9:31 (Ten years ago)

The sounds of fighting outside had died down hours ago, long enough for his heart to stop racing and the boredom induced self-recriminations to return in earnest. There had been little else to do the past three days, all but ignored by the guards and surrounded by far too many memories.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Getting caught like that was bad enough, let alone in his family's own home. Not that it belonged to his family anymore, from what he'd seen and heard since receiving news of his father's death.

Grey Wardens broke into your family's estate and killed your father; Vigil's Keep has been seized by the Crown and granted to the Wardens…

There was more to the story, he knew. But the man said to have helped betray King Cailan, who killed the Couslands in their own home, sounded so very little like the father he remembered. There must have been more to it than these victors let told.

It was easier to focus on that than the horrible realization that he was all that was remained of the once-noble Howes. Easier to focus on his failed attempt at vengeance, on his failed attempt to retrieve his family's remaining heirlooms, on anything at all but the one thing he couldn't change.

Footsteps echoed on the stairs to the dungeon and he hoped it wasn't more darkspawn. A guard entered first, setting a too-bright torch in the bracket on the wall before stepping back. The one who followed waited a moment before entering the lit area in front of the cell. Nathaniel didn't bother getting up, and after he caught sight of her face he was glad he had remained seated.

Maintaining an air of composure in the face of his father's murderer was a great deal easier when he didn't need to worry about standing upright. Especially when that murderer was her.

It would all sound like some kind of poetic justice when the bards told the tale in years to come, he had no doubt. Elissa Cousland, Hero of Ferelden, rising from the fires of her home's destruction to strike down the villain who betrayed and murdered her family. Then came him, like an afterthought, the fall of the Howes made incarnate as their last heir faced a disgraceful end in the dungeons of his ancestral home.

All hail the great hero Cousland. His father's murderer.

"Nathaniel Howe," Elissa came to a stop in front of the cell door. She didn't look much like the person he remembered from her father's court. The dark circles under her eyes were new, as was the battle-worn armor, her brown hair a ragged cut grown out. "And here I thought I was coming to find an accomplished thief, not a lost son."

"I see you remember me." He paused, looking her up and down in an obvious motion. "It's been a while. Aren't you supposed to be ten feet tall now? With lightning bolts shooting out of your eyes?"

"What are you doing here, Nathaniel?" Her voice fell flat with the dull edge of fatigue.

"I came to kill you, actually."

"Finishing what your father started?"

He watched her hands curl into fists at her sides and he narrowed his eyes. "Avenging him. And the rest my family."

She seized the cell bars, staring at him. "Your father murdered my—!"

"I know what he did!" He interrupted, raising his voice. The guard stepped forward, but Elissa held up a hand to stop him. Nathaniel pushed on, rising to his feet. His anger gave him momentum. "I know what he did, and believe me I am sorry for what happened to your family. You deserved justice. But my father deserved—"

"Your father got what he deserved."

"Fine words coming from the one who killed him."

Her hands shook, but her voice remained deadly even. "Have you heard what happened while you were away, Nathaniel? Have you heard what he did?"

"I heard enough."

"Unless you've changed so much in the past eight years, you would not be saying that if you knew the truth."

He moved forward close enough to look her in the eye. "Look. What happened to your family was horrible. The whole war was. But what my father did shouldn't have harmed my whole family. What of my brother? What of my sister? What were their crimes?"

"I never saw your brother. Nor your sister."

"No, but you're here. You're here, they're not, and there's blighted Grey Wardens roaming the halls of Vigil Keep like the Howes never existed."

"You're alive, aren't you?"

Nathaniel snorted softly and stepped back, spreading his hands. "So I am. But not for much longer, I'd imagine. Tell me, what's the going sentence for attempted theft and assassination of a celebrated hero? Vigilante execution? Or do you just leave it to one of the guards."

Elissa watched him carefully, dropping her hands to her sides. Nearer to her weapons, he noted. "You didn't assassinate anyone," she said.

"Only because you got here late. A few days earlier and maybe I wouldn't have had time to change my mind."

"Change your mind about what?"

"Killing you." He arched a brow. "I got here and you weren't. Eventually, I thought maybe I'd just take a few heirlooms instead. The Howes are pariahs enough as is without adding to our villainy."

"Varel said they caught you in the trophy room."

He smiled thinly. "Of course. Those Wardens showed up before I got very far. So here I am."

Elissa eyed him a moment in silence. "…did it really take four Wardens to bring you down?"

"I'm not sure I would count the first one. He went down far too easily."

"I'll take that as a yes."

"If you wish."

"And what would you do if I let you go?"

Nathaniel stared at her, not certain he'd heard her right. Was she mocking of him? Baiting him? He didn't know her well enough anymore to tell one way or another.

"I…don't know," he said, frowning. "Come back here, I suppose. You might not catch me next time."

"Is your life really so aimless now? I'm almost tempted to…" She trailed off and looked over her shoulder, back towards the stairs.

"To what?" Kill him now? He'd been expecting it since they caught him, after what happened to the rest of his family. Why she bothered with this farce was a mystery he didn't much care to solve.

Elissa shook her head and turned back to meet his eyes, if only briefly. "Nevermind. I'm letting you go—this time—on the condition you never show your face at Vigil Keep again. Come back anyways and I make no promises. Are we clear?"

Nathaniel didn't answer right away, too preoccupied with the notion he must have heard her wrong this time. If he hadn't then he wasn't sure if it was her leniency or the exile that struck him more.

He knew what he would have done in her place.

He thought he knew what his father would have done, too.

But Elissa Cousland was neither him nor his father, no matter what she had done, and he wasn't sure how that realization made him feel, either.

"I…understand."

"Good."

She left then, and the guards let him out a short time later. They returned his gear and equipment surprisingly intact, and proceeded to escort him out of sight of Vigil Keep. The lieutenant reiterated the warning about staying away once they reached the main road, and then they left him as well.

After a week of facing a world that remembered his father as a traitor, his family as no better, Nathaniel went back to the Keep despite Cousland's warning, or perhaps because of it. Surely there was some way he could redeem the Howe name, even if it died with him.

He hadn't the faintest idea of how to convince a woman he hadn't nearly forgiven to give him a second chance, but it was better than any of his other options. He didn't dare approach any other Ferelden nobles, let alone the King, and he doubted anyone else would react favorably once they recognized him. As it was, the guards at the gate looked at him as if uncertain whether they should shoot him on sight or inform someone of his arrival.

He sighed, raised his hands, and waited.

In the end, word was passed and the Warden-Commander came out with the captain of the guards. She waited just long enough for him to explain why he'd returned, and then promptly conscripted him into the Grey Wardens.

He didn't hate it as much as he thought he would.

Eventually.

A Wardens story for my For They Were Mortal continuity. They were obviously up to something when they passed through Kirkwall, but Grey Warden secrets don't leave the Grey Wardens (until they do). I thought I'd take a closer look at how the pieces move into place for what comes later in Inquisition.

Cross-posted from AO3.