Shattered, a twilight fanfic

This is my very first story so please bear with me incaseI have any typo's or things like that. This chapter is a prologue just to keep that in mind. I've had an idea like this for a while and figures why not just try it out. Let me know what you guys think and if you have any questions please ask =D

Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight

It was hot. It was dark. It was loud. It was filled with flashes of red, pink, and green light. It was crammed. It was filled with people i'd rather be far away from. It was probably the last place I would have chosen to be, well if you asked me 9 months before. But now, it was the one place I knew i'd find him.

"Damn Bella, your looking hotter and hotter at these parties. I guess being around him has changed you for the better." Tyler Crowley said standing in front of me and eyeing me in all the wrong places. I knew I should have said no to Alice about the outfit choice. She conveniently found the shortest jean shorts and a shirt that was missing way too much at the bottom and top.

"Alright thanks Tyler, could you maybe look at my face when your talking." Either his drunk state or lack of any class had his eyes roaming all over my lack of covered body.

"Sorry," he said in a tone that was definitely not very apologetic. "Well i'm glad you could make it to the party, can I get you a drink?"

I hadn't really planned on staying. "No thanks," I said and brushed passed him. I didn't know where Alice had gone, or Jasper and Rosalie, but that was probably for the best. I kept my head down and tried to maneuver my way through the crowd of dancers who looked like they were having sex with their clothes on. I didn't want a lot of people to know I was here.

I somehow managed to get to the stairs without being molested and walked up. People were everywhere. This would not be a good place to be if there was a fire or any emergency. Not to mention the fact that this was Forks, and how this party was actually going on without the police, or rather my father knowing was puzzling to me. I moved through people who gave me scornful looks as I passed not to mention the talk that would be said between those who knew I was here. Much to my dismay, I had become quite the celebrity at Forks High, and not in a good way.

I couldn't believe he made me come here. He was hiding from me. He thought I would never have come here to find him, that I wouldn't have the guts. He was being a coward.

I would check every nook and cranny to find him. Of course doing that would entail me having to see some very disturbing things, like Eric getting it on with some blonde chick in one of the rooms. I walked back down the stairs after checking everywhere upstairs. I was glad it was dark now because it made it hard to recognize a lot of people, but I knew I could find him anywhere in this chaos. I would be able to find him in a crowd of millions.

I saw Emmett and Rosalie dancing in much of the same way others were and I noticed Jasper and Alice close by doing the same. I sighed and continued making my way through the dancers once more time. I felt a hand on my waist and turned around to slap whoever was touching me and unfortunately for me it was Mike. God this guy really needed to give me break. It's as if he didn't understand the concept of "Leave me the fuck alone."

"Bella hey," he said with his usual puppy dog smile. It wasn't like he was a bad guy. It was just that he was, well weird, and clingy, and as much as I applauded his "never give up" attitude, it was seriously annoying that he would not give up asking me out.

"Look Mike, i'm not really in the mood to talk right now," I said yelling over the music.

"You look great," he said still smiling. I sighed, he didn't hear me. "Did you come with...someone?," he asked pausing in between. I hated that people couldn't just say what they really wanted to say. "If not, do you want to maybe dance with me?"

Did I mention he was persistent? I took a deep breathe and was about to deny Mike again, for the millionth time when my eyes looked up and landed across the room.

He was leaning against the wall, away from the music, away from the dancers, away from the light, but in that one second that the light flashed in his direction I saw his all to familiar penny colored hair.

He was staring straight at me. His eyes was neutral, which scared the hell out of me. I could always tell what he was feeling when I looked him in the eye. No matter what he said through his mouth, his eyes were the one that gave everything away, and in that instant, I didn't know what he was feeling. I found my feet dragging towards him.

I kept my focus on where he was but it was hard to do when everyone seemed taller than you and blocked your view. I moved quickly probably looking like a weed waker by the way I was pushing people aside.

"Excuse me," I said even though I knew they couldn't hear me, or care. I got close enough to see that he was no longer standing where he was a few seconds ago. He was really pushing me right now. I quickly scanned the room knowing he couldn't have gotten that far. My eyes landed on his back retreating out the door. I wasn't very good at running, but I sure as hell ran out of there faster than an olympic athlete.

There were a few people standing outside who watched as I passed by and snickered. I completely ignored them and continued running down Tyler's long drive way. Could he have fucking parked closer? I saw him put his helmet on and swing his leg across the bike. He started the engine but I made it in time to stand directly in front of him right before he was about to take off.

