A/N: Man, I suck at crossposting... Anyway! I wrote this last year for Eddy Appreciation Week on Tumblr. This ended up being prooobably my favorite fic from that week, not least because it was something of a birthday present to myself. I'd been wanting to write KevEddy and this particular scenario had been in my head for ages by then. It ended up a lot longer than I expected it to be, but it was a lot of fun to write. Shout-out to Gravity Falls for providing the gag that made me think of it. Enjoy!
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Eddward had been minding his own business, collecting from his locker the books he would need that night, when he heard the low pssst. A glance around showed no one paying him any mind, so he shrugged, fastened his bag and shut his locker. A second, louder pssst sounded, but another look around still showed nothing. Suspicious now, he carefully made his way down the hall. It had just occurred to him that he hadn't seen a hair of Ed or Eddy since the final bell rang when he was grabbed around the middle and pulled unceremoniously behind a trash can and against a familiar chest. Right, of course, he should have known that trash can didn't belong there.
"Hi, Double Dee!" was stage whispered against one ear.
"Ed? What on Ear–thmph!"
A hand was pressed over his mouth and a wet shhh was hissed in his other ear. He twisted in Ed's hold and caught sight of Eddy out the corner of his eye a moment before the hand on his mouth was pulled away.
"Eddy?" he whispered. "Why–" He was treated to that hand back over his mouth and another shhh, about five decibels louder than his own question had been. He rolled his eyes and Eddy pulled the hand away again. Rather than try again to ask what was happening, he waited for Eddy to explain himself.
It was a longer wait than anticipated. Eddy peered around the trash can they were all huddled behind, then waved a hand at Ed. Without releasing Eddward, Ed obediently grabbed the trash can by a handle and pulled it along to cover their creep down the hall. If a trash can seemingly moving under its own power could be said to be covering anything. No one was paying them any mind, anyway, as far as Eddward could tell; he supposed everyone was used to them by now.
They soon reached the corner, which Eddy peeked around before quickly ducking back and flattening himself against the wall. He was practically vibrating with nervous energy, face going through a range of expressions too fast for Eddward to identify them. He held up a finger in a demand for silence (Eddward couldn't help but notice it was shaking) and then crooked it to beckon Ed and Eddward both forward. As one (less out of true synergy and more because Eddward was still plastered to Ed's chest), they leaned forward and all three of them this time peeked around the corner.
The hall was mostly empty by then, but Kevin and Nazz could be seen talking and laughing in front of Kevin's locker. Kevin turned to open it and Nazz caught sight of the three of them; after a glance confirmed Kevin was busy with his lock, she flashed a thumbs up and then pointedly turned back to Kevin, her grin so wide it looked almost painful.
Eddy all but threw himself backwards into the other two, pressing them back around the corner. His grin put Nazz's to shame and he whuffed out a short, nervous laugh; Ed had also started up on a chuckle. Whatever was happening, they were both in on it.
"Eddy," Eddward said, using his most hated lecturing tone. He dodged the hand that Eddy tried to slap again over his mouth. "I have homework, and you're holding me up to witness some puerile prank on Kevin?"
Ed's chuckling took a distinctly giggly bent and he pressed his face into Eddward's hat like he was trying to hide it. Eddy sent him a glare, face going an odd dark pink, and then turned back to Eddward to defend himself.
"How on Earth did you convince Nazz to get involved?" Eddward wondered aloud before he could say anything, wriggling to free himself. "I thought she was as annoyed by last month's prank war as–"
"It ain't a prank, smart guy," Eddy insisted with great dignity. He twitched and threw a glance over his shoulder toward the corner; from the sound of things, Kevin was struggling with his lock. "I just, y'know…"
Eddward, finally freed, dusted himself off and adjusted his tie, fixing Eddy with a look.
"I do not, in fact, know, Eddy," he said, still with that hated tone. "As you're so fond of pointing out when I fail to follow your convoluted logic, I don't know everything. I won't know what you've set into motion until you've told me or it happens." When Eddy just grumbled and fidgeted and avoided his eye, Eddward crossed his arms and added, "Whichever comes first."
