I'm sorry. I made you make those choices and then blamed you for them.
Those words, the long absent sincerity in the brunette's voice, suddenly returned, had stripped the veneer of resolution and control from Delphine's heart. The blonde — who had been determined to bow out, to step aside, to accept her part in their sad melodrama, to give herself even to death in the hope that the Cosima she had once loved might live long enough to one day understand her sacrifice— wept, openly, unabashedly as she steered her luxury sedan toward her home. It had surprised her how simple forgiveness was even after months of disappointment, hurt, incredulity, indignity (did Shay really have to answer the door naked?)
She had thought her walls were thick, but the second Cosima radiated even a fleck of warmth in her direction, her defenses crumbled. The relief she felt at being understood erupted from the pit of her solar plexus. She had learned to live with the dull ache of longing, could at times even channel it into determined action befitting her new position. But the emptiness made even her most impressive victories hollow.
Pressing the pad of her thumb into Rachel Duncan's orbital socket had given her intense satisfaction; she had succeeded in frightening the woman, causing her a nauseatingly visceral pain that despite its strength was merely an echo of the pain that forced her hand. A constant churning agony had engulfed Delphine's heart and in that moment it had purpose, an object. It boiled up through her torso, spreading in chaotic heat across her chest; it made her scalp tingle and her focus narrow; it flowed freely through her arm, across her palm and concentrated itself into the downward pressure of her prehensile digit, creating a gravity that was immeasurable. She had been disappointed to find that the self-indulgent releasing of rage, though intoxicating, failed to diminish the oppressive weight of existence, the immense pressure she felt to simply collapse and the herculean effort required to stay upright. She knew that for Cosima to live, she had to find a way to negotiate these feelings. If only it had been as simple as torture, she'd have kept Rachel in a private room and spent an hour every day experimenting with new ways to make her plead for mercy, but with out any ameliorative effect, it seemed cruel past reason.
She had tried anesthetizing herself with alcohol; before she had met Cosima booze had always been an after thought, a way to augment pleasure; now it had become the first thing she reached for to dull her pain. It only ever took the edge off, made it possible for her to hold conversations, and the fall asleep without visions of Cosima dead or in another woman's arms. She could never decide which image was more disturbing. So it had surprised her how immediately and completely Krystal had captured her attention. Talking with the manicurist soothed her, gave her actual happiness. She found herself marveling at what combination of epigenetics and nurturing would produce a clone who was such a unique blend of the three sisters that she knew so well. She was intuitive like Sarah, prim like Alison and edgy like Cosima, and when she looked into the new clones unsuspecting eyes, she could not help but see her Cosima staring back at her. It must have been the eyeliner, of course it was all wrong, but it was resonant enough that, for the first time in months, she did not have to force the corners of her mouth into a smile.
And then it was Cosima staring back at her; Cosima's eyes unguarded and humble, asking to be forgiven. So Delphine forgave, instantly, like she knew she would if were ever given the option. She did not hesitate to open her heart as she allowed her tears to well up, allowed her joy to tug and the edges of her countenance, and allowed her voice to break, to lose its coolness and finally allowed her thumb, which was never meant for torture, to do what it had been needing to do for months, to trace the line of Cosima's lip. And then of course, what would forgiveness be without a kiss. The right kiss, not the pleading desperate kiss of separation, but the tender honest kiss of reunion.
She gripped the steering wheel harder. Her mind reeling; she had abandoned hope that her lips would ever know welcome from Cosima again, but they had, and now she could not stop her body from wanting the same. She slammed her foot on the brake, sending the automobile skidding to a stop on the empty street. She opened her phone and texted the only words she could think of: I need you. She sat in the darkness, the absence of sound deafening; it took lees than a minute for her phone to light up with a single word: Rimbaud.
As she ascended the last few steps to Felix's loft the heavy metal door clanged and then slid backwards. Cosima stood before her, dreads hanging loose out of the stocking cap she had been wearing, one arm braced on the doorframe the other still holding the handle. The blonde stopped in front of the brunette whose eyes were still clear and present.
"I need you too." Cosima whispered into the space between them, and slid her arms around the waist of the taller woman, raising herself up to claim the blonde's lips in a passionate kiss.
Delphine allowed herself a moment's indulgence before breaking the kiss. "We need to get inside." she stated matter-of-factly.
"Mmm, yes we do." Cosima flirted back, but there was something else in Delphine's tone. They retreated back into the flat and Delphine pulled the door closed behind them, securing it with the screwdriver that served as a dead bolt.
