They're fighting a werewolf in Ashwaubenon when it happens. Dean goes down and Sam charges in and saves his ass, which happens more often than Dean will ever admit. Sam kneels down and rolls Dean over on his back and -- shit, it's not Dean.
It's a girl.
What. The. Fucking. Fuck?!
Sam looks around desperately but sees nothing that would help him understand why his brother is apparently now his sister.
This can't be good.
Sam tries not to panic--well, that's not entirely true. He tries to shift his thoughts more to the lines of why isn't Dean waking up and not how the fuck did Dean turn into a girl. He shakes Dean's shoulder and says, "Dean. Hey, wake up."
Dean's eyes flutter and she moans a little and it's a high-pitched, delicate sound that's strangely endearing. "Sam?" she says softly and frowns. "Why do I sound like a girl?" She props herself up on one elbow.
"I can't explain it, but you sort of...turned into a girl."
"What?" Her voice goes so high it's practically a squeak. She struggles to her feet and has to make a quick grab at her now too-big jeans to keep them from falling off. "Sam, what the fuck?" Her voice is pleading.
"I don't know," says Sam. "But we'll fix this. I promise. We'll go to Bobby's and--"
"No!" Dean shouts. "Not Bobby."
"Why not?" asks Sam.
"Just--just trust me on this one. We can't go to Bobby."
Sam sighs. "Fine, what do you suggest?"
Dean gets out his cell phone, dials it and hands it to Sam. A voice he doesn't place right away says, "This better be good."
It finally registers. "Jo?"
"Sam? What the hell do you want?" She doesn't sound happy, and Sam briefly wonders why she hasn't hung up on him already.
"We've got a problem," he says. "You--you kind of have to see it to believe it."
"What makes you think I'd want to help you?" she asks coldly.
"Something happened to Dean. Something bad." He's being deliberately vague, because there's nothing he can say to make this make sense, even to himself.
Jo sighs. "Fine. Where are you?"
"Green Bay."
"You driving up now?"
"Yeah."
She gives him her address and tells him to ring the buzzer twice. Then she hangs up and Sam briefly gives thanks that she talked to him at all. He wouldn't have blamed her if she didn't. She has more than enough reasons to hate his guts.
Sam hands Dean back her phone. "You sure about this?"
Dean shrugs and heads for the car.
xOxOxOx
Jo opens the door. Skipping over the pleasantries, she glances around and asks, "Where's Dean?"
Sam steps aside. Jo's jaw drops and she actually laughs for a second before clapping her hands over her mouth and saying, "Oh my God!"
Dean fidgets and looks down at the floor, honey-blonde hair falling over her eyes. "Shut up," she mumbles, but there's no malice. She's horribly embarrassed.
Jo manages to get herself under control. "Get in here," she says, moving aside to let them in. She goes to the kitchen counter and puts a pot of coffee on. Then she sits down at the kitchen table and says, "How the hell did this happen?"
Sam sits down across from her and says, "We don't know. I didn't see anything."
Dean throws herself down on the couch, crossing her arms over her now-ample chest. She doesn't look at either of them.
"Dean, I'm sorry," says Jo. "I shouldn't have laughed. I'm really sorry."
"It's okay," says Dean in a way that clearly indicates it isn't.
"The good news is, I think I know someone who can help you."
Dean's eyes light up. "Really?"
"My friend Autumn is a really powerful witch. If this is a spell, she can probably reverse it. If it's a curse, that might be a little harder."
"God, I hope it's not a fucking curse," says Dean, and the obscenity sounds completely absurd coming from that sweet soprano voice.
Jo gets up from the table. "Let me give her a call." She walks into another room, leaving the siblings alone.
Sam gives Dean a pointed look. "You gonna tell me now?" he asks.
"Tell you what?" says Dean.
"Why we're here? Why we couldn't call Bobby?"
"Do you have any idea what would happen if the wrong people found this out?"
Sam opens his mouth to say something, and then realizes that Dean is right. They have way too many enemies, and it would be very easy to take advantage of the situation, especially in these early hours. Sam sighs. "This is going to be complicated, isn't it?"
