapes do not snore."
"Love, anyone with a nose like yours is most decidedly a person who snores. But you are right. It was lovely having babies around the house, but I suppose I am glad to be done with that. Getting too old I suppose!"
"Hermione, my love, you are only 37," he replied placatingly. The he paused…"Hey,I thought you liked my nose!"
"Oh, Severus, relax. You've a fine eat your breakfast." Severus rolled his eyes.
"Yes….dear."
"Have you got rounds tonight," she asked as breakfast progressed. "No, actually! Don't know how I dodged that bullet. Albus must be going soft."
"You haven't? Oh lovely! Neither do I!" She looked thoughtful, manipulating her fork a bit. But Severus caught the wicked gleam in her eye. "You know…Sam's got quidditch practice tonight, and Serena will be with her study group till at least ten-thirty…"
Severus perked up then. "Ten-thirty…really?" His eyes widened a bit, a hopeful look in their dark depths. Hermione smiled widely and nodded.
"Yes!" Hermione and Severus both looked back out at the crowd of students before them, pondering a few things for a minute before both returned their eyes to each other.
"Do you think?" Severus asked.
"Oh yes. It's a definite possibility." Hermione responded.
"Only a possibility?" Hermione smiled as she saw her husband's expression. It was as close to "puppy dog eyes" as he would ever get.
"Well," she responded smiling, "barring any sort of disaster, of course."
"Of course."
The two finished their breakfast in relative silence, anticipating the night ahead. It wasn't often that they enjoyed an evening alone. Lest the audience believe that the Snape's didn't enjoy sex, not to worry. They had a passionate and lively sex life. But…there is something to be said for not having to pause in the middle to sort out a crisis. Or have to explain why Mummy was yelling at Daddy when a silencing charm was…regrettably…forgotten. Let is just be said that neither Snape planned on wasting this evening.
….
"All finished then?" Hermione asked when she arrived in the potions classroom. Severus was just cleaning out the last of the cauldrons.
"Finished with this. Not finished with you," he smirked. "Let's go, love."
"You're keen!" she exclaimed as he pulled her towards him and the floo connecting them to their quarters. She groaned when he gave her arse a healthy squeeze as he pushed her through the grate.
"Only for you witch," was his growled response as they tumbled out rather gracelessly into their sitting area.
"Severus," she murmured as he pressed himself against her, nuzzling her neck.
"Yes," his voice was a whisper in her ear, hoarse with arousal. Well then, she thought…
"Just fuck me, love."
"Indeed…I shall."
The next hour was passed in a lusty haze. After Hermione's rather blunt request, Severus made quick work of his frock coat while Hermione wasted no time in rucking up her skirts. They had all night, but this time, this first time…would be quick. They both knew it. That was fine. They had the rest of the night to make up for it.
When he finally found himself seated inside of her to the hilt, they both groaned, and Severus thanked any God he could remember that they'd made it, at least, to the couch. His hands were full of her fantastic breasts, palming and caressing their heavy weight, reveling in the feeling of her nipples hardening into tight buds underneath the fabric. She keened when he placed his hot mouth on the distended wool and tugged on her hardened bud with his teeth. Her hands raked through his hair as she met him thrust for thrust, the heat between them rising with each meeting of their bodies.
"God you've got fantastic tits, Hermione…." he mumbled from somewhere in her cleavage. He'd undone the tops of her robes and had managed to release her breasts at some point. Her guttural response was an answer enough, and with the tightness in his throbbing erection reaching a breaking point, he slid his hand up her bended thigh and placed a well practiced digit against her distended clit, circling it gently.
The sounds Hermione was making became more urgent, then, mostly his name, some choice expletives…and deep, throaty moans that were making him insensate with pleasure.
"Love…cum for me…"
"Ohhhhh yes…" she responded, her brow crinkling as he took her further…further…and with one more deep, bone jarring thrust into her body, one more firm grip of his hand on her arse, one more circular swipe of her clit…and she was there. Her orgasm hit hard and fast, and his followed equally as powerful. With a growl that seemed to come from his toes, he emptied himself inside of her warmth, and she took all he had to give.
They let a few minutes pass, simply breathing heavily, his exhalations blowing a curl across her forehead. Severus realized pretty quickly that he was probably crushing his petite wife and deftly rolled to the side, shifting so that she could lay beside him on the couch. They remained that way for several minutes…backs against the squashy pillows, legs splayed outward, heels braced on the floor.
"Ohhhh, that was lovely."
"Indeed," he responded, his heart beginning to beat at a more normal pace once more.
"Let's do it again," she sighed happily, nuzzling her face into his damp shoulder.
"Merlin, Hermione…you're going to kill me," he breathed, reaching a hand out to stroke away the hair that was sticking to her forehead.
"Well, it would be a lovely way to die."
"Yes," he said, shifting a little, "FUCK!"
"What? What's wrong?" Hermione sat up, instantly concerned.
