Out of Kilter

Summary: Post The Brother's Grim, Sandy's in the mood and Kirsten, quite frankly, is not. She has other things on her mind, namely Carter. One-shot Kandy + Carter (not Carsten!)

Disclaimer: Once upon a time a man called Josh Schwartz came up with the idea of the O.C. and he deserved great plaudits and credit…these days I'm not so sure.

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It's Sunday and I'm stuck at school, meh! Last night we went to the theatre and this was the result of the coach trip there and back. I thought I'd type it up today so I can post it as soon as I'm home on Friday! If you're reading this, I'm now on HOLIDAY now so get on msn and tell me which of my many fics you want me to finish first!

DEDICATED TO MARCIA because it's her BIRTHDAY! Happy Birthday!

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The kids head out after the extended family dinner, planning to introduce Trey to the delights of the pier and the Baitshop. Sandy's generous handouts to our sons should have set alarm bells ringing but I'm preoccupied.

Because it's not just Carter, that vibe, is it?

Sandy sits down again once they've left, a lot closer this time, and his hand on my thigh startles me from my thoughts.

'Hey,' he says, his arm sneaking further along the sofa behind me as he leans in for a kiss. I don't turn to meet him and his lips press against my cheek awkwardly. I feel him draw back slightly, his puzzled eyes scanning my face.

'You alright sweetie?' he questions, gently tucking my hair behind me ear so I can't hide behind it.

'Sorry,' I say, even as I shy away from the tender gesture. 'I'm just distracted.'

His mouth twitches and he nuzzles into my neck, his hand sliding up my thigh and under the hem.

'How about I distract you from being distracted?'

I wish I'd worn a longer dress.

'Sandy,' I protest, catching his wandering hand with my own even as his lips catch mine. As much as I resist, Sandy knows my weaknesses. Kissing back and letting his insistent tongue into my mouth is a reflex. But the lapse in my anxiety is momentary; pulling away when he lifts a hand to cup my face.

'What?' he asks, resting his arm back on the couch again. 'The boys are out, we have the house to ourselves and we haven't spent any 'quality time' together in weeks.'

'It's just tonight isn't…I don't feel…I can't stop thinking about the party, the magazine, that film, poor Julie…'

Carter. I add to myself.

I stroke apologetic fingers down Sandy's cheek but he's not listening; turning to kiss them.

'Don't…think…about…that,' he urges, punctuating his words with kisses up my arm, to my neck and then we're kissing again.

I can't do this, but I can't stop it. I feel Sandy shift his weight, tilting me back against the sofa so he can lean over me and deepen the kiss.

I can't stop thinking about something…someone I shouldn't be thinking of when my husband is kissing me.

But I am and it's making me feel panicked. I don't understand what is going on.

I bless the phone as it rings.

Sandy curses as I struggle to reach over to the table to answer it, breaking the kiss.

'Leave it,' he mutters helplessly, nonetheless taking advantage of the distraction because it means I've released the hand I've had trapped mid-thigh. He begins working tantalising circles upwards as Carter's voice filters down the line.

'Hello?'

I think I'm about to pass out.

'Hi,' I say breathlessly.

'Hey Kirsten, sorry to call so late, I'm just wondering…if I um…left my cell at your place?'

I try to stop Sandy's hand but my free hand is laced with his other one.

'Kirsten?' Carter asks into the frantic silence.

'Uh, sorry,' I say as Sandy puts his lips to my ear. 'Who is it?' he whispers, before sucking at my earlobe.

'Could you repeat that please?'

'Is this a bad time? I can call back tomorrow,' he offers uncomfortably.

I bite back a moan as Sandy trails kisses down my neck and along my collar bone. 'No, it's fine,' I insist, pushing Sandy away now he has finally let go of my hand to push my dress off my shoulder. 'Just…uh, one second.'

'Sure.'

'Sandy!' I hiss, narrowing my eyes and he slowly flops back, defeated. Hurriedly standing up, I tug my dress back into place, knowing Sandy is smirking at my ass.

'Sorry about that,' I say, striding into the kitchen.

'I didn't mean to…interrupt anything.'

'Carter, it's fine.'

