A/N: Hi! Long time, no see. I've been working on this piece since April and I'm finally posting it here. This is a short, three chapter fic that explores themes of grief and loss. Let me know what you think and I look forward to hearing from you. I'll write more about my process at the end.

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts. However, I do hope to get my hands on a copy of KH3 in January.

Dearly Beloved

~ Aqua ~

Her blue eyes were bleary as she stepped out of bed and tucked her feet into navy slippers that could've belonged to a giant. With a heavy sigh she stood, and began her morning routine.

She made it to her bathroom with a practiced, unsteady gait. Her whole body sagged as she looked at her drained appearance. The dark circles under her eyes seemed to worsen with every passing day, and her skin had an unhealthy glow underneath the fluorescents. She robotically began to take care of her hygiene and appearance.

Today she chose to leave her blue tresses alone. Her hair was getting too long to style properly, anyway. She ran her fingers through some of the oily strands; they fell limp on the side of her head. She could only imagine how horrible her hair smelled. Perhaps she should go to the salon?

"I love your hair like that, it's so soft…"

She shook her head. She didn't feel like going outside today. Trudging back to her bedroom, she began to look for something suitable to wear. A different t-shirt. A different pair of leggings, maybe. She sniffed the pair she'd been wearing for a week. With a shrug, she began slipping them over her feet.

Next was breakfast. She wanted something simple. Her energy was as limited as her groceries. She could hardly remember the last time she went grocery shopping.

Aqua opened her refrigerator, blue eyes falling on the magnet on the freezer door. It was her and them, together, on their last successful mission. They were celebrating the news of - never mind.

Refocusing on the barren fridge shelves, she noticed the white carton hiding behind the jar of most likely expired mayonnaise. Eggs. She still had eggs. She glanced at the top of her fridge. And bread. Toast and eggs.

Once she'd prepared her meal, Aqua settled into her black couch cushions with her small plate. The only sound in her living room was her own chewing, but even that disappeared into the silence once she finished her meal. She paused, feeling the emptiness of her surroundings.

"What's left on my list?"

"Light, Aqua! Can't you live a little? Ditch the list."

"Yeah, it's more fun that way, Aqua! You can't plan everything."

Her only reaction to their familiar voices was a sad smile. If only she'd known how true Ven's words were, maybe she could've prepared better. She dared to glance at one of the picture frames she had lying face down on the mahogany bookshelf. The urge to look at their faces was irresistible. Perhaps she could just look at them once. For old time's sake.

She shuffled over to the bookshelf. The top shelf had once proudly housed a row of pictures, but now they were all lying face down, dust gathered on their stands. Aqua reached for the frame on the farthest left, and dared look at the image underneath its dirty glass.

It was of the three of them when they were younger. Master Eraqus had secretly taken this photo while they were having one of their famous, three-way arguments. Aqua was 12, tall, and a ball of awkward limbs. She was sitting away from them with her arms crossed tightly to her flat chest. Terra was 14, lanky, and still hadn't won the right to keep his brown hair long. He was red in the face, hands digging through his scalp. Ven was only 10, covered in dirt, and small for his age. He was a ball of fury, looking like a chihuahua attempting to take on a great dane. Aqua couldn't remember what the argument was about, but she knew the Master had ended it after he took the photo and forced them all to apologize.

She placed a hand on her heart. Her chest felt hollow underneath her calloused palm. If only they were here to reminisce with her.

"Terra looks like such a dweeb with that haircut!"

"Says the resident munchkin."

"Hey! I filled out eventually!"

Aqua shook the voices from her head and returned the frame to its place. She was compelled to grab the next one. She inhaled sharply, needles of pain shooting through her chest. She'd thought she'd hidden away all her wedding photos.

Terra looked so handsome in his tuxedo. His tanned face was glowing, and his deep, blue eyes were only for her as they shared their first dance as husband and wife. His strong arms were wrapped around her, muscles still apparent through the tuxedo jacket. He'd had such a hard time finding a tailor that could make something in his size.

