Nary: ok... this is a stupid thingy... that me and my friend made, like a parody or... well different version for LOTR
Frodo: is that different?
Nary: nod yes... yes it is...
Disclaimer: no i dont own any of theLOTR characters... but i claim ownership on Tarenya! and Kuraishi goes to my friend... so yeah...
Tarenya: (walks in and looks around) this is going to be great! (Grabs popcorn and soda)
Kuraishi: (right in front of her) (fake laugh) ehehehe…no…
Tarenya: Oh well… Let's do this anyway!
Kuraishi: OK!
An elfin female walked out onto the floor. Her eyes burned brightly as she began her long tale of Middle Earth and the Great War that had wrung the lands for quite a few years. "I can feel it in the water. I can feel it in…" a banana flies from the side and hits her in the head, knocking her out.
"I am a banana!" the banana walks off.
The female elf wakes up and shakes off her sleep, trying to recoup with what had happened. "What happened?" She sighs after looking around. "Oh well… Where was I?" Inhales and is about to begin when the banana walks back out and glares at her. "Uhh…maybe not… Just watch the story!" The elf lady screams and runs off.
Two elves stand there holding up one ring each.
The female elf walks back in. "Three rings were given to the elves." Holds her own ring up.
Seven dwarf lords are seen with one ring each.
"Seven rings to…" the banana walks out and attacks the elf. The banana is thrown across the room. "Hahaha!" the elf laughs. "As I was saying… Seven rings to the dwarf lords…
Nine humans, all old men, are standing around, looking at the ring in each of their hands. They all start drooling.
"Uhh… yeah… nine rings of power were given to the human kings, who desired power most…"
(Switch scene to a volcano. Sauron is standing at rim, holding up the banana…)
"But one so vile and evil and all mean like person made a different one…"
Sauron holds the One Banana up but falls to his death in the really really hot lava.
"That had to hurt…" she winces and hits the rewind button. "He made a different one…"
Sauron holds the banana up and moves forward as not to fall. "Aha!" he falls backwards anyways.
"Well, anyway, Sauron worked on conquering the world as we knew it. But he didn't get too far. Isildur took the sword Narsil and cut off his hand. Blood and guts flew everywhere! Destruction! Mayhem! Turkey!" A turkey flies around in the background. "O.o…" She pauses. "So, Isildur took the banana, and when he was about to throw it into the really really hot lava he went rigid and fell down a mountain that wasn't there before. But, the creature, called Gollum, found the banana…"
(Scene change to Gollum)
Gollum is sitting in a cave petting his goldfish Ralph. Elf lady walks over to him. "What are you doing!"
"Gollum is smuggling his goldfish Ralph across the border of Hawaii…"
"Oh… carry on then…" She walks off. "But the banana left Gollum…"
Gollum loses banana and starts rejoicing. Elf lady glares at him so he cries out. "My Speeeecial!"
"Then, the most unlikely creature found the banana. A hobbit named Bilbo Baggins." Sifi music plays in the background.
Bilbo walks in "Its Bilbo Abdomen!" Elf lady glares at Bilbo and he holds up banana "Don't make me use this!" Bilbo throws the banana at the elf lady knocking her out, again. Bilbo laughs maniacally. "I'm the new evil! BUAHAHAHAHA!" runs off stage laughing. "MUAHA…" (cough) "MUHA" (cough).
Elf lady jerks awake and stares at the retreating Bilbo. "O.o… o.O…erm…. anyways… Now has come the time where hobbits will shape the earth."
Merry walks in holding an oversized spoon. "My spoon is too big!" Than a dancing banana skips onto stage. "Fooooood." Merry runs after banana. Elf lady stares at them. "That's it I quit!" she stomps off stage.
Tarenya: (pauses between sips of soda) Does that mean the stories over?
Kuraishi: (is staring at the stage in bewilderment) erm… no… we'll… we'll just get another elf lady…
Tarenya: (beaming smile) Yippee! Ya know this just might work!
