Demons don't forget things. Their memories unfold before them like a story printed on parchment
Naruto's mother told him this once, when he was still a kit and he lay curled to her giant, fire-singed breast, naked and dirty. The sky lay starry and deep above them, and the sounds of the forest were the night's constant accompaniment.
Back then, Naruto slept like this every night, from the day he was born until the day he left the nest to fend for himself. His mother's belly was his bed, the great walls of her legs his house, and when it was cold, her tails served as his blanket, blocking out the night sky.
Child Naruto contemplated this in wonder. If he imagined the parchment it would take to record his mother's life, it would stretch on and on and on, forever into infinity. How could she possibly keep track of all that parchment? She would lose pieces.
Naruto told his mother he could see how it was necessary to forget things.
"Is that so?" His mother asked, amused, her voice loving and wise, resounding deep from her ancient belly.
"That's a lot of parchment," he explained knowingly, blue eyes flicking open and closed with sleep, "Whenever you want a memory, you won't be able to find it in time."
A chuckle met his reply, resounding deep from her giant belly. Naruto felt the vibrations where he lay on her stomach, and they soothed him. Mother's voice answered as he closed his eyes. "You say that, little kit, because you can never really know eternity. You can only know of it, and it seems vast, but I am different that you. The rocks and the rivers are old enough, but I'm older. I've seen those rivers form and shape those rocks, and once they're gone, I'll still be here. To me, time is nothing; I can see everything, from the beginning to the end, stretching on and on."
That was a thought. Interested, Naruto tilted his head and blinked open an eye, babyish voice curious. "How did everything begin, then?"
Mama hummed, an expression of tolerant irritation. "That's not how it was, dear child. Eternity goes both ways."
Naruto didn't understand at all. He jolted awake, getting on his hands and knees, and crawled before his mother's proud head. Her eyes looked back at him, glowing in the night. Her pupils were as big as his head. He pouted accusingly, "You said from the beginning!"
"Your language is limiting. You cannot understand anything without an end, so there is no word for me to explain… you can't understand." There was something condescending there, Naruto felt.
"That's not fair at all!" he protested.
His mother fixed her giant red eyes upon him, and Naruto felt himself looking into the eyes of eternity itself. He wilted.
"How you do hate being told what you're capable of! Such a little man." She sounded fond. He folded his knees into his arms and looked at Mama reproachfully.
"It's not a question of unfair or fair at all. I am a demon, and you are a human, and we each walk different paths. What I see, you cannot see, and what you feel, I cannot feel. If you see the color you know as yellow with your eyes, how do you know if somebody else sees the same yellow? They can call it yellow, but there is no way to describe yellow to see if their yellow is your green. For some things, there are no words,"
With the sense that the universe was being explained, Naruto nodded to himself and nestled his head into his knees. Sucking on the skin there, he still felt unsettled.
"… but, Mama, why'm I different?"
"Because, dear child, you are human. You are a demon too, but in the most important ways, you are a human. You're story has an ending. Knowing eternity would be of no use to you. It would only hurt you."
Naruto wasn't so sure of that. If he was a demon too, how did his mother know one day he wouldn't know what eternity was? And once he knew, he could find the words for it. She didn't believe him yet, but she'd see, once he showed her. He thought about this for a while. "Anything is possible," he murmured to himself, lost in the flickering copper of her eyes. Shaking himself out of his daze, Naruto crawled back to his mother's chest, and settled himself there. Safe in the warmth of her belly, he fell asleep.
He didn't hear the great fox sigh. "What a human thing to say." Her tail traveled his little boy belly tenderly. "So fragile," it murmured, "Just like your father. Such an idealist."
Naruto's world was very simple for many years. There was the forest, which never ended, as far as he was concerned. He could talk to the trees, but mainly he listened, because the trees knew they deserved respect from Naruto, and only if he was very polite and kissed their bark reverently and gave them compliments would they deign to talk to him. He didn't mind, because whenever they did talk, they were accepting and witty about almost everything, and Naruto quite adored them. They were all his friends.
Then there were the rivers. Naruto couldn't talk to them. His mother found them endlessly amusing. She flirted with them shamelessly. Still, Naruto and the rivers got along in a different way than the trees. The river was bawdy and hungry and if he wasn't careful, it would swallow him whole, so, of course, Naruto couldn't stop returning and getting acquainted all over again. Naruto could never master the river, and for that, he loved it.