Eddy hunched his shoulders and looked around like a hunted animal. He looked ready to bolt for a moment, before straightening himself up to what little amounted to his full height and crossing his own arms in turn. Ed was now burying his giggles behind his own hands.
"I just left him a note is all," Eddy finally blurted out, earning a happy squeal from Ed. Eddy reached around Eddward to smack Ed in the shoulder and growl, "Shut up, Ed."
"A note?" Eddward repeated, at a loss. If it wasn't a prank, what kind of note could Eddy mean?
"Yeah, y'know," Eddy said, making nonsense gestures in the air. "A note."
Eddward stared, still confused. Ed was stuffing his fingers in his mouth to stifle his giggles by this point, and Eddy was looking more irritated by the moment. He opened his mouth to say something– and Eddward swore that if it was just the words, "a note," he was going to march around the corner and warn Kevin something was up– but choked himself off when a loud, "Finally!" drifted around the corner.
All at once, Eddward was the filling of an Eds sandwich as Ed lunged forward, pressing Eddward against Eddy's back as they all leaned around the corner again. A moment later, a telescope he suspected had probably come from within the depths of Ed's jacket was pressed to his eye and focused with impressive accuracy onto Kevin's locker– more precisely, the scrap of notebook paper he was pulling out of it.
"Oh, wow," Nazz exclaimed at the sight of it, too excited to be innocent. "Oh, my gosh, what is that you've got there?"
The paper was headed, Do You Like Eddy? Check One:
"A note," Eddy did indeed say again, leaning back at an awkward angle so that he could whisper right up against Eddward's ear, eyes glued on Kevin.
"Honestly, Eddy?" Eddward asked, though he felt himself loosening up and warming, endeared by Eddy's antics. "You couldn't just talk to him?"
"Talking's a sucker's game," Eddy said, sounding just a little breathless. Pressed together as their faces were, Eddward could feel him blush. "A note lets you take extra measures."
Eddward was almost afraid to ask– as it turned out, he didn't have to. With even more mind-boggling accuracy, Eddy tipped the telescope to focus on the paper in its entirety. It read as follows:
Do You Like Eddy? Check One:
YES
DEFINITELY
ABSOLUTELY!
Eddward stared a moment, then strained his neck to pull free of the telescope and stare at Eddy with all of his credible incredulity on display. Though red in the face and sweating, Eddy looked nothing short of pleased with himself.
"I rigged it," he declared, sounding almost giddy.
Eddward had just opened his mouth to respond– though what he was going to say in response to that, he had no idea– when movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention. He looked down the hall and saw Kevin looking back at him.
"I– um– Eddy?"
Eddy followed his line of sight. Eddward knew when he'd caught Kevin's gaze because he froze like a deer in headlights. For a moment, everything was still and silent. They all three stared at Kevin and he stared back. Eddward was vaguely aware of Nazz looking on in concern and exasperation. Though it was improbable at best, Eddward thought he heard a hawk call.
Then Eddy exploded into movement, flailing and shouting, "Ed! Invasive maneuvers!"
"Eddy, you mean evasi-iiiiiive!"
Quite without warning, Eddward found himself under Ed's arm, stuffed within the confines of Ed's jacket and sharing the minuscule space with Eddy. Ed was running at high speed in what felt like a highly circuitous route, shouting out a variety of traffic sounds and warnings despite the relatively barren hallways. Eddy called encouragement, making Eddward's ears ring from the combined volume and close quarters.
"Attaboy, lumpy!" Eddy shouted with a desperate edge to his voice. "Go, go, go!"
After what felt like much longer than it probably was, Eddward was aware of them bursting through a door and down a short flight of steps. His dizzied mind threw up a red flag, one he saw was well-earned when he was finally freed from Ed's jacket.
They were standing outside the front door of the school. There was almost no one else around, everyone either having met up with whatever after school groups they were part of or gone home. Holding his arms out a bit to steady himself, glad he'd kept his grip on his school bag despite the rough handling, Eddward frowned out at the nearly deserted grounds before settling the look on Eddy.
