Title: Send in the Clowns
Pairing: Mick/Josef
Rating: NC17
Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: Josef seeks comfort from Mick after letting Sarah go for the final time.
Author's Notes: Written for LiveJournal's 20 established relationships comm (Prompt No. 8 - loss). Also written specially by request for Lexalicious70.
"How you doing?" Mick stood behind Josef's chair, and placed a steadying hand on his shoulder.
"I'm okay," Josef nodded, and then reached up to gently squeeze Mick's fingers. Reassurance accepted, and offered in kind. "You can go if you want."
Josef's gaze fell on Sarah stretched out before him. He cleared his throat, hurriedly wiped away a fresh flood of tears. Sarah's attendants had been there earlier; her hair had been set, fresh makeup applied. He'd helped with that, daubing brush strokes of colour across her lips, and eyelids.
Josef had wanted everything to be perfect, even the sheets had been changed to the finest satin money could buy.
He was letting Sarah go. "One last exquisite moment of her beauty before she's set free, that's all I need," he had said, when he'd asked Mick to accompany him.
"I can stay if you need me too."
Josef felt Mick's hand shifting to caress the side of his face then, leant into Mick's touch; pressed his cheek against Mick's palm.
"I'd like to be alone with her when the monitors are turned off."
"Sure," Mick nodded a quiet understanding as he stood helplessly by, and watched his friend's heart breaking, "Just let me know when."
"Give me a little longer; I want to remember her the way she was." Josef fixed his sight momentarily on the wall about two feet above where Sarah lay, and concentrated on his breathing, dampening the threat of more tears.
"Then maybe you should let her go."
Mick had hesitated before speaking those words, needed a moment to consider what he was about to say. He didn't want to sound callous, but they'd been sitting in almost silent vigil for twelve hours by then; it was nearing dawn. Josef had been talking about this for weeks, preparing himself for the inevitable. Mick knew how important it was for him, how much Josef felt he needed to close this chapter of his life once, and for all. Mick never underestimated the power of Josef's emotions, but if he faltered now, Mick doubted Josef would have the strength to go through this all again.
"I know." Josef drew a sharp breath, held it a moment, and then let go, his shoulders sagging with a mixture of sorrow, and relief.
Mick understood then; Josef had made his final call. He bent down, and kissed the top of Josef's head, drew him into a brief embrace, and then quietly left the room.
Outside the door Mick listened to the slow, steady blip of the machines that had kept Sarah alive for more than fifty years. He would miss her, almost felt as if he'd gotten to know her these past eight years. Josef's silent lover, the one he told all his secrets to. Others had come and gone, but Sarah had remained a constant in their lives.
The steady blip grew quieter, almost imperceptible even to immortal ears, and then stopped.
Mick bowed his head, said a silent prayer. And then Josef was standing in the doorway before him, looking pale and shaken, the colour almost completely drained from his visage.
"Mick," Josef managed two steps forward, before collapsing into Mick's arms. "Take me home."
"Sure thing buddy," Mick drew a steadying arm around Josef's shoulder, as he helped Josef along. "Anything you need. I'm here for you, you know that, okay?"
Josef managed to stand on his volition then, tossed his head skywards, and spluttered in fits of amusement.
"What's so funny?" Mick raised a curious eyebrow at Josef's sudden mirth.
"I was just wondering when you were going to break into a rendition of Kumbaya."
Josef took a moment to bring himself under control, still spluttering intermittently as they headed for Mick's car.
It was a brief respite from the pain. Josef spent most of the ride back to his place in silent contemplation, wrapped up once more in his own melancholy.
Fifty minutes later they were pulling into the driveway of Josef's Westchester home. Josef had purchased the property five years earlier, had spent most of his summer vacation there since then, citing a need to be closer to Sarah. Mick had joined him on occasion; Josef had seemed glad of the company, most times though he had insisted on travelling alone.
"We're here." Mick announced to no one in particular as he switched off the engine, and waited for Josef to respond.
Josef watched out the window of the car for a moment, steeped in thought.
"I wish you could understand what it's like for me to love someone, Mick," Josef closed his eyes, and rested his forehead against the pane of glass then, "to love someone so intently it feels like your heart is going to burst every time you're even in the same damn vicinity as they are. And to know they'll probably never love you the same way in return."
"I think I have some idea," Mick reached for Josef's hand, their fingers slowly entwining, "it isn't easy, I know."
