[Disclaimer: FFVIII and FFVII characters are a copyright of Squaresoft.]
(AN: This fic's got a bit of FFVII in it, but i don't really consider it a crossover. You'll see wht i mean at the end! ^_^ PLEEEEEZ read and REVIEW!!!! *feeling desperate*]
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::Intro: It's a summer morn in Balamb (the town, not the Garden) and our intrepid heroes deicde to spend their weekend fishing in Balamb. ^_^::
SELPHIE: WHOO HOO! OMG! O! MY! GOD!
ZELL (has been sleeping. Just woke up scared.): WHAT?!
SELPHIE (jumping up and down like some froggy): IT'S.... MOVING! (GASP!)
RINOA (giggling): Yes it's moving alright!
ZELL: WHAT IS?!
SELPHIE: THE ROD! (sticks out tongue at Zell)
ZELL: OH BOY! (sits up quickly and reels in the fishing line)
(Rinoa and Selphie stare at the rod and start leaning down. They're only 2 feet away from the surface of the water now.)
ZELL (muttering): Steady now... Easy does it... AW MAN! It's just a... Well, not much. Forget it. (quickly throws the fish he caught -a Magikarp ^_^ - in the water, embarrassed at his catch.)
SQUALL: ....
ZELL: Oh. Hehe, hi there Squall. Got the hotdogs? (starts drooling over his own last words.)
SQUALL:..No.
ZELL (in disbelief): WHAT?! -WHY?
SELPHIE: I'm... Hungry... (tears roll down)
RINOA (comforting Selphie): Oh don't cry Sefie dear! I'm hungry too...
ZELL: I WANT HOTDOGS AND I WANT 'EM NOW! Why didn't you buy some?
SQUALL: Too expensive.
Everyone (except our dear fellow Squall) : WHAT?!
SQUALL: ....
ZELL: I'LL go buy 'em then. oO(HA! Too expensive?! HA!)
(Zell leaves the port where he was fishing in andgoes off to the hotdog stand for some hotdogs oO(HA! Too expensive?! HA!) He has no idea of the consequences that he would face because of his addictoin to those juicy doggies.)
~AT THE HOTDOG STAND~
ZELL: Hello missy! (smiling politely to the hotdog girl)
GIRL (staring) : ....Don't you remember me?
ZELL: ....
GIRL (repeating) : .... Don't you remember me?
ZELL: Never saw you before... Or atleast, i think so.
GIRL (looking intently at Zell) : ...Oh. (sighs wearily) You're not... Cloud.
ZELL: Er nope. I just wanna buy some yummy hot dogs.
GIRL: Well you've got the same freako hairo taste in hairdos. Anyway, how many dogs will it be?
ZELL: (Counting on his fingers) One for me... One for Selphie, one for Rinoa... One for Squall annnddd... Two more for me. Six.
GIRL: With or without ketchup?
ZELL: With.
GIRL: With ot without mustard?
ZELL: With.
GIRL: With or without tissue paper?
ZELL: With. (getting slightly impatient)
GIRL: With or witho-
ZELL: (interrupting) WITH! Just hurry will ya?
GIRL: (cocking a brow at him) Right. That'll beee...
ZELL: YEah i know. The usual price, 20 gil. Here. (hands her the money)
GIRL: (glaring back at Zell)...
ZELL: Um... What?
GIRL: (in a stern voice. With a stern expression fixed on her face) You're mocking me aren't you?
ZELL (innocent look): Not really. Sorry, am i missing something...?
GIRL: It's 5,607,859 gil to YOU buster!
ZELL: (jaw drops) WHAT THE ****?! WHY?!
GIRL: (throwing the 20 gil in Zell's shocked face) BECAUSE the hotdog sizzler used to make 'em works on MAKO ENERG you DORK. EVERYONE knows THAT! Now are you gonna pay up or what?
ZELL: Mako... Energy..?
GIRL: Hell do i look like a liar to you?! YES. That's it, MAKO ENERGY.
ZELL: (recovers from hock and starts yelling angrily) I refuse to pay this unfair price! I'm payin' 20 and that's IT. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. (flings the 20 gil at the girl and takes the hotdogs)
GIRL: (shouting from behind) YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS! I'M CALLIN' THE POLICE! (voic fades as Zell storms back to the port.)
::Now our beloved hero Zell Dincht, the er hotdog addict (better known as Chicken Wuss ^_^), reaches the port where his friends greet him.::
SELPHIE: YAY FOR US! HOTDOGGIES! (grabbing a hotdog from Zell)
IRVINE: (who has just arrived) Do i get one too? (smiling)
SELPHIE: OFCOURSE you do! Zell bought two extra.
ZELL: Well, yeah. But you can have one Irvine. (forces a smile as Irvine takes the hotdog)
IRVINE: Mmmm... These are really good hotdogs Zell.
ZELL: Yeah? (feeling slightly shifty) Here Squall, Rinoa, your hotdogs. (hands them their hotdogs and takes the remaining two.)
Rinoa: Thanks!
SQUALL: ...Whatever.
ZELL: Know what? I had to TAKE them! This girl sold 'em for over 5,000,000 gil!
SEIFER: Why hello, Chicken Wuss. (comes along with Fujin and Raijin)
ZELL: Wo da hell...? HUH?! What are YOU doing here?!
RAIJIN: It's a free country ya know.
FUJIN: FOOD... HUNGRY... GIVE.
RAIJIN: Yeah i'm hungry too, ya know.
FUJIN: GIVE. NOW.
ZELL: (protecting the remaining two hotdogs with dear life) NEVER!
SEIFER: Aw c'mon Chicken Wuss... (grabs one of the hotdogs and gives it to Fujin)
ZELL: HEY!
SELPHIE: You bullies better leave NOW... Right Irvy? (smiles sweetly at Irvine)
IRVINE: Er... Yeah.
RINOA: (starts whistling to herself)
SEIFER: I am just SO imressed. (mutters sarcastically)
RAIJIN: Can... I have a bite? I'm starvin' too ya know!
FUJIN: (kicking Raijin) NEGATIVE! (Raijin: YOWCH!)
