Title: Once More, Again, With Feeling (The 'Angel' version)
Author: DC - devils_symphony@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: All song concepts and tunes and the entire concept itself is all Joss Whedon and whoever helped him (Chris something, whatever). All Angel and BtVS characters are his, I'm just borrowing them for a little while. I'm just playing, so don't sue me. The only thing I *do* own are the revamped lyrics.
Background Info: It's the Angel version of Once More With feeling, musical ep in Season Six BtVS. I'm using the same songs with different lyrics of mine, with almost the same concept. It's also a crossover between BtVS and Angel, KK?
Rating: It has bad words and soft-ish core sex scenes, so, I dunno, Mature Audiences Only?
Pairings: Um, don't read these if you don't want to know them, but here they are. Gunn/Fred, Buffy/Angel (sort of), Spike/Lila, Wesley/Cordelia, Xander/Anya, Willow/Tara
Spoilers: Erm, after season two Angel I guess. Fred and Gunn are a couple, Wesley's angsting over it (he's over Fred by now, but he's a middle-aged may-as-well-be-unsexed man, so, yeah), Connor doesn't exist, erm (plot holes galore, I know, just shut up and keep reading)...dunno where in Buffy. Just make stuff up. You'd assume that it's sort of in the middle of their musical. And that Tara would know that Willow pulled magickal rank on her, and that Buffy and Spike are all at odds with each other and Anya and Xander know each other's doubts about marriage...so...that means what? *thinks real hard* *gives up* Screw it, I can't be bothered dealing with BtVS issues as well as 'Angel' crap. Let's just go with the 'Angel' crap, and ignore the BtVS issues. KK?
WARNING: I wrote this when I was Not Doing Homework and listening to the BtVS musical at the same time. Bad combination, BAD. So, yeah. Just warning you. It's sort of a spoof, I dunno, let's see where my imagination takes me, okay? Probably a bad, dark, scary, smutty, course language-y type of place, so, yes. Welcome to my mind. If the characters seem a little sex-oriented, you'll know why. I mean c'mon, they're meant to be singing what's on their mind, what else would it be? NO ONE on the Angel cast is getting any.
Distribution: Tell me where your posting it and all's good as gold, as they say in Kiwi Land (Australian foreigner - me - is afraid, very afraid). So, yeah, just as long as I get the credit...and Joss, I guess, but I guess that if you're smart you'd already have disclaimers and...yes. Shutting up.
Author's Note: (I'll never shut up, so ha) There are some scenes that are almost identical to the original musical, but other scenes that weren't there at all. Some characters may be OOC, but remember, this is an "almost spoof", where it seems like it could actually be a relatively serious comedy fic, but don't let that fool you. So OOC's are bound to happen. So, um, without further confusion...let the musical begin.
---
Hyperion, Angel's apartment (montage of other scenes), nighttime
[Overture plays. Angel's bedroom. ONCE MORE, AGAIN, WITH FEELING shows up against beige walls, and the shot goes down to see Angel waking up (shirtless, heh-heh), looking at the clock shining 8 p.m.. He lies back down and looks rather forlornly at the ceiling. Shot of stairs, Angel (dressed, dammit) walks down, opposite Gunn and Fred, holding hands and looking at each other all friendly like with big smiles and batting of eyelashes on Fred's part. Angel looks broody and continues his way to the weapons cabinet. Cordelia, who we see was just talking to Wesley, gets up and walks over to Angel. He glares at the two sullenly and looks away. The camera swings back and we see that whatever Cordelia requested, Angel had said no, as she looks annoyed as he shakes his head. Rolling her eyes, she goes back to join Wesley. Gunn and Fred go over to join them, still holding hands in a clichéd American sweetheart kind of way. Angel looks even more broody as he grabs his Favourite Broadsword and heads out, apparently off to kill this week's demon.]
Dark street, later
[Shot of a dark street that's pretty much empty except Angel walking down it and a few hobos. The whimsical, musical-y music does not suit the scene at all.]
ANGEL: [singing - in tune, this time] Dark streets of LA,
The place is quiet,
Except for when I find the fray.
And every single night,
I cannot save it,
Something's never right,
No matter how much I fight.
[He sees a young woman being chased by what looks like a vampire, her scream piercing through the music. Looking bored, Angel starts to chase]
ANGEL: I'll never control,
The Power's hold,
Fighting evil still untold.
[He catches up and grabs the vamp's arm, throwing him against the wall, turning away to sing towards the camera]
ANGEL: And I've been going through the motions.
Fighting man to man. [Vamp tries to sneak up]
Doing what I do the best I [chops vamp's head off] can.
Deprived of woman's touch,
Lean legs around me.
No one to "console" all night.
Shouldn't have crawled outta my grave,
I find the cause just,
Isn't worth that fight.
SAVED WOMAN: I think you're doing all right.
ANGEL: Thanks for the insight.
[A pack of vampires close in and the woman screams, staying close to Angel. They circle Angel, who looks wary]
VAMPS: He can't control,
Having a soul.
And he has to pay the toll.
And he's just going through the motions...
[Angel easily slays them one by one]
LAST VAMP: Tryna' go without somehow.
He's not even half the man he [Angel stabs him] Ow... [head chopped off, dusted]
ANGEL: [looking at the camera] Will I stay this way forever?
Sexless soul-searching endeavor?
SAVED WOMAN: [suggestively, in the background] How can I repay-?
ANGEL: Don't bother. [walks away]
Looks like I will always be...
Going through the motions.
Helping humanity survive. [Walks into the middle of the street]
Is this really me?
Could I ever be free?
I wish that I could be...[arms wide, brandishing sword skyward]
Alive.
[Bird's eye view shot, zooming away, vamp dust swirling around him in the wind]
Hyperion, even later that night
[Angel walks in through the doors, sword slung over his shoulder. Cordelia, Gunn and Fred are all talking around the counter, and they look up. Wesley walks out of his office, holding a notepad and a heavy book in his arms, a pencil clamped between his teeth.]
CORDELIA: Where were you?
ANGEL: Walking, saving the day for some woman, wiping out a vamp nest. The usual. [Cordelia nods and goes back to the conversation. Looking a tad uneasy, Angel walks over to the weapons cabinet and places his sword in. After hesitation, he looks over at Wesley.] How's the translations coming along?
WESLEY: [puts books and pad onto the counter and the pencil out of his mouth] Better, I'm making a little progress.
ANGEL: Really? [eager] What's it say?
WESLEY: Something about oranges. Or possibly tea. I can't get that part. [Withers a little under Angel's withering look] I didn't say a LOT of progress, I said a little bit.
