A/Note: I felt like writing this while I had the plot still fresh in my mind. It's the one and only Ichigo! Ichigo's POV is finally written. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.
Obeying
Ichigo's POV
I feel so empty in the inside. I feel as though I have lost everything, and the funny part is, is that I have. Most of the time I lead myself to Aizen, without even a second thought. I usually hold myself well in front of the Espadas and the other Arrancars. It's damn hard to hold myself when my body trembles when I do something wrong in Aizen's view. It's unnerving to be this weak in front of my enemy.
I tried often to get away from his hold. I didn't want to be under his control. I still don't, but ever since I have lost all ability to fight back. The only reason why is because I lost my Zanpaku-to and most of my spiritual energy. That was all a part of Aizen's plan to control me. I blame the Octavo Espada for taking those away from me also. He didn't mind doing it to me, while I was in pain. I was screaming my head off while he was probing my body with his surgical instruments. Even my identity was taken away from me.
The easiest way that I could withstand this place was when Orihime was here with me. I didn't mind it so much then. She kept me from losing myself completely. She was always conversing with me when I was near her. She told me that I wasn't supposed to be here. But bit by bit I knew that Aizen wanted me out of the way, and that's when I started trying to escape Las Noches. She understood that we had to escape, but by the time I was planning to escape with her, Aizen already knew. I believe that's why he wanted her to leave.
When I found out that she was leaving, I was in hysterics. I didn't want her to leave without me. But she did… That was the sad part. I was glad that she was safely released, yet I wanted to know if she safely got back home. The thing that really got me going was the damn fact that Aizen had ordered the Octavo Espada to erase her memories that I was even here with her. Aizen was infuriated with me since I was making a scene where all the Espadas were looking at us. Though I just continued to yell at him without a care in the world, I was pissed enough to forget that I was in his meeting with the Espadas. He disciplined me right there and then. He even sent for two Arrancars to take me back to my room and make sure shackled to the wall by my neck, wrists and ankles.
I was like that for about a month with Ichimaru coming to visit every day with Aizen. One time I had a visit from the Primera Espada, he was interested in seeing me and talking to me. I was pretty shocked about it, since he follows Aizen willingly. He told me why because I questioned him about it in that one day. He was going to talk to me more, but he couldn't because of the fact that I was Aizen's servant. I think I yelled at him about that too. I was no one's possession. The only reason why I continued to be myself was because the Primera was willing to listen to me talk about Karakura Town.
I talked to him quite a bit, if I ran into him during orders that Aizen gave me. The Primera always seems relaxed which I don't understand how. I wish I could've been the same, but he's also is quite lazy. He was one of the Espadas that I can talk to without being irritated too much. I have to admit, it's hard to live the way of not speaking with people that you're used to. I never thought I would think that. I have been getting more depressed talking about my family and friends. Every time I spoke about them with the Primera it made me a little happier, but also kind of depressed.
I went to the Septima, when I had orders to tell him that he needed to go to a meeting. I saw him praying in a meditation way. I didn't know what to do, but tell him what Aizen told me to say. He was about to leave when I asked him if I could stay in his quarters for a little bit. He didn't say no or yes, but just left. I think he was letting me stay in there. While the Septima was in the meeting was thinking of a way to leave again. I had to get out of here to protect Karakura Town and to save myself from this place.
I left after making a plan of escape. It's much harder without the help of a Zanpaku-to to get through enemies when needed. Every time I get close to leaving Las Noches, that's when I seem to get caught. This time I was caught by one of the Arrancars serving Aizen in Las Noches. I got grabbed by him and I started yelling while struggling against the Arrancar. Before I knew it he had me in the Espada meeting with Aizen looking ever so entertained. I looked at him with a look of defiance which tipped him off even more that I tried to escape once again. He disciplined me right there and then.
I was sore after the beating that I had been given. I stood and took an order as my top was falling from the tatters it had became. I felt as though I was becoming weak, but it was the truth that I had to begin to live with. I followed Aizen to his own quarters to take his orders. I wanted to rush off to my own room so I could get some rest and wrap up my wounds. But of course with Aizen it wasn't allowed until I got my full degree of punishment. He didn't use my body like the Privaron did, but my body is like a little pet to him, and a piece of furniture.
I always went to the Septima's palace to think, but also to talk to him. I asked him questions about himself. He answered as much as he wanted to. He talked to me questioning me about certain things. It was like talking to the Primera, but with a much more stoic Espada. He is truly loyal to Aizen and I can't understand why for any of them. I always went silent after a while. I guess I was in hiding sometimes too, but even I know that it was impossible to hide from Aizen.