She spied Ven and their Master seated at a table, watching with proud smiles. Ven's blonde hair still looked wind swept despite looking otherwise put-together in his dress clothes. Master Eraqus was sufficiently grayed, but still a picture of health, which is why it was such a shock when he-

Aqua slammed the photo back in its place. "I-I don't need this right now."

"Aqua, you don't need us anymore?"

She could perfectly picture Ven's frowning face, the pucker of his thin lips. "No, that's not what I meant!" Steeling herself, Aqua continued her painful stroll down memory lane.

She grabbed the last frame and flipped it over. Her throat tightened, and her eyes filled with tears. Aqua sunk to the floor, clutching the frame in her trembling fingers. Seeing them, the most precious people in her life, was too much. Looking at their innocent faces knowing what they would have to endure was too painful.

"No!" she cried, tears flooding her vision. "How could this have happened? How could I have been so weak?" Aqua glanced at the photo again and sobbed. She'd been powerless to stop fate. She hadn't been able to save them when they needed her the most. She raised the frame as if to throw it, but her arm suddenly froze.

Only your heart is hollow enough to be a demon's

"No-!" She couldn't get enough air. The room was spinning. The sound of her own laughter taunted her as she spiraled-

"Aqua, it's okay."

His strong hand was on her arm as he knelt beside her. She could feel his other arm snake around her waist as his brown head dropped to rest atop hers. The gentle sounds of his deep voice soothed her.

"Ssh. I'm here, Aqua. I'm here."

She took in a deep breath and shook her head. "They say you're not. That you're g-gone." She choked on the words as she spoke them.

Terra's hand squeezed her side. "Is anyone ever really gone?"

Aqua turned her head and fell into his warm gaze. His face was radiant as though surrounded by a light glow. He looked so real. Surely, he was there with her. Her shaky hand dropped the frame, allowing it to clatter across the wooden floor. She reached for his cheek. Surely, she would feel his skin, but her hand went through his image.

Her face twisted into a pained expression. "Terra, stay with me. Terra!"

Aqua leapt toward where his body had been and slammed against the wall. With a strangled cry, she slid further onto the floor, curling her legs into her chest.

"Terra…please…don't leave me here. Not like this."

She clamped her eyes shut, the oils from her face stinging. "Return to the present, Aqua. Come back," she whispered as she wrapped her arms around herself. "It's just your mind playing tricks on you."

Is there any point in continuing this fight?

Her eyes flashed open. Instead of her living room, Aqua was surrounded by a vast, rocky expanse. A canyon in the middle of an endless desert of cracked earth and decay. She shielded her eyes with her hand as a powerful sandstorm swept through. The force pushed her, and she stumbled against something on the ground. Aqua looked down and screamed.

Ven was lying at her feet, his limbs broken and twisted unnaturally. Sand was caked onto his dark armor as though he'd been there for ages. His lifeless, blue eyes were forever frozen in fear. His last expression so unlike his usual, overwhelming optimism.

"No, Ven, no."

Aqua dropped to his side, placing a hand atop his bloodied head. She used her other hand to touch his arm. He was cold as ice despite the sweltering heat of the world. His skin was ashen and appeared almost bleached.

Immediately, she set to heal him. Calling upon the magic that easily flowed through her, she conjured the most powerful cure spell she knew. Instead of feeling the light move through her fingers and into Ven's body, nothing happened. Aqua panicked. She searched her pockets for spare potions, but soon discovered her pouch was missing. Her desperation surged.

She began to shake him. "Ven, please…wake up…"

Suddenly, his head moved, and his glassy, vacant eyes turned to look right through her. "Let me go, Aqua…" came his hoarse whisper.

"I can't!" she cried, "I can't!"

Ven coughed, black blood spluttering out from his cracked lips. "But you have to, I'm already dead."