ANGEL: Fine. [Long pause, and Gunn, Fred and Cordelia are silent] So, nothing else has happened? No demon, no visions? [Both Cordelia and Wesley shake their heads, looking confused] Good, good. [Another pause] Did anyone, by any chance, tonight or, y'know, some other time...burst into song?
GUNN: Oh, thank you Lord.
FRED: We thought it was just us! [Everyone starts talking at once]
CORDELIA: I was at my apartment and I was doing the laundry and I started singing about this wine stain in my skirt.
GUNN: We were walking on our way back from breakfast and then I just started with the serenading.
FRED: And there were back up singers from nowhere and a guitar and I started singing too.
CORDELIA: And the stain didn't come off, but anyway, it was cool because I was in tune and there was a blues-y cello and sax.
WESLEY: Good Lord, that's why I found myself dancing ballet in my living room. [They stop overlapping]
GUNN: It was a little too freaky for me.
CORDELIA: Any idea what it was?
WESLEY: Angel, what did you sing about?
ANGEL: [deer-caught-in-the-headlights look] Oh, nothing special. But it seemed completely natural at the time.
GUNN: Well, we should get right on it, break it down, because I for one-
WESLEY: [starts singing] I've got a theory,
That it's a demon.
A Rob Guest type demon.
No, something isn't right there.
CORDELIA: I've gotta theory,
That I am dreamin',
And I've become some sort of,
Famous Broadway headliner.
FRED: I've gotta a theory,
We should work this out.
ALL: It's getting freaky,
What's this geeky soundtrack all about?
GUNN: It could be vampires, tune deaf vampires!
[Withering under Angel's glare]
Which is irrational,
Because vampires, they aren't the singing type,
Blood bathes and graphic violence,
And village razing and burning stuff,
And I'll be over here.
CORDELIA: I've got a theory,
It could be highschool geeks!
[All stare]
FRED: I've gotta-
[Suddenly the lights dim down except for a spot light on Cordy, and a rock soundtrack kicks up, accompanied by smoke machines and strobe lights and sparks]
CORDELIA: Geeks aren't just harmless like everyone supposes!
They got them thick glasses and acne ridden noses!
And what's with all the dictionaries?
Why can't they look up the words 'fashion' and 'coolness' anyway?
Highschool geeks, it must be highschool geeks!
[Normal lighting, music, etc. All stare]
CORDELIA: Or maybe gothics?
WESLEY: I've got a theory we should work this fast.
WESLEY & GUNN: Because eventually Angel will sing and we will not last.
ANGEL: I've gotta a theory, that's it's the lawyers.
[Everyone relaxes when they find he's in tune.]
ANGEL: What won't they do if they are paid?
We'll have to fight at the end of the day.
Wolfram and Hart will do what they can,
To ruin my life, any way any plan.
ALL: What won't they do if they get paid?
It's about time that Lila gets laid.
She'll get off our backs, if she gets a good screw.
ALL BUT WESLEY: As a matter of fact, Wesley should get some too.
[Wesley looks a little offended]
ALL: What won't they do if they get paid?
We'll have some cuss words and bloody blows to trade.
And hey, we'll also get paid.
CORDELIA: Hundreds only, please.
[They all look a little uneasy as music fades]
GUNN: Now that was disturbing.
FRED: I think it was kinda neat.
CORDELIA: In that disturbing sort of way, yeah.
WESLEY: Do we know if it's just us? If that were the case, it would obviously be a spell of some kind... [He trails off as Angel walks to the door and pulls it open, looking out. There's a group of geeky looking sci-fi nerds outside, in front of the cinema, each dressed in something to do with 'Star Wars'. The lead singer, dressed as Darth Vadar, leads them]
DARTH GEEK: [singing] Attack of the Clones came out!
SCI-FI BACKUP NERDS: Attack of the Clones came out! [huge boom-boom fanfare type ending finishes them and Angel closes the door]
ANGEL: It's not just us. Okay, so Wes should check out the books and-
WESLEY: I thought you said that it was Wolfram and Hart.
ANGEL: That's one of many possibilities. Besides, this isn't exactly their style.
Later that night
[All are hunched over books when Lorne bursts in, look distraught, cravats and orange-ness and frills aplenty.]
LORNE: You'll never guess what's happened!
CORDELIA: Everyone started singing and dancing?
LORNE: Well, yes, but because of it, no one's coming to me! They're just singing their hearts out and they don't need me to help them anymore because they're already saying all the stuff and working out their own problems, the independent morons. Huh, most can't even sing, even if they *are* under a spell.
FRED: [giggles as Gunn whispers something in her ear]
GUNN: Hey, erm, wouldn't it be better if we hit the streets a little?
WESLEY: I agree. Why don't you and Angel-?
FRED: Oh no, Gunn and I will be fine, trust us. [Gunn's hand disappears and her pupils contract a little]
WESLEY: [looks at them darkly, glances at Cordelia, and goes back to book-hunching]
GUNN: Yup, no problem here.
FRED: Bye! [They quickly leave, and the rest stare after them, all looking slightly annoyed and all too knowing]
Cut to a dark street of LA
[Gunn and Fred walk along the pavement, holding hands]
GUNN: Man, I thought we'd never get out of there.
FRED: I know, it gets so stuffy in that really big foyer. But I feel bad. Shouldn't we be working?
GUNN: Nah, I think we're all overreacting. A bit of singing won't hurt anyone. It's disturbing, but not lethal.
FRED: True, and we *are* scouting the streets. [They walk past three prostitutes, falling silent as all three scantily clad women check Gunn out] And I think they're scouting *you*.
GUNN: Really? [Twists his head around to look] I have some loose change, maybe I'll...
FRED: No! [They both laugh as she grabs his hand and pulls him along a bit faster] I don't know if I could fight all three, maybe the little blonde one in the seat-belt width skirt...
GUNN: Don't know what they'd want with a guy like me.
FRED: [smiles a little mischievously] I can see exactly what they want.
[Soft guitar and piano music wells up]
FRED: [singing] Five years of rock-cave living,
Never knowing a human touch.
Never did see what's so thrilling,
It didn't seem like so much.
And now I've got the chance
To horizontally dance.
I'm under your thrall.
How else could it be,
That anyone would notice me?
You help me not to fall,
Levitating me,
Out of constant chastity.
[She links arms with him, a finger hooked in his belt]
FRED: I saw the world as dismal,
Alone and unprepared.
But then you saved me from it all,
And then I wasn't scared.
You showed me this new world.
And then my lust unfurled.
[She runs out onto the car-less road, the three prostitutes dancing behind her, not even remotely subtly symbolizing what she'd like]
FRED: I'm under your thrall.
Always knowing what to do,
You'll never break my heart in two.
Just like Satan's goal,
His dream and mine came true,
That I could give my soul to you.
You made me believe.
