Her trauma from that night had haunted her to the point where she didn't even recognize who she had become. Her whole demeanor had changed and had resulted in difficulties in her personal and professional lives. Her PTSD had lead to her isolating and withdrawing from the people she once loved and trusted, keeping things to herself about that night in the warehouse. Eventually it was this withdraw that lead to her husband leaving. She couldn't blame Will when he said he needed time but it didn't make things any easier for her.
There was only one person that had never failed her and she was currently 3,000 miles away in London. Emily Prentiss was the one JJ shared her deepest, darkest secrets with. mainly because she knew the distance kept her secrets safe. With an ocean between them there was no one for Emily to divulge these deviances to.
Yet all that was changing. Emily was coming for a visit and JJ wasn't sure how to react. She was desperate to see Emily yet at the same time part of her was scared for Emily to see this new, darker, person she had become in the past year. She prayed that Emily wouldn't leave her like those before.
Her worries were put to rest as soon as the doorbell rang. JJ took a deep breath and went to answer the door, finding Emily standing there with a huge grin on her face. Emily wrapped her arms around her friend and pulled her in close, taking a moment to take in even the scent of JJ as they hugged tightly. Emily had missed JJ just as much as the blonde had missed her.
They stayed up for hours chatting and catching up, nothing to heavy, as they shared a bottle of wine. It wasn't untila couple of glasses in that the hard questions began popping up.
"How have you been, really?" Emily asked.
"I've been fine," JJ lied as she sipped at her Cabernet.
"I know that look, JJ. You can't fool me."
"I haven't been sleeping," JJ admitted. "Now that Will is gone the bed just feels so empty. And with henry spending time between us, the house feels empty as well. I have night terrors still, I wake up in a cold sweat and I can still hear his voice, see his face. Askari may be physically dead but he's still alive to me."
"I understand," Emily reassured as she took JJ's hand. "I still have nightmares about Doyle and that's been years. I know what it's like for that bastard to still have control. I wish I could offer you some advice but I really don't have any. Have you tried talking to someone about it?"
"I'm seeing a shrink but she doesn't understand," JJ looked at her glass with teary eyes. Emily reached over and wiped her cheek gently.
"Jennifer, it's okay to cry. Lord knows I've done my share of it."
As if she had been waiting for this confirmation, JJ let herself go and broke down. She lost herself as the tears came streaming like stormy skies. Emily wrapped her arm around the blonde and offered small reassurances as she let JJ cry. It was the first time since the abduction that JJ had really broken down. She had spent so many months bottling up her emotions to be strong, for the team, for Henry, for everyone. It was time for her to release her frustrations and she was grateful to have Emily there when it happened.
Emily was patient and let JJ cry herself out, knowing it was exactly what was needed. Emily smoothed JJ's hair back and tucked a strand behind her ear before taking JJ's face in her hands and whispering, "You have been so strong for so long. Let me take care of you now. You can let it all out, I'm here and I'm not going to judge you."
That simple sentiment sent sparks between them. Years of undiscussed emotions came flooding to the surface. There had always been a special bond between them that neither of them cared to talk about but suddenly int hat moment everything was too real. Before she knew what she was doing JJ closed the distance between them and pressed her lips to Emily's. Emily pulled back quickly and looked perplexed.
"I'm sorry," JJ stammered. "I just, I thought..."
Emily pressed a single finger to JJ's lips before kissing her. The electricity spread through them both like lightening. The need to be loved, the desire to feel wanted, drowned them both in a sea of passion. Emily let herself get lost in the kiss, finally letting go of so many years of restraint. JJ felt the release of tension and relaxed into the kiss. When they finally pulled apart for air JJ blushed.
"I never thought I'd be able to kiss you," Emily admitted.
"I never knew you wanted to kiss me," JJ forced a small smile, eyes twinkling though tears still welled at the corners.
"Only since the day we met," Emily replied, not being able to hide her smile. "I have admired you for so long. All i've ever wanted was to protect you. When Hotch called me that night, my stomach dropped. I came as fast as I could, praying all the way that I wouldn't be too late. Jennifer, if I lost you, I don't know what I would have done."
"But you made it. You saved me. I never thanked you for that night. I knew they'd call you, I knew in my heart that you would come, it was all that kept me holding on when I was so close to breaking. You came to save me and I never thanked you," JJ broke down again.
"It's okay," Emily murmured as she took JJ in her arms. "You don't need to thank me. I will always come for you. I will always be there for you."