Before her eyes, his body withered and turned to dust. She tried to keep him in her hands, but the wind surged and blew him away.

"Ven! Terra!"

Aqua jolted awake, disturbing the thick layer of sweat covering her body. Her paranoid gaze searched her living room frantically. Somehow, she'd ended up on the floor next to her couch. The white plate she'd eaten breakfast off of was broken and scattered across floor.

Her eyes quickly flew to the bookshelf behind her. There was nothing on its shelves. She'd hidden those pictures long ago.

With a heavy sigh, she concluded, "Another nightmare."

Bang

She jumped, her heartbeat leaping with her. She couldn't stop herself from shaking as she stood. Her hand tensed around the Keyblade she'd unconsciously summoned, Rainfell.

Bang

Her instincts took over. She silently raced toward her back door, blade raised as she made her final approach. The back door flew open and Aqua charged, only to skid to a stop and run into her floral wallpaper at the familiar, feminine cry.

"Aqua, it's me!"

Aqua sighed and let her Keyblade disappear. "Kairi, I already warned you not to come through the back."

Kairi tucked a lock of red hair behind her ear and nervously smiled. "You didn't answer the door, so I thought something happened," she explained, keeping her indigo eyes on her tiny feet.

"I was asleep," Aqua answered a little too sharply, "…I'm sorry I worried you." She ran her fingers through her blue hair as Kairi continued to stand in the doorway. Realization struck her like lightning. Kairi had come for a visit.

"Oh! Please, come in. Sorry!" She quickly stepped aside and allowed Kairi into her narrow back hall. After carefully securing all the manual locks on the door, Aqua followed Kairi into the living room area.

"Would you like anything to drink? I still have some of that tea you like," Aqua offered as she hurried to her kitchen. She began filling her kettle with water despite Kairi's lack of answer. "It's the rose one, right?" She set the blue container on the stove and turned on the gas stovetop. "Kairi?"

Finally turning to look at the younger woman, Aqua grimaced. Kairi had been staring at the broken plate on the floor. There was an almost absent look in her unwavering gaze.

Aqua exhaled softly. "Kairi, it's not-"

"Tell me everything. What did you see?"

Aqua gulped. "It's really not-"

Kairi let her pink bag fall to the floor. "Don't tell me that!" she cried, whipping around to face her. Aqua nearly audibly gasped at the tears falling from her eyes. "You know I know better than anyone what you're going through. Don't shut me out."

Somehow, Aqua found herself smiling. She could never argue with Kairi when she was like this; she was like a raging tornado, capable of sweeping up everything in her line of sight. "All right," she relented, "But we'll talk with tea."

"I'll clean this up for you," Kairi offered quickly. Aqua didn't have time to decline her help. Kairi had already lowered to the floor with lightning speed and began picking up the larger pieces of the broken plate.

Knowing Kairi wouldn't accept her help, Aqua returned to making the tea. She pulled two polka dot mugs from the cabinet closest to her refrigerator, and then walked to the small pantry to pull out the box of rose chamomile tea.

Aqua hadn't cared much for tea until Kairi entered her life. There were many things that had changed about her since they met that day.

Aqua sat on her couch with her head in her hands. She was surrounded with books. Books sprawled on the floor. Books stacked on the coffee table. Books sitting on the couch cushions next to her. Each was opened to a page and several were heavily marked with bent corners.

"No, no, No! There must be a way!"

Pushing her bangs out of her face, she returned to furiously flipping through the pages of the tome currently in her lap. According to Master Yen Sid, this book contained every time spell known to mage-kind. Truthfully, she'd known it would be hard for Yen Sid to give her what she needed when she'd kept her intentions hidden. The powerful man would've strongly discouraged her if she'd told him her plans. Still, if this book didn't have what she was looking for…well, Aqua couldn't afford to wonder.