"The Fuck Bella!," he said and pushed the screen of his helmet up.

"The Fuck Bella," I said trying to regain my breathe. "What the fuck to you Edward!" The amount of profanities I was using recently was unbelievable. "What the hell are you doing? Why are you avoiding me? I thought we were passed all this bullshit Edward!"

He roared the engine. "Bella get out of the way," he said angrily. His nostrils flared, something that always happened when he was irritated.

"I'm not moving." I said and crossed my arms over my chest. I went through a lot of crap to find him and I wasn't going to let him go that easily. No matter what he had been through in the past few day's I knew I would regret not telling him how I felt how I always felt.

"I can go around you, you know."

"Edward please. Stop running away," I said slightly breathless with the amount of exercise I just went through to find him.

"Bella.."

I stopped him. "Edward just stop!" I yelled. I could see him close his eyes and I could see his anger when he opened them. Well now I knew what he was feeling. "You were the one who told me to forget about them. To just forget what everyone thought and think of you and me. What happened to that?"

"I don't want to talk about this Bella." I could see his foot tapping on the gas peddle. I knew he wanted nothing more than to speed down the road, speed away from everything.

"So your just going to run, like you always do. Your just going to forget everything that happened?" I could see his tendons sticking out as his hands gripped the handles harder and harder. If I let him leave now, I knew he wouldn't come back. He didn't have anything more to come back for. "Your just going to forget about me," I said my voice growing quite. I could feel my eyes beginning to water. He hated that. He hated when I cried. He promised he would stop making me cry. Why is he breaking all of his promises?

"What do you want from me? Huh, because we can pretend everything all fine and dandy right now but Bella we know that this is all a fucking joke. It was never going to last. It was never meant to be. We were fighting fire with fire and guess what? We just got burned. The one thing we feared came true. Their right, we were right, this isn't going to work, it never will. I just need to get out of here. Get away from everything."

I walked away from the front of the bike and I saw Edward put his foot on the gas peddle. I knew the with the next step I took he could step on the gas and he would speed away from here, from everything he's known, from his family, from me. Forever.

With the last once of faith I had, I stayed put. "Edward. Please."

He turned his head to look at me and for what felt like hours but was more like a few seconds, he put his foot down, took his helmet off, and handed it to me.

"Edward," I said beginning to protest. Its not that I didn't want to go with him. It was that I was afraid that if I went with him, I would never come back and although I wanted nothing more than to be with him, this wasn't how I imagined it would be.

"Bella, for god's sake before I change my mind," he said with a hint of annoyance, holding the helmet out for me.

Without another moment of hesitation, I took the helmet, put it on, and got on to the back off the bike. I remembered the first time he has taken me out on his bike. I was scared as hell, of course I never admitted it, but just like I knew how to read his emotions, he knew how to read mine too, much better than I could read him. After the first time I experienced the exhilaration, it was impossible to not want to ride it again, granted I was still shit scared of it.

Now it was almost automatic as I wrapped my hands around Edward's torso and pressed the side of my head on his back. I wouldn't admit that the main reason I ever agreed to get on the bike with him was so that I could wrap my hands around him. I could never get enough of him and I don't think I ever would. I loved being close enough to him to inhale his intoxicating smell.

He pressed the gas peddle and we took off to where, well I didn't exactly know, but for some reason I knew that my time with him was limited.

I could feel him going faster than he had before and as much as it scared me, the thought of why he was going so fast was worrying me more. I knew he would never put me in any danger. I knew that he wouldn't push his bike to the limit with me on it.

He began to slow down and I looked up to see where we were. It was dark and the only light that was around was from the light of the bike. I could faintly make out only tree's on either side of the road, not that it was very unusual in Forks. There were a few street lamps. He came to a stop on the side of the road and turned the bike off but left the light on.

"Bella."

"Mmm."

"You need to let go," he said softly. It seemed like the bike ride had helped calm him down, as it always does.

I hadn't realized that I was still holding on to him and slowly released my hands. For some reason I felt completely empty. I got off the bike and stood awkwardly to the side while he got up and put the helmet on the seat. I looked down at my shoes and played with my fingers. I had gone through what I wanted to say to him in my head earlier, but now, none of it was coming to me.

