Disclaimer: They're not mine, they already belong to each other. And to CBS, and Atlantis…but mostly to each other. The song belongs to Evanescence, and not to me as well.
Summary: Sinking…sinking, deeper and deeper…until there's no chance on survival anymore. Until there's nothing left but water. Cold, airless water. SongficCaRWash
A/N: This is for you hun. You know I mean you.
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Now I will tell you what I've done for you
Fifty thousand tears I've cried
Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me
…Going Under…
Sinking…sinking, deeper and deeper…until there's no chance on survival anymore. Until there's nothing left but water. Cold, airless water. Nothing that can help you, no one that can help you. All that's surrounding you is water. It's closing you in, like you're its victim, and it is planning on swallowing you whole, not leaving anything behind. You're sinking, all alone, deeper and deeper…
Don't want your hand this time
I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once
With a muffled scream she sat up, sweat running down her back. Again there was this threatening feeling, like someone was blocking her throat, suffocating her. She reassured herself that she was save in her own bedroom, and not in a sinking car. She could still feel her wet hair sticking to her face, her lungs begging for fresh air. But she kept telling everyone she was fine. Of course she did. She was Calleigh Duquesne…
Not tormented, daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reach the bottom
I dive again
She got out of bed. Trying to go back to sleep was no use. Sleep wouldn't come, and if it would, it was not alone. It would be together with the water. The cold, airless water. She walked down the steps, darkness surrounding her. It was different darkness than that morning though. This darkness was because there was no light on. The darkness of that morning, she thought would never disappear again. There would be darkness forever, nothing else, just total darkness…
I'm going under
Drowning you
I'm falling forever
She sat down on the couch. She didn't know what to do. What do you normally do when you get out of bed and can't sleep? Take a glass of water. Oh damn the irony. Water, when that's the one thing that's keeping you from sleeping. When all you could think about was water. Cold, airless water. Surrounding her like an invisible wall, a wall you can't see, but you know it's there. No, she didn't need water. She absolutely didn't need water. She needed…
You've got to break through
I'm going under
She noticed the light on her answering machine blinking. One side of her didn't want to listen to whoever left a message on her machine. The other side…what if it was important? What if she got called in? What if someone needed her help, desperately? But no, she was the one that needed help. She needed someone to tell her it was okay, or at least it would be. Everything would be okay. Curiosity got the best of her and she reached over, hitting the play-button.
Blurring and stirring the truth that comes out
So I don't know what's real and what's not
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
"Hey Cal, it's Ryan. You told me you were fine earlier, but I know you, and I know your eyes even better, and they told me you were lying. You don't have to, but if you want to talk, you know where to find me. Just give me a call, okay? Bye."
So I can't trust myself anymore
I dive again
I'm going under
Drowning you
A smile formed on her lips. He knew her so well…and if anyone could help her forget the nightmare and all things around it, it would be him. She picked up her phone and dialed his number. After five rings, he picked up.
I'm falling forever
You've got to break through
"God, Calleigh, do you have any idea what time it is? It's three in the morning!"
"Oh, Ryan, I am so sorry! I'm so sorry! I just got your message…"
"Shit, oh, wait, you wanted to talk?"
"I totally forgot the time. I'm sorry, go back to sleep, I'll see you tomorrow."
"No, no it's fine Cal. I'll be over in twenty. And I'm sorry for snapping."
"Are you sure?"
"For you, always. I'll be right there."
I'm…so go on and scream
Scream at me
I'm so far away
In sixteen, her doorbell rang. She opened the door, a blush on her cheeks. He smiled, and she let him in. He took off his coat, and hung it up, then placed a hand on her shoulder.
"I'm so sorry again, Ryan, I just wanted to talk to you, and I forgot what time it was."
"No problem. Let's sit down and then you can talk to me."
They sat down on the couch.
"It's…I had a nightmare. And I know it sounds ridiculous…"
"Of course not. I had nightmares too after the nail thing."
"You did?"
"For a while. But I'm here to talk about you."
I won't be broken again
I've got to breathe
"It's the feeling the nightmare gives me…like I'm…well, just…like I'm going to die.
I really thought I was going to die. The car would fill with water and I'd suffocate."
"But you didn't. You're still here."
"But what if I hadn't been able to get out of the car? What if…"
"Cal…don't 'what if'. You're okay."
"I know. The nightmare…I'm just scared."
"What are you afraid of?"
"Death."
I can't keep going under
"Death? You're a CSI and you're afraid of death."
"Crazy, huh? This accident made me realize…I don't want to die.
There's still so much I want to do."
"Like what? Name something."
"Fall in love. Get married. Have kids. Stupid things like that."
"What's stupid about that?"
"I don't seem like the kind of woman to want that, do I?"
"Yes you do. From the moment we met I knew you wanted that."
"You did? People always think I'm a woman that wants to be independent."
"You are. But you can be married and independent at the same time."
I dive again
"Well…in all the relationships I've had, I wasn't independent at all."
"That, no offence, is because you've never had a good relationship."
"That's…true. I'm just worthless in relations."
I'm going under
Drowning you
"This is the moment where you're supposed to tell me I'm not worthless."
"I know. But you already know you're not, so I don't have to tell you."
I'm falling forever
You've got to break though
"Thanks Ryan. I guess I just needed someone to tell me that."
"I always want to tell you that. But sometimes you need to find out yourself."
"Life's a challenge?"
"No, that's just a bunch of crap. But life's not always easy."
"I think having you around makes my life a whole lot easier."
"Good. Then I think I'll stick around for a while."
"Don't you ever leave me."
"I'm right here, and not planning on taking a flight to, say…Italy?"
I'm going under
"Good. Then I might be able to trust you."
"You can trust me, and you can always tell me anything.
Even at three in the morning."
"I'm sorry! But I'll keep that in mind. Thanks."
"What, no babe this time?"
"No. No babe this time."
"Hmm…I think I liked that. Had a ring to it."
"Really? Well then, why not.
Going under
"Thanks babe."
I'm going under