AN: I was originally going to make this a really sarcastic type of Draco-hating-Lucius type of fic, simply because I am in a horribly melancholic mood, but then I read the lyrics over again, and I realized that I couldn't do that to such a beautiful song… so it's just Harry's angst, now. Drop a review on your way out, okay, and I'll love you forevermore!
Disclaimer: All characters, places, canon behavior and circumstances you recognize from the four Harry Potter books don't belong to me, but I sorely long for them. J.K. Rowling owns them all, and don't we all wish we were her?! The song is "On My Father's Wings" by that
excellent Irish music group, the Corrs! *I love them too…*Dedicated to: Dino, I apologize for that phone conversation. I know you won't read this, but what the hell… thank you for showing me how important my father really is. To Kate, did you know Cedes and I wanted to e-mail your dad and tell him to come home for your graduation? Cedes actually wanted to fly to the States and bring him home when she saw you cry during grad dinner… I'm sorry it didn't follow through.
On My Father's Wings
If you were with me now
Harry James Potter leaned his forehead against the cool, rough bark of the tree. He seemed painfully aware of everything around him, as if his senses had been sharpened acutely by the unspeakable amount of grief surging through him at that very moment. He could feel the rough grass tickling his ankles, the cold wind blowing through his robes. He could hear the call of the birds up in the trees surrounding his father's resting place, and he could hear his own words, whispered to a father lost. I wish you were here… I would do anything to bring you and Mum back to me…
Behind him, Sirius Black shifted his feet uncomfortably. Maybe I shouldn't have brought him here. The sight of his godson so close to tears unnerved him. But then again, he did ask to be brought to James' grave.
Harry glanced back at the silent marble headstone, aware of the hot tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. "Harry, if you want to be alone..." His godfather, the one who had tried so hard to be the father he never had… Harry nodded without looking at Sirius, afraid to show him his weakness.
Footsteps, crunching on the grass, moving away. Harry sighed. Alone at last.
I'd find myself in you
He dropped to his knees on the cold, dew-drenched grass above his father's final resting place. Silently, he laid down the small bunch of flowers, which seemed so insignificant to place there in honor of such a great man. His father.
If you were with me now
"If you were with me now, I wouldn't have had to put up with the Dursleys." Harry began to speak, though he knew no one would hear him. "If you were with me now, Sirius wouldn't have had to put up with the dementors." He continued whispering words into the cold wind, and the wind murmured back, assuring him that his words would be carried up to heaven, to James.
You're the only one who knew
All the things we planned to do
"Sirius told me…" Harry bowed his head, his hair falling into his eyes… the same kind of hair his dad once had. "He told me all about… the things you wanted to do…"
"You wanted me to be a good Quidditch player, just like you. You even bought me a toy broom, and you told Mum that you would give it to me when I was old enough… she was so scared that I might fall…" Harry clutched at his glasses. "But… at night, you would take me out and fly me on that toy broom… against Mum's wishes… Sirius told me all."
"That broom… the toy that would have held so much memories in it… it was destroyed, right?" Harry shook his head, forbidding the tears to fall. "It was destroyed that night, when Voldemort killed you and Mum."
I want to live my life the way you said I would
"Mum wanted me to be a good student. You wanted me to keep up the Marauder's Legacy of breaking rules. Mum wanted me to be careful and cautious. You wanted me to be a star Quidditch player, always risking my life on the field. Mum said I was going to be a perfectly happy boy, and you said I was going to be a troublemaker. Mum wanted me to respect girls. You left behind a book called How to Make Girls Cry…" Harry almost smiled, until he saw what was engraved on the marble headstone. He reached out a hand to touch the words in flowing script. He Died A Brave Death.
With courage as my light
Fighting for what's right
"Everybody says I'm exactly like you." Harry swallowed, his hands grasping the damp grass, the knees of his pants muddy. "That's a good thing, right? You were brave, righteous, charming, smart, humorous and pleasant… everything I want to be."
Like you made me believe I could
"Dad, guess what? I'm almost there. I'm almost everything you and Mum wanted me to be. I'm a pretty good student, with Hermione by my side. But Ron and I have broken more than our fair share of rules… I'm a respected Seeker, but still cautious about angering the wrong person. I respect girls, I definitely do, but I've made a lot of them cry in my time. Like Hermione for instance…"
Harry broke off. "But then… I'm a troublemaker, yes… but I'm not really happy."