[Gunn picks up Fred and twirls her, as the scene around them dissolves and they appear to be in a bedroom, apparently Gunn's. He places her down on the bed gently. She lies down, Gunn over her, hands on the mattress on either side of her head.]
FRED: Charles, you had me freed.
And now I'd like to feed.
[She suddenly flips them over so she's on top. You only see the top half of her body, and Gunn's hands on her waist. She starts moving up and down suggestively, skirt apparently splayed]
FRED: I'm under your thrall.
As caressing as the sea,
Plunging in so helplessly.
Our lust will conquer all.
Take away from me,
This cowardly virginity.
You make me complete.
[Profile close up, her head thrown back]
FRED: You make me complete.
You make me complete.
You make me c-
Hyperion
CORDELIA: Five bucks says they're not even working.
WESLEY: [sternly] Cordelia.
LORNE: No I agree. I'll bet they're... [Wesley gestures towards Angel with a pencil, looking a little frantic] Singing. They're probably singing right now.
ANGEL: Oh, yeah, that's right, protect the sex-deprived vampire.
CORDELIA: Okay, fine, we'll just blurt out that our very own chaste-kisses-and-hugs couple are probably humping away like a pair of bunnies in heat.
WESLEY: [glowers] They're meant to be working as well. But then again, why wouldn't they take this sing-your-truthful-heart-out phenomenon as an excuse to explore their own sexual capabilities? [Short pause as everyone reflects that the very sexy version of Wesley of Angel, Season 3, just said 'sexual capabilities' - slight eye glazing and drooling for all]
LORNE: Oh, chin up honeys! I think it's rather romantic.
WESLEY: Not it isn't.
LORNE: Sure it is! Singing, dancing, love making, what could be so evil about that?
Dark alley way
[The three prostitutes we saw before are all dancing, obviously unable to stop, one spinning around too fast, the other two behind her, tapping furiously, stiletto heels loud and gun-shot like. As the jazzy rock beat kicks up faster and faster, they all start to smoke and burst into flame. The music is cut off abruptly and the camera pans back to see the profile of Sweet.]
SWEET: Now that's entertainment. [He looks to the side and down] You agree, sugar?
[We see Dawn, bound and gagged, siting against the alley wall, looking up at him angrily. Fade to black.]
Hyperion, twilight the next day, almost sunset
[Angel is apparently upstairs and sleeping, Wesley is reading a book titled 'Magical Phenomenon', and as the camera swings 'round, we can see he's actually reading a Ralph magazine inside the thick, moth-eaten book. He slams the book shut (FWAP!) and glares at the camera, before opening the book to a different page. Fred and Gunn are staring at each other in an annoyingly gooey way, and Cordelia and Lorne are talking quietly. Suddenly, the door slams open and a figure with a blanket over his head. The smoking blanket is thrown down, and we see Spike, stamping out the start of a few flames. Cordelia shrieks with recognition, and rushing towards the weapons cabinet, and Spike just looks at her with boredom. She takes out a crossbow and points it at him]
CORDELIA: I don't care if Willow says you're chipped, you move, and I'll fire, and don't give me that 'you'll be dead before the arrow leaves the bow' crap.
[Spike says nothing and calmly smoothes out his trench coat, looking around. The rest all stare at Cordelia, obviously not knowing who Spike is. Through the open door, Buffy walks in, followed by Xander, Anya, Willow, Tara and Giles. Cordelia lowers the crossbow. Wesley stands up]
WESLEY: What a pleasant surprise.
GILES: [looks at him with something a few tones below arrogance] Wesley.
WESLEY: Not that I don't enjoy your company, Mr. Giles, what are you doing here?
BUFFY: You guys haven't been bursting into song lately, have you? [All of the Angel Investigations team share glances] Figured.
GUNN: Not to cut in on an obvious reunion of some kind, but can someone explain what's going on? Who are you people?
BUFFY: I'm Buffy. The Slayer.
GUNN: Oh, I heard a' you. You're Angel's... [trails off under Wesley and Cordelia's pointed looks] Ahem. I'm Gunn, this is Fred. Y'all obviously know Wes and Cor.
WESLEY: Not everyone. [He looks pointedly at Spike, who looks pointedly back]
CORDELIA: Oh, that's Spike, remember? The one who's ass is always kicked by Buffy and Angel?
SPIKE: I've been given worse titles. [Glares] And Peaches doesn't kick my arse, thank you. Forgetting who was chained to the ceiling two summers back, are we?
XANDER: Well, as long as we're all off to a sunny start...[he turns to Gunn and Fred, obviously ignoring Spike and Cordelia] Hi, I'm Xander, this is Anya, Willow, Tara, Giles and you all know our resident Slayer, the Buffster. Pleased to make your acquaintance, yadda-yadda-yadda, now help us find Buffy's kidnapped sister.
WESLEY: Dawn's been kidnapped? By whom?
BUFFY: The Big Bad that's making us all sing and dance.
WESLEY: [putting the moth-eaten book aside] Tell me more.
SPIKE: Be careful now, we don't want to have a Grease tribute.
GILES: We don't know too much about the demon, just that he has Dawn and seems to make people sing depending on what town he is in.
GUNN: Meaning he's in LA.
ANGEL (O.S.): Who's in LA? [Everyone looks up to see Angel coming down the stairs. He pauses when he notices Buffy and Co.] Buffy. What's happened?
CORDELIA: Musical-obsessed demon's got Dawnie.
ANGEL: Uh. [He and Buffy lock eyes for a moment, before Angel observes the rest of the crew. Notices Spike and teeth clench] Oh, Spike.
SPIKE: Angel. [Very tense silence as the two vampire's glare at each other, Angel stepping off the stairwell and into the foyer]
BUFFY: Putting wounded male egos aside for now, my sister's missing. Focus.
WESLEY: I agree. It'll be hard enough to concentrate when I full scale musical is occurring, we don't need you two leaping at each other's throats every time you make eye contact.
GILES: Wesley is right, we really should-
GUNN: Maybe we should set up a fighting ring and let 'em battle it out.
WILLOW: [quirky smile] Ding-ding, round two, Angel the Souled Vampire versus William the Bloody.
SPIKE: Ooh, can we?
CORDELIA: No way, I just finished getting blood stains out of the carpeting without these two going all out. Put 'em in the janitor's closet for a while and lock the door.
GUNN: William the Bloody? What's that, self-titling?
SPIKE: No, it was given. The Bloody-comma-William. Look it up.
BUFFY: [murmuring] I knew we shouldn't have come here.
WESLEY: [snapping] Quieten down! [Everyone who was talking...isn't anymore. Buffy and all thoughs who knew the clean-cut, annoying, tweedy, Sunnydale BtVS Season 3 version of him look at the ex-Watcher in surprise] Now, maybe we could get on with this. Do we know where the demon would-
((A/N: (there had to be one) The next song's to the tune of 'I've Got a Theory' - in fact, it's a reprise. Pretty much the same, only...yeah...carry on.))
