TITLE: Because I know him so well ...

AUTHOR: Too_beauty.

CHARACTER: Hephaestion, Alexander (implied)

RATING: PG

CATEGORY: Alternative Universe.

DISCLAMER: I do not know the people involved; they belong to History and to themselves but I would not mind sharing my life with Phai! *sighs*

WARNING: Angst and more angst.

NO BETA so all mistakes are mine.

Author's note: The words in bold belong to the lyrics "I know him so well" sung by the wonderful voices of John Barrowman (My Captain Jack) and Danile Boys. The song belongs to the musical "Chess". There are many duets singing this song but these two men beat the rest.

This is for classyblue who gave the last lines ...

Ecbatana 324 BC.

Hephaestion was not feeling well even though his health was excellent; he had never been stronger or bulkier; even his handsome features were more remarkable. Hephaestion's problem was his heart, which was failing miserably to his master; his heart that was tired to battle not men but feelings; feelings that once – many years ago – were pure and true and now they were just swallow feelings.

The rift between the King and the Chiliarch was widening everyday and what it was worse was that people realized; it was so notorious that even children looked at him with pity.

He was – once again- alone in his chamber; he had been sitting there, at his desk, trying to write a letter to master Aristotle but it had beenm fruitless; many crumpled scrolls were the proof of that.

"I am losing my words and if I do, I know that I will turn invisible " thought the brunette. This had already happened, years ago, when Alexander was newly-wed but they were able tp sort things out that time.

Hephaestion sighed loudly and giving a serious second thought to his dilemma, he realized that, this time, there was no way out.

He stood up and walked towards the big bed, adorned with a midnight blue blanket with little suns embroided in it; a bed where he slept alone most ofd the nights, well, all of his nights since last fall. He lie on it, rested his brunette head on a soft pilow and looking at the painting of Achilles and Patroclus on the wall, he began to speak wearing his heart on the sleeve:

Nothing is so good it lasts eternally, perfect situations must go wrong and they really did,but this has never yet prevented me, wanting far too much for far too long because I have always thought what Alexander promised was true – together , until the end, my soul mate-

Looking back I could have played it differently I should have never let my heart take decisions, won a few more moments who can tell but being diplomatic and respectfuñ only brought me more pain.

But it took time to understand the man , this man that is the biggest enigma I have ever met. Now at least I know I know him well and he would not be able to trick me again.

Wasn't it good? All what he had

Wasn't he fine? Of course he was

Isn't it madness He can't be mine? And that is why I am falling apart.

But in the end he needs a little bit more than me , more than I can give him

More security , he needs his fantasy and freedom to do as he wished

I know him so well now and becasue of that, I am giving up.

No one in your life is with you constantly , friends and partners come and go,

No one is completely on your side even your soul matecan betray you more than once,

And though I move my world to be with him I chose his dream and made it mine, still the gap between us is too wide and getting wider

Looking back I could have played things some other way , I shouldn't have been so blind, looking back I could have played it differently I should have asked for more; learned about the man before I fell because when I realized about some of his flaws, it was already late.

I was just a little careless maybe , I was a teen too mich in love, but I was ever so much younger then and I believed that nothing would tear us apart.

Now at least I know him well and so this time I will stay away.

He won't be mine alone becasue his heart is just too big to love me only.

Didn't I know how it would go? Yes I knew it but I didn't care in that moment. If I knew from the start that he would never be only mine, Why am I falling apart? If I already knew that would be the result.

He won't be mine because he does not love me as he used to. It took time to understand him – twenty years of being by his side but now I know him so well and that is enough!

And Hephaestion, for the second time in his lief became invisible, whispering just a single plea to his king:

- "Alexander, make me understand why I am not enough"

I have reached more than 56,000 words in my NaNoWriMo novel and I am really proud of myself!

I am sending Christmas cards anywhere so you have time to PM until December 1st and send me your home address if you want to get one!