SEIFER: I'm kinda hungry too. Ok Chicken Wuss gimme that! (tries to grab the last hotdog from Zell's hands)
ZELL: OVER MY DEAD BODY! (holds onto the hotdog tight, but someone grabs it from him.)
ZELL: GIVE IT BACK!!!! (aims a punch at Seifer, who ducks just in time)
SEIFER: Give WHAT back?!
ZELL: (realizes who had grabbed it. A police officer.) Er... Can i have that back, please, sir?
HOTDOG GIRL: And you've got the NERVE to ask for it back?!
ZELL: Not YOU again?!
GIRL: YEAH... And i'll be your worst nightmare... (narros eyes menacingly at Zell)
OFFICER: Ok, cut it out kids.
ZELL AND HOTDOG GIRL: WE ARE *NOT* KIDS.
IRVINE (TO SELPHIE): I think we better go Sefie...
OFFICER: NOT so fast there, son.
IRVINE (pointing to Selphie): But she's... 'Underage' for all this, Officer!
SELPHIE (offended): I'm old 'nuff!
OFFICER: OK everyone, in the car. (calls to his partner) Here, Joe! Come 'elp me wi'dose!
ZELL: And where do you think you're taking us?
OFFICER: I want you all at the Balamb Police Station.
EVERYONE (except the hotdog girl and the officer): WHAT?! WHY? (Raijin ends it with a 'ya know')
SEIFER: We three are innocent! (grabs Fujin and Raijin)
FUJIN: AFFIRMATIVE!
RAIJIN: And i'm too young to go to jail, ya know!
OFFICER: (rolls eyes) I didn't say i was taking you to jail.
ZELL: Then why do you want THEM too?
OFFICER: (shrugging) For witnessing, maybe. Now IN YOU GO. (ushers them to enter the police car)
GIRL: That'll teach ya not to mess with me, freak. (smirking smugly at Zell as they are all taken to the Police Station)
~AT THE POLICE STATION~
OFFICER: Ok. Now WHAt exactly happened?
GIRL: HE STOLE MY HOTDOGS!
ZELL: I DID NOT! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WAS STEALING BY PUTTIN' A PRICE LIKE THAT!
GIRL: You RAT! How DARE you DENY IT?!
ZELL: I gave her 20 gils Officer!
OFFICER: AH, but those weren't sold for 20.
GIRL: TELL HIM, OFFICER.
ZELL: Oh PUH-LEASE! You want me to pay over 5,000,000 gil for SIX hotdogs?! NOWAY! That's like, more than what i earn in a month!
OFFICER: (gasps) THAT, you idiot, is a WAAAAAYYYY big discount.
ZELL: (blank look)....
GIRL: See? I told ya Offcier. And he STILL wouldn't pay up.
ZELL: (blurts) You don't have a witness.
GIRL: OH YOU WON'T GIVE UP THOSE STUPID GAMES WILL YA?!
OFFICER: This calls for COURT interference.
SQUALL: ...Whatever.
~AT COURT~
::Whispering among the jury is heard before the judge enters and starts banging::
JUDGE: (Bang! Bang!) ORDER IN THE COURT!
ZELL: Oh God... It can't be... It just CAN'T be!
JUDGE: What?
ZELL: You're... CAIT SITH!
JUDGE CAIT: (smiling) Oh goody, i'm popular...
ZELL: B-But... I don't wanna have YOU judge me! (at the edge of tears)
JUDGE C: (gasps) HOW DARE YOU! Now for THAT, your sentence is-
QUISTIS: (interrupting) Verdict first, your honor.
ZELL: QUISTY! (relieved)
QUISTIS: (whispering) Shuddup, i'm your attorney.
JUDGE C: Alright. Thanks for the reminder Ms.Trepe.
QUISTIS: You're most welcome, your honor.
JUDGE C: Yep, yep. Now you, my rude friend, are guilty of stealing over 5,000,000 gils worth of hotdogs. How do you plead?
ZELL: Not guilty!
JUDGE C: That's "Not guilty, YOUR HONOR" to you, twit. (bang!)
ZELL: (mumbles the F word)
JUDGE C: SILENCE! (BANG!) May Ms. Gainsborough step up, please.
ZELL: GAINSBOROUGH?!
JUDGE C: The hotdog girl you poopyhead.
ZELL: HOLY HORSESHIT! THAT'S AERIS!
JUDGE C: Please remain silent you loud creature. (disgusted)
QUISTIS: Shuddup! (hisses at Zell)
ZELL: She's supposed to be DEAD! (hisses back at Quisty)
QUISTIS: Heaven forbid, why?!
ZELL: Sephiroth killed her!
QUISTIS: (raises an eyebrow) Oh c'mon, you didn't REALLY fall for all that did you?! That was all plain acting.
ZELL: ...Acting...?
QUISTIS: Yeah. For FFVII - the game. Now you don't REALLY believe that Squaresoft would allow one of their heavily paid superstars to just DIE do ya?
ZELL: Um... No. I knew that. (dazed)
JUDGE C: AHEM! AHEM! AHEM! NO sidetalks please! (BANG! BANG!) Bring up the first witness!
::Squall steps up::
JUDGE C: Ah yes, Squall Leonhart! Are you ready to take the oath?
SQUALL: ...Probably.
JUDGE C: Ok then, you will say the truth and nothing but the truth. Fair deal?
SQUALL: Whatever.
JUDGE C: Smart lad! Now what do you have to say about all this?
SQUALL: ...Whatever.
JUDGE C: JURY! Write that down!
ZELL: Um... Is that with me or against me?
QUISTIS: (shrugging) I have no idea.
ZELL: Sure. (worried)
JUDGE C: SILENCE! (BANG! BANG! BANG!) Now... Next Witness.
::Selphie steps up::
JUDGE C: Selphie Tilmi-
SELPHIE: (interrupting) WHOOOOO HOOOOO! I'M IN A COURT! OMIGOD!
JUDGE C: AHEM! AHEM! (BANG!) Please do not interrupt. Now as i was saying-
SELPHIE: (interrupting again) WHOOOOO HOOOOOO! LET'S PAH-TAY!