BUFFY: [singing] I've got a theory,
That this villain,
This "dancing demon",
Could be holding Dawn for ransom.
SPIKE: I've got a theory,
We should be killin',
'Stead of standing 'round
Idly looking handsome. [All roll their eyes]
GUNN: I've got a theory
We should break this down.
ALL: 'Stead of floundering
By walking street to street in this vast town.
CORDELIA: It could be agents! Evil talent agents!
[All stare]
Which is ridiculous,
'Cause we already know that it's a demon,
You never know, gotta keep on dreamin',
Headlines show 'Cordelia Chase'
And I'll be over here.
ANYA: I've got a theory, the demon wants bunnies!
XANDER: [spoken] Don't even, Ahn. [We skip the rock and roll number]
TARA: I've got a theory
We should find Dawn fast.
Stage fright's catching up
I sure do hope that this song doesn't last. [Hides behind Willow]
[Song ends rather abruptly, to the relief of everyone]
SPIKE: Right, well, we achieved nil from that. I'm out of here before we start leaping about like rabid gazelles - don't fancy an instrumental dance piece, thank you very much. [Looks at Buffy] I'll find her. [He leaves - at some point during the song night had fallen]
CORDELIA: Cocky, isn't he?
XANDER: Lovesick would be a better description.
ANGEL: Or just plain sick. Why did you bring him?
BUFFY: He's useful, okay? Just go with it and try and ignore him.
WESLEY: We should scout out demon bars, and at least try and search the streets, see if anyone knows about him.
GILES: Is there anyone in LA that would like to capture Buffy?
ANGEL: I can think of one. I'll go and see-
BUFFY: I'll come with you. [Moment of silence, Cordelia shoots Buffy a dark look]
ANGEL: Right. Let's go. [They both leave, all swishing coats and slow motion worthy walking]
LORNE: Hm, very epic if not corny. Coffee, anyone?
Outside
[Angel and Buffy walk side to side, allegedly to Wolfram and Hart. A lot of awkward silence and sneaky glances, before Buffy speaks up, and we're all like 'finally!']
BUFFY: How's this musical going for you?
ANGEL: [wry smile that he does when he's trying to smile but he get it wrong 'cause he's too broody] It's strange. I can sing in tune.
BUFFY: You couldn't before?
ANGEL: It was a disaster when I did, let's just say that.
BUFFY: Did people leave the room?
ANGEL: They left the country. [More silence, and then the familiar music wells up]
ANGEL: [singing, Buffy apparently can't hear] She was the one
She was second to none
Such courage, such grace.
In the midst of the fight
She would light up the night.
Sparkling eyes, lovely face.
I loved her, this is true.
The love we had, the love we knew.
Plentiful kisses became too few...
This is just hell.
BUFFY: [now Angel can't hear] I'm in LA
I have to say that I pay
Too much for this pain.
He's just there,
In his lair with straight-up hair.
I could go insane.
He's almost criminally hot.
The love I feel hurts me a lot.
A past to forget, a past to blot...
This is just hell.
Wish I were back in Sunnydale...
[Music picks up]
BUFFY: We've fought.
ANGEL: Debated.
BUFFY: A relationship sedated.
ANGEL: We met a pending ending that just crashed and burned.
BUFFY: The dreams, the lusting.
ANGEL: Sexual tension is combusting.
BUFFY: We took the bending trend in making hearts and loins yearn.
ANGEL & BUFFY: We knew, it could never be.
ANGEL: And yet still I couldn't see-
BUFFY: I then rebounded off Riley.
ANGEL: -If I was trapped or if I was free.
ANGEL & BUFFY: Some crappy tale to tell
Oh dear God, this is just hell.
BUFFY: When things got heated,
He turned tail and retreated.
Stupid curse confiscated
Any way we could fuck. [Looks slightly shocked at the course language, then goes back to normal]
ANGEL: Happiness could not be given
Insanity is driven-
BUFFY: Screw relations with the unlivin'.
ANGEL: No loopholes? Just my luck.
[Wacky trumpet kicks in and the music kicks up, Buffy starts dancing madly, the number being carried out into the, once again car-less street]
BUFFY: [spoken] Look at me, I'm dancing like a prone-to-tragic-love-stories type vampire killer!
[Angel gives her a 'you're insane' look, before joining in on the dancing. They continue as the rest of us laugh at this particular mental image of Ms. Tough Girl Slayer and Mr. Broody Souled Vampire carries out the Anya/Xander dance and a conversation]
ANGEL: [spoken] Buffy, why am I dancing like this? I'm meant to be depressed.
BUFFY: [spoken] Because you're a vampire who can't have sex without going into rabid sociopath mode. Hell, I can't keep a decent relationship. We have to cut loose some time. Plus I get the sneaking suspicion that the author's having a lot of fun in OOC'ing everyone. I mean, c'mon, a Gunn/Fred sex scene? About as likely to happen as us doing a little swirly jig on a traffic-less road in LA.
ANGEL: [spoken] ... Good point.
[With a few more twirls, the wild dancing finishes and they go back to singing]
ANGEL & BUFFY: Our fate -
ANGEL: Is complicated.
BUFFY: Is devastated.
ANGEL: Out of all of the players,
Joss made me go for the Slayer.
Spin-off show was just too predictable.
[Tiny bit more dancing, before the music slows down]
BUFFY: Our love...
ANGEL: Our craving...
BUFFY: Not really worth the saving.
ANGEL: Won't admit that I was slaving
For her ever more.
BUFFY: My past is teary,
My sex-life iced and dreary.
Should I try out a certain sneer-y
Blonde that I'm meant to abhor?
ANGEL & BUFFY: That's life,
It can't be planned.
I tried,
To get the things I demand.
ANGEL: Am I looking for my future told?
BUFFY: Will I get a chance at growing old?
ANGEL Could I get in one last fling,
And get used to the evil thing?
BUFFY: Maybe I could try and like,
The idea of dating Spike?
ANGEL: Be the bad guy?
BUFFY: I could go gay...
ANGEL: Though I know that I would pay.
ANGEL & BUFFY: I could really use a day
To sort my life out well.
Oh dear God this is just hell.
I wanted heaven and then I got hell.
ANGEL: I'll try and endure.
BUFFY: [uncertain] I don't need a man.
ANGEL: Who needs sex? It can't be that great.
ANGEL & BUFFY: This is just...[glance at each other]...hell. [They giggle with much uncertainty, before coughing and continuing on their way. Fade to black]
So, what do y'all think? Please gimme suggestions and constructive criticism and praise and...yeah. Love you all!
