~[ Before we get started, let me make something clear. I don't write vampire stories. Ever.

...Usually. That was before this story came along.

But while I was debating whether I should write it or not, I realized something. I don't hate vampires. I hate how people write about vampires. They're always exaggerating the horror aspect, or they romanticize until it's nauseating.

So here's what you'll find in my sort-of vampire story: No screams of terror. No seductive whispers. Just one unholy hybrid and his friend.

-EJWalker ]~

Luminous usually tried to stay out of Phantom's business. The thief had his own kind of logic, which he rarely even attempted to explain to others, and interrogating him was likely to raise more questions than answers. But as much as the light mage hated to get involved, he felt he couldn't ignore this.

He almost regretted his choice to confront Phantom, at night of all times, when the sleepy thief walked right into Luminous's chest and fell back on his rear. He stared up at the light mage, looking confused but not drunk, which was a relief. Sober Phantom was impossible; Phantom with alcohol in his veins was a nightmare.

"Bonjour, Lumi. Fancy meeting you here," Phantom finally said, grinning.

Luminous frowned. "What are you up to?"

Phantom blinked innocently. "Up to? But I'm clearly down on the floor, not up anywhere."

"Do you think I am stupid?"

"Uh... no?"

Luminous crossed his arms and began presenting his observations as concisely as possible so the thief wouldn't fall asleep in the middle.

"You have been acting odd recently. You are quieter than usual, and when you do attempt to purposefully irritate me, it seems half-hearted. Even mild exertion leaves you out of breath, though you try to hide it. You sneak out every night, returning only to fall soundly asleep the instant you reach your bed. And your gait is unsteady for no reason that I can tell."

He frowned. "When I noticed you were sneaking out, I thought you might be stealing again. But there have been no reports of missing items or anything otherwise out of the ordinary. Besides, that would not explain the rest of your issues. So... would you mind enlightening me?"

"Oh... that." Instead of teasing Luminous, Phantom sighed. "I was hoping nobody would notice. I don't suppose you could pretend there's nothing wrong? I should be back to normal soon." He let out a tremendous yawn, and Luminous had to make an effort to focus.

"You have a very vague definition of 'soon'," the light mage replied. "I want to know what is going on. Now."

"Fine. Help me up." Phantom held his hand out, but Luminous didn't move to take it.

"Are you that tired?"

"You have no idea," said Phantom, scrambling back to a standing position on his own, though it clearly took him a lot of effort. "Come on, I'm going to my room."

"I would rather not have to wait until morning before you wake up," Luminous objected, not moving aside for Phantom. "I thought thieves were supposed to be light sleepers, but a more apt description for you would be 'dead to the world'. If I let you near the bed..."

"Then I'll sit on a chair," said Phantom. "Please move, Lumi. I don't want to collapse in the middle of the hall." There was a hint of pleading in his voice, just enough to make Luminous step out of his way.

"Thank you," said Phantom, and he headed for his room.

Luminous followed closely, which is why he was able to rescue Phantom when the thief suddenly tripped over nothing and nearly face-planted against the wall.

"I have never seen you so clumsy, tired or not." Luminous hoisted Phantom upright. "Do you understand why I am concerned?"

"Yeah, I guess so," sighed Phantom. "Have you got any spells to keep people awake?"

Luminous slapped Phantom across the face.

"Okay, that works," the thief said wryly, rubbing his cheek but looking less sleepy.

"I thought it might," Luminous answered, half-dragging Phantom to a chair in the thief's room. "Now start talking."

Phantom took his hat off and tossed it on the bed. He ran his fingers through his hair. "Where to start... I suppose I should just spit out. I've been so clumsy lately because... well, because I am dead to the world."

He looked at Luminous for a reaction, but got none. So he went on. "Actually, I've been dead for quite a while now. It's Freud's fault that I'm still moving. I asked him why he did it, but all he'd ever tell me was, 'Because you're a criminal, so you can't complain to the authorities about being a test subject.' As if that was the only thing that mattered."

Phantom noticed Luminous was giving him a frustrated look. "Sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear about."

"Masterful understatement, as usual," snorted Luminous. "You say you are dead, but I am unaware of any necromancy spell which allows the appearance of a normal living person."

"That's true, but Freud was always experimenting with weird new spells. Any dead body can be forced to hold a spirit, but it will decay over time. A zombie eventually becomes an animated skeleton, and even a skeleton can vanish, leaving only a ghost. But there's another type of undead being... the vampire."

Luminous shook his head. "Which you also are not. You have none of the traditional vampiric traits."

