Title: The Vertical Expression
Author: Toriblue
Rating: K+
Disclaimer: To my profound regret, I don't own anything. This is evidenced by the lack o'nekkid Daniel on TVD.
This takes place in 'The Elixir That Renews' universe (If one can label *three* chapters as a universe). This is set in year four (post-MF). It's just a light moment between Elijah and his siblings. FYI, this idea was inspired by Nina's red Emmy dress. Just Google 'Nina Dobrev Emmy red dress' to view the glory. I would pay obscene amounts of money to see Elijah's reaction to Elena in this dress. Lets just pretend it has a slit on the left side (to accommodate the tango).
re: Tango "It's just a vertical expression of horizontal desire."
"Do you know why Elena isn't answering my calls?"
"To demonstrate her inherent good sense?"
"It's a pity there weren't more efficient methods of birth control during the Middle Ages."
"So Sayeth the illegitimate son. Maybe she's just waiting for her nails to dry."
"Why are you even asking her? Elijah's the one who installed the GPS."
"I don't need a GPS. Elena freely shares the knowledge of her whereabouts with me. Sadly, the rest of you can't make the same claim."
"Then where the hell is she?"
"Argentina."
"Why didn't she take me? We could've trolled for hot Latin men!"
"Elena doesn't troll for men...Latin or otherwise."
"What other reason does she have for going to Argentina?"
"She's been learning the Argentine Tango. She's participating in..."
His siblings turn to him with matching stares of disbelief.
"What?"
"You sent her there alone?"
"Elena is a grown woman who happens to have advanced skills in self defense..."
"Her safety really isn't the issue, bro. You sent your woman off to Argentina – alone - to bump and grind with Rico Suave wannabes."
"Elena isn't going to 'bump and grind' with any strangers." He can't believe those words just came out of his mouth.
"Bro, have you actually seen anyone perform the tango?"
To think, at one time, he actually missed these individuals. Thankfully, Finn chooses that moment to finally contribute to the conversation.
"Who is Rico Suave?" Perhaps contribute is too generous.
"It's this guy referenced in one of the worst songs known to man or vampire."
Klaus decides to voice the question that is running through all of their minds. "Why didn't you offer to go with her?"
"I had to meet with our procurer in Budapest."
"Excluding emergency dick surgery, anything can be rescheduled. What the hell were you thinking?!" Kol obviously feels very strongly about this topic.
He looks to Rebekah. She's become a modern woman. She should support his actions (or lack thereof).
"Don't expect me to back you up! You don't tempt a girl with Latin men before you've even sealed the deal. You're cute Elijah but you're not Latin."
"Thank you, Rebekah. I can always count on you for profound insights into the female psyche. It's been years since she spent more than a few days away from us. We're all going to respect her need for space."
She just rolls her eyes and turns away from the mental patient currently wearing her brother's skin. "How are we going to fix his latest fumble?"
"I'm pretty sure they have cell phone reception in Argentina. We'll just call her and demand that she get her shapely ass back home."
"Yes, that should be effective. Now I'll call Wile E. Coyote for his input. Niklaus, what do you think?"
"It seems pretty clear cut. I could go for some good asado."
"Enough! None of you are going to Argentina! You're ..." he trails off when he hears the strains of Elvis Presley filling the air. He doesn't know which one of them did it but is impressed in spite of himself. Elena's number ...his phone set to play 'Little Less Conversation'. How the hell did they get access to his phone?
As he answers the line, each of them are filled with a similar combination of emotions ...envy...gratitude...resolve. She's helped him regain his humanity. Even if Elijah is willing to let her eventually return to Mystic Falls, she'll find herself confronted with four other immovable objects if she ever tries to board that particular plane.
"She's sending a picture of the dress she chose for the competition." He looks like a giddy little boy.
Rebekah thinks that it would be easy to destroy that look. Every cold-blooded inch - urging her to strike while his defenses are down. She hates herself for even considering it.
Kol & Klaus think that their big brother has very skewed priorities. Who cares about the dress? He needs to spend more time examining her panties for points of entry.
Finn thinks that she shouldn't have waited three days to send the picture. If she had followed his advice earlier, Elijah would already be in Argentina.
A decided lack of color is present as Elijah views the screen. "It really has been too long since I visited Argentina." He exits the room...purpose as clear as the waters of Cozumel.
"That must've been one hell of a dress."
He didn't need to meet with the procurer. Don't his siblings recognize an attempt to save face when they see it? Of course, he considered the possible consequences of sending Elena off to a foreign country with little more than her passport and 4-inch heels. She didn't specifically ask him to accompany her. As much as he would've liked to come, he didn't think it would be appropriate to invite his self. Well, he didn't until he saw his girl donning a dress designed for sin. Her safety is his first concern and she will undoubtedly attract all manner of Supernatural creature in that vibrant color. Is she trying to ring the dinner bell for every vampire (male) in South America? She could be in danger! He wonders if this story will hold water when he arrives at her hotel.
Okay, it was a little evil to send the picture. She didn't know what else to do! She'd been lobbing hints at his thick skull for weeks ...no progress. The dress was her last resort. It's the kind of dress that requires a fanged escort. Even if he doesn't take personal pleasure in the view, she knows he'll feel duty bound to come and protect her. Elijah has the habit of morphing into an annoyingly persistent big brother. Once he gets here, she'll mention that she doesn't have a partner. His chivalrous self will then step in and save the day. It's a flawless plan! She just hopes he doesn't ask what happened to her original partner (which she never had). All she wants (all she ever wants) is to tango with Elijah.
Her phone buzzes. This is a call she'll answer. Rebekah immediately demands that she forward the picture of the dress.
"Hmmm...what picture?"
"Don't play with me, Elena. I want to see what lit a fire under his ass!"
"What did he do?"
"He booked it out of here like he was being chased by hell hounds. He's on his way to Argentina."
"Is that so?"
Rebekah's warm laugh - Elena is finally used to being on the receiving end.
"Wench…send me the picture!"
Rebekah is positively cackling when they find her in the kitchen.
"Elijah is going to cut a bloody swath through Argentina!" For their viewing pleasure, she hands off the phone.
Kol whistles in appreciation "When did our little girl grow up?"
"I'd say about five years ago. Now it's your turn."
Kol glares at his sister before giving Klaus the opportunity to add to his own spank bank.
He savors the image but quickly shifts to the planning stage of the evening. "You two up for some asado?"
THE END