Then there were the rocks, and the plants, and the flowers, and the animals. They were all his subjects.
Then there was the sky, and the stars, and the moon. Naruto loved the stars and the moon, but only because his mother loved them. For himself, Naruto loved the sun.
Then there was his mother, the God of it all. His mother was unlimited by size, or body, or gender, like he was, but whatever form she took, she was Naruto's, and he loved her. His mother reigned over the forest, and could talk to everything in it, but most of all, she talked to Naruto. When she was a woman, she took Naruto to her breast and held him there until he fell asleep. With her deft, brown fingers she would dry his tears and comb through his hair. Naruto saw this side of his mother less and less now. When he had been a baby, he remembed she cared for him like this all the time, but as he got older, she was a fox more often than not. When she was the giant fox, she would carry him in her jaws, and he would watch the forest rush by him in a daze. Often times, though, he was left to his own devices, which he thought nothing of. His mother was King of it all, and he knew without fail that he would follow in her foot steps, because she loved him best of all.
Still, Naruto did have one rival for his mother's affections.
Each night, his mother kept him safe in her embrace, except when the moon was full. At those times, she'd argue with the moon for a while, her words blurring into a language Naruto didn't understand, their exchange apparently getting more heated, her golden tails flicking back and forth like an earthquake. Sometimes, she sang one haunting, continuous note that ebbed and flowed in tone. Then she'd wander off, dreamy and humming a disjointed tune, and not return until the moon waned, always as a human, always followng the path of the moon. Naruto wasn't sure exactly what happened those nights, but he had an idea, and didn't ask. Whenever she was gone, the moon splashed a bloody red, and all the trees sang in a dizzying chorus. He was pretty sure it was a lot like how he felt about the river. But different. When she returned, she was always a fox again.
It was when Naruto was following the river that he found the edge of the forest. He had never realized the forest had an end, and fascinated, he peeked through the branches. In a clearing, children like him, human children, pranced about, engrossed in some make-believe game. Naruto stared in open curiousity. How strange they looked! A girl with long blonde hair (like mine! Naruto thought) pushed at a boy, who protested by flopping down in the grass and refusing to get up.
"Shikamaru! Get up! We can't play if you don't try!"
"I don't want to play anyways, especially if you stupid girls keep telling me what role I have to play!"
Naruto emerged from the trees, giddy and ready to make new friends. "I can play," he offered. He stood unawares as the children in the clearing all stared at him in shock, so happy to find someone like him.
"Ew! Why don't you have any clothes on!" the girl with blonde hair exclaimed, voice shrill.
The other children laughed as Naruto paused, suddenly aware that he was different. "Clothes?" For the first time in his life, Naruto laughed when he didn't mean it, trying to be part of the joke. The children pointed at his body, and Naruto was suddenly self-conscious. He backed away, and covered himself with his hands. The children laughed harder, and Naruto felt heat take over his face like wildfire. How different this was, compared to playing with the river naked, who liked every part of you without a second thought, compared to this strange shame Naruto was feeling!
The girl advanced, "You're mommy is going to be so mad when she finds out you took your clothes off!"
"Well she doesn't wear any either, so there!" Naruto yelled defensively, his voice breaking. How little they knew!
The girl gasped, "Gross!"
Sakura interrupted, "Like a... whore?" She whispered the last word in some excited, mean tone that Naruto didn't recognize.
"I.. I don't know. What does that mean?"
"Does she do dirty things with people who aren't your Father?" Naruto wasn't even aware he had a father, but now that he thought of it, he must have- every other living thing in the forest did. He knew how babies were made. Suddenly in his understanding of the world a dark hole seemed to formed, as though an opening had fallen though the floor. And his mother- what about her? Naruto thought of the moon. Was that a bad thing, a dirty thing? No, surely not. He didn't want this girl to say anything mean about his mother. "No," he said, glaring, "Are you?"
The girl gapsed, and the boy got up from where he had been lying in the dirt. "Say that again!"
Feeling vulnerable and embarrassed, he yelled back, "I'd like to see you try!"
A girl with strawberry colored hair scampered up, grabbing a hold of Shikamaru. "Oh, stop it!" She sent Naruto a wink, and Naruto blushed immediately. He didn't trust these children. He had never been made to feel different before and was no oddly self-conscious. He didn't know what this girl was playing at, but hoped she had taken mercy on him. His savior had green eyes and she smiled at Naruto as she told the group, "Let's let him play with us, ok?" Naruto was relieved.
