He was going to die.
There was no doubt; this was the final day of Artemis Fowl's life. He had been dragged, against his will, and outfitted in this stretchy, itchy, bright green THING. It was like a pair of shorts, but worse, if there was such a thing. His evil, deceiving, traitorous "mother" had also forced him into a pair of… what were they? Flop-flips than smacked and sucked and squeaked when he walked—his favorite brown shoes abandoned and forlorn in the car. Above Artemis there was a large, orange, cheerful sign stating the four (DEATH) words: Splash Adventure Water Park.
Miles, Beckett, Holly, Butler, and Mrs. Fowl were also there of their own free will. Miles and Beckett were wearing matching blue swim trunks and bouncing excitedly as cute as 4 year old twin geniuses could be. Holly was wearing a one piece pink bathing suit and sunglasses next to Butler who got away with a t-shirt and shorts. His "mother" was buying tickets at the gate and was lit up like a Christmas tree. She clacked over in those horrible flop-flips and passed out tickets to everyone.
"Alright, these are to get in the water park."
"YAY!" cheered the twins in unison.
"Ha! Ha! Artemis, you look like you're going to throw up!" snickered Holly.
Artemis glared at her and Butler strolled by and whispered, "Nice shorts."
This would be a long day.
That is probably full of bacteria. That is capable of spreading a disease. Those inner-tubes could easily pop if one of the hundreds of people who want me dead came here. You could drown in that if one of the lifeguards was sniped from that building 50 degrees to the left.
"Butler, does that small child look suspicious to you?"
"Artemis, just try and enjoy this. It's fun," Artemis interrupted him with a loud snort, "it's FUN…"
"It's fun for us to see Artemis look like a cucumber," laughed Holly.
"Holly, go fly up an air duct or something," suggested Artemis.
"Look, it's just one day at a water park," assured Butler. "You'll survive – people dumber than you have done it thousands of times."
Artemis looked around them and saw red, green, and blue water slides looping and navigating around pools filled to the brim with people of ever color, age, and size. There were children laughing and splashing around with ice cream, their mothers sun bathing on plastic lounge chairs surrounding the pit of water and skin and hair. Other women were yelling at rowdy 7 or 8 year olds that had eaten too many snow cones or something and had attracted the attention of other swimmers. A thin layer of excess water from splashing and dripping covered the white, stone floor. "I do not belong with these people," he said.
"Too bad, Arty. You're here. Go on a slide with your brothers," suggested Mrs. Fowl.
"Mother," she glared at Artemis. "Mum, I can't! I'll throw up!"
"You. Slide. Now."
"Yay! Arty, go on a slide with us!" exclaimed Miles.
"I wanna go on the…the…the…the Ride of Depth!" yelled Beckett.
"It's the Ride of Death, dummy," corrected Miles with an 'oh-my-gosh-you-are-so-stupid-and-crazy' face.
"Sure. Why not?" said Artemis with a forced grin.
Holly giggled at his discomfort and said, "Sounds fun, I'll go too." Then, under her breath, she muttered, "With a video camera." She would, of course, need video documentation for possible future blackmail.
After nearly half an hour of waiting and building nerves, it was their turn. The moment had come. He allowed his terrified ice blue eyes a glance. Water gushed out at terrifying speed to propel riders down the insanely steep drop on the bright green "Slide of Depth". Artemis thanked every deity he knew that he had finally finished his will before they came here. He had meant to do it for a long time now.
The twins were laughing hysterically at this point like some sick soundtrack for Artemis' doomed journey to oblivion. The lifeguard waved them over and told them how to sit on the ride. Artemis' heart hammered around in his chest like a rhino in a cage. Click! He turned his head and saw a camouflaged Holly put away a water proof camera and take out a video camera instead. He then noticed that she was in front of him and the twins and facing backwards, in prime camera position.
Traitor.
"Alright, have fun!" said the lifeguard as she pushed the three of them (along with an invisible Holly) down the slide. They shot down like a bullet and Miles and Beckett put their hands up and yelled in pure euphoria. Artemis clung to them like there was no tomorrow and, well, started screaming.
"OH MY GOSH!" They twisted around a corner, almost throwing everyone off.
"I'M GOING TO DIE!" Everyone flung up in the air, the twins loving every bit of this.
"HELP! HELP! MOTHER! HOLLY! BUTLER! HEEELLPPP MMMMEEEEEEEEEE!" He started hyperventilating (which is very hard to do on a water slide) and crying uncontrollably. His screams and the twins laughter was mixed in with the sound of rushing water and Holly laughing like a loon from up front.
They were jerked around another sharp turn and for a moment they could see the rest of the park. He couldn't be sure, but Artemis swore he saw Butler doubled up in laughter next to Mrs. Fowl while they were both staring down at a phone.
The slide spiraled for a few moments until they were suddenly throw into open air and dunked into a deep pool. The twins' heads popped up from the water.
"That was AWESOME!"
"Let's go again!"
"Eh, a little weak," said Holly with a shrug as she re-appeared. "What do you think, Artemis?"
He answered by swimming out and throwing up into the nearest trash can.
"Guess what guys?" exclaimed Holly.
"What?" asked the twins in unison.
"I got the whole entire thing on tape so we can remember this forever!"
"YAY!" yelled the twins in unison.
"I hate you Holly. I really, really hate you."
Holly smiled.