Cosima had taken a seat on Felix's couch and Delphine, once satisfied that the door was secure, that no threat could emerge with out warning, turned to look at her. The blonde's eyes announced her intent; the quickness of her gait, the position of her lip between her teeth, and her outstretched arms removed any doubt. She meant to take Cosima, to possess her while she could. Delphine's assertiveness disarmed Cosima; she was ready to surrender.
She moaned as the blonde settle over her lap wrapping arms under hers and up around her shoulders, immediately bringing their mouths together in a slow and languid kiss. Delphine had been desperately lonely, and the flood of relief and emotion she had been suppressing flooded her body making her instantly swollen and wet. It had always been like this with Cosima; so little could do so much. A thought, a promise, a glimpse… and she was undone, open and ready.
Cosima reached up to run her fingers through Delphine's hair, which slid through them in waves of silk, so different than the curls she had used to lock her fingers into, but no less pleasant for the change; in fact she found she quite enjoyed it. When Delphine moved her mouth to kiss Cosima's jaw and neck, Cosima slid her hands down the plane of the woman's back and over the swell of her ass. "God, Delphine, you feel so good." she whispered into the blonde's ear.
Delphine broke their kiss, drew her head back and her body tall to look at Cosima again. Her stare was intense, her eyes scanned every part of Cosima's face, and she brought her hands again to the brunette's face to trace the lines of her mouth again. She had no words; they had had only words, and hollow ones at that, for so long that she did not want to pollute the air with any more of them. She simply drew Cosima's mouth to hers again, communicating her love with the gentle pressure of her mouth, her need with the timid exploration of her tongue and her conviction with the weight of her body, which she lowered again and pressed forward into Cosima's. Cosima, who had come to regret the conviction with which she had actively misunderstood her lover for so long, melted under Delphine's heat, completely convinced of her devotion now and feeling foolish for ever having questioned it. It made her resolve to make love to the woman atop her even stronger.
"Take me to bed." Cosima managed as they explored each other's mouths and bodies, Delphine did not hesitate to raise herself up onto her feet, pulling Cosima with her so that their mouths never lost contact for more than a moment. Once standing, Delphine reached to the hem of Cosima's dress and slid it all the way up her body then pulled it down over the mane of dreadlocks that held it fast to her person. She could not wait to lay her eyes and hands on Cosima's body. Discarding the dress to the couch, she allowed herself to stare at the woman in front of her. Cosima looked healthy, much healthier than the last time she had seen her so exposed. Her breasts were full and her stomach fuller, almost round rather than sunken. The curve of her hipbones was perceptible under the fabric of her underwear, Delphine reached out to trace them to ascertain if the hollow spaces that developed just inside them had filled back in. When she found flesh under her fingers instead of air, tears welled in her eyes. Cosima took a step toward her, grasping her face in both hands, "Hey, its ok." she reassured the blonde before she wrapped her in her arms. "It's OK." Delphine could not help it. She broke down sobbing again, finally able to truly release her pain with Cosima there to receive it.
"Je t'aime." she repeated as she cried. "Je t'aime. Je t'aime. Je t'aime."
"Shhhhhhhh," Cosima soothed, "I know you do Delphine. I know you do. I've always known it; it was just easier to try to forget. To make myself believe that if you really did you would have stayed." The blonde stiffened a little in Cosima's arms; she sniffed and pulled back.
"Cosima, I…" Delphine made to explain.
"Shhhhh." Cosima pressed a finger to Delphine's lips. "Stop." she insisted. " I heard you the first time you explained it to me, months ago, the last time you were here; I just needed to listen better. Ok?"
The blonde nodded in understanding, and Cosima leaned in to kiss her gently, chaste and understanding. "Delphine,"
"Oiu," the blonde answered.
"You're wearing too many clothes." Cosima observed and then led Delphine up the few steps to Felix's bed. There she remedied the problem she had identified. Removing Delphine's boots, her skirt, her blouse until they were similarly attired in just their bras and underwear.
They climbed onto the bed, turning the bedclothes all the way down, neither wanting the tangle of sheets to impede their impulses.
"I want these gone, too." Delphine insisted, pulling at the fabric of Cosima's underwear and then her bra. "I want all of you." She felt it deeply, desperately, the need to feel that for even just a moment that Cosima was, could be, hers.
'Then take me." Cosima answered, and Delphine wasted no time kneeling between Cosima's legs and divesting her of first her underwear and then pulling her up to sit so that she could remove her bra. Cosima took advantage of the moment to release Delphine's breasts as well; when the offending garments had been tossed aside Delphine sat in between Cosima's legs, wrapping her own long legs around the brunette's waist and pulling their torso's together. They kissed and enjoyed the soft warmth of their breasts meeting. Delphine's hands played across the warm skin of Cosima's back. She caressed the flesh their with her entire palm, across each shoulder, down each side and back up feeling the swell of Cosima's breasts at her sides. She gasped audibly, shaking some at the rush of want that consumed her. She slid her hand between them to feel Cosima's arousal. It was the brunette's turn to gasp; she bit down into the flesh of Delphine's neck before her voice brushed over the skin of the blonde's shoulder, "How do you want me?"