Author: DC - devils_symphony@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: All song concepts and tunes and the entire concept itself is all Joss Whedon and whoever helped him (Chris something, whatever). All Angel and BtVS characters are his, I'm just borrowing them for a little while. I'm just playing, so don't sue me. The only thing I *do* own are the revamped lyrics.
Background Info: It's the Angel version of Once More With feeling, musical ep in Season Six BtVS. I'm using the same songs with different lyrics of mine, with almost the same concept. It's also a crossover between BtVS and Angel, KK?
Rating: It has bad words and soft-ish core sex scenes, so, I dunno, Mature Audiences Only?
Pairings: Um, don't read these if you don't want to know them, but here they are. Gunn/Fred, Buffy/Angel (sort of), Spike/Lila, Wesley/Cordelia, Xander/Anya, Willow/Tara
Spoilers: Erm, after season two Angel I guess. Fred and Gunn are a couple, Wesley's angsting over it (he's over Fred by now, but he's a middle-aged may-as-well-be-unsexed man, so, yeah), Connor doesn't exist, erm (plot holes galore, I know, just shut up and keep reading)...dunno where in Buffy. Just make stuff up. You'd assume that it's sort of in the middle of their musical. And that Tara would know that Willow pulled magickal rank on her, and that Buffy and Spike are all at odds with each other and Anya and Xander know each other's doubts about marriage...so...that means what? *thinks real hard* *gives up* Screw it, I can't be bothered dealing with BtVS issues as well as 'Angel' crap. Let's just go with the 'Angel' crap, and ignore the BtVS issues. KK?
WARNING: I wrote this when I was Not Doing Homework and listening to the BtVS musical at the same time. Bad combination, BAD. So, yeah. Just warning you. It's sort of a spoof, I dunno, let's see where my imagination takes me, okay? Probably a bad, dark, scary, smutty, course language-y type of place, so, yes. Welcome to my mind. If the characters seem a little sex-oriented, you'll know why. I mean c'mon, they're meant to be singing what's on their mind, what else would it be? NO ONE on the Angel cast is getting any.
Distribution: Tell me where your posting it and all's good as gold, as they say in Kiwi Land (Australian foreigner - me - is afraid, very afraid). So, yeah, just as long as I get the credit...and Joss, I guess, but I guess that if you're smart you'd already have disclaimers and...yes. Shutting up.
Author's Note: (I'll never shut up, so ha) There are some scenes that are almost identical to the original musical, but other scenes that weren't there at all. Some characters may be OOC, but remember, this is an "almost spoof", where it seems like it could actually be a relatively serious comedy fic, but don't let that fool you. So OOC's are bound to happen. So, um, without further confusion...let the musical begin.
---
Hyperion, Angel's apartment (montage of other scenes), nighttime
[Overture plays. Angel's bedroom. ONCE MORE, AGAIN, WITH FEELING shows up against beige walls, and the shot goes down to see Angel waking up (shirtless, heh-heh), looking at the clock shining 8 p.m.. He lies back down and looks rather forlornly at the ceiling. Shot of stairs, Angel (dressed, dammit) walks down, opposite Gunn and Fred, holding hands and looking at each other all friendly like with big smiles and batting of eyelashes on Fred's part. Angel looks broody and continues his way to the weapons cabinet. Cordelia, who we see was just talking to Wesley, gets up and walks over to Angel. He glares at the two sullenly and looks away. The camera swings back and we see that whatever Cordelia requested, Angel had said no, as she looks annoyed as he shakes his head. Rolling her eyes, she goes back to join Wesley. Gunn and Fred go over to join them, still holding hands in a clichéd American sweetheart kind of way. Angel looks even more broody as he grabs his Favourite Broadsword and heads out, apparently off to kill this week's demon.]
Dark street, later
[Shot of a dark street that's pretty much empty except Angel walking down it and a few hobos. The whimsical, musical-y music does not suit the scene at all.]
ANGEL: [singing - in tune, this time] Dark streets of LA,
The place is quiet,
Except for when I find the fray.
And every single night,
I cannot save it,
Something's never right,
No matter how much I fight.
[He sees a young woman being chased by what looks like a vampire, her scream piercing through the music. Looking bored, Angel starts to chase]
ANGEL: I'll never control,
The Power's hold,
Fighting evil still untold.
[He catches up and grabs the vamp's arm, throwing him against the wall, turning away to sing towards the camera]
ANGEL: And I've been going through the motions.
Fighting man to man. [Vamp tries to sneak up]
Doing what I do the best I [chops vamp's head off] can.
Deprived of woman's touch,
Lean legs around me.
No one to "console" all night.
Shouldn't have crawled outta my grave,
I find the cause just,
Isn't worth that fight.
SAVED WOMAN: I think you're doing all right.
ANGEL: Thanks for the insight.
[A pack of vampires close in and the woman screams, staying close to Angel. They circle Angel, who looks wary]
VAMPS: He can't control,
Having a soul.
And he has to pay the toll.
And he's just going through the motions...
[Angel easily slays them one by one]
LAST VAMP: Tryna' go without somehow.
He's not even half the man he [Angel stabs him] Ow... [head chopped off, dusted]
ANGEL: [looking at the camera] Will I stay this way forever?
Sexless soul-searching endeavor?
SAVED WOMAN: [suggestively, in the background] How can I repay-?
ANGEL: Don't bother. [walks away]
Looks like I will always be...
Going through the motions.
Helping humanity survive. [Walks into the middle of the street]
Is this really me?
Could I ever be free?
I wish that I could be...[arms wide, brandishing sword skyward]
Alive.
[Bird's eye view shot, zooming away, vamp dust swirling around him in the wind]
Hyperion, even later that night
[Angel walks in through the doors, sword slung over his shoulder. Cordelia, Gunn and Fred are all talking around the counter, and they look up. Wesley walks out of his office, holding a notepad and a heavy book in his arms, a pencil clamped between his teeth.]
CORDELIA: Where were you?
ANGEL: Walking, saving the day for some woman, wiping out a vamp nest. The usual. [Cordelia nods and goes back to the conversation. Looking a tad uneasy, Angel walks over to the weapons cabinet and places his sword in. After hesitation, he looks over at Wesley.] How's the translations coming along?
WESLEY: [puts books and pad onto the counter and the pencil out of his mouth] Better, I'm making a little progress.
ANGEL: Really? [eager] What's it say?
WESLEY: Something about oranges. Or possibly tea. I can't get that part. [Withers a little under Angel's withering look] I didn't say a LOT of progress, I said a little bit.
ANGEL: Fine. [Long pause, and Gunn, Fred and Cordelia are silent] So, nothing else has happened? No demon, no visions? [Both Cordelia and Wesley shake their heads, looking confused] Good, good. [Another pause] Did anyone, by any chance, tonight or, y'know, some other time...burst into song?
