Turlough Gets Depressed
5-31-2014
Turlough sobbed shamelessly into his pillow. He was dangerous, he knew he was. He'd had to be dangerous before, but he didn't want to be anymore. The abilities were still with him, though he thought he'd lost them during the years after the war. He could still be violent, he could still cause harm. He didn't want to, but he still found himself doing so. There was a reason people like him were given the Misos Triangle brand. Once they were dangerous, they were always dangerous. He'd killed during a war, and regardless of the reasons why he killed or why he fought or did any of the things he'd been forced to do, it didn't matter. It had all happened, and if he did it before, he could do it again. He took off his shirt and untied the bandana from his arm. He wanted it gone. If it wasn't there, maybe he could erase what he'd done all those years ago…. No. That's not how it worked. The Misos was only a visual representation of what such brutal violence does to one's mind. If it were gone, the mentality and the past would still be there in his mind. If anything, it was better to keep it, as a reminder, as a warning. 'Stay away, this person may betray you, or try to cheat you, spy on you, harm you, or possibly kill you.' That's basically what it meant. Most of the time, anyway. His brother was rather lucky that it didn't mean the same for him. He was free from the painful regrets, the secrets, the lies that normally accompanied the Misos. Malkon could show it proudly. In a way, Turlough had caused Malkon to get branded and banished, so in a way it was his fault that the boy had been kept apart from his own people, but in a way it was because of him that Malkon had been raised as a leader. Regardless, Turlough still felt guilty about the whole ordeal. Their parents were the real reason that he'd been forced to fight and why Malkon had been branded and banished; the only reason he blamed himself was because he'd had the chance to take Malkon away from the war. He could have taken money for transport away from the whole system, with new identification and everything, but it would have meant he would never get to see his parents or his beloved Deela ever again. He should have taken that chance. But there was nothing he could do to change that, it was all in his past. He'd been forced away from Deela a short time later anyway, and when he saw her one last time, when he finally got a chance to go back to his winter palace, it was the time that she died. He tried to act pompous and arrogant all the time to pretend he had a bigger ego, but it was because he hated himself and the choices he'd made, and the choices that had been forced upon him. He didn't feel deserving of any of the nice things life had given him. With that thought, he flipped over the now soggy pillow and put on a short sleeve shirt. Perhaps he shouldn't hide the Misos; perhaps he should show it around, to everyone, so they knew to stay away before he hurt anyone else.