Severus growled and pulled himself up from his position and rubbed his arse tenderly with one hand, pulling out a purple and blue sparkly hairbrush with this other hand from between the couch cushions.
Hermione giggled, then laughed, and then, he kissed her. Partly to shut her up. Mostly because, well, for an "older" man, his recovery time was quite merit-able. Hermione certainly had never had any complaints. And tonight was no different.
In the end of things…it was a splendid night. When Hermione and Severus fell into an exhausted sleep, this time in the privacy of their own room, Severus started for a moment before remembering that, yes, he had remembered to banish their strewn clothes to the laundry room.
….
It was about two months later, and the scene was much the same. Severus arrived in the Great Hall to find his wife's usual spot vacant. That was odd. Approaching Serena who gave him the teenaged glare of death, he came to stand beside her.
"Good morning Serena who is not my daughter." Serena rolled her eyes and turned to face her father.
"Morning Dad. What's up?"
"Have you seen your mother?"
"Oh! Actually, yeah. She was going to the hospital wing to see Madam Pomphrey."
Severus frowned.
"Are you sure?" This news disconcerted him. His wife never got sick. And she'd seemed fine last night, albeit a bit tired. Perhaps she was coming down with something then. Serena huffed a bit and twirled a strand of hair.
"Yes, Dad. I'm sure! She said as much when went in that direction earlier. I can only assume she was telling the truth."
"All right, that's enough of your snark, young lady." Severus said, internally enjoying the fact that his daughter had inherited one of his more favorable qualities in his personal opinion. "Well, have a good day at school, sweetheart. Study hard." He patted her head and grinned when she looked appalled and hastily turned back to her breakfast. He made his way to the staff table with a satisfied smirk on his face. Teenagers, he decided, could be quite fun…when they were your own, at least.
He'd just poured his second cup of tea when Hermione arrived and took her place next to him. "All right love?" he asked quietly. No reason to make a scene about it, he thought. He appraised her. She didn't look ill. Tired, though, he conceded. She did look tired.
She had an odd expression on her face as she poured herself a cup of tea, heavily diluting it with milk. "Oh yes. I'm fine." She turned to her meal and began to pick at it, and Severus raised an eyebrow.
"Right. What's going on? It's bangers and mash this morning, and you love bangers and mash." Softening his expression when she looked at him with an indecipherable look on her face, he continued. "Please tell me what's wrong, Hermione?"
"I'm fine, actually. Nothing is wrong with me, per say."
"Indeed. And this circular logic is about as clear as mud."
"Yes, well…" she paused and toyed with a strand of her long, curly hair. "Remember our conversation a few weeks ago?" Severus frowned. Which conversation? Was there something terribly important he'd forgotten?
"We've had innumerable conversations over the past few weeks. Which one in particular are you referencing?"
"The one where we were talking about being so glad the children are older now. No more nappies? No more midnight feedings? That conversation."
Severus remembered and nodded, his brow furrowed. "Yes. I remember that. What about it?"
Hermione grimaced and fiddled with her fork. "Well…what if I were to tell you that I wanted to do it all over again?"
His eyebrows shot up. "Hermione," he took a deep breath, suddenly feeling just how much of the bangers and mash he'd eaten. "Are you saying you want to have another baby?"
"Well, actually, what if I told you it was an irrelevant question." She looked at him then, her hand slowly making it's way from the table to her stomach. His eyes were wide then, and he immediately grabbed her by the hand and half walked, half dragged her through the staff entrance into the empty corridor behind the door.
"Hermione…" he breathed, his eyes sweeping from her worried face to her belly which…if he admitted to himself looked slightly…fuller? Oh gods above and below…"Are you pregnant?"
She nodded. His hands dropped from her shoulders to her belly, gently cupping the very slight swell. She watched him for a few minutes, chewing on her lip while he just stared at her stomach with wide eyes. "Are you upset," she finally asked?
Severus started. "What? I…when…how did this happen? I thought we always…oh…damn."
"Yeah. Damn. That night we didn't have rounds. Our night to ourselves."
"It's the only night that makes sense. Oh gods. The couch…"
Hermione nodded and smiled slightly. "Yes. The couch, the counter…the shower. Oh, and the bed, of course." Severus nodded, his brows furrowed, his face thoughtful.
"Yes. I suppose there aren't any doubts that that was…" he gestured in the general area of her abdomen, "the night."
"Yep", Hermione popped her 'P'.
Severus lifted his hand to gently rake it through her tousled curls. "I love you," he said softly and looked deeply into her eyes. The fact that he saw fear there jolted him, and he took action. "And I'm not upset. Not at all. Shocked…yes. Upset, no." He grinned wryly. "We didn't exactly plan for this."
"You're right." She smiled, and slid her arms around his waist. "You're really not mad?"
Severus bent his head down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'm really not mad." He bent his head lower and kissed Hermione's lips softly. "I love you."
"I love you too."
He sighed and stepped back from her, letting one hand slide into her own warm one as they made their way back to breakfast. "So," he said, suddenly pensive, "more nappies?"
