Hold Onto the Night
Songfic oneshot
Booth woke suddenly, completely disoriented. He was in a strange bed, in a strange room, and there was a naked woman…memories came crashing in and his arms tightened reflexively around her. She stirred and sighed in her sleep and Booth pressed a kiss to her forehead, even as his mind started calling him every name in the book: idiot, fool, twit…his breathing picked up as he remembered what they had done. Oh, God, what they'd done.
Just when I believed…I couldn't ever want for more
This ever changing world….pushes me through another door
I saw you smile and my mind could not erase the beauty of your face
Just for awhile won't you let me shelter you?
She'd been drop dead gorgeous, really, he'd never seen her look so…damn, who was he kidding? She was always beautiful, but last night he hadn't been able to take his eyes off her and she was in high spirits, smiling and laughing, hugging everyone—she hugged him twice—until he began to wonder if someone had slipped something into her drink.
Hold onto the night
Hold onto the memories
I wish that I could give you something more and I could be yours
And at the end of the evening, Angela had maneuvered him into driving Brennan home. The grin she gave him as they left made him wonder how long she had known…
How do we explain something that took us by surprise?
Promises in vain, love that is real but in disguise
What happens now? Do we break another rule, let our lovers play the fool?
I don't know how to stop feeling this way
He had walked her to her door, and she turned to tell him good night, the light falling just so, lighting up her beautiful eyes, and he knew he had to kiss her. Before he could talk himself out of it, his head dipped and his lips met the incredible softness of hers. His heart stopped at her stillness, then started back up double time as her lips parted on a sigh and she leaned into him, her arms stealing up around his neck. She felt so right, fit so perfectly and he suddenly felt complete.
Hold onto the night
Hold onto the memories
If only I could give you more
They made it to the bedroom and it was there that he finally heard the warnings that had been trying to be heard over the pounding of his heart. He paused, breathing like a marathoner, looking at her in the soft light from the hallway. Her hands were clutching the front of his shirt as though her sense of balance had deserted her, and her eyes, those lovely blue eyes, held a question. Pushing the doubts and questions and complications away, he pulled her close again and kissed her deeply. They made love like they had done it a hundred times before, but with a newness and wonder that made them smile with joy.
Well I think that I've been true to everybody else but me
And the way I feel about you makes my heart long to be free
Every time I look into your eyes, I'm helplessly aware
That the someone I've been searching for is right there
Placing another tender kiss on her forehead, he gently freed himself and rolled out of the bed. Groping for his clothes, he pulled them on as quietly as possible. He wouldn't leave without waking her, he just thought it would be easier if at least one of them was clothed. Because he had to leave. The dawn had come and it was time to face the fact that this couldn't work. A lump rose in his throat and he blinked back tears as the truth hit him full force. No matter how right it felt to be with her, no matter that he felt he'd finally found the one he'd been searching for all his life, there was no way for them to be together. He just hoped he didn't hurt her too badly when he told her.
Hold onto the night
Hold onto the memories
I wish that I could give you more
Hold onto the night
"Bones," he whispered. He perched his hip on the bed next to her but she didn't stir. "Temperance," he said a bit more loudly, reaching out to touch her shoulder. Big mistake. He marveled at the softness of her skin and he couldn't stop himself from stroking his hand down her arm. Her eyes popped open and she frowned.
"Booth? What…?" she began, confused. Then she flushed a bit and her eyes fell away and he knew she had just remembered. Everything they had done. Every kiss, every sigh, every whisper came crashing in and her wide eyes came back to lock with his.
"I—I have to go," he said softly, regretfully.
Pushing herself up in the bed, clutching the blankets to her chest, she stared at him. "Okay, yeah, I understand, I'm sure you have things…"
Booth fisted his hands on his knees, fighting the overwhelming need to hold her as he said the words that would break her heart. "Temperance, this can't ever…that is, we can't be…what I mean to say is this was a mistake," he said huskily, his eyes searching hers for understanding.
Her eyes flew wide and her mouth dropped open and all she could do was stare at him for a long moment. Then her pride asserted itself and her mouth snapped shut, her lips forming a thin line. "No, it wasn't," she said evenly. "Tell yourself whatever lies you need to in order to live with yourself, but don't expect me to believe them," she finished on a whisper.
"Listen, Bones," he began, making an abortive move to touch her. She jerked back and he sighed. That was what he wanted, wasn't it? He stood as she stared at him coldly. "It just wouldn't work," he said finally.
"Whatever," she said. "I never took you for a coward, Booth. I guess I didn't know you as well as I thought I did." As she turned her head away, he thought he saw tears, but he couldn't hear any trace of them in her voice. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get up. You can let yourself out."
Booth stood there another long agonizing moment, his certainty that this was the right thing to do suddenly deserting him. She'd called him a coward, something nobody else had ever called him before, and he wondered if she was right. Throat tight with tears, he picked up his suit jacket and turned to go. He glanced back once at the bedroom doorway. She hadn't moved and Booth felt his heart contract. She was hurt and he was afraid she'd never forgive him. Maybe he didn't deserve forgiveness. She had trusted him not to break her heart and he'd betrayed that trust.