"So sure of yourself, aren't you? Well, I don't like the taste of garlic and I sunburn easily, but that's nothing unusual. You're right, I'm not a true vampire, anymore than I'm a true zombie. I'm a hybrid."

"A combination of undead types?"

"Yes. The problems of being a zombie are obvious, but vampires have their flaws as well. A vampire's body doesn't decay, but all they can eat is blood, usually human blood, and if they don't get it they might go crazy. So Freud somehow made me into a creature in the middle."

"How so?"

Phantom smiled. "I have to drink blood or I'll decay, but animal blood works just fine, and I won't hurt anybody if I have to go without for a while. I eat regular food, but it's only useful if my body isn't falling to pieces. That's why I've been such a klutz recently... lost contact with a few of my nerves."

Suddenly Luminous started laughing. After Phantom gave him a surprised look, he spluttered out, "You are an addict, Phantom, with serious withdrawal symptoms."

"I can't deny it," Phantom agreed. "I didn't know you'd think it was so funny, though."

Luminous managed to calm down. "So this is the reason you sneak out every night? You are looking for non-human blood?"

Phantom nodded. "As you've noticed, though, I can't find any around here."

Luminous looked thoughtful. "What would happen if you kept going like this?"

"Isn't that obvious? I'd keep decaying. At some point I wouldn't be able to hide it any more, so I'd leave... I don't want you guys to have to watch that. Right now, and even when it gets more obvious, the decay is still reversible. But if I ever reach the skeleton stage, I'm pretty much stuck. Skeletons can't drink anything, after all."

"So when you said you would be back to normal soon... you meant if you can get some blood."

Phantom was silent.

"You said animal blood works fine, and I can see why it would be preferable. But if you could only get human blood...?"

"I don't want to hurt anybody," Phantom protested. "It's bad enough being dead with no choice but to keep on... living, for lack of a better word. If I leave, I might have more luck finding what I need, and if not... I've gotten used to the idea of disappearing, so I'll be fine, no matter what happ-"

Luminous lunged at Phantom, clapping a hand over his mouth. "If you say another word about letting yourself rot, I will make you sorry. If you spent so much time thinking about this, you should have also realized how your friends will react! Mercedes, Aran, Evan... they will be heartbroken if we lose you! And I..." The light mage paused. "I will be furious! You think I mastered my darkness, resisted the urge to murder you, just so you could run away?"

Phantom pushed Luminous's hand away. "You've got a funny way of saying you care."

The light mage stepped back and started unfastening his collar. "Your fault. Everything is your fault."

"Well, I'd be happy to admit most of it... What are you doing, Lumi?"

Luminous tugged his robe down off his left shoulder and abruptly got on his knees in front of Phantom's chair. "Shut up and bite me," he ordered. "You do have fangs, correct?"

Phantom didn't answer, but in his slightly gaping mouth Luminous caught a glimpse of needle-sharp canines.

"Come on, thief," said Luminous, tilting his head to the right. "You think I like watching you trip over your own feet? What kind of thief does that? Take what you need from me."

Phantom leaned forward, still uncertain. "It'll hurt..."

"I know. I can handle the pain. Just make sure the marks will not show."

"Shouldn't bite your neck anyway," Phantom mumbled. "Don't want to kill you by accident..." Then he grabbed Luminous's arms to keep himself steady and sank his fangs into the exposed flesh between the light mage's throat and shoulder.

Luminous couldn't help wincing, but he gritted his teeth and held as still as possible while the blood flowed.

After making the initial puncture, Phantom did more licking than anything else. He paused when Luminous shivered. "You okay?"

"It tickles," the light mage said gruffly. "Is that enough blood for you?"

"Mm-hmm. I've always thought a real vampire would need more, but of course I can't know for sure."

Luminous glanced at his shoulder. "The bleeding is stopping faster than I expected..."

"That's probably my fault too." Phantom gave the wound another lick. "From what Freud said, there's something in my saliva that speeds up the healing process. An unusual trait for the undead, but I'm not complaining. Makes this less awkward, doesn't it?"

"Somewhat," Luminous grunted. He got up, readjusting his robe to its original state. "How long until you are fully recovered?"

"I'll be good as new in the morning."

"Then get some sleep." Luminous turned to leave the room, paused, and added, "Let me know if you ever get hungry again."

"If you're sure you don't mind..."

"Would I offer otherwise?"

"I guess not," Phantom chuckled. "Thanks, Lumi."

"Good night, pest," the light mage replied.