Hermione laughed, long and loud. "More nappies."
Severus smirked. "I'll survive, I suppose. And perhaps this time, I'll even join you during those midnight feedings."
"You just want to be able to stare at my breasts."
"Well," he said, looking decidedly unashamed, "you do have fantastic breasts, love."
"Hmmmm. Ok, you won that one," she muttered as they took their seats once more. She caught sight of Serena and Samuel sitting at their respective tables and gasped. "Oh Gods Severus,"
"What? What is it? Are you all right."
Hermione grimaced and looked at him, fear renewed in her honeyed gaze. "How in Merlin's name are we going to tell the kids?"
"Oh bollocks…."
….
"I cannot believe this!" Serena Snape was standing in the living room staring aghast at her parents. Her parents!
"Serena…." Severus said, trying to head her off at the pass.
"You are too old to be parents," she whined. Severus cocked an eyebrow. "I mean I know you're my parents…but parents of a baby?"
"Serena," Hermione admonished, "You weren't this way when your brother was born!"
"THAT'S BECAUSE I WAS THREE YEARS OLD!"
"That's enough, Serena!" Severus said. His voice left no room for argument. He gazed at her appraisingly, his sharp eyes capturing the pout, the dejected slump of her shoulders. But the "Dad Stare" won out and Serena looked up reticently.
"Ok. I'm sorry, this is just…extremely weird for me. I mean, I try really really hard not to think about that fact that you guys-"
"Serena!"
"Do that. You know." She huffed. "Anyway…so…" Hermione looked at Severus as they waited for her to go on. Severus just shrugged. This reaction was beyond him. The mind of his 14 year old daughter was not an open book. Finally she looked up at them. "Is it a boy or a girl?"
Hermione smiled. She looked at Severus once more and then responded, "We don't know. We've already got one of each, so we're going to let it be a surprise. Actually, this whole thing is a bit of a surprise…"
"Ugh! No more no more! My ears….Mum, Dad," she got up and marched to hallway entrance, "Congrats, ok?" as she stalked off. Severus swore he heard her mutter under her breath, "It had better be another girl…."
"Well…that was…less bad than we expected."
"Oh, please, Hermione. It was awful. I hope we haven't scarred her for life."
Hermione laughed. "Don't worry, Severus. I'm pretty sure that once she becomes interested in boys her disgust with the fact that we still have sex will lessen a little bit."
Severus started and grippe his hand on his chest. "Merlin woman! Are you trying to give me a heart attack? Do not mention my daughter and sex together in the same sentence again."
Hermione smirked. "Well, now you know how she feels."
Severus cocked an eyebrow. "Oh, well done, love."
"Indeed. Now we just need to tell Sam."
"Oh Gods….can't we just wait?"
"Till when?"
"I don't know," Severus sighed. "Till the baby is born?" Hermione giggled and took his hand.
"I think he'll notice something before then, love."
"I suppose you are right. Ok. Samuel," he called.
They heard his feet on the hard wood floor as he barreled down the hallway. "Yeah, what's up? I'm trying to practice that new charm Mum taught me." Sam caught sight of both his parents sitting rather stiffly on the couch. "Uh oh…did I do something wrong? Is this about that vile of armadillo bile?"
"No Sam, you're not in trouble…what armadillo bile?" Hermione said.
"Er, nothing?" Sam answered, fidgeting.
"Ok. Severus, would you like to tell him?" She elbowed Severus in the gut and nearly lost it when he let out a grunted whoosh of air.
"We've, er…your mother and I…"
Sam cocked an eyebrow at his father and crossed his arms in front of him. "Just spit it out Dad."
"Right. Sam, you're going to be a big brother." Severus winced and braced for impact.
"Really? Wicked! Oh Merlin I hope it's a boy. This is awesome! I can't wait to tell my friends." He was off in a flash before either adult could say a word.
"Well…that was…"
"That was our eleven year old, dear," Hermione said, smiling. Her face changed from a happy glow to a greenish hue without warning "Oh Gods," she moaned, before promptly vomiting on the floor.
"Hmmm…" Severus frowned and summoned fetch an anti nausea potion. "I forgot about that part."
…..
A FEW DAYS LATER
Hermione and Severus were enjoying a quiet morning in their quarters. Serena was in her room catching up on some homework, and Sam had gone to visit a friend in the Gryffindor common room. The door to the living room swung open and Samuel burst inside, throwing his bag on the ground and running to the kitchen to grab a snack.
"Samuel, please pick your bag up off the floor. One day I'm going to break my neck in this household…"Severus muttered, his eyes trained on his paper.
"Sorry Dad. Hey Mum. I've got a question."
"Of course dear," Hermione said, looking up from her book. "What is it?"
"What's a bonus kid?"
FIN!
So….whadja think? Anyone out there a bonus kid and proud of it? :D Please review! They are better than a chocolate dipped Severus. Well…almost.
SS