'Well…uh…I seem to have misplaced my cell and thought perhaps I left it at yours; I wasn't exactly in a sober, cell-locating frame of mine when I left.'

I laugh; it's a little to much like a giggle. It's the wine. Obviously the wine.

'Not disagreeing with that one!'

Carter laughs too.

Sandy appears at the counter and I have to get off the phone, fast.

'Well I haven't seen it but I'll check okay?'

'Thanks Kirsten.'

'You're welcome.'

'Bye.'

'Bye.'

'Carter?' Sandy asks, coming up behind me and sliding his arms around my waist.

'Yeah, he's um…lost his cell,'

I wonder when Carter could have managed to leave it here. I wonder if that was the real reason for calling the same moment Sandy presses a kiss to the nape of my neck. The shiver is part natural, part confusion and I have to break away. 'Tea?'

I busy myself filling the kettle and setting it on the stove. Sandy stands, slightly dejected by the fridge. I can see him reflected in the dark window.

'I don't want any tea Kirsten,' he says, a hint of exasperation beneath the suggestion in his voice.

'Oh.' I take the kettle off the heat. 'Well, I think I'll just head to bed then.'

Further confusion flutters across his face as I execute a speedy exit from the kitchen and by the time I've reached our room I'm feeling twinges of guilt.

The don't lessen over the next two hours as I lie alone in bed listening to the boys come home and the sounds of the TV as Sandy sulks in front of a film. It's not often he watches alone, I'm usually there, admittedly asleep but still there, curled up in his arms, snoring according to Sandy, or not, according to me.

I contemplate getting up and going to join him but we're likely to return to where we were before the phone rang and I really can't tonight. Not in this frame of mind.

I don't want to think about someone, anyone else when I'm with Sandy and right now I'm not sure I can manage that.

He tiptoes in soon after and I choke back the threatening tears as I wonder when we became that couple? The couple who go to bed at different times, in silence, who lie on separate sides of the bed, a wide strip of mattress between them. It feels like we're fighting even though we're not, not really.

I can see our outlines in the photo on my nightstand, our smiles just visible in the glow of the digital clock numbers. That picture pretty much sums up our marriage right now; we were fighting in when it was taken at yet we're smiling, holding each other like everything is perfect. Right now we're acting like everything is fine but we're all out of kilter underneath.

Sandy's not just mad about tonight; he's not like that. He's cross because I haven't been talking to him, because I've been working like crazy, because his lawyer's mind is telling him I lied about my rings, because he doesn't know what's up; he hasn't realised I'm still upset and suspicious about Rebecca. He doesn't know, hasn't noticed the tension between Carter and I.

I sniff desperately as my eyes swim again and after a second's hesitation Sandy puts a gentle hand on my back.

'Kirsten?'

'I'm sorry,' I mutter, swallowing hard to try and get rid of the lump in my throat.

'Hey, don't cry.'

'I'm not.' I'm back in control now.

'Well…don't apologise then, there's no need.'

I don't answer and he slides over, turning me to face him. I shut my eyes as he cups my face, his thumbs gently wiping away the two tear tracks.

'I didn't mean to upset you,' he tells me quietly, his low voice rumbling in his chest and making mine, pressed up close, reverberate with it. 'I just thought…we could do with a little time together after…everything recently.'

'We do, it's just tonight…'

'Wasn't a good time. I'm sorry.'

'What for?'

'Being insensitive? Irritating you? That your magazine launch was hijacked by a sleaze-ball called Lance with Julie's porno debut? Take your pick.'

'Thanks.'

'You know honey, who says the scandal isn't gonna encourage sales?'

I laugh and snuggled closer, he can always make things better.

The next morning we're still like that. The security of Sandy's arms a near-tangible comfort. The outside world might be a mess, the magazine might be in dire straights, Carter and his vibe might be preying on my mind, making me feel insecure, but right now it's all alright. In our room, our bed, in Sandy's arms nothing can touch me.

I glance up to find my eyes meeting his.

'I love you,' he mouths and I mouth it back.

I know what's going to happen next.

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May this is be the first of many posts I make this spring break.

May this be the first of many reviews you make over the same period!

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