JUDGE C: I'm warning you child such behaviour will not be toler-
SELPHIE: (interrupting once more) PAH-TAY! PAH-TAY! PAH-TAY!
JUDGE C: AW QUIET! (furious)
SELPHIE: ....
JUDGE C: ...Thank you. Now, what do you have to say about all this?
SELPHIE: ...Whoo hoo...???
JUDGE C: (smiling sympathetically) Urm. Yes. What an intelligent bright child y'are.
::Selphie smiles broadly and steps down::
ZELL: (groaning to Quistis) Will this ever end?!?!?!
QUISTIS: It will. When Cait Sith gets bored.
JUDGE C: (BANG! BANG! BANG!) Hush you two! May the next witness please STEP UP.
::Raijin steps up::
JUDGE C: So what d'ya have to say about all this?
RAIJIN: (nervously)...I didn't do it, ya know.
JUDGE C: (rolls eyes sarcastically) Yes my friend, you didn't DO anything, YOU are just here to er... Um, Ms. Trepe? Why is this young man here? Infact, why is everyone here?
QUISTIS: (sighing) this man is a witness your honor, so are all the others.
JUDGE C: Right. Now, what do you have to say about this?
RAIJIN: I STILL didn't do it ya know! (crying)
JUDGE C: YES I KNOW! Oh for heaven's sake, NEXT WITNESS! This fool is of no use here.
::Raijin steps down and Fujin steps up as the next witness::
JUDGE C: What do YOU have to say about this? Did Zell Dincht steal the hotdogs?
FUJIN: AFFIRMATIVE.
JUDGE C: Then you witnessed the robbery?
FUJIN: NEGATIVE.
JUDGE C:...er, yes (sighing deeply) i know your type. You're one of those 'get-to-the-point' typ, aren't ya?
FUJIN: AFFIRMATIVE.
JUDGE C: (ONE BIG *BANG*!!!!!!!) WELL I WILL NOT TOLERATE SHORT SENTENCES! ESPECIALLY THOSE CONSISTING OF ONE WORD ONLY!
FUJIN: ....
JUDGE C: Low-vocab fool... Just what i need to make my day. (sneers)
FUJIN: RAAAAAAAAAAGE!!!!!!!!!!!
JUDGE C: I beg your pard-...???
QUISTIS: I don't think she liked being called a low-vocab fool, your honor.
FUJIN: EXACTLY! NOW JUST BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO PRESERVE MY DECENT MANNER OF SPEECH TO THOSE WHO DESERVE IT DOES NOT MAKE ME A LOW VOCAB FOOL YOU-
JUDGE C: NEXT WITNESSSSSSS!!!!!!! (Interrupting Fujin before she says anything else. Fujin is dragged out of the court with the other members of the DC -Seifer and Raijin. Fujin is still yelling "RAGE!" at Judge Cait Sith.)
AERIS: I think we've seen enough witnesses...(grumbles)... I just want my gils back!
JUDGE C: .... (glaring at Aeris)
AERIS: (gulp!)...? What...?
::Suddenly, the court becomes so extremely quiet::
JUDGE C: (in a sudden outburst!) LISTEN. YOUR CASE HAS BEEN PRESENTED TO COURT. YOU SHOULD THANK GOD DAY AND NIGHT THAT I AGREED TO HONOR YOU PEASANTS WITH MY PRESENCE THAT SUCH PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE UNWORTHY OF! Now... *deep breath* Next witness.
AERIS: (mutters something that sounded like "fuc*in' asshole")
::Quistis steps up::
JUDGE C: Ah yes, Ms. Trepe!
ZELL: (in shock) WHAT?! B-BUT... Y-YOUR MY ATTORNEY!!!!!
QUISTIS: I know. I'm a witness too.
ZELL: But you didn't see anything! And... NEITHER DID ALL OF THOSE WHO STEPPED UP!!!!!!
QUISTIS: So? You got a problem with that?
JUDGE C: (BANG! BANG! BANG!) SILENCE, I SAY! Yes, Ms. Trepe? What do you have to say about this?
QUISTIS: Nothing whatsoever.
JUDGE C: ATLAST! SOMEONE with some REAL proof that Mr. Dincht is just SOOOOO dreadfully guilty!
ZELL: THAT DOES IT!
::all eyes turn to stare at Zell::
ZELL: THIS is NO court. And YOU (pointing with rade at Cait Sith) are NO Judge!
JUDGE C: I BEG YOUR PARDON!
ZELL: HELL YEAH! I've had absolutely ENOUGH of this!
JUDGE C: That's not for you to decide. I say when you've had enough.
ZELL: And ANYWAY, what's AERIS doin' sellin' HOTDOGS?!
JUDGE C: ????
ZELL: Isn't she supposed to be sellin' FLOWERS?!
QUISTIS: Shuddup and sit down.
ZELL: AND YOU, supposedly one of my best friends AND my attorney - YOU witnessed AGAINST me?!?!?!
QUISTIS: Oh whatever...
JUDGE C: (BAAAAAAAANNNGGGGG!!!!!!!!) SILENCE. Although you are unmistakably a moronic good-for-nothing fool, you just spoke wisely...
ZELL: That part about Quisty?
JUDGE C: AW SHADDAP! (BANG!) Don't spoil it for yourself with more crap. Nah, i meant the part about Aeris sellin' hotdogs.
ZELL: Um ya. I knew that.
AERIS: Er... (gulp)
JUDGE C: (BANG!) YOU! (points at Aeris) Do you have a license to sell HOTDOGS?
AERIS:... What's THAT got to do with this case?
ZELL: Answer, RAT.
AERIS: Who you callin rat, RAT?!
JUDGE C: (BANG! BANG! BANG!) SILENCE! Side talks, side talks, side talks... You've been feeding me SHIT shutting you up Mr. Dincht!... NOW. Ms. Gainsborough...
AERIS: NOT GUILTY!
JUDGE C: (scowling) i didn't say you were. NOW-
AERIS: I...I...