Ino immediately caught the wink and the blush. So that's the game they were playing, huh? Ino joined in. "Yeah, guys, let's let him play with us! Why don't we play doctor?" The other children exchanged guilty, excited glances. "After all, he's already naked!" The laughter again. Naruto looked desperately at his savior, but she was laughing too, so he laughed along. He felt ill at ease but knowing he had entered into some form of acceptance did not want to mess things up.
"W-w-we can't do that," a girl so shy she seemed almost crippled whispered. Naruto looked at her, feeling glad he wasn't the most uncomfortable after all, and flashed her a smile. Her eyes darted down and a blush covered her entire face, stopping her dead in her tracks.
Puzzled, Naruto, stared. "What's with her?"
"Ooo! Does Hinata have a crush on forest-boy? Don't worry, Hinata, we're almost teenagers, what does it matter?" Ino declared, "Just come over here. What's your name?"
"Naruto," Naruto supplied, allowing Ino to lead him away into the trees.
Sakura ran after them. "Ino! It was my idea to let him stay, it's only fair!" Ino appeared to think about it, before relenting. It wasn't that important. Ino let Sakura take Naruto's hand, and with another meaningful glance, Sakura led the hesitant boy into the thicket.
"Why did we go away from everyone else?" Naruto questioned.
"We're playing doctor, duh. Now, I'm gonna take off my clothes, too, so you can be doctor first." Naruto wondered if she was making a peace offering by removing her clothes by putting themselves on the same level. Maybe she didn't want everyone else to see her being nice to him?
Sakura pulled up her dress. She looked at him expectantly, but Naruto raised his eyebrows in apprehension. He felt nothing looking at her little breasts and belly, knew nothing of what she wanted- he had seen his mom naked in the human form many times, and it was familiar to him. "Okay- now examine me," the girl ordered shortly. Her eyes shined with something that Naruto realized looked a lot like conquest. He was surprised as he realized she wanted what she thought his mom did with men. The idea of it was repulsive to him.
"I don't want to."
"Just do it, come on."
"I don't know how," Naruto hedged desperately. He would have just left, but perhaps this was the normal thing to do? Every animal did it. Even his mom did it, of sorts. She must have, if she had gotten him. If he wanted to be like his own kind, this was an inevitable turn.
"Here," and Sakura grabbed his hand and began to slide it up her stomach. "See?"
"Yeah," he replied. He resolved to see if he could learn to like it. He'd never know if he didn't try it. She pulled his hand lower, down to a soft slit in her body. His fingers explored in, about. Feeling there was nothing more to see, he let his hand drop.
Sakura pursed her lips. "Fine! Let me examine you!" He nodded, and she led him down to the ground. Her hands explored awkwardly, as though on a scavenger hunt, and Naruto stared at the trees, feeling like he had been shortchanged. This was boring- being human seemed very dull indeed, and he wished resentfully that he was like his mother, who was no species and could make romance with the moon, something much more interesting.
"What is that?" came a voice below him.
Naruto lifted his head up. "What?"
"You have girl parts!"
Naruto got up on his elbows, in the pretense of seeing what she was talking about. He had never thought about what was down there too much.
"Ino! Come look at this!" That was too much. Naruto had reached his limit. He climbed up on limber legs and leapt through the thicket so fast Sakura had barely turned around and he was gone.
Naruto decided never to go back to the human campsite again. But he couldn't help himself. Drawn by some inexplicable urge, he peered through the lining of the trees every day for a month, watching them talk and play. Sometimes, they'd glance at the trees nervously and point, and he'd shrink back, embarrassed.
He took to looking in the windows of the houses of the village. He'd look at the people inside. There would always be more than one, sitting together before a fire, a mother reading a book to her child. It made him so lonely he could feel the ache. Still, he kept coming back. It was an irresistable urge. The way they talked to one another, the things they wore, the routine of getting up each morning, the woman making the breakfast, the family going out to farm, working all day, and coming back together to enjoy the fruits of their harvest.
It seemed very boring, but on the nights his mother was gone, it seemed very enviable. He'd curl up on a rock, and was aware of the cold in a way he never used to be, aware there was no one to talk to. He took to imagining what it would be like to fall asleep in one of those warm houses, under a quilt, in a house that smelt like years of family, not of wet moss and old bones.
