Disclaimer: RvB owns all their kick-ass characters.

A/N: They're just so dumb its hilarious. Oh yeah, and I didn't see all the episodes, so... yeah.

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"What is it, Caboose?" Church sighed, attempting for the first time to reply calmly to the moron.

"Well... uh, I just thought you wanted to know... that, um, uh..."

His attempt lasted as long as it took to blink, "Just spit it out already!"

The blue-clad Spartan jumped at the rise in Church's temper, stammering out quickly, "W-we have some guests!"

"Guests?" Church turned to Tucker as the aquamarine colored soldier walked into the room, "Hey, Tucker, you have any clue what the hell this idiot's talking about?"

Freezing mid-step, he looked over at Church, an alarmed expression on his face, "I didn't do it! I swear!"

There was silence for a second. Then Church frowned, "Dude, what the hell are you talking about."

Tucker relaxed almost immediately, turning to leave the room as he replied, "Oh, nothing worth mentio- I mean nothing."

Church caught Caboose trying to high-tail it out of there too, but caught his arm, "Nuh-uh, Caboose. Tell me what the fuck you were gonna say. NOW."

Caboose hung his head guiltily, turning back to the bluish white-armored Spartan. Sure, the big idiot could probably snap Church's arm several different ways, or just toss him out of the way. But no, he couldn't do that to Church. Not only because he was on the same team, but because he was Caboose's very best friend.

The blue armored soldier suddenly found the floor a very interesting thing to look at as he replied to Church, "Well... I know you do not like uninvited guests over, Church. ESPECIALLY if they are dressed in that one color you hate very very much, but-"

Church interrupted him, "Wait, Caboose. Are you trying to tell me that some Reds were dumb enough to try to sneak into the base?"

"Of course not," Caboose smiled, glad that Church seemed to understand him, "they used the front door."

"... Caboose, weren't you supposed to be guarding that door?"

The blue idiot sighed, "Of COURSE, Church. Otherwise they might not have been able to get IN."

Before Church could even begin wasting his breath to yell at Caboose, they heard a very surprised shout come from somewhere inside the base. Frowning, Caboose stated, "This cannot be right. Screaming time is not supposed to be here until LATER."

Tex ran downstairs from the roof, asking, "What the hell happened down here. I thought I heard Tucker screaming."

"He did."

"...AND is there a reason why?"

"How the fuck should I know?"

Tex rolled her eyes, "Asshole."

"Bitch." Church shot back as she darted from the room. Without stopping or turning, she flipped him off over her head.

"...Ummm, shouldn't we be following her. I do not want to lose." Caboose asked seriously. Then he continued more excitedly, "Maybe she went to greet out new guests! And Tucker too!"

Church turned to Caboose, his face twisted into an expression that read 'you are a moron' before replying reluctantly, "Yeah... I guess. It's not like we have anything better to do."

!-!-!-!-!-!-!

"Well... that was easier than I thought it would be." Griff commented aloud as the blue moron left the room.

"Why are we here again?" Donut asked, looking slowly around the inside of the base.

The yellow Spartan turned to look at the pink soldier beside him, "Uh, because that oh-so-great leader of ours said to attack the blue base."

"But... I thought you hated Sarge."

"I DO, pink tard!"

"Uh... so why are we here again?"

"..." Griff looked away sadly, "Because we have nothing better to do."

"I knew it." Donut admitted with a sigh, the assault rifle in his arms sagging a bit.

"Well..." Griff turned to take in the room, "since we're here... we might as well blow stuff up."

Suddenly an aquamarine Spartan walked through the room, his eyes closed as he hummed some tune. They didn't know what song it was. Actually, it probably didn't even matter. All they knew was the Spartan was committing an act that would offend all eardrums in the vicinity. The members of the Red team were too horrified by his aweful humming to move. So they ended up just gaping as Tucker strolled right back out the room, still humming terribly off key. They heard some shouting in the other room, but they were still immobile.

Then Tucker strolled right back into the room, but this time his eyes were open. He opened his mouth.

"Aaaah!"

"Dear god NO!"

Both Donut and Griff had shouted simultaneously, believing the Spartan had been about to start humming again. Tucker's eyes widened, as if it suddenly hit him that the enemy had two of their agents within their base.

"AAAAAHHHHH!" Tucker shouted in surprise, "What are you doing here!"

But the two Red Spartans were gasping in relief, "Thank GOD."

Donut exchanged grateful looks with Griff, "I thought he was gonna start humming again."

And that is when Tex came running into the room.

!-!-!-!-!-!-!

"Sarge? Hey, Sarge?"

"What is it, Simmons?"

"I just thought I'd take a moment to comment on how great your great plan is."

"What, to send those two retards in to get themselves blown up?"

The brown-noser paused, before continuing slowly, "Well... uh not exactly, Sarge. I thought you were sending... them in so-"

"Are you saying my great plan isn't great, private?" Sarge demanded menacingly.