"Good job, Ed," Eddy said, oblivious to the look or else just ignoring it (probably the latter). "We lost him."
"Lost him?" Eddward demanded. "Have you lost your senses? Don't answer that," he added quickly, which got him a curled lip and an eye roll. "We ran through what felt like the entire first floor of the school only to end up less than thirty feet from Kevin's locker."
Eddy glanced at the door, seemed to consider this, then took two big steps away from the school's entrance before cocking an eyebrow at Eddward as if to say, "Better?"
Eddward opened his mouth, then just sighed what felt like all the air from his lungs. He said, "Furthermore, we live in the same cul-de-sac as Kevin. Even if we didn't, I fail to see how your 'invasive maneuvers' solve the issue of your ill-conceived note."
Eddy waved off Eddward's concerns like so much stink in the air and said, "Yeesh, whaddaya take me for? I didn't sign the note."
"Oh, come on, man! You can't really believe Kevin would suspect anyone else of–"
"Look, I got Nazz to cover for me, right?" Eddy interrupted. He was looking distinctly mulish, even for him. In fact, he almost looked a stubborn twelve-year-old again, full of feelings he wouldn't admit to having. He shoved his hands deep in his pockets and stared at the ground, practically muttering when he said, "So just keep your mouth shut, and what does he know?"
Eddward felt all the fight go out of him. How could he stay angry with Eddy when Eddy looked like this? If it helped him to pretend that the note being nominally anonymous and Ed's run through the hallways was enough to shield him from the repercussions of his (legitimately harmless) actions, Eddward wasn't going to be the one to draw attention to the logic behind the curtain. He was about to assure Eddy of his commitment to silence on the matter when Ed broke the quiet spell that had fallen among them.
"Hi, Kevin!" he greeted, obliviously cheerful, waving despite Kevin suddenly being right beside them.
Kevin was straddling his bike, feet on the ground, leaning his elbows on the handlebars. His stare was almost bored, though it seemed tense at the edges. Nazz was right behind him on her roller skates, looking helpless. There was a moment that it looked like Eddy might run away before he dredged up what might just be every drop of false bravado he had at his disposal, slapping on a grin and casually-not-so-casually backing away from Kevin. Eddward found himself drawing closer to his friend on instinct, straightening up in a blatant protective display.
Kevin didn't so much as glance his way, eyes glued on Eddy.
"Hey, Kev, what's up?" Eddy asked, his voice just a little too high. His smile strained as his attention snagged on the scrap of paper in Kevin's hand. "Well, hey, whatcha got there?"
Silence.
"Nothing interesting, huh?" Eddy guessed, forcing out a laugh too long to be natural. He threw a desperate look over Kevin's shoulder at Nazz, who shrugged, clearly at a loss.
Kevin finally broke his gaze, looking lazily back at Nazz himself. She froze with her arms still up in the air. After an awkward moment without moving, she weakly wiggled her fingers as if she'd been waving. Ed laughed, delighted, and waved back at her, which she seized upon like a lifeline, wiggling her fingers in more earnest. When this looked unlikely to stop, Kevin turned his gaze back on Eddy.
The tension was thick between the five of them. Eddward was quite certain this time he heard a hawk call, loud in the quiet.
Eddward and Eddy had both just opened their mouths to say something when Kevin suddenly lunged forward over his handle bars, reaching out and landing his palm in the middle of Eddy's forehead before Eddy could react. More from surprise than force, Eddy stumbled back, only Ed keeping him from taking a tumble. The scrap of paper stuck where it had been place, and only then did Eddward notice the tape with which it had been secured.
The look on Kevin's face was strange. He didn't look angry or even really upset, but Eddward couldn't place what he did look like either. He had just noted that Kevin was looking rather red around the edges when Kevin shouted, "Dork!" and turned and took off in a cloud of dust.
"Bye, Kevin!" Ed called, turning his waving from Nazz to Kevin's disappearing back. "What a little dickens that one is, eh, Eddy?" Ed chuckled, nudging Eddy none too discreetly with his elbow.