Feeling empty, Naruto crawled back to his mother one night and let himself slump into her warm chest, inhaling the smell of golden fur. It had been a while, he realized, since he'd been back home at his mother's side. He'd been too busy following the campsite.
"Mother, tell me everything," Naruto said, staring at the sky, feeling for some strange reason like a piece of driftwood breaking free in a flood, "Tell me why I'm not like you, and I'm not like them."
His mother flicked a solemn, golden tail, and wiped out the night sky. In the utter dark, she told him, her voice loving and secret. "I have been here since the very beginning, older than the rocks-"
"I've already heard this," Naruto drawled, feeling somehow irritated.
"Hush. Your mother knows all. You're getting impertinent. Humans go through this phase. It's called breaking away. You'll go on a journey and figure out who you are, meet a mate of your own, and start your life on your own. You can't depend on me forever. It'll be hard."
Naruto felt more lonely than he had in his life. "What was it like for you?"
"I told you, I'm as old as time. I have no parents. I only had you because I had you in a human body, by a human man. I was as old as time, and my home was the forest, and my lover the moon. Each full moon, it would call to me, and we would dance and make love together-"
"How did you get up there?"
"We made a bridge. Now, shut up. This is the last time you interupt." Naruton shut up.
"Anyways, each full moon, we'd make love, and I was satisfied. And I despised humans, because they were scared and weak, and because they died, and I knew eternity and could never know fear. But they also interested me, just like they do you. I didn't understand their ties to one another, the power a smile had on each other, but it fascinated me. So, I would go as one among them. My favorite was a woman, because with a single stare, I could make men fall at their feet and sway beneath my power, like they should have when they saw my true form. Men are funny that way. Nothing is as beautiful to them as a female body.
"One day, I was walking down the path that leads to the Village-Hidden-in-the-Leaves, intent on seducing someone. You are too young to know it, but some joys you can only feel in a human body, and sex is one of them. Don't look at me like that, it's unavoidable. And on that path, I met a man. I intended him to be my target, and I went out of my way to be witty and pleasing, but the whole time, I was thinking about his smile. And that night, he told me, 'You're the most beautiful woman I've ever met, and I want to be with you forever.' It was the most stupid thing a man could say, because for him, forever was until he died, and for me, forever really was forever, but what did he know? And I didn't know any better, because somehow, I'd fallen in love with him. But he couldn't stay, because I was a fox, and I could only stay a woman at nightfall.
"And he grew more and more frustrated. 'Kushina, he'd say'-because that was the name I gave him- 'don't you love me? We could rule this village together!' So I told him, I can only stay if you marry me. Because only if I knew he'd never betray me, could I give him that trust. And he did, so I stayed, a fox in a village of people, their Queen. And like all families, I wanted a child. He wanted an heir, but more, I think he wanted to make sure I'd stay. And I wanted a child because, I think, I knew I'd have to leave. And things got- complicated. Your father was human. I didn't understand him. He was weak. He died early, after some incidents. And I had you."
Naruto leaned down onto the ground, staring at the moon.
"I just don't understand the point. I'll never fall in love."
Kyuubi smiled indulgently, "You say that now, but you'll see. Love is as unavoidable as the pull of the moon. You won't be able to ignore the call. It's the most natural and best thing there is."
"And I'll never go back to that human village."
"Possible." Kyuubi said, but she didn't believe that either, Naruto could tell. Neither did he. He couldn't stay here, not anymore. There were things he wanted to know now. Parts of him he wanted to discover. This human side of himself, he wanted to understand it.
As Naruto fell asleep, he had two dreams. One, he was the piece of driftwood again, setting out on a journey.
In the second, he was building a bridge for his mother and his father to meet again, where they didn't have to be confined by mortality and responsibility to kingdoms. He dreamt they made love up there.
He woke up with blood between his legs.
That night, Naruto silently got up and set out.
I wrote this once before and posted it, but took it down because I wasn't sure where to go with it. This is a plot I have played with so many times inside my head that is has fifteen different threads or directions it could go at any given point, which makes me always not sure if I'm doing it right.
Regardless, I do intend to take this somewhere.
The story I wrote, "Come and sleep", can be considered the prequel-prequel. It's of a different writing style and vein so it can be ignored or taken into account as wished.