When I walked out of the palace and started to head to my own room, I ran into the Sexto and Quinto Espada. They were having an argument over something, probably over something stupid. I was going to pass them by when they noticed my presence. This was when I was still strong in spiritual energy. They wanted to know if I could still fight even without my Zanpaku-to. I took that challenge since I needed to keep myself strong. I ended up getting my ass handed to me, but I never let it get to me. I always went back at the two with the same amount of ferocity.
About two months later, I think, was when I got to talk to the Tres Espada. She was sort of cold, but I wasn't used to being around her just yet. She seemed to want to know me for some reason like the Primera. She was quite straightforward with her questions, but I answered to the best of my ability. Then we started to talk for a little bit. She understands my situation at the times when we spoke, but I can't trust the Espadas that much whether I want to or not. And I don't want to. She seemed as though she was trustworthy some aspects, but so does the Primera.
After I spoke to her, I wasn't speaking to anyone for a week because of Aizen. In the middle of the night I get called by him. At every waking moment that I had in the beginning I was by his side. Now isn't much better. It's much worse. I don't enjoy any moment of it. Especially when I have to feed him, bring him tea, clean his body, sit on his lap like a pet, and be a piece of furniture. When he has some orders that I have to do, I do them. Being his servant made me dislike myself for being so weak.
At least then I got to be able to talk to others. I had the confidence of talking to the Espadas. Once I went to the Noveno Espada's palace to tell him of his orders, I decided to talk to him after I told him. I shared my thought that his different voices give me a headache. One sounds deep and the other gives me a migraine with its nails on a chalkboard of a voice. It's annoying to me. He told me something, but I ignored him when he commented back. I don't exactly enjoy talking to the Espadas, but they are the closest things to friends that I had here.
When that week passed, I started talking to the Privarones and the Fracciones more. I never really talked to them until then. Some of them just wanted to talk to me to see what the big deal was about me. I don't really understand why I was such a big deal to them. Cause look at me now compared to when I wasn't serving Aizen. Talking to the Privarones and Fracciones didn't really last long, because I wasn't really what they expected. Aizen was slowly becoming very controlling to what I did at every waking moment.
For a few weeks I didn't try to escape his clutches. I stayed beside him with an empty expression. I was trying to figure out another way out while around him. Within those few weeks I also noticed that the Primera was starting to avoid me. I knew that Aizen had said something to the Espadas about talking to me right there and then. I didn't take long for him to take them aside in a meeting to talk to them about my stay, I guess. I wasn't supposed to have any contact with them or anyone in particular. I found that out at the meeting since I had to be there standing beside Aizen with a tea kettle because of the man's love for tea.
That bastard was winning over the Espadas minds. It was just like me. He was winning at the time and was slowly getting in complete control of me. My spiritual energy was less than when I got there. I had to try at least a few more times before all of my energy was gone. The next time I tried was when the Aizen was busy with Tousen and Gin. I never really saw much of Tousen unless I was being ordered by him to see Aizen. I went toward an escape route that I had found while was at the Septima's palace. I thought I was home free again too early. I was stopped once again by the Tres Espada.
I knew when I saw her that it was going to be my last time trying to escape. I tried my best to get away from her in the escape route. I was easily captured by her since she had more speed on her. My speed had been lost since I started losing my energy. She knew that I was going to try to pass her and try to struggle for release in her grip on my wrists that she now held behind my back. Aizen had sent her, and he knew of my attempts to escape. He had always known about them. I started to think that he probably had the escape routes planted so he could see me struggle to get out of this place.
In a blink of an eye, I was in front of Aizen one last time. I forced onto my knees and forced to look into his deceitful gaze. His eyes may look kind, but they are meant to deceive those who are below him. All the Espadas knew of how many times I've tried to get away. They each counted about three to six times, but it didn't really matter to the man that I was going to punish me. I soon started to become frightened since he knew I didn't have enough energy to fight back against him. I know he likes to see me like this since I used to be strong, but now I'm in the hands of a power hungry man.
I was sent to my quarters once again, but I would still have to serve him. Usually though Gin would come into my room to spout words that would surely destroy me. I always tried to ignore him after my punishments with Aizen. He has always forced orders down my throat since Aizen gave him the a' okay. I had to do things to myself just because I didn't want to go through another punishment. I felt degraded after a while. I don't understand why I fought under being Aizen's servant. I shouldn't have fought the inevitable.