"You wanted to talk Bella, so please by all means. Talk." I frowned and bit my lip. "Don't do that," he said and lifted his hand to brush it across my lips as he usually did but stopped in mid air and let his hand drop to his side. Why was he afraid to touch me?

I sighed and looked up. It seemed like he was standing as far away form me as possible. I could hardly see him from behind the light. I didn't know where to start, but I could feel anger start to pulse through me and figured, it was better than nothing.

"So what, did you think you could avoid me forever?"

I heard him sigh and uncross his arms. "Yes," he said. Well that was blatant.

I was shocked, I didn't think he would validate it. "I... How long did you think that would last?"

"Bella, I was planning on leaving tomorrow."

"Without telling anyone." I knew he would understand that by "anyone" I meant me.

"Yes Bella, you weren't supposed to know. You were supposed to be at home, probably calling me a freaking million times or something. I never expected you to show up. Especially at the party. That was the last place I expected you to show up. You always do the unexpected. I should have expected that," he said with a lifeless chuckle.

"You think this is funny." I said feeling myself heat up from anger. "You think it's funny to just think that you could have just picked up and left without telling maybe not only me, but anyone else. I thought you cared about me. Did you ever think about how anyone would take this?"

I could see him open his mouth but I wasn't finished. "I know what your going to say. That no one would care. No one would be worried. People would be happy. That you don't deserve any of them or any kind of feelings from them. But I don't know how many times I have to tell you that your completely and insanely, and idiotically, wrong about everything. I just don't understand Edward, I just don't understand. After everything, after everything you said. Did you know that it would always end up like this?"

I I could feel tears start to form quickly and I hated when I cried in front of people, especially him. I also knew he hated when I cried in front of him as well, but I couldn't help it right now.

"I thought we moved passed this. I thought you said that you would never leave. That you would always be here as long as I needed you." The tears were falling now and I didn't care that I had changed the focus to me, because quite frankly at this point, I couldn't bear it if he left. I was in love with him. If he left, he would be leaving with my heart. There would be nothing there for anyone else and he had to know that.

"Please tell me that you love me." I said through my chocking sobs. I probably looked like a blubbering fool but I had to know.

I could see his expression change to hurt at that.

He. Didn't. Love. Me.

"Oh my god," I said while trying to breathe deeply. It felt like someone was ripping my heart from my chest. I fell to the floor. "You never did," I said. "You never did. How could I have been such a fool."

"Bella no," he said and I heard him walk closer to me. His legs were right in front of me but I moved away. I pushed myself back. I couldn't believe this was happening. I wanted to believe that he loved me so bad, that he truly did let me in.

"Bella," he said his voice sounded rough.

"Get away from me. You lied, this whole time. Just go!," I yelled.

"Bella," he called as I pulled my self father away from him but not strong enough to get up. His voice sounded agonizing, as if he was crying.

"Your taking this the wrong way." His voice was cracking, but I knew better than to fall into his games.

"How, you didn't say it. You never said it willingly."

"Bella you know thats not true. I do..I do..." He was struggling. He came back closer to me and got down the the floor. "Bella look at me," he said pleadingly. "Bella please look at me."

I couldn't do it. I couldn't bear to see his face knowing that he didn't love me back. "Bella please, if you could just look at me, you'd understand everything. Just like you always have. Bella," he said his voice sounded defeated.

I closed my eyes, swallowing a big lump in the throat. I felt his hands on my arms, but I didn't pull away. I felt the familiar electric current flow through me that always happened when we touched.

I looked up.

He was staring at me. His eyes were red around his green orbs. He had the most pained expression I had ever seen on his face. "Bella I need you to understand that I do." He stopped, "Bella I love you."

My breathing stopped, sure he had said it about twice while I constantly reminded him that I loved him. He made it seem like he loved me, and although I knew why he had a hard time telling anyone that he loved them; I thought that I had broken through his chained heart.

"Please don't ever doubt that," he said softly. "Bella i'm so sorry. Your the most special person in my life and i'm screwing it up again. I just got so scared. But I do love you Bella and I hope you still don't doubt that. I think I know that I don't doubt that either."

Looking at him now, I couldn't find in myself to doubt him anymore. "I believe you," I said softly.

He smiled a little. "But can't you see Love, it's only bringing us pain.

"It doesn't have to be that way," I said.

"Its all i've ever known it to be."

"Edward you have to let go."

"I know Bella. God I know. I just don't know how. But I know that these past few months have been enlightening. I owe you a lot. I don't think i'd be here right now if I hadn't got to know you. Bella i'm pretty sure i'd be wasted right now, or dead."