GUNN: Oh, thank you Lord.
FRED: We thought it was just us! [Everyone starts talking at once]
CORDELIA: I was at my apartment and I was doing the laundry and I started singing about this wine stain in my skirt.
GUNN: We were walking on our way back from breakfast and then I just started with the serenading.
FRED: And there were back up singers from nowhere and a guitar and I started singing too.
CORDELIA: And the stain didn't come off, but anyway, it was cool because I was in tune and there was a blues-y cello and sax.
WESLEY: Good Lord, that's why I found myself dancing ballet in my living room. [They stop overlapping]
GUNN: It was a little too freaky for me.
CORDELIA: Any idea what it was?
WESLEY: Angel, what did you sing about?
ANGEL: [deer-caught-in-the-headlights look] Oh, nothing special. But it seemed completely natural at the time.
GUNN: Well, we should get right on it, break it down, because I for one-
WESLEY: [starts singing] I've got a theory,
That it's a demon.
A Rob Guest type demon.
No, something isn't right there.
CORDELIA: I've gotta theory,
That I am dreamin',
And I've become some sort of,
Famous Broadway headliner.
FRED: I've gotta a theory,
We should work this out.
ALL: It's getting freaky,
What's this geeky soundtrack all about?
GUNN: It could be vampires, tune deaf vampires!
[Withering under Angel's glare]
Which is irrational,
Because vampires, they aren't the singing type,
Blood bathes and graphic violence,
And village razing and burning stuff,
And I'll be over here.
CORDELIA: I've got a theory,
It could be highschool geeks!
[All stare]
FRED: I've gotta-
[Suddenly the lights dim down except for a spot light on Cordy, and a rock soundtrack kicks up, accompanied by smoke machines and strobe lights and sparks]
CORDELIA: Geeks aren't just harmless like everyone supposes!
They got them thick glasses and acne ridden noses!
And what's with all the dictionaries?
Why can't they look up the words 'fashion' and 'coolness' anyway?
Highschool geeks, it must be highschool geeks!
[Normal lighting, music, etc. All stare]
CORDELIA: Or maybe gothics?
WESLEY: I've got a theory we should work this fast.
WESLEY & GUNN: Because eventually Angel will sing and we will not last.
ANGEL: I've gotta a theory, that's it's the lawyers.
[Everyone relaxes when they find he's in tune.]
ANGEL: What won't they do if they are paid?
We'll have to fight at the end of the day.
Wolfram and Hart will do what they can,
To ruin my life, any way any plan.
ALL: What won't they do if they get paid?
It's about time that Lila gets laid.
She'll get off our backs, if she gets a good screw.
ALL BUT WESLEY: As a matter of fact, Wesley should get some too.
[Wesley looks a little offended]
ALL: What won't they do if they get paid?
We'll have some cuss words and bloody blows to trade.
And hey, we'll also get paid.
CORDELIA: Hundreds only, please.
[They all look a little uneasy as music fades]
GUNN: Now that was disturbing.
FRED: I think it was kinda neat.
CORDELIA: In that disturbing sort of way, yeah.
WESLEY: Do we know if it's just us? If that were the case, it would obviously be a spell of some kind... [He trails off as Angel walks to the door and pulls it open, looking out. There's a group of geeky looking sci-fi nerds outside, in front of the cinema, each dressed in something to do with 'Star Wars'. The lead singer, dressed as Darth Vadar, leads them]
DARTH GEEK: [singing] Attack of the Clones came out!
SCI-FI BACKUP NERDS: Attack of the Clones came out! [huge boom-boom fanfare type ending finishes them and Angel closes the door]
ANGEL: It's not just us. Okay, so Wes should check out the books and-
WESLEY: I thought you said that it was Wolfram and Hart.
ANGEL: That's one of many possibilities. Besides, this isn't exactly their style.
Later that night
[All are hunched over books when Lorne bursts in, look distraught, cravats and orange-ness and frills aplenty.]
LORNE: You'll never guess what's happened!
CORDELIA: Everyone started singing and dancing?
LORNE: Well, yes, but because of it, no one's coming to me! They're just singing their hearts out and they don't need me to help them anymore because they're already saying all the stuff and working out their own problems, the independent morons. Huh, most can't even sing, even if they *are* under a spell.
FRED: [giggles as Gunn whispers something in her ear]
GUNN: Hey, erm, wouldn't it be better if we hit the streets a little?
WESLEY: I agree. Why don't you and Angel-?
FRED: Oh no, Gunn and I will be fine, trust us. [Gunn's hand disappears and her pupils contract a little]
WESLEY: [looks at them darkly, glances at Cordelia, and goes back to book-hunching]
GUNN: Yup, no problem here.
FRED: Bye! [They quickly leave, and the rest stare after them, all looking slightly annoyed and all too knowing]
Cut to a dark street of LA
[Gunn and Fred walk along the pavement, holding hands]
GUNN: Man, I thought we'd never get out of there.
FRED: I know, it gets so stuffy in that really big foyer. But I feel bad. Shouldn't we be working?
GUNN: Nah, I think we're all overreacting. A bit of singing won't hurt anyone. It's disturbing, but not lethal.
FRED: True, and we *are* scouting the streets. [They walk past three prostitutes, falling silent as all three scantily clad women check Gunn out] And I think they're scouting *you*.
GUNN: Really? [Twists his head around to look] I have some loose change, maybe I'll...
FRED: No! [They both laugh as she grabs his hand and pulls him along a bit faster] I don't know if I could fight all three, maybe the little blonde one in the seat-belt width skirt...
GUNN: Don't know what they'd want with a guy like me.
FRED: [smiles a little mischievously] I can see exactly what they want.
[Soft guitar and piano music wells up]
FRED: [singing] Five years of rock-cave living,
Never knowing a human touch.
Never did see what's so thrilling,
It didn't seem like so much.
And now I've got the chance
To horizontally dance.
I'm under your thrall.
How else could it be,
That anyone would notice me?
You help me not to fall,
Levitating me,
Out of constant chastity.
[She links arms with him, a finger hooked in his belt]
FRED: I saw the world as dismal,
Alone and unprepared.
But then you saved me from it all,
And then I wasn't scared.
You showed me this new world.
And then my lust unfurled.
[She runs out onto the car-less road, the three prostitutes dancing behind her, not even remotely subtly symbolizing what she'd like]
FRED: I'm under your thrall.
Always knowing what to do,
You'll never break my heart in two.
Just like Satan's goal,
His dream and mine came true,
That I could give my soul to you.
You made me believe.
