Losing Control by Askait Amara
Knowing full well it was a ridiculous way for two women who had just performed a life altering surgery on an infant to say goodbye, Arizona extended her hand.
Laurel smiled and tried desperately to disguise her feelings of frustration. She wished Arizona hadn't cut her off seconds earlier when she was about to apologize for coming on so strongly.
Arizona caught a quick flash of something behind Lauren's smile and without thinking took two steps forward and pulled her into her arms.
Lauren was immediately overwhelmed by the strength of Arizona's embrace. She told herself not to kiss Arizona, but the second the power went out, she kissed her anyway.
Arizona was immediately overcome by the feeling of Lauren's fit body pressed against her own. She told herself not to kiss Lauren, but the second lightening flashed, she kissed her anyway.
Desire surged through Lauren's veins as she realized Arizona kissed her at the exact same moment she kissed Arizona. She swiftly moved her hand to the side of Arizona's face, felt the softness of Arizona's hair beneath her palm, and took control of their kiss. One kiss after another ensued, while soft eager lips welcomed soft eager lips. The crux of urgency mixed with an undefined attraction was a dangerous combination, and both women knew it.
Arizona yielded to Lauren's need to take control and acknowledged to herself that it was only a matter of seconds before she lost it. Just kissing Lauren was enough to cause irrevocable harm to her relationship with Callie, yet somehow she could not stop herself.
Unable to ignore the heat intensifying between them, Lauren moved her hands to Arizona's hips and pulled their bodies closer.
The feeling of Lauren's hands on her hips sent Arizona into a state of panic. She heard a voice inside her head scream, "You are cheating on your spouse and how will you manage your prosthetic!" "Oh God, I can't! I can't," she said pulling away.
Lauren understood Arizona's need to resist. In a very short time, she'd come to cherish how similar they were as women. She recognized the pressure Arizona placed upon herself and knew she would forgo her own desire if it meant saving the people she loved from pain, or saving herself from uncertain vulnerabilities. Her capacity to understand Arizona's concern was not stronger than her id, however. Instinctively, she offered the one singular truth she knew would have impact, "Arizona, you are allowed to lose a little bit of control."
Arizona was grateful she was staring at the door when Lauren said what she said. Had she been making eye contact, she would surely have kissed her once again.
Lauren felt her heart racing and realized she'd just offered a small disclosure that spoke volumes about who she was as a person. She promised herself that if Arizona did walk out the door, that she would let her go and let her go completely. The influence Arizona had over her emotions was making her far too impulsive.
Arizona closed her eyes and thought about what awaited her on the other side of the door. She brought to mind the feelings of safety and warmth she felt with Callie and Sofia. At the same time, she envisioned a future riddled with administrative professionalism and physical therapy.
Lauren felt a split second of fear as she watched Arizona turn the lock. Their actions could have consequences and a home could be ruined.
Arizona's heart ached at the choice she was making. At the same time, she could not move beyond the fact that Lauren was a beautiful, intelligent and powerful woman who did not see her as disabled. With this in mind, she turned around, took two steps forward, and kissed Lauren deeply.
Lauren felt dizzied by Arizona's touch. Arizona's kissed her exactly how she liked to be kissed and it inundated her senses. Her legs went week and she stumbled ever so slightly as Arizona stipped her of her lab coat.
Arizona was profoundly struck by the fact that Lauren was the one to lose her balance. She instinctively steadied her soon to be lover and slowly walked her backward to the bed, never once breaking their kiss. As she did, she felt months and months of self-doubt and insecurity wash away. Suddenly something Owen once said to her made absolute sense. "There will come a day when you will put all of this behind you and see your injury for what it is. An injury. Not an identity, or a punishment, just an unfortunate circumstance from which you survived."
Lauren could feel the edge of the bed pressed against the back of her thighs. She considered ways in which she could lower both of their bodies onto the mattress and do so while being mindful of Arizona's range of motion.
As if reading her mind, Arizona placed her hands on Lauren's hips and gracefully turned them around so that her own thighs touched the edge of the bed. She pulled away slightly, made eye contact and said, "Hold my hands."
Lauren did as directed and watched as Arizona gracefully lowered herself onto the edge of the bed. She then pulled Lauren toward her and in a low raspy voice said, "Straddle me."
"Yeah?" Lauren whispered.
"Yeah," Arizona husked.
Even in the dark, Lauren could see the spectacular blue of Arizona's eyes. Over the past twenty-four hours she'd imagined making love to Arizona in many different ways, but this scenario was one that had not occurred to her.