Kuraishi: (sighs) who knows, now back to the story…
SHIRE, 60 YEARS LATER:
Frodo sits under a tree reading a book. Book title is 'How to Manage Your Banana'. He hears some singing in the background. "BIRDIE BIRDIE IN THE SKY, WHY YOU DOOGIE IN MY EYE? I WON'T WHINE AND I WON'T CRY. I'M JUST GLAD THAT COWS DON'T FLIEEEE!" Frodo runs to the singing sound but trips on the banana who is running away from Bilbo who is running after the banana who is running away from Bilbo who is running after the banana who is running away from Bilbo who is running- A boomerang hits narrator in the head and Crocodile Dun Dee walks out. "Get on wit' it mate!"
Tarenya: O.o
Kuraishi: o. O
Tarenya: Lets continue…
Kuraishi: yes, lets…
Frodo gets up and jumps in a passing wagon. "AHH!" the man in the wagon, who is Gandalf, screams. "Gandalf! You are the man in the wagon, but the man in the wagon is not necessarily you!"
Gandalf stares at Frodo blankly. "You get my christmahanakawanza present didn't you…?" Frodo nods so fast his head is a blur. "That's the last time I send you ten pounds of chocolate…" Frodo grins and Gandalf's eyes open wide. He takes his staff in hand and hits Frodo on the head repeatedly. "Die foul being!"
Frodo starts to kick Gandalf back. Frodo screams in pain and jumps off the wagon. Gandalf yells in triumph. "You…you…you…" Frodo whines.
Gandalf looks back and laughs then heads to Bilbo Ba… (Pardon me) Bilbo Abdomen's house. Bilbo appears and bows. "Thank you. Thank you." Runs off stage. Gandalf steps off the wagon and pats the horse on its neck. It whinnies, rears up, and gallops off. (Gandalf smelly) "Hmm… Wonder why he did that?" Breathes into his hand and smells. "Nothin' wrong there…" he shrugs. "All well…" Gandalf continues along the walkway to Bilbo's house. He bangs on the door with the butt of his staff.
Tarenya: (cracks up laughing and holding her sides.) HAHAHAHA! BUTT! THEY SAID BUTT!
Kuraishi: (smacks Tarenya upside the head) idiot
"No body home" says a ghost like voice, which is Bilbo's, from behind Gandalf. He jumps screaming "BLOODY MURDER!". The door creaks open and Bilbo suddenly appears in the doorway. Bilbo stares at Gandalf. "What are you screaming at old man?"
Gandalf stares behind him, breathing hard. "You…behind…there…here…" Gandalf started pointing at Bilbo and everywhere near him.
Bilbo shrugs "Whatever…You want some rum?"
Gandalf is calmed down now. "SURE!"
Tarenya: Rum? Its whiskey
Kuraishi: No! Sake!
Tarenya: actually, if you want to be perfectly accurate…
Kuraishi: Accu-what?"
Tarenya: correct… anyways, he is supposed to drink tea…
Kuraishi: To the hill then!
Gandalf and Bilbo ABDOMEN are sitting on a hill smoking something. Bilbo puffs a ring of smoke out and watches it float forward. Gandalf puff a turtle that crawls forward REALLY slowly. After an hour it reaches the circle that is almost gone. Frustrated, Gandalf shoots a bazooka at it making the molecules spread and disappear.
"So, Bilbo. How's young Frodo doing?" Gandalf's eye twitches. "He seems to have… matured?" 34
"Frodo? Matured? HA! Never in 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, years!"
"True Dat!" Gandalf smiles.
Kuraishi: O.O can we skip to the party?
Tarenya: O.O (nods)
Party
Merry and Pippin walk over to the fireworks cart. "Grab the big one Pip!"
"Alright!" grabs the biggest one.
"No! The big one!"
Grabs a smaller one. "This…"
"Bigger…"
Grabs the smallest one. "This?"
"That's the one!" Merry smiles.
"I'll never understand you…" Walks off with the firework and Merry speaks softly; "Lets do this…"
Skip to Bilbo
"So kids, when we were about to be killed by the ogres, we were saved! By a squirrel!"
"A squirrel?"
Bilbo smiles. "Yes a squirrel. His name is BOB!"
So what do you think so far? laughing till your nose bleeds? well if you're not... you're not trying hard enough!