[Gunn picks up Fred and twirls her, as the scene around them dissolves and they appear to be in a bedroom, apparently Gunn's. He places her down on the bed gently. She lies down, Gunn over her, hands on the mattress on either side of her head.]
FRED: Charles, you had me freed.
And now I'd like to feed.
[She suddenly flips them over so she's on top. You only see the top half of her body, and Gunn's hands on her waist. She starts moving up and down suggestively, skirt apparently splayed]
FRED: I'm under your thrall.
As caressing as the sea,
Plunging in so helplessly.
Our lust will conquer all.
Take away from me,
This cowardly virginity.
You make me complete.
[Profile close up, her head thrown back]
FRED: You make me complete.
You make me complete.
You make me c-
Hyperion
CORDELIA: Five bucks says they're not even working.
WESLEY: [sternly] Cordelia.
LORNE: No I agree. I'll bet they're... [Wesley gestures towards Angel with a pencil, looking a little frantic] Singing. They're probably singing right now.
ANGEL: Oh, yeah, that's right, protect the sex-deprived vampire.
CORDELIA: Okay, fine, we'll just blurt out that our very own chaste-kisses-and-hugs couple are probably humping away like a pair of bunnies in heat.
WESLEY: [glowers] They're meant to be working as well. But then again, why wouldn't they take this sing-your-truthful-heart-out phenomenon as an excuse to explore their own sexual capabilities? [Short pause as everyone reflects that the very sexy version of Wesley of Angel, Season 3, just said 'sexual capabilities' - slight eye glazing and drooling for all]
LORNE: Oh, chin up honeys! I think it's rather romantic.
WESLEY: Not it isn't.
LORNE: Sure it is! Singing, dancing, love making, what could be so evil about that?
Dark alley way
[The three prostitutes we saw before are all dancing, obviously unable to stop, one spinning around too fast, the other two behind her, tapping furiously, stiletto heels loud and gun-shot like. As the jazzy rock beat kicks up faster and faster, they all start to smoke and burst into flame. The music is cut off abruptly and the camera pans back to see the profile of Sweet.]
SWEET: Now that's entertainment. [He looks to the side and down] You agree, sugar?
[We see Dawn, bound and gagged, siting against the alley wall, looking up at him angrily. Fade to black.]
Hyperion, twilight the next day, almost sunset
[Angel is apparently upstairs and sleeping, Wesley is reading a book titled 'Magical Phenomenon', and as the camera swings 'round, we can see he's actually reading a Ralph magazine inside the thick, moth-eaten book. He slams the book shut (FWAP!) and glares at the camera, before opening the book to a different page. Fred and Gunn are staring at each other in an annoyingly gooey way, and Cordelia and Lorne are talking quietly. Suddenly, the door slams open and a figure with a blanket over his head. The smoking blanket is thrown down, and we see Spike, stamping out the start of a few flames. Cordelia shrieks with recognition, and rushing towards the weapons cabinet, and Spike just looks at her with boredom. She takes out a crossbow and points it at him]
CORDELIA: I don't care if Willow says you're chipped, you move, and I'll fire, and don't give me that 'you'll be dead before the arrow leaves the bow' crap.
[Spike says nothing and calmly smoothes out his trench coat, looking around. The rest all stare at Cordelia, obviously not knowing who Spike is. Through the open door, Buffy walks in, followed by Xander, Anya, Willow, Tara and Giles. Cordelia lowers the crossbow. Wesley stands up]
WESLEY: What a pleasant surprise.
GILES: [looks at him with something a few tones below arrogance] Wesley.
WESLEY: Not that I don't enjoy your company, Mr. Giles, what are you doing here?
BUFFY: You guys haven't been bursting into song lately, have you? [All of the Angel Investigations team share glances] Figured.
GUNN: Not to cut in on an obvious reunion of some kind, but can someone explain what's going on? Who are you people?
BUFFY: I'm Buffy. The Slayer.
GUNN: Oh, I heard a' you. You're Angel's... [trails off under Wesley and Cordelia's pointed looks] Ahem. I'm Gunn, this is Fred. Y'all obviously know Wes and Cor.
WESLEY: Not everyone. [He looks pointedly at Spike, who looks pointedly back]
CORDELIA: Oh, that's Spike, remember? The one who's ass is always kicked by Buffy and Angel?
SPIKE: I've been given worse titles. [Glares] And Peaches doesn't kick my arse, thank you. Forgetting who was chained to the ceiling two summers back, are we?
XANDER: Well, as long as we're all off to a sunny start...[he turns to Gunn and Fred, obviously ignoring Spike and Cordelia] Hi, I'm Xander, this is Anya, Willow, Tara, Giles and you all know our resident Slayer, the Buffster. Pleased to make your acquaintance, yadda-yadda-yadda, now help us find Buffy's kidnapped sister.
WESLEY: Dawn's been kidnapped? By whom?
BUFFY: The Big Bad that's making us all sing and dance.
WESLEY: [putting the moth-eaten book aside] Tell me more.
SPIKE: Be careful now, we don't want to have a Grease tribute.
GILES: We don't know too much about the demon, just that he has Dawn and seems to make people sing depending on what town he is in.
GUNN: Meaning he's in LA.
ANGEL (O.S.): Who's in LA? [Everyone looks up to see Angel coming down the stairs. He pauses when he notices Buffy and Co.] Buffy. What's happened?
CORDELIA: Musical-obsessed demon's got Dawnie.
ANGEL: Uh. [He and Buffy lock eyes for a moment, before Angel observes the rest of the crew. Notices Spike and teeth clench] Oh, Spike.
SPIKE: Angel. [Very tense silence as the two vampire's glare at each other, Angel stepping off the stairwell and into the foyer]
BUFFY: Putting wounded male egos aside for now, my sister's missing. Focus.
WESLEY: I agree. It'll be hard enough to concentrate when I full scale musical is occurring, we don't need you two leaping at each other's throats every time you make eye contact.
GILES: Wesley is right, we really should-
GUNN: Maybe we should set up a fighting ring and let 'em battle it out.
WILLOW: [quirky smile] Ding-ding, round two, Angel the Souled Vampire versus William the Bloody.
SPIKE: Ooh, can we?
CORDELIA: No way, I just finished getting blood stains out of the carpeting without these two going all out. Put 'em in the janitor's closet for a while and lock the door.
GUNN: William the Bloody? What's that, self-titling?
SPIKE: No, it was given. The Bloody-comma-William. Look it up.
BUFFY: [murmuring] I knew we shouldn't have come here.
WESLEY: [snapping] Quieten down! [Everyone who was talking...isn't anymore. Buffy and all thoughs who knew the clean-cut, annoying, tweedy, Sunnydale BtVS Season 3 version of him look at the ex-Watcher in surprise] Now, maybe we could get on with this. Do we know where the demon would-
((A/N: (there had to be one) The next song's to the tune of 'I've Got a Theory' - in fact, it's a reprise. Pretty much the same, only...yeah...carry on.))
