Making do
by Caz
Rated K
Disclaimer is in force so leave me be!
When I found out that I couldn't date you because of the rules that were enforced by the boss and meant that we could only be friends was one of the worst days of my life . The first was the loss of Jeanne seemingly so many years ago now that the face that I can only remember and cherish are slowly beginning to drift away with time and slowly being replaced by yours.
Walking away from you and a chance of a romance is a painful reminder that haunts me as though it were only yesterday that Jeanne happened. It hurts me even now almost as much as I know it hurts you But I can't let us happen, Ziva, I just can't. I daren't.
I can look at you and feel my insides glow, purely on the strength of your smile. It has the power to warm my heart and sear my soul. And that voice; that wonderful husky, calming and sultry sound that takes my breath away as it pours over my fragile heart and eagerly wanting and waiting senses sending shivers of desire through me.
I crave your touch; to feel your breath whisper across my skin, your fingertips trickling unspoken words upon secret places that only you would ever know, and it drives me crazy that I can't have that. That I can't have you.
I want your lips upon mine, I want your tongue dancing with mine, I want your body crashing against mine, like the waves meeting the shore; Unstoppable as they desperately, constantly reach for release, feeling right, just so, so right.
But even though I see the same desire, wants and needs in your eyes, Ziva, I can never tell you what you must not hear, nor let my soul show you what you must not see. You must never know, that, like a thief, you creep into my dreams every night and love me. Nor must you ever know that you steal my most private thoughts almost every minute of the day.
But you do know that you stole my heart when you slipped into my soul, and you're more than welcome to keep it for a day when we can be more than friends. And when that day happens, Ziva, it'll mean that you cannot be a co-worker anymore. But then again, that day will become the happiest one of my life, because it means I can have you, at last.
But until then, I guess I'll have to make do with dreams.