Josef wanted to tell Mick he had no idea, was almost tempted to spit those words in Mick's face. Instead he turned to Mick, and lock focused his gaze with Mick's own.
"I need you to do something for me, Mick." Josef held tight, squeezed Mick's hand in his.
"Anything," Mick responded in earnest.
"I need you to spend the night with me."
"Sure," Mick nodded a quick agreement. And then he was pausing in his tracks, his mind screeching to a sudden halt as realisation dawned. "You don't mean separate beds; see you in time for supper, do you?"
"No," Josef shook his head, "I don't."
"Wow," Mick didn't know what else to say at that moment. His mind raced through a litany of answers. "Okay," eventually Mick settled on the only answer he knew he was going to give, "I said I was here for you, whatever you needed. If that's what you need then okay."
"I've never done this before you know." Josef was listening to Mick tell him then.
"And you think I have?"
Mick looked surprise, "I thought…"
"…I've played around," Josef interjected as he waved a dismissive hand through the air in front of him, "I've never actually gone all the way, not in over four hundred years, not with a man at least. Right now though I need to feel something inside me, I need that connection, Mick…"
…I need that connection to you.
"Okay."
Mick repeated his affirmation, tried to hide his increasing panic behind a confident tone of voice. Christ he had no idea what to do, how he was expected to perform. Maybe it was just like having sex with a woman, only in the back instead of the front. No, Mick mentally shook his head, surely it wasn't that easy.
"I need you to do something for me as well," Mick was telling Josef then.
"Sure."
"Just give me half an hour or so to prepare; I'll see you back here, alright."
Josef nodded his understanding, didn't bother to ask where Mick planned to go at this time of morning. And then he was undoing his seatbelt, and climbing out of the car.
Josef seemed more relaxed; some of the weight gone from his shoulders, Mick was glad of that much. He glanced out the back window of the car as he sped off into the early light, watching Josef's retreating form as it slowly turned to a shadow that flickered in the distance, and then disappeared altogether.
They'd passed a 24 hour sex shop on the way back to Josef's, Mick was sure of that much at least. He was headed there now. It was the one place he could think of, that would have answers.
"What can I do for you?" The man behind the counter greeted Mick's arrival with casual disinterest.
Mick turned up his collar, pulled his baseball cap further down over his eyes, "I need some advice."
"Oh yeah," The man paused to lick his thumb, using it turn the pages of a magazine he was reading. "What kind of advice."
The name on his shirt tag read 'Earl'. Mick leant across the service area, gestured for Earl to come closer, "It's a little embarrassing."
"Trust me buddy," Earl winked conspiratorially, "I've heard everything."
"My best friend just lost his partner, and now he needs me to have sex with him."
"Is that all?" Earl shook his head, and snorted a brief laugh, "come with me."
Mick followed Earl to a large display area on the left hand side the establishment.
"Right," Earl took a stick and began pointing to different objects on the shelves, and hanging from the wall above, "You'll probably need something to loosen him up a bit first, can't go in tight, it'll cause too much pain; especially if the bottom's nervous. Condoms and lube are a must also. I recommend you start off slow, whack one of these little suckers up there to begin with," Earl pointed to one of the smallest dildos on display, "then when you've got him warmed up, move onto something a little thicker. You wanna make sure you're both plenty horny before you actually start anything as well. Spend some time gettin' your groove on; don't just go jamming things up there."
Mick stared, wide eyed, and a little bewildered at the barrage of sights, and information flooding his mind. 'Everything you ever wanted to know about anal sex, and would probably never have asked'.
"Before I forget, you'll also want to aim for the Prostate," Earl was telling Mick then, "That's where the good stuff begins."
"And where do I find it exactly?" Mick wondered a moment if he ought to be taking notes.
"Turn left at Albuquerque," Earl chuckled at his own joke, and then gestured for Mick to follow him back to the counter. "Here, I'll draw you a diagram; take it with you if you like, make things nice and easy."
Mick watched as Earl took out a piece of paper, and began sketching something that looked like a very crudely drawn anatomical map, shading in different areas, and marking those he deemed most worthy of attention with a series of hastily scrawled arrows.
At that point Mick wasn't exactly sure if he was going to be having sex with Josef, or carving him up like a turkey roast.
"Right," Earl handed the finished product to Mick, "you got all that?"
"Yeah, I think so," Mick fumbled nervously in his jean's pocket for his wallet. And then he was laying a fist full of twenty dollar bills on the counter's glass table top. "I'll take one of everything you recommend."