BUFFY: [singing] I've got a theory,
That this villain,
This "dancing demon",
Could be holding Dawn for ransom.
SPIKE: I've got a theory,
We should be killin',
'Stead of standing 'round
Idly looking handsome. [All roll their eyes]
GUNN: I've got a theory
We should break this down.
ALL: 'Stead of floundering
By walking street to street in this vast town.
CORDELIA: It could be agents! Evil talent agents!
[All stare]
Which is ridiculous,
'Cause we already know that it's a demon,
You never know, gotta keep on dreamin',
Headlines show 'Cordelia Chase'
And I'll be over here.
ANYA: I've got a theory, the demon wants bunnies!
XANDER: [spoken] Don't even, Ahn. [We skip the rock and roll number]
TARA: I've got a theory
We should find Dawn fast.
Stage fright's catching up
I sure do hope that this song doesn't last. [Hides behind Willow]
[Song ends rather abruptly, to the relief of everyone]
SPIKE: Right, well, we achieved nil from that. I'm out of here before we start leaping about like rabid gazelles - don't fancy an instrumental dance piece, thank you very much. [Looks at Buffy] I'll find her. [He leaves - at some point during the song night had fallen]
CORDELIA: Cocky, isn't he?
XANDER: Lovesick would be a better description.
ANGEL: Or just plain sick. Why did you bring him?
BUFFY: He's useful, okay? Just go with it and try and ignore him.
WESLEY: We should scout out demon bars, and at least try and search the streets, see if anyone knows about him.
GILES: Is there anyone in LA that would like to capture Buffy?
ANGEL: I can think of one. I'll go and see-
BUFFY: I'll come with you. [Moment of silence, Cordelia shoots Buffy a dark look]
ANGEL: Right. Let's go. [They both leave, all swishing coats and slow motion worthy walking]
LORNE: Hm, very epic if not corny. Coffee, anyone?
Outside
[Angel and Buffy walk side to side, allegedly to Wolfram and Hart. A lot of awkward silence and sneaky glances, before Buffy speaks up, and we're all like 'finally!']
BUFFY: How's this musical going for you?
ANGEL: [wry smile that he does when he's trying to smile but he get it wrong 'cause he's too broody] It's strange. I can sing in tune.
BUFFY: You couldn't before?
ANGEL: It was a disaster when I did, let's just say that.
BUFFY: Did people leave the room?
ANGEL: They left the country. [More silence, and then the familiar music wells up]
ANGEL: [singing, Buffy apparently can't hear] She was the one
She was second to none
Such courage, such grace.
In the midst of the fight
She would light up the night.
Sparkling eyes, lovely face.
I loved her, this is true.
The love we had, the love we knew.
Plentiful kisses became too few...
This is just hell.
BUFFY: [now Angel can't hear] I'm in LA
I have to say that I pay
Too much for this pain.
He's just there,
In his lair with straight-up hair.
I could go insane.
He's almost criminally hot.
The love I feel hurts me a lot.
A past to forget, a past to blot...
This is just hell.
Wish I were back in Sunnydale...
[Music picks up]
BUFFY: We've fought.
ANGEL: Debated.
BUFFY: A relationship sedated.
ANGEL: We met a pending ending that just crashed and burned.
BUFFY: The dreams, the lusting.
ANGEL: Sexual tension is combusting.
BUFFY: We took the bending trend in making hearts and loins yearn.
ANGEL & BUFFY: We knew, it could never be.
ANGEL: And yet still I couldn't see-
BUFFY: I then rebounded off Riley.
ANGEL: -If I was trapped or if I was free.
ANGEL & BUFFY: Some crappy tale to tell
Oh dear God, this is just hell.
BUFFY: When things got heated,
He turned tail and retreated.
Stupid curse confiscated
Any way we could fuck. [Looks slightly shocked at the course language, then goes back to normal]
ANGEL: Happiness could not be given
Insanity is driven-
BUFFY: Screw relations with the unlivin'.
ANGEL: No loopholes? Just my luck.
[Wacky trumpet kicks in and the music kicks up, Buffy starts dancing madly, the number being carried out into the, once again car-less street]
BUFFY: [spoken] Look at me, I'm dancing like a prone-to-tragic-love-stories type vampire killer!
[Angel gives her a 'you're insane' look, before joining in on the dancing. They continue as the rest of us laugh at this particular mental image of Ms. Tough Girl Slayer and Mr. Broody Souled Vampire carries out the Anya/Xander dance and a conversation]
ANGEL: [spoken] Buffy, why am I dancing like this? I'm meant to be depressed.
BUFFY: [spoken] Because you're a vampire who can't have sex without going into rabid sociopath mode. Hell, I can't keep a decent relationship. We have to cut loose some time. Plus I get the sneaking suspicion that the author's having a lot of fun in OOC'ing everyone. I mean, c'mon, a Gunn/Fred sex scene? About as likely to happen as us doing a little swirly jig on a traffic-less road in LA.
ANGEL: [spoken] ... Good point.
[With a few more twirls, the wild dancing finishes and they go back to singing]
ANGEL & BUFFY: Our fate -
ANGEL: Is complicated.
BUFFY: Is devastated.
ANGEL: Out of all of the players,
Joss made me go for the Slayer.
Spin-off show was just too predictable.
[Tiny bit more dancing, before the music slows down]
BUFFY: Our love...
ANGEL: Our craving...
BUFFY: Not really worth the saving.
ANGEL: Won't admit that I was slaving
For her ever more.
BUFFY: My past is teary,
My sex-life iced and dreary.
Should I try out a certain sneer-y
Blonde that I'm meant to abhor?
ANGEL & BUFFY: That's life,
It can't be planned.
I tried,
To get the things I demand.
ANGEL: Am I looking for my future told?
BUFFY: Will I get a chance at growing old?
ANGEL Could I get in one last fling,
And get used to the evil thing?
BUFFY: Maybe I could try and like,
The idea of dating Spike?
ANGEL: Be the bad guy?
BUFFY: I could go gay...
ANGEL: Though I know that I would pay.
ANGEL & BUFFY: I could really use a day
To sort my life out well.
Oh dear God this is just hell.
I wanted heaven and then I got hell.
ANGEL: I'll try and endure.
BUFFY: [uncertain] I don't need a man.
ANGEL: Who needs sex? It can't be that great.
ANGEL & BUFFY: This is just...[glance at each other]...hell. [They giggle with much uncertainty, before coughing and continuing on their way. Fade to black]
So, what do y'all think? Please gimme suggestions and constructive criticism and praise and...yeah. Love you all!