Eddy was still getting his wits about him when Eddward and Nazz closed in on him, both their hands finding place on his shoulders in reassurance.
"I swear I didn't tip him off," Nazz said, mollifying Eddward's exasperation when she added, "but, um, he kinda suspected? Like, a lot?"
"What happened?" Eddy mumbled; he sounded dazed and he was still staring after Kevin, who was quickly becoming a speck in the distance.
"I seriously have no idea," Nazz said. "After you guys took off, he finished getting his stuff and just went out to his bike. He scribbled something on your note, but he kept blocking me from seeing what."
All attention was immediately on the paper stuck to Eddy's forehead, Already, it had sweat spots showing through. None of them said anything, though Ed seemed fit to burst with optimism, chewing on a grin and dancing from foot to foot.
"Eddy," Eddward said gently. "Why don't you let me take that?"
He reached to dislodge the paper, but Eddy grabbed him by the wrist. Still, he made no move to remove the note himself.
"I'm sure it's not anything bad," Nazz said, but she didn't sound or look entirely sure. "I mean, he didn't seem angry or anything?"
Unable to stand it anymore, Eddward shot out his free hand and snatched the note before Eddy could stop him. Eddy offered only a token, "Hey!" not even trying to take it back as his gaze fell to it and held.
Taking a deep breath to brace himself, intent on knowing what he was dealing with before he dealt with anything (dealt with it with, say, some of the Chemistry Club's stores, perhaps), Eddward looked at the newly modified note. It took three reads through before he understood what he was reading, whereupon he couldn't help a startled, "Oh!"
"What?" Eddy asked immediately, though he only jerked forward a step before stopping. "What is it?"
Eddward could only shake his head, biting his lip to keep a smile from overtaking him. Curiosity piqued, Nazz rushed to his side to see the note for herself. She wasn't half as concerned with restraint as Eddward, clapping her hands to her grinning mouth as she let out a shrill squeal. Eddy finally made a grab for the note, but was too slow; Ed snagged it and brought it close to his face. He studied it for a long moment before breaking into a grin of his own and a, "D'awww, lookie there~"
"Lookie at what?" Eddy demanded, jumping to snatch the note away from Ed. "I swear, if you're all laughing at me…"
But then his eyes alighted on the note and all words seemed to leave him. Eddward could understand that, as he watched Eddy's eyes trail the lines over and over again. The note had been modified thus:
Do You Like Eddy? Check One:
YES
DEFINITELY
ABSOLUTELY!
ALL OF THE ABOVE
That last line, scribbled in a different hand with a different pen, had a large X scrawled in front of it. The X had, in fact, had been darkened by several lines all running together for emphasis.
Eddy was very red indeed by the time he shook himself back into awareness, wearing what he probably thought to be a self-assured smile but was more of a lovesick grin. The sight of it made Nazz squeal anew, Ed joining her in a chorus. Eddward restrained himself, but only just.
The sound snapped Eddy's attention to them, and he rubbed at his mouth with the back of his hand as though to wipe the grin away.
"Yeah, yeah, whatcha lookin' at?" he demanded, but all the grumbling in the world couldn't hide how happy he was.
The tender moment might have stretched on if Ed hadn't finally had far too much of all the young love in the air and burst out, "Eddy and Kevin, sitting in a tree!"
Eddy didn't have time to start yelling before Nazz joined in, more harmoniously, "K-i-s-s-i-n-g!"
"Okay, enough!"
But the two of them weren't finished, and Eddward could no longer hold himself back from the fun. All three of them persisted, "First comes love, then comes marriage–"
"That's it!" Eddy shouted, lunging for Ed.
Ed dodged, laughing merrily, and scooped Eddward up around the waist again as he took off down the street toward the cul-de-sac, Eddy close at his heels. Nazz outstripped them on her skates, but didn't go nearly as far ahead of them as she could have. The three laughed and catcalled, teasing and offering advice and Eddy grumbled and shouted for their silence.
He was laughing even as he did, though, and it was plain to all of them that the chase was less about shutting them up and more about getting home– and to Kevin– that much faster.