"Edward!" I hated when he said things like that.

"Bella you know it's true. You've given me so much to think about. You made me want to be a better person. You made me want to hope that there is some happiness left in this world and after everything i've been through, a little but of hope has gotten me a long way."

He stood up and I found my strength to stand up with him. he lifted his hand to slightly caress my cheek. I held his palm there enjoying the tingles that it brought. "You made me want to love again and I didn't think that was ever possible."

I felt a new set of tears start to spring. "Shh," he said wiping a few of the away. "You know I hate that," he said with a small smile.

I chuckled. "I know, i'm sorry."

His smile faded and I saw him swallow. "Bella please don't ever forget that I love you."

I bit my tongue from starting waterfalls. "Edward please don't go. We can figure this all out together. Everything will be ok. You just have to have hope, remember?"

"I do Bella, I do. But I have to go. There are some things that I have to figure out myself. Its not fair for you to be with someone who can't give you something back in return."

"Edward, you've given me enough just by being with me. I don't need anything else."

"You need someone who can love with as much passion as you have Bella and I just can't be that person right now. For me to love someone else, I need to know myself. Bella I haven't figured anything out. I don't know who I am. I need to know who I am. I need to know that I am capable of loving someone fully and for that, I need to be able to love myself. You have to understand. Right now, i'd only be able to give you half of my heart and you deserve more than that. I'd only be hurting you."

As much as it hurt, I understood him. "I wish it didn't have to be this way."

"Im so sorry Bella. I promised that I wouldn't hurt you and that was a very stupid promise to make." I chocked back a sob once again. "Please take care," he said softly and kissed my head. I nodded, unable to find my voice. I had decided that no matter what I would not let him walk away but now, I didn't know what to think.

He let go and walked towards the bike and picked up his helmet.

"Wait," I said and ran up to him and wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. He seemed startled at first, but soon replied and kissed me back. His lips always molded perfectly with mine. I hadn't had my fare share of kisses but I doubted any of them or any other's could ever contest with the ones I shared with Edward. All too soon we pulled away.

"Edward I need you to promise that you won't be afraid to open up your heart," I said placing my hand over his chest where his heart was pounding. "I need you to promise that you will someday come back to me."

I looked up to see him in deep thought then his face changed into that of determination. "Bella I swear to you, that those are promises that I will keep. I will find you again Bella and i'll be ready to give you everything," he said and placed a soft kiss to my lips.

"But you have to promise me something too," he said. "Promise me that if you meet someone who can give you as much love as you can give them, that you wont think about me. Promise me that you wont wait if that happens."

I wasn't sure if I could do what he asked but I figured if he could keep my promise, than I could keep his. "I promise," I said. He kissed me one more time slowly and passionately. He pulled away leaning his forehead against mine. I mentally captured his beautiful emerald green eyes that would haunt me till I saw them again. I wrapped my arms around myself watching as he mounted the bike and placed the helmet on his head.

He gave me one last look before he started the bike and drove off with my heart into the night. I doubted that I could keep my promise. He had taken all of me with him, just like I knew he would. I hoped for mine and his sake, that he would be able to carry out his promise first. I couldn't love anyone other than Edward Cullen. That was a very, very, stupid promise to make.

Please review and let me know what you think so I can decide whether to continue or not.

And thanks so much for reading!

"Shattered" - Trading Yesterday

Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding

Fall into your sunlight

The future's open wide beyond believing

To know why hope dies

Losing what was found, a world so hollow

Suspended in a compromise

The silence of this sound is soon to follow

Somehow sundown

And finding answers

Is forgetting all of the questions we call home

Passing the graves of the unknown

As reason clouds my eyes, with splendor fading

Illusions of the sunlight

And the reflection of a lie will keep me waiting

Love gone for so long

This day's ending is the proof of time killing all the faith I know

Knowing that faith is all I hold

And Ive lost who I am

And I can't understand

Why my heart is so broken

Rejecting your love

Without love gone wrong

Life

Less words

Carry on

But i know

All i know

Is that the ends beginning

Who I am from the start

Take me home to my heart

Let me go

And I will run

I will not be silenced

All this time spent in vain

Wasted years

Wasted gain

All is lost

Hope remains

And this war's not over

Theres a light

Theres the sun

Taking all the shattered ones

To the place we belong

And his love will conquer