The rustling stopped and I heard the dresser drawer shut. I rolled over to my other side to face Rephaim, who was clambering into a pair of jeans. He froze, jeans still pulled only halfway up, when he felt my gaze on him. His eyes did not meet mine. His hair was free and falling down over his face, so I could not read his expression.

"You're sure you can't just try staying here? Just one day, to see what it's like?"

He looked up at me then. The pain that filled his milky brown eyes was so great that I thought my heart may burst. I took a deep breath, my spirit crushed. Reluctantly, he pulled his jeans the rest of the way up and fastened them.

"You know I just don't want anything to happen to you." I wouldn't mention the fact that I also didn't want to sleep one more day without him by my side. Not when he wouldn't even talk about this. One step at a time, just like Mama always said.

Clearly deciding to pass on a shirt for the day (he wasn't going to have any need for one anyway, to be honest), he climbed into bed next to me and pulled me into his arms. He opened his mouth to speak, but then his breath caught and quivered. I buried my face into him, my hands clutching the solid muscle that made up his chest, trying to breathe him in. I used to think he smelled kinda funny, but now I just couldn't get enough of him. We didn't have long, and we both knew it, so I tried to cling onto him until the last possible moment. Too soon, he moved to leave.

"You know I still wish you'd let me come with you," I reminded him.

Despite the fact that there was virtually no time left, my words froze him in his tracks, but this time he didn't hesitate to answer. "No."

"Can't we just…?"

"There is no time. Not today." With one last, lingering gaze, he fled the room.

I knew what he was feeling. I don't understand why he always avoided the topic until it was too late and there was no time left for us to talk about it. Did he forget that I, too, could feel his feelings?

I lay back on our bed. I didn't feel like getting dressed. I didn't feel like doing anything. Not without Rephaim here with me. The moment he left, my whole being felt as though it was being crushed by some invisible force that constantly closed around me.

He was embarrassed. He thought it was weird that he was human one second and a bird the next. Ok, so maybe it was a little different. But at this point, with everything I'd been through in my life I was kinda used to things not bein' what most people would call "normal." But for whatever reason, he didn't want to let me see it actually…you know…happen. That crushed me.

I knew it hurt him. Hell, I can't imagine it would just, poof!, happen. Like, there has to be some period of things changin' around. And whatever it was that made him change hurt. It hurt bad. And I of all people knew what it was to go through that! I didn't know what I was for a long time, and my body has made changes, too. Why wouldn't he let me be there for him? Surely the pain becomes more bearable when there's somebody there who loves you to take care of you.

Couldn't he tell what I was feeling, too?

I knew how much his emotion threatened to overpower my own. Surely he knew the pain it caused me to know that he was going through something like that so utterly alone. Why, then, with how much I knew he loved me, would he allow me to hurt so badly? Didn't he know that nothing I would see if I went with him would hurt me more than this did?

Thoroughly exasperated, I pulled the blanket up to my chin, wrapping myself into a little nest. I was kinda known for sleeping like a log, but today was just too much. I clutched the covers to me; it seemed like I'd never be warm with the emptiness next to me. With labored breaths I tried to will myself to sleep, refusing to let the tears that threatened to spill out escape.

If he could just talk to me…If he could just open up and admit to me what I already knew he was feeling. But instead, he felt he had to keep it from me. And why? Did he think I couldn't handle it? Did he not want me to know? If Z were here she'd say that was a big ol' bunch of bullpoopie. Rephaim was the only one I shared everything with. He knew parts of me that I couldn't even admit to myself. That's what love is; it's giving yourself so completely to another person that you don't have to hide anymore.

The first few drops splattered on my pillow in frustration. Certainly he loved me. We couldn't have gotten through all we had if he didn't. So why was I so afraid that that was what was keeping him from me. It just didn't make any sense. When you're hurt or scared, you have someone you love to fall back on. That's what love is for. And yet, here was Rephaim, running away.

The tears were flowing steadily now, angry tears. And they kept coming and coming until the darkness closed in around me and sleep consumed me.