When Aizen ordered Sexto and Quinto not train with me anymore, I wasn't so elated to be there when it happened. It was humiliating, for being on his lap as he was questioning them, and holding a gaze with the two of them. He never once looked at me. I was like his pet on his lap. They just took his orders without fighting to say an opinion. Quinto seemed like he was going to laugh when he saw me. Sexto just kept his eyes in the direction of Aizen. The only reason he found out about the sparring was because of the fact that I had a small scar on my face.
After that I never got to spar with ever again. I was cleaning the floors of Las Noches as the two of them were coming from separate directions. I looked at them with my eyes ready to go against Aizen's orders when they went right passed me. They didn't seem interested in sparring with me then. They just walked by even though I was right there. Quinto didn't say anything that he would usually say with his Fraccion walking behind him. Sexto just walked on without showing any interest in anything around him. Then I continued cleaning halls as the floors kept getting stepped on by Espadas and others.
After a while of just being around Aizen and Gin, I started to bend my back more for Aizen. I was losing myself to a man that had a plan. My will was fading greatly after I lost most of my spiritual energy. I was beginning to take orders and doing them without thinking about it. I don't want to displease him in any way possible. It's all because I was starting to realize the truth of the situation. In the beginning I didn't want to believe it. The thing that made me start to believe that I was stuck here was the attempt of escapes and the fact that the Octavo told me that I had a clone that was living in Karakura Town with everything that I once had and once cherished. I still cherish them.
I was being called to see Aizen, but before that I went to go make some tea, which he drinks frequently when everyone sees him, but it was his favorite thing to drink. I always had to travel to the kitchen first. When the tea is ready I hurry to Aizen's before it goes cold. I came into the man's room shutting the door behind myself. I poured his tea wanting to grumble something under my breath, forcing myself not to. I scooted the tea toward him slowly then left his sight. I went to my own room to hide myself as I thought back to my friends and family. I went to my knees wanting to cry. I was holding back those tears even then.
Another day, I was ordered to bring Aizen a platter of food. It wasn't exactly heavy, but I had trouble balancing it. It was when I just got done doing something for Ichimaru and my hands were having trouble holding it because of it. I was getting tired and I felt worn already. I entered into Aizen's room with the platter shutting the door behind me. I walked closer to Aizen with him watching me move towards him. I felt the platter fall out of my hands onto the floor with shards of glass spreading on the floor. I went to my knees so fast that I didn't know that I was already on the floor. I was apologizing as I started picking up the pieces of the plate and bowl. I picked up some of the smallest pieces with my fingers as well. I feel his gaze as I continued to pick up the pieces. I don't want to be punished by him today too.
I heard him say something about getting him another. I immediately reacted to his order. I went straight to the kitchen and started to make another batch. Some of the lower Arrancars were watching me as I had my back turned away from them. I walked back to the man that has power over me. I went back into the room seeing that he was ready for his new plate. I started feeding him with my hand that wasn't in pain much. After he finished eating he told me about the invasion of Karakura Town, and I looked more depressed than I already had by the look on Aizen's face I could tell. I tried to hide my hidden feelings about it, but he asked for my opinion on it. I answered just like this, "Whatever your opinion is on it," that is exactly how I said it. He knew what I felt on the matter.
Nowadays I keep my head low and just listen to Aizen. I only answer when he asks for an opinion. I listen only to him now… My pride is gone after three years. Only three… My will belongs to Aizen. My own independent thoughts stay at the back of my mind. I can barely think for myself. I don't want to displease Aizen as much as I did in the beginning. I don't even know myself anymore. If I wanted to save my home I probably couldn't. I'm a disgrace to my name, family, and friends. I wouldn't be able to handle the destruction of my hometown. I would be a bigger wreck than I am already when Aizen and the others come back victorious.
A/Note: The three companion fics are now finished. I love Ichigo, but I never wrote a fanfic like this before. The plot sorta came out of nowhere. I feel pretty satisfied for how this came out. Came out better than I thought it would. This one had to be one of the longest since it was in Ichigo's POV. No there wasn't any yaoi, but just normal manipulation and abuse. That's it. It may seem like it in some POVs, but honestly there isn't. Well, Ichigo couldn't call the Espadas by name for the reason that it shows closeness, and Aizen didn't want that. And I'm sorry, I didn't go into detail about the punishments. Well, I hope you enjoyed anyways! Please, review! I would love to know how you felt about it, or concerns.