Series: Avian Destinies [Part 2]
Title: Of Allergies and Nightmares
Pairing: Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff
Tags: Angst, Drama, Romance, Wing!fic, Soul Bond, Soulmates
Summary: Tommy has been pushing Adam away again, this time in the bedroom. This odd behavior is starting to worry Adam, and the stress has begun to leak into his dreams. Adam still holds the fear of abandonment close to his heart and he'll do anything to prevent Tommy from leaving again, even if that means hurting himself in the process.
Turns out, the situation wasn't at all what Adam expected and it all boils down to their horrendous communication skills.
BETA: TheSupernova
Tommy had been restless all week and it was setting Adam on edge. No matter what he did Tommy wouldn't talk to him and it was starting to plague his dreams; after almost two weeks, they were starting to reoccur nightly and were always the same. Adam would wake up to find Tommy missing, fed up with him and so, so angry. Nothing he did could calm Tommy's temper; Tommy would abuse him in the dream, call him names or beat him, while other times he just walked away, suitcase in hand. Tommy was always angry at him, hatred shining through.
"I'm never coming back." Tommy would say. "I don't need you anymore."
Adam was afraid Tommy would leave him, now more than ever because it had happened once before just a few months ago. They had been fighting non-stop for almost a month before Tommy left him, and Adam could do nothing but runaway after a week of being shunned by his lover and soulmate. Adam had bound his soul to Tommy - in Human terms, a "soulmate" - for an Ave, it was a Soul Bond. Adam had almost died when Tommy left him; it broke a part of Adam's soul that he has yet to recover.
Now there was an undertone of strain and Adam was afraid to bring it up, so he let himself bear the tension by gathering it all up inside of him and locking it tightly. No matter what happened, Adam would not let Tommy walk away again. If Tommy wouldn't tell him what was wrong, then Adam would do what it took to keep them together, even if it meant hurting himself in the process.
Tommy had changed after they had come home, opening up more and becoming better at letting Adam into his mind. Lately, however, things had been going well so Adam could see no reason for Tommy's odd behavior.
At first, Adam noticed Tommy going to be earlier, which was unusual in itself but it wasn't until Adam was being startled awake by Tommy getting up early to take a shower, make breakfast or practice his guitar, that Adam was getting worried. They hadn't had sex in almost as long, and Tommy looked more worn as the days moved on.
Tommy had also begun taking sleeping pills so by the time Adam was ready for bed, would be fast asleep and except for the brief good morning kiss (of which Adam would slip back into unconsciousness soon after because it was early and Adam was tried that early in the morning).
Tonight was different because Tommy had been edgy all day. Tommy had said something about the day being shit because nothing had been going right, goddammit. Adam completely understood what those kinds of days were like.
"Move your goddamn wings over, Adam!" Tommy said, folding one of Adam's wings almost painfully behind Adam's back; he cringed in pain. "And keep them on your side of the bed. How many times do I have to tell you?"
"I'm sorry, Tommy." Adam said, bowing his head. "You're right, of course. They do get in the way sometimes, don't they?"
Adam didn't find it funny, but he forced a weak laugh past his throat.
When Adam was awake, he could compact his 10-foot wingspan to nestle snuggly against the length of his back; it was a strange process of the feathers, bones, muscles and skin rearranging - reforming them into a new shape. In the compact state, his wings were sensitive because of the structure being in a state of flux and he often wore a binder to create a more "solid" state (meaning that it wouldn't hurt if someone slapped him on the back or slammed back into the wall).
When he was asleep, his wings relaxed and extended naturally to their full length which was not that convenient when you had to share a bed with someone. This was why Adam always made sure to sleep with his back facing the edge of the bed, because while his wings ended up folding neatly against his body, they did have an odd habit of twitching in the night (they had actually knocked Tommy out of bed quite a few times because Adam had changed positions in the night). Adam thought it was quite amusing (Tommy however, did not).
The only way around this was if Adam wrapped himself around his lover like an octopus (which was always fun) but for the past few weeks... Tommy had been going to bed early, and Adam didn't want to wake him just for a midnight cuddle.
Adam wasn't actually that phased by Tommy's anger tonight because honestly, Tommy had been snippy all day and Adam had also known exactly what those days felt like, so he let it slide. Since it didn't happen often, he'd just have to squeeze an apology out of Tommy tomorrow.
They had gone to bed at roughly the same time that night but Tommy ended up taking one of his sleeping pills before Adam had the time to engage in some sexy yet playful foreplay. Adam would have to bring that up tomorrow as well because Adam was getting frustrated, in more ways than one.