Her door bell suddenly rang, ripping her attention from the line she'd been reading. Barely suppressing a groan, she massaged between her eyes. She hadn't been expecting anyone. In fact, she hadn't been expecting anyone since Terra and Ven…left.

Keyblade in hand, she cautiously approached the door. She squinted through the peephole and was surprised to see a head of vibrant, red hair standing on the other side. The woman lifted her face as though sensing Aqua's gaze. Despite her fair, gentle complexion, there was a fire burning in her uniquely colored eyes. Her hands flew to her slender hips.

"I know you're in there!"

"I suppose I have no choice," Aqua muttered. She allowed her Keyblade to disappear and began undoing the locks of her front door. There were four, a magically enforced latch, and a protect spell she had to temporarily disable.

She cracked the green door open, just wide enough to reveal her sullen, unenthusiastic face. "Is there something I can help you with?"

The woman blinked, as though she was surprised Aqua had even opened the door. However, she was quick to wipe away her stupefied look, and replace it with a rehearsed smile.

"Hi, I'm Kairi," she announced with an overly cheery tone, "You are Ms. Ta-?"

"That's Mrs. Takahashi." The venom in her voice was chilling and she could tell Kairi felt it.

The younger woman shifted uncomfortably. "R-Right. Well, it is a pleasure to meet you." She bowed slightly before continuing, "I'm from the Destiny Islands peer group."

Aqua couldn't hide her disdain. She'd been ignoring their calls for as long as she could remember. The reason she'd moved to Destiny Islands was to have some peace and quiet. She did not want to be part of a war victims group. She didn't need peers. What she needed was to find a spell that could fix all of this and bring back the people she loved more than life itself.

"Um, you have heard of the group, right?" Kairi's voice rose an octave.

"Yes, I have," Aqua finally admitted, "But I don't want anything to do with it."

Kairi faltered momentarily. It almost looked as though she'd come prepared for a fight. Aqua couldn't help but wonder how much she knew about her. "I don't either," she confessed, face flushing, "But I think you're the only one who can help me. Please!" Kairi bowed again, this time deeper and with more desperation.

Aqua wrapped her arms around herself. She didn't know what she could say. There was a part of her that wanted to help, that wanted to do what she could for those in need. After all, without that inclination she wouldn't have become a Keyblade Master. But after losing them, she wasn't so sure she was capable of helping anyone.

"Come on, Aqua. Look at her. She hasn't budged." Ven was next to her with a grin on his face. "Have a heart!"

Terra's large hand covered her shoulder. "Master always said there were no coincidences. She's come to you for a reason."

Aqua groaned. "Okay! I'll hear you out. But I'm not promising anything."

Kairi jumped up, a true smile lighting her features. "Oh, thank you! You won't regret this!"

Somehow, Aqua was sure she would.

Aqua watched as Kairi stirred honey into her mug. She was on her third serving. The mask of concentration she wore betrayed the worry that she was feeling. As if sensing her gaze, Kairi lifted her eyes from the swirling, brown liquid. Her delicate emotions were written clearly in her irises.

"I know you want to say something," Aqua began, "So, go ahead. It's not going to break me."

Kairi frowned, removing the spoon from her cup. She watched the tea closely, seemingly frozen. "I'm scared you already are broken." Aqua inhaled sharply. "These…dreams that you have are so vivid. Sometimes you've said they even happen when you're awake, like Terra and Ven are actually with you. I worry that it's getting worse, Aqua." She paused, fingers clenching. "…Or that maybe I'm the one that's broken. Why can't I see Sora like you can see them?"

Aqua didn't have a response. She wasn't sure there was anything she could say to make Kairi feel better. Aqua had been haunted by Terra and Ven since the day they were lost to her. Everywhere she looked she could see them, feel them, and hear their voices. Before Kairi came into her life, they were her constant companions. Her only companions. It wasn't until Kairi questioned this that she even thought it was strange. Somehow, it seemed stranger to her that they wouldn't be there.