"Looks like," says Dean.
Jo emerges from the other room. "She needs to see you," she says. "She can do a ritual to determine what happened. But she's working some other stuff right now, so she can't do it until Thursday."
"That's three days from now! What am I supposed to do till then?"
"Well, first, I'd say you need something to wear. Stand up."
Dean does as she's told and Jo looks her up and down. "I think I have some old stuff of my mom's that might fit you," she says. "Come on."
Dean follows Jo into her room. Sam gets up and gets himself a cup of coffee. He'd rather it were a stiff drink, but he'll take what he can get.
Dean returns in a red v-neck sweater and black corduroy pants and it looks really cute on her. Jo's brushed her hair and braided it to keep it out of her face. She looks like the girls in that Gender in Twentieth-Century History class that Sam had to take sophomore year because the rest of the history electives were full.
Dean glares a warning at Sam. Sam holds up a hand. "Hey, man, I'm not saying anything."
"Better not."
Jo checks her watch. "I've got work in two hours," she says. "You guys want to hit the library or anything?"
"That's a good idea," says Sam. "What time are you off?"
"I'm not off till 12, but the library closes at 8. Luckily, my friend Amy has the extra key, and she lives right above the bar. Stop by later and I'll have it for you."
"Okay," says Sam. "Jo, we really appreciate this. Right, Dean?"
"Yeah," says Dean, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear. Sam wishes Dean would stop taking this thing so badly. Sure, it's annoying, but Dean's alive, and walking and talking; that right there means it's not as bad as it could be. Then again, Sam isn't the one with the breasts, so maybe he lacks perspective.
Jo gives them directions to the library and they head downtown to find it. They bury themselves in the research and don't say a word to each other for three hours. Dean goes off to get something from the printer and Sam catches her checking out the girl with the volunteer badge. Sam has to laugh to himself. That's the Dean he knows, and it's a relief to see that some things don't change.
Dean comes back with a sheaf of papers and sits down with a sigh. "This is hopeless," she whispers.
Sam sits back in his chair. "Yeah, I know."
Dean shakes her head. "We're getting nowhere."
"We need to call Bobby."
"We can't."
"Since when do we not trust Bobby, of all people?"
"Look, I don't want to talk about it, all right? Just let it go."
Sam sighs. He's been with Dean long enough to know when Dean's not going to cooperate.
"So what do we do now?"
"I say we go see if we can scam free drinks off Jo."
Sam grins. There's the Dean he knows and loves.
"Sounds like a plan."
xOxOxOx
The bar is fairly crowded when they arrive. The crowd is pretty well mixed--old and young, male and female. However, as Sam looks around, he notices that the genders don't seem to be mingling at all. Tables are either all men or all women. He also notices that the women mostly seem to have short hair and a larger-than-statistically-probable number of them are wearing the same baseball jersey. And then it hits him.
This is a gay bar.
Oh, dear God.
Sam looks over at Dean, trying to determine if Dean's come to the same realization that he has. If she has, she's hiding it well.
"Dean," Sam whispers loudly. Dean turns to him, an impatient look on her face.
"What's your problem?"
"Dean, look around. Notice anything weird?"
Dean glances around the bar. "It's a bar, Sam. We've been in worse."
"It's a gay bar."
"What?" There's that squeak again. It's kind of adorable, in a way Sam tries very hard not to acknowledge.
Dean doesn't say anything for a minute, and then a smile slowly spreads across her face. "Yeah, well, I belong here. What's your excuse?"
Sam just shakes his head.
Dean sidles up to the bar and is just tall enough to lean her tits on it, and Sam tells himself that he's not looking at his sister's tits for any particular reason. No, it's just because they're a novelty.
Jo catches Dean's eye and smiles at her. "What are you having?" she asks.
"Just because I happen to be a girl doesn't mean I'm going to start drinking like one," says Dean. "Jack and Coke, and make it a double."
"Coming up," Jo replies. She looks to Sam. "Anything for you?"