JUDGE C: You WHAT Ms. Gainsborough?! NOW, do you have a-
AERIS: DON'T SAY IT!
JUDGE C: SAY WHAT?! Do you have a license, Ms. Gainsborough?
AERIS: ARGH! YOU SAID IT!
JUDGE C: Oh for God's sake... DO YOU OR DO YOU NOT HAVE A LICENSE TO SELL HOTDOGS?
AERIS:... I want my lawyer.
JUDGE C: WELL?!
AERIS:...I don't.
JUDGE C: AHA! Andi recall they were MAKO-MADE HOTDOGS TOO?
AERIS: I dunno.
JUDGE C: Are you suuuuuuure???? (grinning wickedly)
AERIS: YES they WERE Mako-made hotdogs...
JUDGE C: THAT is a CRIME! It's even worse than Mr. Dincht's bad-doing!
ZELL: Does that mean i'm innocent?
JUDGE C: (rolls his eyes) You wish. Now, did i SAY you were innocent? Didn't think so.
ZELL: B-BUT... There's only room for one accused 'ere! (hopeful look) And... And SHE'S the acccused now. I gotta leave to make room for her!
JUDGE C: Big deal... Oh ALRIGHT! You're... Not guilty.
ZELL: HALLALUJAH!
JUDGE C: Now off you go before i change my mind!
ZELL: But who'll witness against HER if i leave? (points at Aeris) I'm the one who bought the hotdogs.
AERIS: (through clenched teeth) Correction. You were the one who STOLE the hotdogs. (glares at Zell)
ZELL: Oh stop it you're killing me! (sarcastically)
AERIS: Whatever, CHICKENWUSS. (mimicking Seifer)
JUDGE C: (BANG!) ORDER IN THE COURT! Ok... NOW... What do you have to say for yourself Ms. Gainsborough?
AERIS: Please... I'd rather DIE than go to jail!
SEPHIROTH: That can be arranged! (jumps out of the jury and KILLS Aeris!!!)
JUDGE C: ARGH! BLOODY MURDER! And in COURT too! HOW SICKENING - SEIZE HIM!
::Court guards seize Sephiroth. As they do that, Sephiroth's head rolls off...::
GUARD 1: HEY! THIS AIN'T NO GUY!
GUARD 2: CRIPES! This guy's a GIRL!
::The 'head' that rolled off was really a mask. Now you'll know who Sephiroth REALLY is... *chuckles* ^_^::
JUDGE C: TIFA LOCKEHEART! W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!
TIFA: I...I...(bursts into a fit of tears) SHE WAS TAKING CLOUD AWAY FROM ME!
ZELL: Not to mention almost sending me to jail. oO(So that's why Sephiroth kill Aeris in the game...)
JUDGE C: This is just TOO MUCH. Robbery first and now MURDER! Just HOW much can a Judge handle at once?!
TIFA: (frowning) I thought you were a fortune-teller!
JUDGE C: I am?
{EVERYONE}: YEAH!
JUDGE C: (whiny voice) But that doesn't mean i don't get to play judge does it? (pouts)
EVERYONE: ....
ZELL:.... (menacing look)
JUDGE C: (nervous laugh)... I want my lawyer.
::Yuffie Kisaragi stands up from the jury and glares at Cait Sith::
YUFFIE: THIS IS AN ILLEGAL ACT! YOU'RE NOT EVEN A REAL JUDGE SO HOW DARE YOU SPEAK IN THE NAME OF THE LAW?!
JUDGE C: Ah yes, it's Yuffie Kiss-A-Doggie isn't it?
YUFFIE: KISARAGI.
JUDGE C: Oh whatever. So what now? I'm no judge, so who really IS the judge here?
{EVERYONE}:....(exchanging looks)
QUISTIS: Okay then, case closed. Now shoo, everyone. Out, out, OUT.
ZELL: (groaning) Is that it? Case closed? And SO easily? I can't believe i went through all that for nothing... Atleast arrest Cait Sith!
RINOA: (sighing) LEt's just get back to Garden.
IRVINE:...Um... Do we have to pay admission fees to re-enter Garden?
SQUALL: Probably.
ZELL: Now why'd you say that? Since when did we start paying fees to re-enter Garden?
IRVINE: I dunno, juz thinkin'.
QUISTIS: Give us all a break and stop thinking then.
SQUALL: Whatever.
::Our heroes' voices fade away in the midst as they walk away further and further from the 'camera'::
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SELPHIE: ZELL?! OH DINCHTY?! ARE YOU STILL ALIIIIIIVE?!
ZELL: (suddenly waking up) Huh? Wha...?! What the-...?!?!?!
RINOA: (rolling her eyes) You were ASLEEP. I bet the fish ate the bait while you were ASLEEP. So i suggest you put a new bait and try to make up for the fish you didn't catch while you were ASLEEP by catching some NOW and-
SELPHIE: Oh Rin! Calm down. Squall's gone to get us hotdogs and-
ZELL: Wait a minute... ARE YOU TELLIN' ME I WAS DREAMIN' ALL THAT?!
SELPHIE & RINOA: Say WHAT???
ZELL: All that COURT stuff... All a DREAM?!
SELPHIE & RINOA: ...Say WHAT?!
ZELL: And... And Judge Cait Sith-
SELPHIE: JUDGE Cait Sith? JUDGE? I thought he was a fortune teller.
ZELL: Well yeah that's what i thought but- HEY! (SHOCKED!) Did you say you sent SQUALL to get us HOTDOGS?!?!?!
RINOA: Urm... yeah.
::Squall hath returneth! ^_^::
SELPHIE: Oh here he is! Hey Squall, where are the hotdogs?
SQUALL: They were too expensive. The girl said they cost over 5,000,000 gil.
::Zell collapses to the ground, unconscious::
RINOA: OH GOD! ZELL?! Are you ALRIGHT?! Oh my God, ZELL!!!!
SQUALL: ...Is it something i said?
~FIN~
[AN: LOL, well wasn't that a surprise ending? ^_^ Now i'm not going to go on about how much i'd appreciate it if you REVIEW what you just read... Pweez??? Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it!]
