I don't own Batman or any of the Rogue's Gallery. Good thing, too, because I would totally loose them on my city.
I don't own Lai Lai, but I do work there. It's the best job ever. Of course, on a slow night, when my boss/cook type is making daiquiris out of sheer boredom, I have lots of time to think. That guy on the phone who ordered the Two Entree Special...I wonder what he looks like, face to face. The guy in the hat who complimented my hair...the belligerent red-haired vegetarian...that woman who made the quip about eating fried cats...the kid who comes in every Thursday night and stares at me...
Who are these people? Who are they really?
You may have guessed that most of this story is merely a fictionalized account of my actual job. But, hey...the Joker would be so disappointed in me for trying to explain.
Come In
You're going to laugh at me when I tell you this, but I moved to Gotham for the Chinese food. You see, I'm originally from a little town called Smallville. You wouldn't think a little farming community in the middle of nowhere would have any decent Chinese food, but less than a mile from my school was Panda Chinese Restaurant, with the best sesame chicken on earth. I used to hang out there after school, playing rummy with Rui, the owners' daughter, which wasn't always easy because she spoke very little English, and I spoke no Chinese.
Then, my senior year of high school, my dad got a job in Metropolis, so we just packed up and moved across the country. Boy, was I pissed. Not a decent General Tsao's chicken for miles around. (Dad says you can always judge a place by their General Tsao.) What's more, in the year I lived there, I never got a single glimpse of Superman, a major disappointment to all my friends back home. I did meet his girlfriend, the maniac reporter, whose partner was another Smallville native—small world. He's a real wimp, that Clark Kent, but a nice guy.
Well, my dad drove me over to Gotham one weekend to have a look at the GU campus. I hated it. The city was dark and dirty and ugly and it smelled funny, and no one looked happy to be there. I was feeling bratty and I wanted to go home to Smallville.
Then I heard a bell ring as someone opened a door, and someone called out, "Xie xie! Come again!" And mixed with the smutty industrial smell of Gotham City was the heavenly scent of General Tsao. I looked up and read the sign above the door: Lai Lai Chinese Restaurant.
It was a sign. Six months later, I not only lived on campus, but I worked at Lai Lai.
They were a little nervous about hiring me. It was the hair. I always wanted to cut it short and dye it some weird color, but in a town like Smallville, that Just Isn't Done. So I did it in Metropolis, and hardly anyone raised an eyebrow. Then in Gotham, suddenly everyone was staring at me. It took me an embarrassingly long time to figure out why Gothamites would be bothered by a tall, skinny girl with short green hair.
I came highly recommended by my old boss, though, so they decided to take a chance with me. I promised them they wouldn't regret it.
After I had worked there for about a month, one night I saw a bright purple limousine go flying past the door, followed by the Batmobile. Twenty seconds later, a mob of police cars streaked past, sirens blaring.
That was enough to convince me that Gotham had been a good choice.
A few minutes later, coming from the other direction, I saw an absurdly tall, thin, green-haired man in a purple zoot suit running down the sidewalk like—if you'll excuse the expression—a bat out of hell.
Something caught his leg and he tripped. As he fell, he happened to look in the window. He saw me, smiled, and waved.
Holy cow. The Joker waved at me.
Before he even hit the ground, a black shadow swirled over him, and then they were both gone.
The smegging Joker! The Joker waved at me! And I saw Batman!
Gotham was so much cooler than Metropolis.
I thought that was the most exciting thing that was going to happen to me.
And it was. Until three weeks later, when the Joker busted out of Arkham.
That's when the real fun began.