Adam's body shot up in a scream; the room was pitch black, as the black-out curtains had been pulled firmly shut before they had gone to bed. Fear wracked his body, his wings fluffed up in kind and he couldn't stop the shivers from running down his spine. Adam immediately reached over for his lover but Tommy's side of the bed had long since grown cold. The bed was neatly made, and the implications sent another shiver of fear along his skin.
He listened for any sounds of movement nearby: in the bathroom, the music room across the hall or maybe even the faint tell-tale signs of a late-night snack or some soft music coming from the computer in the next room. The house was dead silent.
Adam was alone.
He rushed through the house, eventually finding Tommy asleep on the couch with his headphones on.
"Tommy?" Adam whispered, horrified. Had Tommy not even come to bed? Why was he out here on the couch? "Baby?"
The soft brush of his hand along Tommy's cheek immediately woke his lover, but instead of a smile Tommy looked pissed.
"What the fuck is wrong with you, Adam?" Tommy demanded. "I was sleeping. You do know what that means, right? You are the problem now go to bed. I'll see you in the morning."
Adam had seen this before; the calm before the storm; to the days or weeks which would lead to Tommy walking out on him again. Would the soul bond be broken this time? Would Adam find himself always living in a constant state of fear? Tears fell from Adam's eyes as Tommy turned his back to him, determined to go back to sleep.
"I still love you." Adam said. His voice fell on deaf ears.
Fuck, Adam, wake up!" Tommy shouted. His voice was faint. "Wake the hell up, please! Adam!"
Adam bolted upright; he could feel the tears from his dream streaming down his face. Tommy was kneeling on the bed beside him, concern and fear flittering behind those eyes. He couldn't hold back any longer; he would do anything, change to be anything Tommy wanted if it meant he would no longer be ignored in the bedroom. Adam didn't want to sleep alone anymore.
"Forgive me." Adam cried, lowering his head. "I promise I'll do better, just tell me what you need. Do you want to be the one in control? Is that it? Am I not good enough to take care of you?"
Tommy held Adam against his shoulder, gently stroking down the side of Adam's right wing; it was calming, soothing.
"Hush now." Tommy whispered. "It was just a dream. I belong to you, remember? Not the other way around." Adam felt Tommy shrug. "You know I wouldn't have it any other way."
"Why, baby? Why do you hate me?" Adam's voice wobbled, broken. "What will it take so you don't leave me again? I want you sleeping in my bed, with me; not on the couch. Please, baby, please... tell me."
"It's March." Tommy stated. "Ave allergy month, god knows why it happens to every damn one of you this time every year. You snore. I want sleep. We do this non-sleeping-avoidance thing every year. Ear plugs do no justice to your voice; it's a powerhouse, even when you're sleeping. I'm tired."
"I'm sorry... forgive me." Adam didn't know what else to say. He didn't want Tommy to leave.
Tommy pushed Adam back, waiting for Adam to look up at him. "I know what I did to you all those months ago hurt you and I know it'll take time to win back your trust but I will not leave you. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to prove how sorry I am it's just... I thought you knew it was Ave Allergy Month. AAM for short. Aaaaaammmmmm." Tommy extended the vowels; it made Adam laugh.
He wiped away Adam's tears. "I had no idea it was affecting you so badly. I know you get restless and I know I've been angry these last few days, because I already suffer from insomnia so you keeping me up at night..."
Adam looked away again, his wings dropping sadly. "You left me. I... I thought you had, in the dream. Then I found you on the couch and it was like before... the days leading up to our fight and I - I'll do anything to get you back into my arms. You never want to have sex, you avoid me, and you're irritable all the time I just... I can't stand it, I'm sorry."
He pulled Tommy into his arms, refusing to let go. "This has to change."
"Yeah, it does." Tommy answered. He leaned into Adam's touch, body relaxing. "I still have trouble opening up about my problems. You'll have to forgive me for doing this to you again. Please be patient with me."
A beat of silence passed by, before Tommy spoke up again. "You don't need to change, Adam. I do - or maybe we both do, but I love you. You're my soulmate, I gave you part of my soul and I don't ever want to place that in danger again. Do you believe me?"
"No." Adam said honestly. "But I will, one day."
+END+
Note: This story is part of the Avian Destiny series. It is recommended that the stories be read in chronological order, as listed.
1: Love is a Satire and my Heart is a Ghost Town
2: Of Allergies and Nightmares
3: Lavender Tea and Blueberry Scones
So... the human species is split between two different "races" as follows:
Human Species: Homo Sapiens (human)
Sub-species (race):
Homo Sapiens Ave (Ave) - i.e. avian features
Homo Sapiens Sapiens (Human)