events that changed him
warning: mild slash
i. the day his sister had told him they did not have to go through their entire lives listening to everything that figures of authority say, because – and here, he thinks, was the really great bit – just 'cause they're older, it doesn't mean they're wiser, and he had never stopped following this particular creed
ii. his first day at the mithran cloisters, and the masters directing him in the arts that would make so many of his dreams come true, the arts that would let him spiral upwards like the mythical phoenix, blazing brighter and higher than any other alive, the arts that he would master, the arts – that would one day, he says quietly staring at his glowing hands, master me – that would get him away from here
iii. that one visit to carthak, that one night full of the heady wine and the kisses blind and searching for something that he didn't know he'd been looking for but that he found in that boy – ozorne, he writes and his mind conjures the mage's image unbidden, I wish I was with you – the blinding sense of companionship, something that wasn't quite love and the overwhelming sense of home that he had only ever felt with alanna before he had found ozorne
iv. raising – and I have nothing, he mutters as he holds himself tight to keep the darkness out and swallows dryly, nothing more to say about this – roger