"I'll always be here for you too," JJ offered through her cries.
"I know, I know that. You proved that years ago and I've never doubted you."
They sat in their embrace as minutes passed them by. Once JJ had caught her breath they sat in silence simply enjoying the other's presence. It had been a very long time since JJ had felt comfortable around anyone else and she felt nearly like her old self. Even in the fleeting moments in between sobs she felt like a weight had been lifted in mere hours of Emily's arrival.
Minutes turned to hours as the two traded stories about their experiences over the last of the wine and many tears. Emily even let herself break down about her abduction for the first time in years as JJ sat patiently by holding her hand the entire time. When their glasses ran empty and their heads ran fuzzy they decided to head to bed.
"Will you sleep with me?" JJ asked shyly. "I mean, will you come hold me?"
"Of course, little blackbird," Emily smiled and kissed JJ on the cheek as they retired to the bedroom.
JJ stepped into the bathroom to change into her pajamas and jumped as the door opened slowly.
"Just a minute," she said quickly as she reached for a towel to cover herself.
"It's okay, Jennifer. You don't have to hide from me."
JJ slowly turned to face Emily who slowly placed her hand on the towel and urged JJ to let her see. JJ took a breath and timidly let the towel fall to the ground. She was still wearing her underwear but her scars were visible and she felt extremely vulnerable. She had spent the better part of the past year hiding those scars. She rarely let Will see her naked and they hadn't been intimate since the abduction. JJ had always felt unworthy of his love and unsure of herself since the additions to her body. Now she was standing in front of new eyes who were taking her in and she felt like tearing off in the other direction.
"You're stunning," Emily whispered as she took her hand and placed it over JJ's scared abdomen. "These only make you stronger."
"I'm hideous," JJ rebutted.
"Jennifer, you're more than your scars. You're a survivor. You're a strong and beautiful woman. These do not define you."
JJ placed her hand over Emily's and squeezed it lightly before moving in to place her lips on Emily's once more. Emily opened her lips and allowed for a proper kiss before reaching for the hem of her shirt. She pulled away and slipped the garment over her head to reveal her own tattered body.
"Oh Em," JJ muttered as her blue eyes focused on the scars of the brunette. Her scars told stories of so much pain and JJ wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around Emily and protect her from the world. To shield her from the terrors that had haunted her for years. She reached down and traced the scar that Doyle had left over Emily's breast, a clover, his brand on his victim. She moved lower and felt the ragged edges of where Emily had been staked through the abdomen as flashes of that night played in her memory. Memories of the night she thought she was going to lose Emily for good, the night Emily had flat lined int eh ambulance only to barely survive surgery. She thought of having to kept Emily's survival a secret from the team and the heart break in their eyes as she had lied. She thought about the night she and Emily flew to Paris, the night they had said goodbye.
The emotions and demons of the past overwhelmed her and she collapsed in Emily's arms in a mess of tears and iI'm sorrys/i. Emily held her close and kissed her forehead.
"Jennifer, we;re both scared. But we're not broken. We are better than those men. We survived and they didn't. These marks are our reminders of where we've been. Look at me, you are beautiful and I will tell you that until you believe me."
JJ nodded though not fully convinced. She let her hands explore Emily's exposed torso and waited for Emily to give permission before moving further north. Emily nodded in understanding. Reading the desire in JJ's eyes and being willing to do anything to comfort the blonde, she allowed JJ to slip her hand under the clasp of her bra and let it fall to the floor. JJ took a moment to take int he view before kissing Emily down her neck. Emily let out a small moan of delight as JJ nipped here and there down her neck and onto her collar bone.
Emily took JJ by the hand and lead her to the bedroom where the slipped off JJ's bra. The two collapsed in a heap on the bed as passion rose between them, carnal need and lust filled the air as they drank each other down. They got lost in the throes of passion for hours, fulfilling their deepest desires.
Finally spent, Emily laid back in the bed as JJ nuzzled closely into her neck. Emily kissed the top of her head as she ran her fingers through the blonde's hair.
"Thank you," JJ said, breaking the silence.
"For what?"
"For making me feel alive again."
"Ditto back, my darling," Emily replied.
They snuggled as close as they could, Emily placing kisses lazily on top of JJ's head. JJ finally feeling secure and at home in her bed for the first time in ages as her protector lay next to her she drifted off to sleep. Emily fell asleep shortly after in the arms of her lover. She knew their new arrangement wouldn't be able to last for long but for that moment she finally felt like she was home.