(AN: This fic's got a bit of FFVII in it, but i don't really consider it a crossover. You'll see wht i mean at the end! ^_^ PLEEEEEZ read and REVIEW!!!! *feeling desperate*]
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::Intro: It's a summer morn in Balamb (the town, not the Garden) and our intrepid heroes deicde to spend their weekend fishing in Balamb. ^_^::
SELPHIE: WHOO HOO! OMG! O! MY! GOD!
ZELL (has been sleeping. Just woke up scared.): WHAT?!
SELPHIE (jumping up and down like some froggy): IT'S.... MOVING! (GASP!)
RINOA (giggling): Yes it's moving alright!
ZELL: WHAT IS?!
SELPHIE: THE ROD! (sticks out tongue at Zell)
ZELL: OH BOY! (sits up quickly and reels in the fishing line)
(Rinoa and Selphie stare at the rod and start leaning down. They're only 2 feet away from the surface of the water now.)
ZELL (muttering): Steady now... Easy does it... AW MAN! It's just a... Well, not much. Forget it. (quickly throws the fish he caught -a Magikarp ^_^ - in the water, embarrassed at his catch.)
SQUALL: ....
ZELL: Oh. Hehe, hi there Squall. Got the hotdogs? (starts drooling over his own last words.)
SQUALL:..No.
ZELL (in disbelief): WHAT?! -WHY?
SELPHIE: I'm... Hungry... (tears roll down)
RINOA (comforting Selphie): Oh don't cry Sefie dear! I'm hungry too...
ZELL: I WANT HOTDOGS AND I WANT 'EM NOW! Why didn't you buy some?
SQUALL: Too expensive.
Everyone (except our dear fellow Squall) : WHAT?!
SQUALL: ....
ZELL: I'LL go buy 'em then. oO(HA! Too expensive?! HA!)
(Zell leaves the port where he was fishing in andgoes off to the hotdog stand for some hotdogs oO(HA! Too expensive?! HA!) He has no idea of the consequences that he would face because of his addictoin to those juicy doggies.)
~AT THE HOTDOG STAND~
ZELL: Hello missy! (smiling politely to the hotdog girl)
GIRL (staring) : ....Don't you remember me?
ZELL: ....
GIRL (repeating) : .... Don't you remember me?
ZELL: Never saw you before... Or atleast, i think so.
GIRL (looking intently at Zell) : ...Oh. (sighs wearily) You're not... Cloud.
ZELL: Er nope. I just wanna buy some yummy hot dogs.
GIRL: Well you've got the same freako hairo taste in hairdos. Anyway, how many dogs will it be?
ZELL: (Counting on his fingers) One for me... One for Selphie, one for Rinoa... One for Squall annnddd... Two more for me. Six.
GIRL: With or without ketchup?
ZELL: With.
GIRL: With ot without mustard?
ZELL: With.
GIRL: With or without tissue paper?
ZELL: With. (getting slightly impatient)
GIRL: With or witho-
ZELL: (interrupting) WITH! Just hurry will ya?
GIRL: (cocking a brow at him) Right. That'll beee...
ZELL: YEah i know. The usual price, 20 gil. Here. (hands her the money)
GIRL: (glaring back at Zell)...
ZELL: Um... What?
GIRL: (in a stern voice. With a stern expression fixed on her face) You're mocking me aren't you?
ZELL (innocent look): Not really. Sorry, am i missing something...?
GIRL: It's 5,607,859 gil to YOU buster!
ZELL: (jaw drops) WHAT THE ****?! WHY?!
GIRL: (throwing the 20 gil in Zell's shocked face) BECAUSE the hotdog sizzler used to make 'em works on MAKO ENERG you DORK. EVERYONE knows THAT! Now are you gonna pay up or what?
ZELL: Mako... Energy..?
GIRL: Hell do i look like a liar to you?! YES. That's it, MAKO ENERGY.
ZELL: (recovers from hock and starts yelling angrily) I refuse to pay this unfair price! I'm payin' 20 and that's IT. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. (flings the 20 gil at the girl and takes the hotdogs)
GIRL: (shouting from behind) YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS! I'M CALLIN' THE POLICE! (voic fades as Zell storms back to the port.)
::Now our beloved hero Zell Dincht, the er hotdog addict (better known as Chicken Wuss ^_^), reaches the port where his friends greet him.::
SELPHIE: YAY FOR US! HOTDOGGIES! (grabbing a hotdog from Zell)
IRVINE: (who has just arrived) Do i get one too? (smiling)
SELPHIE: OFCOURSE you do! Zell bought two extra.
ZELL: Well, yeah. But you can have one Irvine. (forces a smile as Irvine takes the hotdog)
IRVINE: Mmmm... These are really good hotdogs Zell.
ZELL: Yeah? (feeling slightly shifty) Here Squall, Rinoa, your hotdogs. (hands them their hotdogs and takes the remaining two.)
Rinoa: Thanks!
SQUALL: ...Whatever.
ZELL: Know what? I had to TAKE them! This girl sold 'em for over 5,000,000 gil!
SEIFER: Why hello, Chicken Wuss. (comes along with Fujin and Raijin)
ZELL: Wo da hell...? HUH?! What are YOU doing here?!
RAIJIN: It's a free country ya know.
FUJIN: FOOD... HUNGRY... GIVE.
RAIJIN: Yeah i'm hungry too, ya know.
FUJIN: GIVE. NOW.
ZELL: (protecting the remaining two hotdogs with dear life) NEVER!
SEIFER: Aw c'mon Chicken Wuss... (grabs one of the hotdogs and gives it to Fujin)
ZELL: HEY!
SELPHIE: You bullies better leave NOW... Right Irvy? (smiles sweetly at Irvine)
IRVINE: Er... Yeah.
RINOA: (starts whistling to herself)
SEIFER: I am just SO imressed. (mutters sarcastically)
RAIJIN: Can... I have a bite? I'm starvin' too ya know!
FUJIN: (kicking Raijin) NEGATIVE! (Raijin: YOWCH!)
