In Which Myths Aren't Just Myths Anymore In Which Zeus Will Strike You, a greek mythology fanfic

In Which Myths Aren't Just Myths Anymore

Disclaimer: I don't own the Greek myths because if I did then I would be very old now wouldn't I?

The jobs of the Olympians are as follows:

Zeus: Weatherman

Hera: Marriage Counselor

Artemis: Forest Ranger

Athena: Self Defense teacher and women's rights advocate

Apollo: Coach for football and professional ballet dancer

Hades: Owner of the club 'Underworld'

Dionysus: Professional Party Go-er and/or pain in Apollo's ass

Demeter: Florist with a violent side i.e beware her garden shears

Persephone: Works with Demeter and bored with her life

Hestia: Midwife

Poseidon: Disney Cruise ship captain

Ares: Professional boxer and leader of historic tours

Aphrodite: Love Advice Columnist

Eros: Works with Aphrodite but is too busy canoodling with Psyche most of the time

Hermes: Mailman

Hephaestus: Blacksmith

Zeus: Weatherman

I...don't even know!

Chapter One: In which Zeus Lets No One Disrespect the Beard (Or Him)

Zeus was currently plagued with the biggest headache of his immortal life. Of course, this wasn't counting the time Athena decided to spring out of his head but still, the pain was really close to that.

This time however the headache wasn't caused by one irate daughter but by the utter imbeciles sitting behind their desks trying to tell him how to do his job.

"It's not like we don't like your beard, really," Stevens, the executive producer of channel 02 was telling him. "It's just that the ratings are going down because of it. It kind of…well…."

"I've had this beard for millennia's," Zeus hissed back because really, the beard was a part of him. They might as well have told him to rip out his own heart instead of cutting off his distinguished facial hair.

So used to Zeus' claims at being immortal, Stevens didn't even blink. "Look it's not about how long you've had it or whatever, it's about the fact that it really isn't that pleasurable to look at."

"It's scholarly!" Zeus snapped, feeling a thunder cloud start to form somewhere in the skies above the studio. "Besides you don't pay me nearly enough to consider doing such a drastic thing. If I have to cut it I'll need gold to show for it."

"….Gold?" Mike, the sound-tech, said rather weakly.

Stevens had the gall to actually roll his eyes. "I am not giving you a raise for this," he told him matter of factly, "Not when that thing is an eyesore. I'd be doing everyone a favor. I mean no offense Zeus, but it makes you look like a homeless man, and homeless men certainly do not belong at channel 02 news."

"A homeless man?" Zeus exclaimed, thunderous. "At least I don't look like a castrated man! Your muscle mass is laughable and I could smite you with my thumb mortal!"

"Um Stevens?" Mike meekly spoke up once Zeus paused for breath. "You shouldn't have set him off again."

"Oh god damn it," Stevens growled, "Whatever, just—whatever. Get out there Zeus they're about to go to the weather. We'll discuss this later."

"There is nothing to discuss!" Zeus thundered, "And I knew you would walk away you weak livered—"

"And we're on in 5—"

"—Crevice of my sandal, the oracle will say your demise—"

"4—"

"—eat you in my Wheaties—"

"3—"

"—Cerberus needs a snack—"

"2—"

"—eunuch and use your testicles as—"

"1-!"

"—disgusting—Oh yes, right, ahem. Residents of the lower northern region are expected to receive rain much later today, estimating to be about 2 inches high by the time it stops. A cold front will be moving in later tonight, making the temperature drop to around 45 degrees. Tomorrow there will be windy gusts and a large thunderstorm—"

From behind the camera, Mike looked to the cameraman, Alex, in confusion. There was nothing in the reports to indicate a thunderstorm of any kind. To the right of them Stevens looked pissed.

"What the hell is he doing?" he hissed, "Messing up the weather report—"

"—and this thunderstorm will also be seen later today, probably, in the vicinity of this studio, actually. Zeus asks those viewing me right now to tell Stevens, our executive producer that this beard does look dashing and no one can deny it—"

"Cut the camera off! My god this is a disaster—"

As Alex fumbled to cut off the transmission and send the feed back over to the main reporters, there was a large crack somewhere above everyone's heads, and Zeus was wearing a victorious grin as the apoplectic Stevens promptly was heard screaming like a little girl off camera before a large light filled the lens, followed by hushed silence.

"That was for my beard, mortal. And to everyone watching I warned you—beware of those lightning storms," Zeus gravely told the camera as the lightning struck Stevens started to sob.

Zeus headache started to feel a little better as the camera went off.

I don't even know, really. Sorry if it wasn't that funny to you, but just the image of Zeus doing weather of all things got to me...

Thanks for reading!