"Assorted condoms, tub of Maximus lubricant, basic anal starter kit," Earl began calculating costs in his head, "I'll throw in a little something extra for you as well; make sure your friend has a real good time."
"Thank. I'm sure he'll appreciate it." Mick wasn't entirely sure that would be the case, decided to offer his gratitude anyway.
"That'll be one hundred twenty dollars fifty." Earl announced merrily then, pleased to be getting such an early sale, at this time of the day.
"Keep the change." Mick pushed his money on the counter towards Earl, and then gathered up his bag of merchandise, and headed straight for the exit.
Josef was already undressed, and waiting for him in bed, by the time Mick returned.
"You were gone for a while," Josef reclined against a sea of pillows, and watched as Mick began shedding his own clothing, "What's in the bag?"
"Supplies."
Naked then also, Mick dumped the bag's contents onto the mattress, and clambered onto the bed.
"Condoms?" Josef arched a bemused eyebrow as he inspected a multi-coloured assortment of prophylactics, "Mick, we're Vampires. I hardly think we need to worry about sexually transmitted diseases."
"Good point," Mick hastily gathered up the condoms and tossed them to one side, "Lube is good though, apparently."
"Maximus," Josef picked the tub of lube up from the bed, and turned it over in his hand, "A whole tub's worth. Great, you can turn me into a slip and slide. What are those?"
Josef pointed to the array of dildos then.
"They're for…" Mick hesitated, and then gestured with embarrassment, "You know, in case you wanted to go for a practice run first."
"A practice run," Josef arched a facetious eyebrow, and peered from beneath a hooded brow, "Mick, we're having sex, not lining up to go championship bob sledding. "
"Yeah, alright," Mick threw his hands up in frustration then, "Excuse me if I felt the need to try and make things a little special, considering the circumstances."
"I'm sorry, come here," Josef was shifting towards Mick then, moving into Mick's space, his arms drawn around Mick's shoulders, pulling him close. "I don't need all this, Mick; I just need you. "
Josef was pressing his lips against Mick's own then, kissing him. Mick arched into the sensation, deepening the kiss further.
"Wait, what's that." Josef had opened his eyes briefly during the kiss, noticed something out the corner of his eyes. Disengaging Mick from his embrace momentarily, Josef picked up the strange object before him. It was shaped like a series of continuously moulded beads.
"The guy in the sex shop threw it in as a bonus; apparently it's supposed to guarantee us a good night." Mick offered by way of explanation.
Josef flicked the object's on/off switch to on, and watched as it lit up like a Christmas tree. "It's like a Lava Lamp," he remarked in odd fascination as the object began to gyrate, "it's almost hypnotic."
A few seconds later Josef tossed the object aside with all the rest. Gyrating disco balls on a stick weren't exactly his idea of intimacy.
Josef was stretched out alongside Mick then, one leg hooked over Mick's thigh, his erection pressed against Mick's own.
Mick felt his chest reverberate as Josef kissed him, and then growled into his mouth. He had to admit being with Josef was turning him on far more than he expected. He returned Josef's kiss with equal fervour, his hands exploring planes, and angles of musculature.
Josef took hold of Mick's hand, shifted it onto his cock; covered Mick's hand with his own.
"That's it," Josef whispered encouragement in Mick's ear, as he guided Mick's initial movements, and began to thrust into the palm of Mick's open fist.
"Oh, Jesus," Mick groaned when Josef's own fingers curled around his shaft. "Wait, wait, stop," Mick placed a hand in the centre of Josef's chest, pushed him away, tried to catch a series of unnecessary breaths, forgetting for the moment that he didn't actually need to breathe. "I'm gonna come in about ten seconds flat if you keep that up."
"You're enjoying this then?" Josef smiled, placed a series of light kisses along the length of Mick's throat.
"Yeah, I am," Mick surprised himself with that admittance, "I don't think I've ever been in bed with anyone I've trusted as much as you before. It's different, in a good way."
"Good, I'm glad." Josef nodded his approval, and then reached for the tub of lube, grinning as he handed it to Mick. "Care to take me on that practice run you were talking about before then?"
"Okay," Mick swallowed nervously, unscrewed the lid of the lubricant, and waited until Josef had lain on his back, and drawn his knees up to his chest. Now they really were headed into unchartered waters, and everything the sex shop attendant had told him went flying straight out the window.
"Go in with your fingers first," Mick was listening to Josef instruct him them, "one at a time, and take it slowly."