SEIFER: I'm kinda hungry too. Ok Chicken Wuss gimme that! (tries to grab the last hotdog from Zell's hands)
ZELL: OVER MY DEAD BODY! (holds onto the hotdog tight, but someone grabs it from him.)
ZELL: GIVE IT BACK!!!! (aims a punch at Seifer, who ducks just in time)
SEIFER: Give WHAT back?!
ZELL: (realizes who had grabbed it. A police officer.) Er... Can i have that back, please, sir?
HOTDOG GIRL: And you've got the NERVE to ask for it back?!
ZELL: Not YOU again?!
GIRL: YEAH... And i'll be your worst nightmare... (narros eyes menacingly at Zell)
OFFICER: Ok, cut it out kids.
ZELL AND HOTDOG GIRL: WE ARE *NOT* KIDS.
IRVINE (TO SELPHIE): I think we better go Sefie...
OFFICER: NOT so fast there, son.
IRVINE (pointing to Selphie): But she's... 'Underage' for all this, Officer!
SELPHIE (offended): I'm old 'nuff!
OFFICER: OK everyone, in the car. (calls to his partner) Here, Joe! Come 'elp me wi'dose!
ZELL: And where do you think you're taking us?
OFFICER: I want you all at the Balamb Police Station.
EVERYONE (except the hotdog girl and the officer): WHAT?! WHY? (Raijin ends it with a 'ya know')
SEIFER: We three are innocent! (grabs Fujin and Raijin)
FUJIN: AFFIRMATIVE!
RAIJIN: And i'm too young to go to jail, ya know!
OFFICER: (rolls eyes) I didn't say i was taking you to jail.
ZELL: Then why do you want THEM too?
OFFICER: (shrugging) For witnessing, maybe. Now IN YOU GO. (ushers them to enter the police car)
GIRL: That'll teach ya not to mess with me, freak. (smirking smugly at Zell as they are all taken to the Police Station)
~AT THE POLICE STATION~
OFFICER: Ok. Now WHAt exactly happened?
GIRL: HE STOLE MY HOTDOGS!
ZELL: I DID NOT! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WAS STEALING BY PUTTIN' A PRICE LIKE THAT!
GIRL: You RAT! How DARE you DENY IT?!
ZELL: I gave her 20 gils Officer!
OFFICER: AH, but those weren't sold for 20.
GIRL: TELL HIM, OFFICER.
ZELL: Oh PUH-LEASE! You want me to pay over 5,000,000 gil for SIX hotdogs?! NOWAY! That's like, more than what i earn in a month!
OFFICER: (gasps) THAT, you idiot, is a WAAAAAYYYY big discount.
ZELL: (blank look)....
GIRL: See? I told ya Offcier. And he STILL wouldn't pay up.
ZELL: (blurts) You don't have a witness.
GIRL: OH YOU WON'T GIVE UP THOSE STUPID GAMES WILL YA?!
OFFICER: This calls for COURT interference.
SQUALL: ...Whatever.
~AT COURT~
::Whispering among the jury is heard before the judge enters and starts banging::
JUDGE: (Bang! Bang!) ORDER IN THE COURT!
ZELL: Oh God... It can't be... It just CAN'T be!
JUDGE: What?
ZELL: You're... CAIT SITH!
JUDGE CAIT: (smiling) Oh goody, i'm popular...
ZELL: B-But... I don't wanna have YOU judge me! (at the edge of tears)
JUDGE C: (gasps) HOW DARE YOU! Now for THAT, your sentence is-
QUISTIS: (interrupting) Verdict first, your honor.
ZELL: QUISTY! (relieved)
QUISTIS: (whispering) Shuddup, i'm your attorney.
JUDGE C: Alright. Thanks for the reminder Ms.Trepe.
QUISTIS: You're most welcome, your honor.
JUDGE C: Yep, yep. Now you, my rude friend, are guilty of stealing over 5,000,000 gils worth of hotdogs. How do you plead?
ZELL: Not guilty!
JUDGE C: That's "Not guilty, YOUR HONOR" to you, twit. (bang!)
ZELL: (mumbles the F word)
JUDGE C: SILENCE! (BANG!) May Ms. Gainsborough step up, please.
ZELL: GAINSBOROUGH?!
JUDGE C: The hotdog girl you poopyhead.
ZELL: HOLY HORSESHIT! THAT'S AERIS!
JUDGE C: Please remain silent you loud creature. (disgusted)
QUISTIS: Shuddup! (hisses at Zell)
ZELL: She's supposed to be DEAD! (hisses back at Quisty)
QUISTIS: Heaven forbid, why?!
ZELL: Sephiroth killed her!
QUISTIS: (raises an eyebrow) Oh c'mon, you didn't REALLY fall for all that did you?! That was all plain acting.
ZELL: ...Acting...?
QUISTIS: Yeah. For FFVII - the game. Now you don't REALLY believe that Squaresoft would allow one of their heavily paid superstars to just DIE do ya?
ZELL: Um... No. I knew that. (dazed)
JUDGE C: AHEM! AHEM! AHEM! NO sidetalks please! (BANG! BANG!) Bring up the first witness!
::Squall steps up::
JUDGE C: Ah yes, Squall Leonhart! Are you ready to take the oath?
SQUALL: ...Probably.
JUDGE C: Ok then, you will say the truth and nothing but the truth. Fair deal?
SQUALL: Whatever.
JUDGE C: Smart lad! Now what do you have to say about all this?
SQUALL: ...Whatever.
JUDGE C: JURY! Write that down!
ZELL: Um... Is that with me or against me?
QUISTIS: (shrugging) I have no idea.
ZELL: Sure. (worried)
JUDGE C: SILENCE! (BANG! BANG! BANG!) Now... Next Witness.
::Selphie steps up::
JUDGE C: Selphie Tilmi-
SELPHIE: (interrupting) WHOOOOO HOOOOO! I'M IN A COURT! OMIGOD!
JUDGE C: AHEM! AHEM! (BANG!) Please do not interrupt. Now as i was saying-
SELPHIE: (interrupting again) WHOOOOO HOOOOOO! LET'S PAH-TAY!