"Not right now," says Sam. He takes a seat and waits for Jo to serve Dean. Then he catches her arm and hisses, "Why didn't you tell us?"
"Tell you what?" asks Jo, the picture of innocence.
"That this is...you know..."
Jo laughs. "Don't get all uptight on me. You're way too enlightened for that, college boy."
Sam frowns and can't think of anything to say that won't get him in more trouble. "I'm just saying, you could have mentioned it."
"What, are you afraid some leather daddy's going to try to make you his butt buddy?" Jo says, and Dean nearly snorts Jack and Coke out her nose.
"No," says Sam, shooting for indignant but not quite pulling it off. "It's not that, it's just..."
Sam is saved by the arrival of a short girl with spiky, Crayola-red hair. She timidly slides up to the bar beside Dean and smiles at her. "Can I buy you a drink?"
"No, Amelia, you can't," says Jo.
"Why not?" asks Amelia.
"Because you're a really sweet girl, and she's an asshole," she replies, gesturing at Dean.
"Hey!" Dean clearly disagrees.
"You know it's true," retorts Jo.
Dean looks like she wants to argue, but changes her mind. "Yeah, I guess."
Amelia looks at Dean appraisingly. "She looks harmless enough," she says, and Dean just grins.
Jo holds up her hands. "I take no responsibility for your broken heart," she informs Amelia. She hands Dean another drink and shoos them away. Dean follows Amelia to a table in the corner. Sam watches them go.
Jo sighs. "That is truly tragic," she says.
"What?"
"Amelia is incredibly sweet, and trusting, and painfully shy. And Dean is...well, you know."
Sam looks at the tiny redhead, who's giggling and playing with something in her pocket. "Yeah, that's not going to go well."
"On the up side, at least you won't be sleeping on the floor tonight," says Jo.
"Well, there's that," says Sam. He smiles halfheartedly at Jo.
"Don't worry about Dean," says Jo.
"What makes you think I'm worried?"
"You always worry about Dean. Trust me, she's perfectly safe with Amelia."
"That's not really what I'm worried about."
"I know. But Sam, it's really none of your business."
Sam sighs. "It's just--I feel like our roles got switched. I feel like I have to protect her."
"That's understandable, but you know she'd kick your ass for that."
"Yeah." Sam looks up and sees a beer on the bar in front of him. He smiles his thanks at Jo.
"Dean can look out for herself. You'll see."
Sam nods and takes a drink. He hears Dean laugh and turns to see her behind him, heading for the bar.
"Hey, Sam, Amelia's taking me back to her place. You can make it back to Jo's on your own, right?"
"Sure. No problem. Have fun."
Dean leans in close. "I love shy girls. They're always the kinkiest," she whispers. She winks at Sam and leaves.
Sam rolls his eyes and sighs dramatically. "I did not sign up for this."
xOxOxOx
Thursday arrives, and they head out to the suburbs to Autumn's house. She lives in a small red-brick house at the end of a twisting tree-lined street.
Autumn lets them inside, and they go downstairs into the basement. Sam's not sure what he was expecting, but it's certainly not what he's seeing now. For one thing, it's painted robin's-egg blue with unicorn, dolphin, and faerie posters everywhere. There's a tall slate fountain gurgling quietly in one corner and a rubber-tree plant in another. On the north wall, under the window, is a large altar covered in a shimmering red cloth. There's a round slate table in the middle of the room with two barstools underneath it. On the south wall is an ornate faux-oriental tapestry in various shades of blue and green. It's not as solemn as a sacred space should be. Hell, it looks like a dorm room.
Autumn points Jo and Sam to an overstuffed couch and seats Dean at the slate table. She lifts the tapestry to reveal a door underneath. She returns with a big plastic bin, from which she retrieves several magickal supplies. First is a cast-iron cauldron with a pentacle carved into the side. Next is a concave mirror. She sets both of those in the center of the table. She grabs some jars and cobalt glass bottles and sets those around the edge of the table.