"I thought you said you'd never done this before?" Mick dipped two fingers into the viscous substance in his hand, and then positioned one of them against Josef's hole.
"I haven't," Josef responded almost indignantly, and then groaned as Mick pressed forwards, gently penetrating his space with a single digit, "but I know plenty of others who have. I've listened to their exploits being told in graphic detail, for more than three centuries."
Mick curled his finger inside Josef's rectum then, began to beckon against a spot he had felt about a third of the way in.
"Oh fuck," Josef almost arched off the mattress, moaned with abandon. "Oh Jesus, do that again."
Mick repeated the motion, somewhat surprised at the initial response he had gotten. He withdrew slightly, and then added a second finger; watching as Josef reached down, and began fisting the length of his cock.
And then Josef was reaching for him, drawing an arm around Mick's neck, pulling Mick down towards him.
"I don't know how much more of this I can take." Josef issued a heated instruction then, his breath fanning hot against the side of Mick's face, "You need to fuck me, right now."
Mick hurried to comply, his own need weighing in on him.
"Take it easy, okay?" Josef waited until Mick had slicked his own cock with a hurried application of more lube, and then wrapped his legs around Mick's waist. He groaned as Mick began to press into him, concentrated on trying to breathe through the initial pain as Mick's cock slowly penetrated past tight rings of flesh, and muscle.
Mick was almost all the way inside him then; Josef instructed Mick to wait, took a moment to adjust to the feeling of Mick filling his space. And then he was baring his fangs, his eyes flashing to ice blue, and glowing feral in the dim rays of the morning sun that streaked through the shades on the bedroom window; as Mick carefully withdrew, only to plunge back into him.
Desperate for more than what Mick was giving, Josef's concerns about pain became a distant memory in the back of his mind. He dug his heels into Mick's buttocks, began to spur Mick on. He wanted Mick to go deeper, needed Mick to go faster; encouraged Mick to lose control, start pounding into him for all he was worth.
"You alright?" Mick paused mid-stroke, took a moment to place a tender kiss on Josef's forehead.
"Uh-huh," Josef whimpered, and bit down on his bottom lip hard enough to draw two pin prick droplets of blood.
Mick chased those droplets with his tongue, tasting crimson copper overlaid with the salted tang of perspiration.
And then it was all he could do to hang on; as Josef lost control, hooked his legs over Mick's shoulders, and began riding him hard from beneath.
"Oh Jesus, Mick," Josef clung to Mick's back, dug sharp fingers into muscular flesh as he clawed either side of Mick's spine, "Oh Jesus, you have no idea how long I've wanted to do this with you."
Mick didn't get a chance to respond, Josef was sailing over the edge then, sinking his fangs into the side of Mick's throat, and taking Mick along with him.
Mick collapsed wrung out, and exhausted in the aftermath, Josef letting Mick's weight fall on top of him.
They lay like that for a while, the two of them in silent repletion; Josef's hand absentmindedly stroking the back of Mick's neck, tendrils of Mick's hair curled around his fingers.
"What you said before," Mick was the first to break the quietude, withdrawing to lie alongside Josef, the fingers of one hand brushing a tender path across the line of Josef's jaw, "about loving someone so intently you think your heart is going to burst I mean…"
Josef gave an indicative nod of remembrance.
"…You weren't talking about Sarah, were you?"
"No." Josef's response was almost devastating in its simplicity. "Come with me," Josef was taking Mick by the hand, and climbing out of bed then, grabbing a blanket along the way, as he lead Mick out onto the third storey balcony. "Listen."
Josef gestured for Mick to sit next to him on the balcony's concrete surface, placed the blanket over their laps.
Mick concentrated on the sound he could hear in the distance, the sound growing louder, becoming clearer the more he listened. It was a woman's voice, soft, and lilting, singing an old Steven Sondheim standard.
"She sings every morning; always around the same time, always that same song. "
"Send in the clowns," Mick replied simply.
"Yes." Josef turned to Mick then, a hand gripping the back of Mick's neck, drawing Mick towards him, his forehead rested against Mick's own. "I let Sarah go for you, Mick."
"I know…"
Mick closed his eyes, nodded his understanding, concentrated on the words of the song they were both listening to.
Isn't it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air.
And then he was drawing his arms around Josef's shoulders, pulling Josef into an embrace, his lips pressed gently against Josef's ear.
"...We'd better make the most of it then, hadn't we?"