JUDGE C: I'm warning you child such behaviour will not be toler-
SELPHIE: (interrupting once more) PAH-TAY! PAH-TAY! PAH-TAY!
JUDGE C: AW QUIET! (furious)
SELPHIE: ....
JUDGE C: ...Thank you. Now, what do you have to say about all this?
SELPHIE: ...Whoo hoo...???
JUDGE C: (smiling sympathetically) Urm. Yes. What an intelligent bright child y'are.
::Selphie smiles broadly and steps down::
ZELL: (groaning to Quistis) Will this ever end?!?!?!
QUISTIS: It will. When Cait Sith gets bored.
JUDGE C: (BANG! BANG! BANG!) Hush you two! May the next witness please STEP UP.
::Raijin steps up::
JUDGE C: So what d'ya have to say about all this?
RAIJIN: (nervously)...I didn't do it, ya know.
JUDGE C: (rolls eyes sarcastically) Yes my friend, you didn't DO anything, YOU are just here to er... Um, Ms. Trepe? Why is this young man here? Infact, why is everyone here?
QUISTIS: (sighing) this man is a witness your honor, so are all the others.
JUDGE C: Right. Now, what do you have to say about this?
RAIJIN: I STILL didn't do it ya know! (crying)
JUDGE C: YES I KNOW! Oh for heaven's sake, NEXT WITNESS! This fool is of no use here.
::Raijin steps down and Fujin steps up as the next witness::
JUDGE C: What do YOU have to say about this? Did Zell Dincht steal the hotdogs?
FUJIN: AFFIRMATIVE.
JUDGE C: Then you witnessed the robbery?
FUJIN: NEGATIVE.
JUDGE C:...er, yes (sighing deeply) i know your type. You're one of those 'get-to-the-point' typ, aren't ya?
FUJIN: AFFIRMATIVE.
JUDGE C: (ONE BIG *BANG*!!!!!!!) WELL I WILL NOT TOLERATE SHORT SENTENCES! ESPECIALLY THOSE CONSISTING OF ONE WORD ONLY!
FUJIN: ....
JUDGE C: Low-vocab fool... Just what i need to make my day. (sneers)
FUJIN: RAAAAAAAAAAGE!!!!!!!!!!!
JUDGE C: I beg your pard-...???
QUISTIS: I don't think she liked being called a low-vocab fool, your honor.
FUJIN: EXACTLY! NOW JUST BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO PRESERVE MY DECENT MANNER OF SPEECH TO THOSE WHO DESERVE IT DOES NOT MAKE ME A LOW VOCAB FOOL YOU-
JUDGE C: NEXT WITNESSSSSSS!!!!!!! (Interrupting Fujin before she says anything else. Fujin is dragged out of the court with the other members of the DC -Seifer and Raijin. Fujin is still yelling "RAGE!" at Judge Cait Sith.)
AERIS: I think we've seen enough witnesses...(grumbles)... I just want my gils back!
JUDGE C: .... (glaring at Aeris)
AERIS: (gulp!)...? What...?
::Suddenly, the court becomes so extremely quiet::
JUDGE C: (in a sudden outburst!) LISTEN. YOUR CASE HAS BEEN PRESENTED TO COURT. YOU SHOULD THANK GOD DAY AND NIGHT THAT I AGREED TO HONOR YOU PEASANTS WITH MY PRESENCE THAT SUCH PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE UNWORTHY OF! Now... *deep breath* Next witness.
AERIS: (mutters something that sounded like "fuc*in' asshole")
::Quistis steps up::
JUDGE C: Ah yes, Ms. Trepe!
ZELL: (in shock) WHAT?! B-BUT... Y-YOUR MY ATTORNEY!!!!!
QUISTIS: I know. I'm a witness too.
ZELL: But you didn't see anything! And... NEITHER DID ALL OF THOSE WHO STEPPED UP!!!!!!
QUISTIS: So? You got a problem with that?
JUDGE C: (BANG! BANG! BANG!) SILENCE, I SAY! Yes, Ms. Trepe? What do you have to say about this?
QUISTIS: Nothing whatsoever.
JUDGE C: ATLAST! SOMEONE with some REAL proof that Mr. Dincht is just SOOOOO dreadfully guilty!
ZELL: THAT DOES IT!
::all eyes turn to stare at Zell::
ZELL: THIS is NO court. And YOU (pointing with rade at Cait Sith) are NO Judge!
JUDGE C: I BEG YOUR PARDON!
ZELL: HELL YEAH! I've had absolutely ENOUGH of this!
JUDGE C: That's not for you to decide. I say when you've had enough.
ZELL: And ANYWAY, what's AERIS doin' sellin' HOTDOGS?!
JUDGE C: ????
ZELL: Isn't she supposed to be sellin' FLOWERS?!
QUISTIS: Shuddup and sit down.
ZELL: AND YOU, supposedly one of my best friends AND my attorney - YOU witnessed AGAINST me?!?!?!
QUISTIS: Oh whatever...
JUDGE C: (BAAAAAAAANNNGGGGG!!!!!!!!) SILENCE. Although you are unmistakably a moronic good-for-nothing fool, you just spoke wisely...
ZELL: That part about Quisty?
JUDGE C: AW SHADDAP! (BANG!) Don't spoil it for yourself with more crap. Nah, i meant the part about Aeris sellin' hotdogs.
ZELL: Um ya. I knew that.
AERIS: Er... (gulp)
JUDGE C: (BANG!) YOU! (points at Aeris) Do you have a license to sell HOTDOGS?
AERIS:... What's THAT got to do with this case?
ZELL: Answer, RAT.
AERIS: Who you callin rat, RAT?!
JUDGE C: (BANG! BANG! BANG!) SILENCE! Side talks, side talks, side talks... You've been feeding me SHIT shutting you up Mr. Dincht!... NOW. Ms. Gainsborough...
AERIS: NOT GUILTY!
JUDGE C: (scowling) i didn't say you were. NOW-
AERIS: I...I...