The second Arizona felt secure with Lauren's position, she place one hand on each side of her face and pulled her in for a kiss that was like no other they'd shared before. She suckled Lauren's bottom lip, biting it ever so slightly as she did, and received a breathy response. She ran her tongue along the inside of Lauren's upper lip and gently slid it in and an out of her mouth, exploring a little deeper each time. She kissed down Lauren's neck and slowly inhaled a scent she will forever recall as uniquely Lauren. She swiftly removed Lauren's top to reveal a dark feminine bra and perfectly formed breasts. She cupped one with her left hand and placed the other on Lauren's clearly defined stomach. "God, you're beautiful," she said.
Once again, Laurel felt her senses being overwhelmed. While she needed to hear that Arizona found her attractive, and was grateful for the acknowledgment, she simply could not resist her need to take control. She gently slid off Arizona's lap and reached down to remove her top.
Arizona instantly complied. She wanted nothing more in that moment than to feel Lauren's bare skin pressed against her own.
Lauren watched as Arizona's long blond curls fell free from the fabric and landed in disheveled disarray around her breast and shoulders. She marveled at Arizona's Goddess like figure. She dropped to her knees and kissed the soft skin above and around the fabric of Arizona's bra. She then firmly cupped both breast with her hands and kissed a trail down the center of Arizona's stomach. As she did, Arizona removed Lauren's hair clip and wove strong lean fingers through long golden strands. This gave her the opportunity to pull her lover's mouth back up to her own and kiss her breathless.
Before Lauren could regain composure, Arizona removed her bra and pulled her chest to her face. She kissed and suckled each breast and nipple until Lauren offered a needy sounding response. The second she did, Arizona moved her mouth to Lauren's ear and said, "Take your pants off and straddle me again."
Lauren realized Arizona knew exactly what she wanted. The level of clarity stirred something deep within her. Her body responded in full and even though she was normally the one to take the lead in bed, she made a conscious choice to let go of a little bit of control. She stepped back far enough for Arizona to watch and elegantly removed her shoes, socks, scrubs and underwear.
Arizona inhaled sharply. There was no turning back from this. She surrendered to the feeling, reached forward and slid her hands into Lauren's, then pulled her forward once again. The second Lauren was steady, Arizona ran her hands up her sides and buried her face in her breasts, taking one nipple at a time and sucking and biting lightly until she felt wetness flow from Lauren's body. Sensing Lauren was close; she wrapped one hand around her waist and slid the other between her legs. The combination of heat, wetness, and assertiveness made both women shake simultaneously. Arizona wasted no time finding her lover's clitoris and circled it with one finger until she got the desired response.
Lauren leaned her body forward and was able to place her palm flat on the wall in front of her. This gave her a chance to hold herself steady and spread her legs wider. It also gave her an opportunity to reach down with her free hand and attempt to slide it into Arizona's scrubs.
Arizona fought the urge to be touched and stopped Lauren's hand before she could feel the evidence of her desire. She heard her lover whimper and say, "I want to touch you like you're touching me. I want you to come when I do."
Arizona wanted the same thing, but wouldn't allow it. She had somehow convinced herself that making love to another woman was not as damaging as letting another woman make love to her. She thought back to what Lauren has said earlier and whispered, "I'm not ready, yet."
Lauren understood and nodded.
Arizona smiled as she felt Lauren let go and relax in her arms. She read Lauren's body like a book. Her sex felt very much like her own and she performed acute ministrations, which she hoped would satisfy. Within seconds she heard Lauren husk out a long slow throaty moan. Seconds later she felt Lauren's entire body shake then lift to allow greater access. She accepted the invitation and slid two fingers inside Lauren's opening. The instant she did, she felt Lauren's core surround her fingers and then release. Arizona held her close and steady, throughout the entire orgasm, only moving when doing so would enhance pleasure.
Lauren felt energy tingling in every inch of her being. It had been a long time since she'd had an orgasm like that and never before with someone she'd just met. She basked in the sensation of Arizona's strong arms wrapped her and noticed how their breathing matched. That Arizona was in no hurry to disentangle arms and legs brought her great relief.
Arizona held Lauren close and thought about what had just happened between them. She felt an equal amount of satisfaction and guilt. She knew she and Lauren would need to talk about what was next, and whether or not they would stay in touch. She also knew that if they decided not to stay in touch, she would be left with a decision to tell Callie, or not tell Callie. This realization nearly destroyed her. Before she had met Lauren, she would never have cheated, let alone consider hiding a sexual betrayal. Lightening cast shadows all around her and she was struck by the fact that that one decision had the power to change everything.