When Edward Left
we all know how she felt when Edward left but everyone doesn't know what she never told anyone.
Everyone knew Bella was hurting. Everyone could see it in her eyes every day. The love of her life was gone. She couldn't contact him, she didn't know where he was.
She had a picture of him but couldn't bring herself to look at him. Almost crazily, she would send emails to his sister, knowing she would never get them. It helped the grieving process though.
One day she was flipping through her facebook page. She was seeing what her friends were up to since it didn't actually require human interaction.
Some of her friends were in new relationships, some just broke up, some were "excited for this" or "excited for that".
Then a crazy idea came to her.
Ofcourse, Edward was hundreds of years old. He read books instead of turning on a television. He sent letters instead of emails.
She decided to insert into the search bar "E-d-w-a-r-d".
A few random matches popped up automatically. Her heart began to beat faster.
"This is rediculous." she thought, "He is way to wise and has better things to do than to play around on a social networking site. He said himself that the internet is what's wrong with my generation. And society's addiction to technology is disgusting."
She crossed her arms and sat back in her chair. Her eyes scanned all the smiling pictures of men and boys named Edward.
Slowly, she typed in "C-u-l-l"
Bella gasped.
Sure enough there was one Edward Cullen. His photo was of a famous italian painting that had been hanging in his room at the old cullen house.
She clicked to view the profile and was surprised to see status updates. There was no location. There was no age information or school information. No tagged pictures.
His friends were in the hundreds.
But it seemed that most of them were vampires that Bella had met or heard of. The rest were seemed to have been automatically added because there was no evidence of actual communication between him and them.
"Should I add him? This is so weird. His family doesn't have a profile. Why does he?" she thought.
She started to read through his statuses. Most of them were poetry and Shakespeare quotes at the beginning.
Then around the time he left they started to get darker and more came from Edgar Allen Poe.
They started to actually sound like a teenager, and that's when she stopped.
The first read "Dear God I feel so horrible. I love you and I'm sorry."
A few tears ran down her cheek. She would never see Edward putting his feelings on the internet. And he was talking about HER. At least he felt upset! Which was something she had been unsure about for the last few months.
The post was dated a few days later. It read "No one will ever be my little lamb, I promise."
She smiled while she cried. That little ball of hope deep inside her was awakened.
That means he still loved her. He was hurting as much as she. This was promising. This meant that he still thought about her. He still cared.
The next status wasn't so deep.
"Off to drink with the brothers" he wrote.
Edward never drank. This must have meant he was using alcohol as a crutch. Now it made perfect sense why he was posting on Facebook all of a sudden.
He wasn't thinking clearly.
"Man...that was some party last night" read his status from the morning after the previous post.
"Oh no." Bella said aloud. "What did he do?" she screamed.
Then there was a wall post from a skinny smiling blonde girl.
"Hey Eddie. That was fun last night. Call me? See ya cutie."
Bella's heart began to break again.
She then noticed this blonde girl had liked a few of his statuses.
She put it together in her head and began to fall apart.
Bella slammed her laptop shut and screamed at the top of her lungs as the tears streamed down her face.
"Noooo!" she wailed. "2 weeks? 2 weeks and he sleeps with someone!"
Bella's knees gave out and she fell to the floor.
She hugged her knees and sobbed into them. "Whyyyy? Why would he do this to me? He loved me!"
Her chest ached, her entire body shook and all of the progress she had made with the depression seemed to not matter. She had just started to feel slightly normal again.
Now she felt even worse than the day Edward had left.
He was obviously drunk when he had done it. She knew that.
It still hurt all the same.
She started to remember all the amazing kisses they had shared. How passionate they all were. She remembered how she was never aloud to make love to him. And this girl...
This obviously stupid girl, that was obviously a bloodwhore...she got to have him.
She got to have him in a way that Bella never did.
Bella started to feel like ending her life. All the depressing suicidal thoughts flooded her mind. It was a pain that took too much time to heal. It was a pain more intense than anything.
Bella's sobs eventually turned into small sniffles. She stood up and slipped off the button down blouse she was wearing. She started walking to the bathroom and unbuttoned her jeans along the way. When she reached the bathroom, she stared at her puffy red face and her red eyes in the mirror.
This was a face she had seen often.
She sniffed and shook her head. "I'm done." she said, "I tried and I was knocked back down. Why even try anymore?"
She stared at herself for a good ten minutes thinking to herself.
"I'm so done." she repeated.
Bella closed the door to her bathroom. The sound echoed through her empty house. She took off her jeans completely so she stood next to the tub in her bra and panties.
She ran hot bath water and watched the tub fill.
She picked up the razor Charlie used to shave his face and stared at the sharp, thin blades.
Tears ran down her cheeks once more.
Bella walked to her room to grab a peice of paper and a pen.
She went back to the bathroom and wrote the following words
"Charlie,
This was not your fault. You were so amazing at raising me and helping me through my time of need. I love you with all my heart and I will always be with you. Tell mom I love her and hope to see her again someday. Know that I never wanted to hurt you. He was my life. Without him, I have nothing. I can't live like this anymore.
Take care of yourself, Dad.
Bella"
She cried harder when she wrote "Dad".
Bella never called him that.
She kissed the note and placed it in the dry sink.