"I wish I could see him," Kairi whispered as she placed her mug on the glass coffee table, "I don't care what it would do to me. Seeing him again would be worth it."

"Kairi, these dreams I have aren't pleasant," Aqua argued, "They are painful and raw. It's like reliving the loss again and again."

Kairi held her head in her hands. "I know that. But I'm already in pain, Aqua. Every day I wake up and he's not there is like losing Sora again and again. Every day I visit Riku at the hospital, hoping he'll wake up is like losing him again." Her voice wavered. "H-He's getting worse, Aqua. The mages told me there's no point in preserving him when there's other people who could be saved. They said all the light magic in the world won't save Riku now."

"Kairi-"

"I can't lose him too!" Kairi cried, surrendering to the sobs that shook her slender frame. In her curled position, she looked smaller than Aqua had ever seen her. "I don't care about those other people. I just want Riku to open his eyes, no matter what it takes. "What's happening to me?"

Aqua set her cup down and flung her arms around Kairi as she sunk further. "I feel this darkness inside me, Aqua. It's tearing me apart! I wanted to hurt them for saying that. A-Am I like him? Am I becoming like Xehanort?"

"If you are, so am I."

Kairi shook her head with a sob. "But Sora didn't die for me so I could fall to darkness!"

Aqua held her as Kairi turned into her body and cried into her t-shirt. It pained Aqua to see her this way, but she knew no words of reassurance would help. After all, they'd never worked for her. What good was saying sorry when it wouldn't bring the one you loved back? No amount of apologies or well wishes were going to bring Terra and Ven back to life. No sympathetic words were going to revive Sora and Riku. There was no point in wasting her breath. Instead, she clutched Kairi as tightly as she could and sat with her pain.

Kairi had always done what she could to comfort her. It was only natural for Aqua to do the same in those few moments Kairi let herself fall apart in her presence.

Initially, Aqua wanted nothing to do with the woman seated on her floor with her nose in a book. However, Kairi had proven to be just what she needed. The wisdom of the Master's words never seemed to fade. Now, if only she could find the spell she needed to ensure that she could keep learning from him.

She flipped a few more pages before roughly shutting the red book in her hands. She dropped it atop the growing stack on her coffee table. Aqua had been looking through Yen Sid's books for much longer than she'd intended, and she hadn't gotten any closer to finding what she needed.

"This is hopeless," she surrendered, throwing her head back onto her couch, "I was foolish to think there would even be a time spell that powerful!"

She heard Kairi close her book and stand. Perhaps she was going to leave now that Aqua had given up. She was surprised when she felt the woman's fingers weaving through her dirty hair. The sensation was overwhelmingly soothing, especially for Aqua, who hadn't been touched by another human since Terra had kissed her on the battlefield.

"Did you ever think we're maybe looking in the wrong place?" Kairi asked quietly. As she massaged further into her scalp, Aqua felt her eyes flutter shut. She couldn't resist the warm tingles that were spreading across her scalp and numbing her worried mind. "Riku once told me the Light is too scared to go into the Darkness, and part of the reason for that is that the Darkness is willing to go to places that are considered taboo." Kairi's skilled fingers dug digger into her hair, drawing small circles near her temples. "I wonder if maybe we're just looking in the wrong place."

Aqua struggled to speak. "What are you suggesting?"

"You're a master, right? Know of any forbidden texts?" She shuddered as Kairi swept the bangs out of her face and tucked the longer hairs behind her ears. "I know we shouldn't test our luck, but…I'll bring Sora and Riku back no matter what it takes. I'm not afraid." She ran her fingers through Aqua's hair one more time before placing them on her tense shoulders. "What about you?"

"I have nothing to fear anymore," Aqua answered as she gathered her bearings again. Her eyes opened. Kairi was looking down upon her with that fierce look she'd had when she first came to her doorstep. Aqua could feel her own motivation returning. "The Master has a collection of books locked up in the Land of Departure that he instructed Terra and I to ensure no one ever opened. We can start there."