"With my mouth." Delphine confessed, "I've wanted to taste you for so long. I've missed tasting you for so long; imagined it… I even…" but she pulled up short before finishing her thought.
"You even what?" Cosima asked, arousal thick in her voice, "tell me please."
It was the please that emboldened Delphine, "I even tasted myself just to pretend it was you."
"Oh fuck, Delphine, do it. Taste me. Now." Cosima pleaded.
Delphine unwrapped herself from around Cosima and knelt at the side of the bed; hooking her hands behind Cosima's knees, she pulled her to the edge of the bed. Cosima, eyes dark with desire, spread her legs for Delphine and lay back, her body alight with anticipation. Delphine placed a gentle kiss over the top of Cosima's sex, teasing with the tip of the tongue and fingers, spreading her slightly and touching or stroking the inside lightly, but intentionally avoiding direct contact with any of her most sensitive areas. Cosima breathed audibly, exhaling as Delphine contacted her swollen flesh and whimpered slightly when she withdrew. The memory of Delphine's mouth against her was so vivid; she knew it before she felt it, the heat of it, the texture of it, the rhythm of it.
"I've done this so many times in my mind, chérie." Delphine confessed.
"Fuck," Cosima responded and raised her hips asking for more. Delphine pressed her hips back down and then moved Cosima's legs over her shoulders.
She knew Cosima wanted her, and she had no intention of wasting any more time in delaying the pleasure they both so obviously craved. Cosima felt Delphine's head dip toward her, the warmth of breath against her clit and, finally, deliciously firm motion from Delphine's tongue. "Oh God." Cosima moaned, "Delphiiiiiiiiiiine." She practically hissed the woman's name as her breathing changed.
"Mmmmm," Delphine moaned, the vibration against Cosima's sex exciting her further. She offered Cosima's body every attention, changing her technique. Long slow strokes, followed by gentle sucking; she dipped her tongue lower to drag Cosima's wetness up toward her clit, to taste her body's response to such attention; her own flesh responded in kind. She was wet, she could feel the heat pooling between her legs as she devoured the woman he had been craving for so long.
Cosima reached down between her legs and put her hand in Delphine's hair, gently at first and with increased pressure as her climax drew near. She rolled her hips up into Delphine's mouth, more firmly and quickly as her orgasm approached. She called the woman's name over and over as waves of pleasure began to roll through her hips and spread through her body. And finally, as she came she, she threw her head back and choked out a final, "Oh god, Delphine," as she rode out the contractions.
When her body began to calm, Delphine crawled on top of her again and kissed her, the taste of her pleasure still on her lips. The kiss excited Cosima immediately who reached for Delphine's hips and pulled her up until Delphine's knees were on either side of her head and she cradled Delphine's round, firm ass in her hands. "My turn." she said as she wrestled Delphine's underwear off of her body and then hungrily pulled Delphine's engorged sex to her mouth. Delphine leaned forward supporting much of her weight on her own arms so she could move over Cosima's skilled mouth. She moaned her enthusiasm and encouraged Cosima with a barrage of affirmations. But her words could not have been more reassuring to Cosima than the generous wetness she found at Delphine's core. She ran her tongue along he entire length of Delphine's sex, over and over again, stopping sometimes to enter the blonde with her tongue and press into her g spot.
"Mmmmm, Cosima, mon amour. Baise-moi." Delphine moaned as Cosima made that surprising contact. She felt the pressure building in her abdomen and released a flood of wetness down Cosima's chin and neck. Cosima then focused her attention on Delphine's clit until she elicited another gush of liquid and the rhythmic contractions signaling Delphine's climax. The blonde held her body rigid over her lover while her sex throbbed in release. When the most intense feelings had passed, her torso collapsed inward and she moved one knee to carefully roll onto her side. Cosima scooted up to lay next to her across the width of the queen-sized bed.
Propped onto her elbow, Cosima rolled Delphine onto her back, tracing light circles across her ribs and around her breasts. They simply stared into each other's eyes for god knows how long before Delphine reached up to brush Cosima's lips again with her thumb, a motion she would always reserve for this incredible woman who had taught her to love, and for whom she feared, very soon, she would have to make the ultimate sacrifice, but that moment was not upon them yet. For now they were here together, and even though two lifetimes would never be enough time with Cosima, they had this moment and perhaps if they were very still and very quiet they might make this moment stretch into the infinite.