New York City, 2000

-Inspired by Ghosts of the Shadow Market: Son of the Dawn-

… … … ...

"Is there only room for one? Lily needs to be secured. I am responsible for her."

She recalled his words as she entered the dark musty cargo hold, keeping her face down out of habit for the rare moments when her expression betrayed her thoughts. Lily hated this sometimes, the convoluted signals of Raphael Santiago. From his chilling tone devoid of emotion whenever he addressed her to the bold sacrifice in battle on the deck as he shielded her from wolves, she was left thoroughly puzzled, though she tried not to dwell on it. There were always scraps of proof, if one looked hard enough, of his care for her, but she dared not expect anything more.

Lily settled her body and her thoughts, lying awake on the cold floor of the hold and staring at the door. Anytime now, she thought. Or I'm going to have to drag him back here seconds before the sun rises. She rolled her eyes briefly before her exasperation began to turn to worry. She knew from decades of shadowing him as a frequent companion Raphael Santiago had a stubborn will. He would indeed stay out until dawn if he so wished, but she doubted he would exceed the tolerance level. Feeling resigned, she sighed, closed her eyes and tried to rest.

"...Those names Lily came up with were very bad." Raphael's voice drifted under the door and Lily stirred at the mention of her name. Must be talking to Brother Zachariah, she smirked at the other names she called him in front of Raphael. They were intentional, of course. Her own strange, hilarious defense mechanism. She had to admit she enjoyed the harmless flirting, even though it was made to her clear decades before that her dead heart seemed to awaken only in the company of a certain Spanish vampire with the face of an angel.

"... And I don't know that she was joking. I'd watch yourself next time you're in New York." Lily raised an eyebrow at the confidence in his tone. He really didn't know, did he? Or perhaps he did and chose to ignore it. Either way she decided perhaps this professional friendship- she thought they ought to be considered friends at this rate despite his vehement denial- was for the best. Though she still hoped faintly that Raphael might one day return her feelings, Lily knew it was highly unlikely. She would learn to be content with anything he was willing to give. If his feelings toward her were purely platonic, then so be it. Lily could only hope the Silent Brother was as fooled as Raphael.

She flinched slightly as his next words came out bitter and sharp. "For your information, I do not have any interest in romance of any kind and never will. Now can you please drop this revolting subject?" Her heart twisted a little as the evidence confirmed something she had already begun to suspect. She sighed and turned her back on the door trying to tune out the rest of the conversation. What Raphael contemplated in moments like these were none of her business. With their mutual respect, she owed him that much.

… … … …

The sound of a door shutting stirred Lily from her restless slumber, but she remained silent listening to her companion's soft footfalls as he approached and sat down beside her.

"I know you're awake, Lily."

She sighed dramatically to mask her true emotions. "Back so soon, Raph?" she drawled, using the nickname she called him when they were alone that he seemed to have accepted over the years.

"Shadowhunters are never the best company," he scoffed. "You know this."

She hummed sarcastically and rolled over to face him. "I thought Brother Snackariah would have done it for you."

He gave her a long, intense stare. "You can stop that now."

Lily pouted but fell silent as he lie down, not daring to ask what he and the Silent Brother discussed or how they came across the topic of love. She kept her eyes averted as she tried to ignore his presence.

"Is something wrong?"

His tone was not entirely compassionate, but she was surprised to detect a hint of concern. Turning to face him, she summoned the most confident voice she could muster. "Not at all."

Raphael did not look at all convinced. "If you have an issue, Lily, I suggest you resolve it before coming back to Dumort. The clan cannot afford personal distractions."

I can handle it. You have no idea how long I've managed. She bit her lip and sighed into the darkness, trying her hardest to sound nonchalant. "I'll sleep it off."

He nodded curtly before closing his eyes. "Rest then."

I'll certainly try, she thought cynically and watched him a bit hurt. You don't make this easy Raphael. Lily knew she wouldn't be able to relax in this state, with her mind partially scrambled. Against her will and better judgement, she blurted, "Wait."

He clicked his tongue a little in annoyance. "Yes?"

A million confessions laced through with apologies formed on her tongue, but she swallowed them all back in an instant. "I… How is your arm?"

He spared her a glance. "Fine. Healing."

She pursed her lips, wondering why she was able to speak her mind to every person but one. Instead, she mumbled, "I still think you shouldn't have done it, Raph."

"What do you know?" She could hear the scowl in his words.

She blinked and tried for some sarcasm. "Well all this time I've just been your royal pain in the ass, so you don't know that I was even worth saving."

Raphael paused for so long that she almost thought he fell asleep until she heard his quiet reply. "You are, Lily."

She stared at him, rendered speechless by his uncharacteristic tenderness and unsure how to respond. By the time she gathered herself back together, she was sure Raphael had already fallen asleep, visibly relaxed.

Lily took a moment to observe him, as it was a rare occurrence to be able to. It usually irritated him when he caught people staring, and she had learned to be discreet. He really did have the face of an angel, she realized, more evident now in slumber without his usual sour expressions. Unfortunate that his personality doesn't match, she thought playfully, then frowned as she reminded herself that he had been through hell and back in his past. Perhaps his attitude was justified.

Although she did not know exactly what his past consisted of, she concluded years ago that he was a far better man than he gave himself credit for. Lily was the only one in the New York clan to believe it, and she remained loyal to him for that reason. The disappointment over her own unrequited romantic love would not change her fondness toward him because she knew she loved him in other ways as well. Other ways that she hoped could be returned, in time. Raph, she thought sadly as she reached out lightly grazing his cheek, you deserve better than what fate gave you.

It was then that he shifted a little closer to her in his sleep, which she did not expect, and wrapped one arm around her protectively, which she expected even less but relaxed regardless. The position was not flirtatious or sexual in any way, but simply a comfort and security for them both. A symbol that they were indeed friends who cared for one another, even if he would not consciously admit it. A symbol of support.

In this moment, she decided Raphael needed someone to see his better self. If she, Lily Chen, could do that for him, then that was enough.