"No no, of course not, Sarge." Simmons replied quickly, rubbing the back of his helmet nervously, "W-what I meant to say, was that-"

"That you'll volunteer to go in while those two morons distract them? Great idea, Simmons! Step to it, soldier." The Red leader interrupted enthusiastically.

Being the ass-kisser he was, Simmons knew when not to argue, even when it might mean he'll most likely get shafted, "Yessir, Sarge, sir!"

Sighing, the Sarge turned back to the sniper rifle he had been peering through. When he caught sight of the sniper on the blue team showing up, he knew things were gonna get interesting. He mentally patted his back in congratulations to his great plan.

!-!-!-!-!-!-!

"Awww, shit." Griff cursed.

"Crap, it's that crazy chick." Donut hissed a breath over a whisper to his teammate.

Tex rolled her eyes and asked, "Hey, what are you two IDIOTS doing here."

Seeing that no one was being killed or shot at, Griff replied conversationally, "Oh, well we're just here to attack your base and blow up stuff."

Tex stared at them. They stared back. She shrugged, raising her sniper rifle at eye level and said, "Oh, in that case, I'm gonna have to kill you now."

Panicking, the two Red teammates screamed like girls and tried running back outside. But two or three sniper shots convinced them otherwise.

"You missed!" Tucker shouted.

Tex took offense, lowering her rifle so she could reply angrily in her defense, "I did not MISS. I was just trying to get them to run-"

"Uh-huh, sure you were." Tucker interrupted, rolling his eyes.

"Hey, you don't know what you're talking about. I NEVER MISS."

"Well then, you'll just have to change that to, 'you never missed except for those three times you shot at Griff and Donut'"

"I only shot two times."

"Aha, so you admit you missed!"

"I DID NOT MISS!"

Griff and Donut exchanged stunned glances before darting for cover. Griff dove behind a pile of conveniantly placed boxes, while Donut skiddaddled into the next room.

"Hey, LOOK Church, it's that one girl from the Red team."

"Wha-?"

Donut crossed his arms, "For the last ti-"

The pink Spartan cut himself off as he saw Church pull out his pistol. He darted for the only cover he could find in the room. Right behind the blue Spartan.

"Dammit, move Caboose!" Church ordered, his pistol aimed directly at the Spartan.

"I will..." The blue Spartan said slowly, "if you promise NOT to shoot her."

"What! What the fuck's your problem? She- I mean he- is the enemy!"

"I cannot shoot GIRLS, Church." Caboose said matter-of-factly, "And you should not either."

"Oh my god." Church gritted his teeth in anger, "If you don't get your ass out of the way, Caboose, I WILL shoot you."

"I am sorry, Church. But you will just have to shoot me."

Church stared. Then he shrugged, "Oh well, you asked for i-"

At that moment, Donut caught sight of one of his red teammates. Clearly disregarding the fact that Simmons was trying to sneak past the window, he shouted in relief, "Simmons! Did you come to rescue us?"

"Ah shit! Another one of 'em." Church dodged to the wall nearest the window, his hand gripping one pistol as he drew out another.

"They are acting just like that one animal that you told me about, Church. The mongooses."

"Uh... Caboose, I think you're talking about rabbits."

"Rrrriiighhht. Haha, Church, you are very funny." Caboose shook his head slowly, "Rabbits."

"Dammit, Donut! I was trying to tell you not to reveal my position!" Simmons shouted angrily from behind the safety of a small boulder.

"What?" Donut frowned, "But you were just waving and scratching an itch on your neck."

Simmons sighed, clearly frustrated, "If you had just READ that signal manual like Sarge told you to, then we wouldn't be in this mess."

Meanwhile, down in the other room...

"For the LAST time, Tucker. I DID NOT miss!"

"Clearly, those two or three bullet holes in the ground prove you wrong, Tex." The aquamarine responded with a sigh, waving to the evidence before them.

"TWO shots. TWO. That third one wasn't from my sniper rifle."

Griff was sitting in the same place he had been in what seemed like forever. A 'kill me now' expression was written on his face and he was slowly banging his head against the boxes.

"Hey, did you hear that?" The voice of the blue team's sniper made Griff immediately freeze.

"What, are you trying to change the subject now?" Tucker challenged, "Finally admitting that you missed those three shots?"

"TWO. TWO SHOTS TUCKER. Count my fingers."

"...I don't think that's very appropriate..."

Ignoring his last statement, the sniper continued, bringing up both her hands as she counted the offensive fingers, "One... TWO. Not THREE. TWO."

Standing up from his cover, Griff sighed, "I think the point we're trying to get across here, is that you missed."

Tex glared, "You stay outta this, Red!"

A shot later, Griff found himself once again huddled behind the safety of the pile of boxes.

"Ah, now that's four times you missed, Tex."

"OH. MY. GOD."

Griff slumped visibly, "This is gonna take a while..."

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-grins- hoped you guys liked it. Though, if you can't picture the Red v Blue guys' voices, then it's not so great.