As he walked away from Gina he could feel her watching him put the key into the lock and walk inside. As he closed the door behind him he felt a wave of... he wasn't sure relief, nausea, sadness. Three weeks of prison, he'd survived three weeks and looking back he didn't know how.

The phone rang, Smithy didn't want to talk to anyone and was relieved when the answerphone kicked in.

'Smithy,' a familar voice said, 'it's Tony. Missed you at the pub, but can't blame you for not coming. Look mate everyone can't wait to see you and buy you a drink, but we all understand if you need some time. 'Hi Smithy love you!'' An obviously intoxicated Honey shouted down the phone. 'I'd better go before everyone says hi, if you want to talk just call anytime.' Tony hung up, Smithy smiled to himself Tony was a good mate, he'd wanted to send him a visiting order but couldn't face seeing anyone, not even Gina.

Smithy walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge, he didn't know what he was expecting but it wasn't this. There was no food but there was a six pack of beer plus the bottle he'd had in there from last time. 'Gina,' he said softly to himself, she'd given him some of his property that he couldn't have whilst he was inside, his keys were amonst them, she'd obviously been in and cleaned out any crap, probably hadn't had much fun doing it, and although he had almost nothing in there he could imagine the fridge had stunk after two weeks of not being touched. Smithy pulled open a beer and downed half the bottle in one gulp. He then slid down the wall and again burst into tears. This time there was no one to hide from, he didn't have to hide how he felt. Smithy closed his eyes and could see Louise smiling at him. They should be in Australia right now, but now she was dead and he was right back where he started. He pulled out the partially burned photo of Louise, staring at at the woman he loved.

Smithy got up and went into the bedroom, he stripped off and throwing his clothes into the kitchen walked to the bathroom. He climbed into what felt like the most luxurious shower he'd ever had. An hour later he stepped out of the shower dried off and put fresh clothing on. He went into the living room, picked up the remote control and turned on the TV. As a football game came on he looked at the control almost as if he didn't know what it was. It was so natural to turn on the TV yet it felt completley alien. His home felt alien, after three weeks in a prison cell the flat felt more like a hotel. Again without thinking about it he got up picked up an indian takeaway menu and placed and order. He was suddenly very hungry and as he went to check the answerphone to clear Tony's message he noticed over thiry messages waiting he couldn't face them right now, they could wait.

A thought suddenly hit him, he checked his wallet and then walked into his bedroom looking for some cash. He kept some spare for emergencies in a draw under the bed. There was about £100, he grabbed a £20 then stopped, under the cash was another photo this one was of Kerry. He picked up the picture sat on the bed and stared at it. Again he pulled out the picture of Louise and looked at both of them. Both killed, ripped away from him, he'd survived Kerry's death, partly because he'd been able to focus on Kent now he had to get thru loosing Louise. In a funny way being in prison had given him time to grieve for Louise without it affecting work, well sort of! The door bell brought him back to reality, he slowly got up and went to the door.

After eating he sat down with the two pictures and stared at them. Was it him, was he jinxed was he going to be alone for the rest of his life? Right now he thought it was probably best for everyone, even Andrea was dead and that had been anything but serious. Smithy fell asleep on the sofa which was a million times more comfortable than the bunk he'd slept in for the last few weeks.

------

He awoke with a start and at first couldn't figure out what had woken him, the doorbell, 'Smithy,' Gina called out, 'are you in there?'

Smithy got up to let her in not really sure he wanted any company right now.

'You haven't just woken up have you?' she asked looking at him.

'Umm, yeah. What time is it?'

'Gone one,' she looked up at him, 'slept well I take it?'

'You could say that,' he smiled sheepishly at her.

Gina walked into the kitchen and put the kettle on. She saw the clothes on the floor and silently shoved them into the washing machine.

'I was gonna burn them,' Smithy told her.

'Give them to charity.'

'Yeah.'

'So how you feeling?'

'Tired, I guess,' Smithy wasn't sure how he was feeling, 'just wanna sleep.'

Gina put her arms around him, 'hey, you take your time, I shouldn't have disturbed you.'

Smithy walked back into the living room and sat down followed by Gina who saw the photo's on the sofa, she didn't say anything but her heart went out to him again, to loose one lover was difficult but two impossible, Gina had no idea how he was holding himself together.

'Weird thing is this,' Smithy indicated around him, 'being here it feels surreal, like it's not my home.'

'Given you've been to hell and back I'm not surprised, give it a few days, you'll feel at home again.' Gina smiled, 'if you want strange wait till you get back to work!'

'Don't,' Smithy said seriously, 'I can't think about work.'

'There's no rush, I spoke to Adam,' Gina told him standing, 'you take yor time and come back when you're ready.'

Smithy stood and followed her to the door.

'We're there when you're ready,' she told him, she kissed him in the cheek and left.

'Gina,' he called after her, 'thanks.'

Gina smiled at him then kept on walking. Smithy closed the door behind her and leaning against the door looked into the living room. 'Home' he thought, 'I made it home.'