A/N: Takes place after my fic 'Winter Soldier, Sprin Revival'. I don't think you need to read that to get this one, but Steve and Bucky's reunion is in that one. Either way, enjoy!
The nightmares have returned. Bucky sits in his bed in Steve's apartment, his knees pulled up to his chest. His hair is plastered to his face. His eyes burn, but he doesn't want to close them, doesn't want to blink. His nightmare replays again and again in his mind. The Winter Soldier is back, clawing his way up from the pits of his brain, where Bucky had tried to discard him. He is making himself known, the villain in his dreams. Tonight, the Winter Soldier tortured Steve, laughing at Bucky as he watched helplessly. Bucky shouted, cursed, tried everything, but he couldn't stop the Winter Soldier as he ripped out Steve's heart. Steve's ice blue eyes going blank is the worst part, and it's all he can see. It's hard to admit to himself, the ugly fact that Hydra still has him. He wants to be better. He wants so badly to be okay.
Steve has introduced him to a few people. Tony Stark, Maria Hill, people like that. He has a feeling that Steve is trying to prove to everyone that he's okay. He can't let Steve down. He stares through the wall, willing away the image of dead, blue eyes. Licking his dry lips, he decides maybe what he needs is a glass of milk. He drags himself out of bed, pulls the tie a bit tighter on Steve's too-big sweatpants, and gingerly wipes sweat from the skin near his cold left arm. Then, quietly, so he doesn't wake Steve, he heads to the kitchen.
He shuffles down the halls with the stealth of an assassin, though not the grace. He brushes the hair away from his face, trying to tame it. He has contemplated getting his hair cut many times, but it has almost become a part of him. It is like a scar, a memory of what he can never be again. He isn't ready to part with it.
In the kitchen, he pulls a glass from the cabinet and the jug of milk from the fridge. He fills his glass to the top, drinks half of it, then fills it again. He puts the milk away quietly. Steve is still sleeping, or at least he assumes he is. Bucky crosses the living room to gaze out the window. The night is beautiful, sparkling and brilliant, brighter than it was in his past. It perplexes him, though, that he can't see the stars. He frowns at the sky, but the longer he stares, the more the hazy sky reflects the nightmares circling in his mind. He downs the last of his milk, rinsing his glass and placing it in the sink.
After a few moments of contemplation, Bucky shuffles to Steve's door, which stands ajar. He slips his head through the gap, watching the rise and fall of the broad shoulders that he may never get used to. He can imagine his scrawny best friend so easily, one of the clearest things from his past. He doesn't realize that his gaze has glazed over until Steve sleepily mutters his name.
"Bucky? Are you alright?" Steve mumbles, a confused worriedness in his voice. He has pushed himself onto one elbow, wiping his eyes with his free hand.
"Yeah, sorry. I'm fine. Just on my way back to bed," Bucky replies, his voice small and slightly scratchy.
Steve hesitates for a moment, studying Bucky's face in the dark. "Alright," he consents. "Just let me know if you need anything, alright?"
Bucky nods, extracting himself from the room. It's been a month since he reunited with Steve, and Steve is still treating him gently. He wonders if Steve can see the cracks in the old Bucky that he can see himself. He knows he can. Steve has always been able to read people. He has to fix himself. For everyone's sake, not just his or Steve's. He slides back under his sheets telling himself this again and again, and he falls asleep to this mantra.
In the quiet moments of the next day, Bucky tries to figure out how to restore his sanity. Steve is sitting on the couch facing him with a sketchbook while the news plays in the background. As the news talks about another secret Hydra agent, he realizes what he must do. Hydra made him into a weapon. They're the ones that did this to him. They must pay.