And I will fly on my father's wings
To places I have never been
There's so much I have never seen
Harry sat down on the grass, not caring if the sun was hidden behind gray fog, not caring if he was seemingly alone. All he cared about was this one moment, this one twinkling, where he could feel his father's love surrounding him.
And I can feel his heartbeat still
Harry breathed in the scent of dew, and of the sun hiding up above, of the cold wind, and his father's love. "You and Mum agreed on one thing…" he whispered, tears welling in his eyes. "You both loved me with all your heart and soul."
And I will do great things
On my father's wings
"And it was that love…" Harry touched his scar. "It was the love that gave me this. It was that love that brought me here."
He glanced up at the foggy sky. "Father, your love's brought me to great fame."
This world I'll never see
"I didn't like that at first." Harry looked over his shoulder, searching for listeners. He found none, and began to whisper again to the father that wasn't there. "Sure, it was okay for the first few weeks… but sooner or later, it's a burden. I'm getting tired of it all. It's like I just want to lock myself up in a room, away from the whole world."
My dreams that just won't be
"I wanted to be like you, a great Seeker, so I worked on that dream. I wasn't in it for the fame, or for the money, or whatever, I was in Quidditch because you were in Quidditch. Dad, you're the reason I was out there in pelting rain, dodging Bludgers and going to heights where I was capable of dying… if I ever fell off my broom."
This horse's stride with one days ride
Will have covered more distance than me
"But I never fell off my broom, at least not by my doing." Harry blinked tears off his lashes. "Do you want to know why I never fell off?"
"Because you never fell off."
But I will fly on my father's wings
"You are a legend. A small one, but a legend, still. Not only because of your Quidditch skill, not only because of your prestige at Hogwarts… but because you gave up your life for me."
To places I have never been
"And when you and Mum died, committing that last act of greatness, another legend lived on."
There's so much I have never seen
Harry smiled through his tears, as the sun shines through the fog. "I'm that legend."
And I can feel his heartbeat still
The sun peeked out through the gray fog, reaching out with a shining ray and resting it on the bowed head of one, cold, sad, and lonely boy sitting on his father's grave.
The sun would shine for anybody, famous or not, poor, rich, sad or happy. But the boy with the scar realized, that his father must have asked the sun to shine especially for him.
And I will do great things
On my father's wings
Harry knew that he was destined for greatness, and before, he didn't want that greatness. He wanted to be normal, to be an ordinary wizard, to have parents. But it was his parents who gave him that greatness, as Harry's hand lay a small bunch of flowers at the edge of his father's grave, he understood:
The fame was there for him, whether he liked it or not and it was something his parents would have wanted him to use well.
Someday with his spirit beside me
And his memory to guide me
"You were a legend, Dad… and so am I." Harry gulped. "We're legends in different ways, but without one, there could not be the other. Dad, your sacrifice made you famous the wizarding world over, and I, the reason for your sacrifice, became famous the world over… just because you and Mum gave up your life for me."
I will be free to
Fly on my father's wings
"I will carry on the legend, Dad. Both your legend and mine. I won't let it go to waste, nor will I squander it. This is my promise to you."
To places I have never been
"Sirius told me he'll take me around the world. 'To hunt down that bastard You-Know-Who.' he said." Harry straightened up, emerald fire blazing in his eyes. "Sirius was joking, of course, but that is what I plan to do."
There's so much I have never seen
"I'm going to look high and low for that creature…" Harry's eyes softened. "But who says I'll be able to find him? And if I ever find him… what do I do?"
And I can feel his heartbeat still
"You and Mum loved me. You loved me so much you let him take you instead of me." Harry took off his glasses and rubbed his hand across his damp eyes. "I know, that your love extends beyond death, Dad… Mum… I know you'll be here forever, helping me through the bad times and laughing with me over the good times. I just wanted you to know… "
"I love you, too."
And I will do great things
On my father's wings
James Potter's son got to his feet and walked away, tears in his eyes, and a vow in his heart. A vow to carry on his father's title, the best way he could.
Harry James Potter walked away, leaving behind the sense of love, the kind of love that extends far beyond death, and a small bouquet of wilted flowers.
On my father's wings.