Random inspiration just came to me. Don't ask. If I get some good feedback, I might keep this. If not, I might just delete it o.O
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What if I wanted to break?Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do?---
Naruto shivered as a chill ran through his body. It was the middle of June. The night air was thick and humid. He knew the weather was not the reason he was like this. Pulling the blanket closer, he shut his eyes in desperation, hoping sleep would come upon him. He knew it wouldn't though. It was the same thing every night. It had never been the same, never been that simple.
Not for a long time at least.
In frustration, he ripped the covers off of him, glancing sideways at the clock on his wall.
2:07 AM.
Stepping out of his room, which had suddenly become claustrophobically small, he moved to the kitchen. Sleep did not come to him easily anymore. Not since…not since…
Feeling his body start to convulse, he quickly grabbed a glass from the cupboard, poured himself some water, and took a deep gulp. He ran a shaky hand through his blonde spikes, wet with sweat. He eyed the bottle of pills on the counter. He weighed the pros and cons in his mind, before moving a hand to reach for them. He was almost there before the glass of water slipped from his grasp and crashed onto the floor, cracking and splitting. The sound was enough to fully wake him up.
Naruto's hand recoiled from the medication.
Slowly, ignoring the broken pieces of glass on the floor, he made his way to the bathroom. He reasoned that it was too dark to try and see small pieces of the broken cup. He would clean up in the morning. Splashing some cool water on his face, Naruto took a nearby towel and pat himself dry. He looked up to see his reflection in the mirror.
No, that didn't look like him at all.
The Naruto staring back at him was pale, healthy tan gone from spending most of his days indoors now. His blue eyes that once sparkled were now dull and had bags underneath them. On the rare occasions he did bother to go out, he knew people noticed them. But they made no comment. He heard talk around town every so often about him, though when he came outside, it was all hushed up. He didn't mind. In fact, he almost preferred it that way.
Moving on, Naruto opened his front door and closed it gently behind him. The sky was still pitch black. But he would wait. He would wait until the hours passed and the sun's rays began to peak out from the horizon.
Just like he did every day.
Naruto couldn't remember the last time he had a peaceful dream. He had been diagnosed with insomnia a while ago, which had all started when he refused to close his eyes at nighttime. Because even if he did allow them to close, then, he knew, the dreams would start.
And there was nothing good to dream about anymore.
In truth, he didn't like dreaming very much anymore. That's why Tsunade had prescribed him with a medicine that would allow him to sleep without dreams. But Naruto didn't like that either, because there was still that small part of him that hoped. He hoped that he would fall into a dream and picture his lover there, waiting for him with open arms. Yes, there had once been a time where he relished dreams. That was the time when he could wake up and find strong arms wrapped around him, keeping him safe.
He knew that part would never come back.
But, he had still hoped.
That's why, the pills remained mostly untouched. Naruto kept thinking that maybe, just maybe, the nights he didn't take them, he would have a peaceful dream about the man he had grown up with; the man that he had loved.
Those were usually the nights he woke up screaming, silent tears running down his cheeks.
His hope was slowly dying.
So most of the time, Naruto chose no sleep at all. He thought of it more as a habit, not an illness. It was nice though. He had developed a routine. The hours at night that he chose to remain awake, he would sit and remember. It was almost always a memory of him.
Sasuke.
Uchiha Sasuke.
The man that Naruto had once loved.
Correction, the man that Naruto still loved.
The man that had said he would always be there.
The man who he had exchanged vows of 'I love you' with.
The man who had been his lover for two years.
The man who had left him.
A small sigh escaped the blonde's thin lips as he lost himself in thought. This was a typical night. After all, the only thing his mind could do now was to remember. H remembered how he had been so angry when Sasuke had left. He remembered how that anger had disappeared into sorrow when he realized Sasuke wasn't coming back.
After spending many nights remembering, he had eventually sobered up.
Naruto supposed he couldn't blame Sasuke for going to Sound. He allowed Sasuke to go because it was his dream. Naruto had once had a dream to be the hokage. Sasuke had believed in him, giving him all the support in the world, telling him that he just knew one day it was bound to happen.
Naruto had given up that dream.
But Sasuke had his whole clan to avenge. Naruto wouldn't keep him here, with him, simply because of his own wants. That would have been selfish. So, he had let him go. Because he knew if his love for Sasuke was truly that strong, Sasuke would come back.
It had been nearly another two years since the raven's departure.
Sasuke still hadn't come back.
Naruto waited patiently.
Even if Sasuke didn't return, Naruto would still wait. He wouldn't know what he would be waiting for anymore, but that feeling of longing would already be deeply embedded in his heart. He would have nothing else to do except wait.
Just as he had nothing to do now but remember.
One thing he hated to remember though was their last fight. The way Sasuke had looked at him. The way he had left him to die. Naruto wondered if he himself had been holding back. After all, he didn't want Sasuke to blame him for trying to stop him from his lifelong goal of revenge. That wouldn't be right. That wouldn't be fair.
Not that Sasuke was being fair, leaving him alone in the first place.
His friends had all tried to cheer him up at first. The boy who was once bouncing with energy and sparkling with happiness was gone. Naruto doubted that side would ever come back.
He wondered if Sasuke was happy now, wherever he was.
He wondered if all the nights Sasuke had made love to him, he knew somewhere in the back of his mind that he would leave.
He wondered if he could ever let go of the love he had lost.
He wondered if it was time to move on.
He didn't wonder if Sasuke was going to return.
Sasuke's birthday would be coming up soon. Naruto would buy him a present, though he knew the raven wouldn't be there. If he pretended Sasuke was actually there with him, maybe the pain would go away, even just for a little.
He wondered what he would buy Sasuke.
He wished Sasuke would be there to unwrap his gift.
A single tear escaped his eye as Naruto jerked from his thoughts. He ignored it. Looking to the sky, he was surprised to see that it was raining. He hadn't felt the drops before. He stayed in place though, letting the water hit him, feeling it cleanse his body and soul.
Maybe the sky was crying too.
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I know it's short but...ehh.
:Sigh: I don't see why my stories turn out to be quite depressing. Really, I don't. And I apologize to people who hate angsty stories!
I guess this is complete for now, though I might add a chapter from Sasuke's prespective…? Maybe?
Reviews are appreciated.