JUDGE C: You WHAT Ms. Gainsborough?! NOW, do you have a-
AERIS: DON'T SAY IT!
JUDGE C: SAY WHAT?! Do you have a license, Ms. Gainsborough?
AERIS: ARGH! YOU SAID IT!
JUDGE C: Oh for God's sake... DO YOU OR DO YOU NOT HAVE A LICENSE TO SELL HOTDOGS?
AERIS:... I want my lawyer.
JUDGE C: WELL?!
AERIS:...I don't.
JUDGE C: AHA! Andi recall they were MAKO-MADE HOTDOGS TOO?
AERIS: I dunno.
JUDGE C: Are you suuuuuuure???? (grinning wickedly)
AERIS: YES they WERE Mako-made hotdogs...
JUDGE C: THAT is a CRIME! It's even worse than Mr. Dincht's bad-doing!
ZELL: Does that mean i'm innocent?
JUDGE C: (rolls his eyes) You wish. Now, did i SAY you were innocent? Didn't think so.
ZELL: B-BUT... There's only room for one accused 'ere! (hopeful look) And... And SHE'S the acccused now. I gotta leave to make room for her!
JUDGE C: Big deal... Oh ALRIGHT! You're... Not guilty.
ZELL: HALLALUJAH!
JUDGE C: Now off you go before i change my mind!
ZELL: But who'll witness against HER if i leave? (points at Aeris) I'm the one who bought the hotdogs.
AERIS: (through clenched teeth) Correction. You were the one who STOLE the hotdogs. (glares at Zell)
ZELL: Oh stop it you're killing me! (sarcastically)
AERIS: Whatever, CHICKENWUSS. (mimicking Seifer)
JUDGE C: (BANG!) ORDER IN THE COURT! Ok... NOW... What do you have to say for yourself Ms. Gainsborough?
AERIS: Please... I'd rather DIE than go to jail!
SEPHIROTH: That can be arranged! (jumps out of the jury and KILLS Aeris!!!)
JUDGE C: ARGH! BLOODY MURDER! And in COURT too! HOW SICKENING - SEIZE HIM!
::Court guards seize Sephiroth. As they do that, Sephiroth's head rolls off...::
GUARD 1: HEY! THIS AIN'T NO GUY!
GUARD 2: CRIPES! This guy's a GIRL!
::The 'head' that rolled off was really a mask. Now you'll know who Sephiroth REALLY is... *chuckles* ^_^::
JUDGE C: TIFA LOCKEHEART! W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!
TIFA: I...I...(bursts into a fit of tears) SHE WAS TAKING CLOUD AWAY FROM ME!
ZELL: Not to mention almost sending me to jail. oO(So that's why Sephiroth kill Aeris in the game...)
JUDGE C: This is just TOO MUCH. Robbery first and now MURDER! Just HOW much can a Judge handle at once?!
TIFA: (frowning) I thought you were a fortune-teller!
JUDGE C: I am?
{EVERYONE}: YEAH!
JUDGE C: (whiny voice) But that doesn't mean i don't get to play judge does it? (pouts)
EVERYONE: ....
ZELL:.... (menacing look)
JUDGE C: (nervous laugh)... I want my lawyer.
::Yuffie Kisaragi stands up from the jury and glares at Cait Sith::
YUFFIE: THIS IS AN ILLEGAL ACT! YOU'RE NOT EVEN A REAL JUDGE SO HOW DARE YOU SPEAK IN THE NAME OF THE LAW?!
JUDGE C: Ah yes, it's Yuffie Kiss-A-Doggie isn't it?
YUFFIE: KISARAGI.
JUDGE C: Oh whatever. So what now? I'm no judge, so who really IS the judge here?
{EVERYONE}:....(exchanging looks)
QUISTIS: Okay then, case closed. Now shoo, everyone. Out, out, OUT.
ZELL: (groaning) Is that it? Case closed? And SO easily? I can't believe i went through all that for nothing... Atleast arrest Cait Sith!
RINOA: (sighing) LEt's just get back to Garden.
IRVINE:...Um... Do we have to pay admission fees to re-enter Garden?
SQUALL: Probably.
ZELL: Now why'd you say that? Since when did we start paying fees to re-enter Garden?
IRVINE: I dunno, juz thinkin'.
QUISTIS: Give us all a break and stop thinking then.
SQUALL: Whatever.
::Our heroes' voices fade away in the midst as they walk away further and further from the 'camera'::
******************************************
SELPHIE: ZELL?! OH DINCHTY?! ARE YOU STILL ALIIIIIIVE?!
ZELL: (suddenly waking up) Huh? Wha...?! What the-...?!?!?!
RINOA: (rolling her eyes) You were ASLEEP. I bet the fish ate the bait while you were ASLEEP. So i suggest you put a new bait and try to make up for the fish you didn't catch while you were ASLEEP by catching some NOW and-
SELPHIE: Oh Rin! Calm down. Squall's gone to get us hotdogs and-
ZELL: Wait a minute... ARE YOU TELLIN' ME I WAS DREAMIN' ALL THAT?!
SELPHIE & RINOA: Say WHAT???
ZELL: All that COURT stuff... All a DREAM?!
SELPHIE & RINOA: ...Say WHAT?!
ZELL: And... And Judge Cait Sith-
SELPHIE: JUDGE Cait Sith? JUDGE? I thought he was a fortune teller.
ZELL: Well yeah that's what i thought but- HEY! (SHOCKED!) Did you say you sent SQUALL to get us HOTDOGS?!?!?!
RINOA: Urm... yeah.
::Squall hath returneth! ^_^::
SELPHIE: Oh here he is! Hey Squall, where are the hotdogs?
SQUALL: They were too expensive. The girl said they cost over 5,000,000 gil.
::Zell collapses to the ground, unconscious::
RINOA: OH GOD! ZELL?! Are you ALRIGHT?! Oh my God, ZELL!!!!
SQUALL: ...Is it something i said?
~FIN~
[AN: LOL, well wasn't that a surprise ending? ^_^ Now i'm not going to go on about how much i'd appreciate it if you REVIEW what you just read... Pweez??? Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it!]