I placed my hand down on to the couch, sighing, realizing what was to come. His hand was so close to mine. I didn't dare reach for it…As much as I wanted to. I didn't want to impose myself. I didn't want to seem desperate…
Twenty-four long months…
You'd think I'd have said something by now. Twenty-four months. In twenty-four hours…In twenty-four hours…
We'll be gone.
Just a memory.
"I love you." I said.
He looked at me with a slight sneer.
It took twenty-four months to say that.
And here he is. Still not saying it.
Knowing him…he won't.
And he never will.
I'm going to die today.
Without ever hearing those words returned.
Dammit.
His hand ran along my stomach. He climbed over into the passenger seat with me. He began to bury his head into my chest. He was swearing, cussing and cursing the name of everyone in the world.
Even me.
I should have expected it.
He's damning me.
Of course he is.
He always did that when he was scared.
But he'd never admit he was scared.
But I know it.
"Swallow your pride." I said, pushing him away. "Say it."
He ignored me. Of course he did.
Stubborn jackass.
There's two things in the world he'll never say.
"I'm scared" and "I love you."
He won't say that he's scared because he loves someone.
And he won't love someone because he's scared.
It's always been this way…
For these long twenty-four months.
Tomorrow.
I always wanted to go to a shooting range.
I'm glad I never went.
I know what it's like to be the target though.
One after another.
Bullet after bullet pierced through me.
No pain in my body.
Just pain in my heart.
He never said it.
Not even before death.
And not even on the date of being together for two years…
January 26th…2010.