She lifts the red altar cloth to reveal that the altar is actually an old writing desk. She reaches into a desk drawer and pulls out a slender knife, a silver ladle and a wooden spoon. She lays those carefully out on the slate table next to the cauldron. Then she picks up her wand from the top of the altar.
Autumn walks around to the north side of the slate table and holds the wand with the crystal point facing downward. She murmurs an incantation and Sam can see the air shimmer like a heat haze where the magick circle is forming. She closes the circle and sits down across the table from Dean.
She pours what Sam assumes is holy water into the cauldron. She mixes some herbs and other liquids with the wooden spoon. Then she hands the knife to Dean. She doesn't even have to tell Dean what she needs. Dean draws the knife across the palm of her hand and gives the knife back to Autumn. Autumn mixes the blood into the cauldron. She says a short incantation and then ladles a bit of the mixture into the scrying mirror. She waves her wand over the mirror and whispers something. She looks intently into the mirror for about three minutes.
"It's a spell," she says, breaking the silence. "Pretty powerful, too. Simple reversals or banishments won't work. I'll have to design a ritual from scratch. But I won't be able to work it until the next full moon."
"But that's a month from now!" Dean shrieks. "What the hell am I supposed to do until then?"
"I suggest you use the time to gain a little insight," says Autumn. Sam knows that being inside the magick circle is the only thing keeping Dean from kicking her ass.
Autumn dispels the magick circle and Dean shoves her stool away from the table. She looks furious, and Sam can't say he blames her.
The ride back to Jo's is silent and tense. Sam occasionally glances over at Dean in the driver's seat, and she's visibly sulking. Both Sam and Jo are wise enough to leave her alone.
Jo has to work that night. She invites Dean to the bar, but Dean turns her down. Sam's glad, even though it means that he has to put up with her grumpiness. Sam knows they need to talk, but he also knows that Dean is going to bite his head off the second he opens his mouth. So Sam bides his time and messes around with his laptop, which is plugged into Jo's phone line.
It's about an hour later when Dean finally speaks. "You want to go get something to eat?"
"Sure," Sam says. There's a Chinese restaurant within walking distance. They leave the apartment and head down the street.
Sam decides to speak up, since he figures Dean can't kill him in public. "Now what, Dean?"
Dean sighs and runs a hand through her hair. "I have no idea."
"Are we staying here?"
"I think that's the safest thing to do."
"We don't have to."
"I want to," says Dean, and Sam really wants to press her but knows that she'll just shut him down.
Sam shakes his head. "I don't get you."
"What?"
"Why are we even here? Why was Jo the first person you thought of? Why are you so insistent on staying here even though--"
"Sam!" Sam knows he's gone too far, but again, they're in public, so Dean can't hurt him.
"Dean, it doesn't make sense."
"And it won't, to you."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means, I have my reasons, and I'm still the big brother despite all appearances to the contrary, so what I say goes."
"That's not good enough, Dean!"
"Well it has to be!" Dean walks faster, leaving Sam behind. Sam hurries to catch up and grabs Dean's arm to stop her. She whirls around, her long hair brushing his arm.
"Get off me," Dean growls, only it comes out sounding petulant rather than aggressive. The sweet feminine voice just isn't threatening.
"Dean, please, talk to me."
"I might be in a chick's body, but I'm not a fucking chick and I'm not having an Oprah moment with you!" Dean yanks her arm away and Sam is knocked a little off-balance.
"Would you stop? You're making a scene," says Sam.
"Are you all right?" comes a voice from behind them. A businesslike man in a trenchcoat and hat looks worriedly at Dean. "Is he bothering you?"
"No, everything's fine," Dean says sweetly, and Sam wonders where the hell she learned to bat her eyelashes like that. "But thanks for your concern."
The man tips his hat and walks away. Dean glares at Sam. "You better watch yourself," she says.
"It's your fault!"
"Good luck convincing a cop of that."
Sam sighs, exasperated. "Are we getting food or what?"
They go to the restaurant and decide to get the food to go. When they get back to the apartment, Dean goes into Jo's bedroom and slams the door. Sam lets her go. It gives him time to figure out his next move.
If he has a next move.