Kairi's nimble hands began rubbing into the Aqua's shoulder blades. The woman couldn't help but let out a moan as she sunk further into her couch. Kairi giggled as she applied more pressure.

"Sora used to like when I did this for him too," she explained, almost absently, "He'd get so many knots swinging his Keyblade around like gravity didn't affect him."

Aqua didn't fight the peace falling over her as Kairi continued to talk about things she used to do with Sora. She never got to meet Sora, but she felt she knew him through Kairi's stories. He reminded her of Ven. When the loss didn't hurt so much, she liked to imagine that the two of them would've been friends.

Her thoughts of Ven soon led to thoughts of Terra. When Kairi stopped talking, Aqua felt the need to fill the space between them. "Terra was the opposite," she shared, "All gravity. Heavy, hard-hitting swings. Sparing with him was like hitting a wall sometimes." She paused, daring herself to say more.

"I have him to thank for my agility. He kept me on my toes, and not just in training. We had a healthy rivalry when we were kids. He'd try to show me up and I'd try to out wit him. We drove the Master crazy with our antics."

Her grief re-punctured the wound in her heart. Aqua couldn't stop the sudden tears from flooding her vision. The thought that he could be gone forever was unbearable. She needed him. She needed him so much she couldn't stand it.

Kairi had hopped onto the couch, knocking books to the floor in her effort to comfort her. Her slender arms shot around Aqua and pulled her into her chest. Aqua couldn't resist her and even if she could, she wouldn't have.

Aqua gripped Kairi's lavender top, fingertips trembling against the soft fabric. She felt something drop onto her head and looked up. Kairi was crying too. "We'll get them back, right?" she found herself asking.

"Yes, we have to," Kairi breathed.

If only Aqua could've known how far from the truth that was.

Kairi eventually quieted as Aqua held her steady in her lap. Aqua peered down through Kairi's red bangs to see that her eyes were closed. She'd fallen asleep. Aqua sighed softly. She wished she could've spared Kairi all this pain.

As she watched Kairi's tear stained face, she was reminded of everything the woman had sacrificed for her. Aqua would never forget how she'd found her collapsed on the ground, body oozing darkness. She'd been forced to travel to Yen Sid and risk his life to save Kairi's. The powerful man had saved her, but Kairi would never be the same.

Yen Sid had explained that the younger woman had used the rest of the light in her heart to save Aqua. As a result, it was possible she would never know the Light again. Kairi never should've had to make that choice. She clutched her tighter, wishing the way her body fit against hers was comforting.

Aqua blamed herself for everything. If she had been quicker, she could've saved Ven from falling to his death. If she had been wiser, she could've seen what Xehanort was doing and stopped him from cornering Terra on the battlefield. If she had been stronger, she wouldn't have walked away from the war, and sent the younger generation to their deaths. Like Kairi's loved ones, Sora and Riku. They should've never been forced into this fight. She should've defeated Xehanort all those years ago herself.

"You can't blame yourself for everything, Aqua."

She turned to see Terra seated in the plaid, lounge chair to right of her couch. "Yes, I can," she answered, "My weakness caused all of this. I've failed as a Master…and as a wife."

Terra's face fell. The pain in his eyes hurt her heart. "No, Aqua. You couldn't be farther from the truth. You were all I ever dreamed."

Now she knew she was imagining him. "No, becoming a Keyblade Master was your dream."

He smiled sweetly, the way he always did when they argued like this. "No, you were always my dream. The only reason I wanted to be a Keyblade Master was to be by your side."

Aqua shut her eyes and turned away. "You're not real," she repeated to herself, "This isn't real." She felt something soft press against her temple. Aqua opened her eyes, but Terra was already gone.

She glanced down at Kairi again and frowned. "No, Kairi, you don't want this. It's better to leave the dead where they belong." The voice in her head echoed her thoughts.

Just let go of everything and fade into darkness