House is not mine it is David Shore's. But a girl can dream.

When Patients Attack

The elevator doors opened to reveal a disheveled looking Dean of Medicine on the other side. It had been a rough morning full of patients with runny noses and STDs because the clinic was short on doctors today. Two guesses who didn't show up. She marched down the hallway to the department of diagnostics. He was asleep (not surprising), with his head resting on his desk. He might have looked cute if she wasn't fighting the overwhelming urge to kill him. Looking around, she spotted her weapon of choice. –BANG! - She dropped the biggest text book she could find on his desk. He woke with a start, eyes looking everywhere in the room before settling on her. Cuddy turned on his desk lamp, causing a groan to escape his lips. He shut his eyes tightly, and covered them with his hands.

"I thought I set my alarm for noon." House said annoyed at her disturbance.

"House, I don't care if you have a case, I don't care if you're sick, or hung-over, or high as a kite. You're taking your ass down to the clinic, and keeping it there until 3:30. Is that clear?"

He rolled his eyes, grabbing his cane. "Jeez Cuddy, it's no fun when you take away my excuses like that." She glared at him dangerously, but he continued unfazed.

"Don't worry, I have until 3:30 to think up four new ones." He grinned, stepping onto the elevator.

"If I don't see more then five people's charts filled out by you I'll-"

"What, more clinic duty?" He mocked.

She thought for a moment, and smiled wickedly back. "If you don't do all your clinic hours, I will switch your office with Doctor Wilson's." His grin vanished.

"That closet!? I wouldn't be able to stretch out my leg in that poor excuse of an office." Cuddy shrugged, still smiling. "Not my problem."

House huffed like the big child he was, and when the doors opened she followed him out. "You following me boss?"

"Just making sure you don't accidentally end up on the roof...again." It was his turn to grin.

"How thoughtful. Do you give all of your doctors this special treatment?" He asked sarcastically.

"No other Doctor I know needs a babysitter."

"Lucky me."

They made their way to the front desk where House grabbed some patient files from Nurse Brenda. Cuddy was about to bid House a fun day in the clinic, when a distraught man came crashing out of the stairwell. The most noticeable thing about him was his height, he was a few inches taller then House, and twice as thick. The sweaty forehead, flushed face, and bloodshot eyes only added to his wild appearance. He was breathing heavily, like he just run a marathon and was currently looking wildly around the room, unable to focus on one thing. He was definitely high on something, House deduced.

"Helen!" he shouted, "Helen, where the hell are you, you bitch?!" He turned over chairs, as he searched; the other patients scurried out of his way. Some ran for the exit, while others ran for the stairwell.

"Psych ward?" House whispered to Cuddy. "Don't know. Brenda, where is security?" The security guards were no where to be seen, which didn't surprise House, seeing as they never seemed to be around when they were needed. Their whispering drew the man's attention. House saw his eyes light up when they fell on Cuddy.

"You! You whore, you lied to me!" He pointed to Cuddy. "I'll kill you!" He started staggering toward Cuddy, with every intent to cause as much pain as possible.

"Shit" House muttered under his breath.

Cuddy, like most of the staff present, was rooted to the spot, unable to do anything but wait for the inevitable. Instead of pain, she felt a hand at her waist pushing her behind the nurse's desk. It was House.

"Whoa, take it easy Andre'." House said, sticking his cane into the man's chest, causing him to stop his forward momentum. "You got the wrong woman pal, and the wrong hospital for that matter. There's no Helen here." He said it with as much strength as he could muster while looking into the eyes of a giant.

The giant didn't seem to hear House as he knocked the cane to the floor. "Is this the guy Helen? You left me for a fucking cripple!" The guy took a swing at House, which he just barely avoided. Raising his arm, House swung forward as hard as he could, his fist colliding with solid rock. The punch caused more pain in his hand then in the giant's stomach. Unfazed by House, the giant grabbed House by the collar, lifted his fist, and struck House in the face. A loud crack resounded throughout the clinic as bone met bone, and everyone grimaced. Even nurse Brenda could feel nothing but sympathetic towards House at this moment. Cuddy covered her mouth with her hand, a small cry escaping her lips. He couldn't take too many more punches like that. Before House could recover from the punch, the giant head butted him, leaving a trail of blood flowing down his chin.

Cuddy sprung into action. "Stop it! You're making a mistake!" She grabbed at the crazy man's arm, trying to prevent another blow to House. "We don't know you. Leave him alone!" Still holding a dazed House with one hand, he used the other to grab Cuddy. He easily threw her to the ground, causing her back to collide with the nurse's desk. House used this distraction to try and knee the giant in the groin, but the man saw it coming and easily dodged the attack. It must have really pissed him off though, because blow after blow came raining down on House, not once missing the target. House was on the ground now, beaten badly, and no longer capable of even attempting to defend himself. Cuddy couldn't stop the flow of tears that blinded her view of the massacre. 'Please let him lose consciousness' she thought, 'Let this be over.'

With one last kick to his right thigh, the lunatic left House in a heap on the floor, unmoving. He stepped over House, and stood towering over Cuddy. "This is your fault Helen! You could have prevented this."

Suddenly he lurched forward, caught off balance, and landed on his knees with a thud. Cuddy looked behind him to find House had retrieved his cane and swung a direct hit at the back of the man's knees. Before the big brute could turn around, House pulled back and swung the cane again. The cane made contact with the skull so hard, it shattered into dozens of tiny pieces. The man was knocked out cold, making House the unlikely victor.

He dropped what was left of his cane to the ground, remaining on his knees. He looked at Cuddy and made an attempt to move to her. When his face immediately filled with pain, she crawled over to him as quickly as possible, and embraced him. House leaned into her, no longer having the strength to support himself. She just held him tighter.

"You could have died" Cuddy's voice broke as she somehow managed to sob and talk at the same time.

"You can't get rid of me that easily." House whispered to her.

She pulled back and looked up at him. There was a ghost of a smile on his swollen face. Cuddy shook her head, "Idiot." and hugged him again, relieved he felt well enough to crack jokes at a time like this. 'He's going to be okay.' She thought to herself.

At that moment, security came bursting out of the stairwell. "Dr. Cuddy! Are you alright?"

'They were so fired.'

TBC…