Disclaimer: I don't own PoM or any of it's affiliates or characters. I do not own Gatorade or watermelons (not until I go to the grocery store)

Note: If you've heard it, I always imagined this poem to the tune of "We Were Made For Each Other" by Jack's Mannequin.

***

My day started out just fine,

But went from bad to worse.

In a play I got a sucky line,

And Private learned a new curse.

Then I hear an otter yell and shout.

"Kowalski, look out!"

I turn around but I'm not quick,

And a with a boom and lick,

I'm covered in watermelon juice.

Well, the worst times come in twos.

So I'm walking down the path,

And I stop to try and do the math.

There's a 92.4 chance that Doris will be in her tank.

So I skip over to the tank and I say "Hi!"

But I slip and sank.

And Doris's fin nudges me up, and soon I'm on the water edge.

And I say, "How's it going?"

But her anger's starting its showing.

"Kowalksi, this conversation has to end." she says. "You're embarrassing me in front of my boyfriend."

I laugh and look and see.

I've talked to soon, I shouldn't have…

"Why would anyone want to date you but ME?"

And she has this look on her face that tells me "go below."

"Hehe… I think I better go."

So I run off, and I fell and scraped my knees.

I that's not bad enough, I got stung by a swarm of bees.

And if that's not super bad, I have allergies.

So I come home, feeling real sore.

If that's not bad enough, me and Rico get in a war.

So what if I broke his doll the other day?

He was too old for her anyway.

But Rico's getting really, really mad,

And I can tell that this is getting bad.

So when the smoke cleared I had burns and a bruised flipper.

I wonder how I'm going to explain this too Skipper.

Then I see Rico cutting up a notepad.

When I realize its MINE I start to get real mad.

And Rico laughs nervously and into the water he plunges.

I leap after him, moving in bounds and lunges.

So Skipper catching me,

Acting real uncouth.

Before I know it,

I have bar of soap in my mouth.

Skipper didn't ask any questions, which brought me much relief.

I would have been fine if the soap mouth had been brief.

So I vomit when I get back, and bubbles are in the puke.

I sit there feeling like I got hit with a nuke.

And then right there, when I can't get any worse,

Skipper makes me go on a two hour training course!

By now I'm so tired, I could really drop.

But Skipper has this new program he calls "Don't Stop."

So while he enjoys a comfy chair and some lemonade,

I complete a kung fu battle then get pelted with Gatorade.

So now all my feathers are sticky and I feel like a freak,

And I crawl into my bunk, wet and sad and meek.

Private's there to comfort me,

But he doesn't really help.

Especially when he makes me stub my toe, causing me to yelp.

I go out and smell the flowers early in the morn,

Did I mention that my flipper tendon is torn?

Then I cause to rise,

A big swarm of bees.

Then I remember flowers are my allergies.

So what has this whole day taught me?

Has it taught me not to roam?

I'll tell you what I learned,

Tomorrow, I'm staying home.