Tiva angst. Reviews? :)
This Time
He sits in his chair, the scent of her skin lingering on his own. He ignores the phone when she calls, because he knows her voice will only destroy him. The beer in his hand is warm but he drinks it anyways, a reminder to himself of how desperate he is. The picture in front of him seems to mock him and all he could have had. But he keeps looking. Looking at her, her skin, the way her eyes seem to bore into his.
His answering machine picks up her call and her voice swirls around him. He can feel her touch even though there's no one there. She's begging him to come back, but he knows it's no use.
He can see her clearly, lips parted and miles of silky skin stretched out beneath him. That's the image he has of her, bare and exposed. It's not the one that should be burned into his memory. Not if they had done it right.
When her voice cuts off it's like the clouds have cleared and suddenly he can see again. When he stands up his legs shake and he has to clutch the table in front of him. Just as his fingers brush against the shirt she left behind he recoils, as if the fabric burns his skin. He opens his fridge but he's out of beer, whiskey will have to do.
As he takes a glass from the cabinet Ziva slowly crawls back into his mind. He washes her away with the shot of whiskey. The burn feels good, almost like a sense of relief as both of them suddenly disappear.
She's lying in her bed, the sheet draping over her curves in a seductive manner even though nobody is there to see. The phone is gripped tightly in her hand but she doesn't call anyone. He doesn't want to talk to her.
She left three messages that day, but Tony doesn't answer any of them. It should make her mad but in reality she's relieved because she doesn't have to here his voice. It's low and raspy and when he whispers into her ear she seems to lose control.
Only he can do that to her. Turn her into someone she doesn't even know, someone she resents. But the resentment seems to melt away when his hands grip her skin and suddenly she's somewhere far away.
They ruined everything when they broke the rules and suddenly she was aware of their existence. Gibbs would have a field day, telling them over and over again how stupid their decision was.
And maybe it was a stupid choice, because god knows they were far from a happy ending. Her phone rings and she's filled with a sense of doubt, excitement mixed in as well. But when she looks at the caller ID it's only Abby and she tosses it aside.
When sleep finally comes for her she's shifting restlessly beneath the covers, because she's so used to his body pressed against hers. Now his side of the bed was empty and cold, and finally she cries. Tony is already asleep when his phone rings again. This time he wakes up and he actually answers. When he hears her voice he smiles. Because it's just like it was before.
He gets up and slips on his clothes, out the door before they even hang up. In her apartment she paces and chews her bottom lip. The anticipation is killing her and she sighs in relief when his knuckles collide with her door. She invites him in and instantly he's pressed against her, prying her lips apart with his own. He can feel her smile and for the first time in a long time he feels happy.
They make love, taking time to rediscover each others bodies. To taste and memorize the feel of their skin. He hears her say his name and it's like an angel, magical and life changing. She sleeps easily now, the curve of their bodies matching perfectly as she snuggles against his chest. He holds her tightly, afraid the moment will slip away and he'll lose her again.
When he wakes up with her in his arms with the sun warming their bodies and igniting the room around him he feels alright. She's still there, her scent, her beauty, everything. Her laugh is throaty, almost a growl that sends chills through his body. She wraps her slender arms around his neck and kisses him softly. He doesn't pull back, he's not afraid anymore.
He won't lose her again because this time he knows what to do.