Ten Reasons Why James Potter Is More Gentlemanly Than Sirius Black, Or, Why James Will Never Get Laid As Much As Sirius

Summary:

James Potter; most popular boy in Gryffindor, 6th Year, and all of Hogwarts. James Potter; Transfiguration genius, teenage animagus, Marauder. James Potter; gentleman, romantic, hopeless.

Disclaimer; if I owned this, would it really only be published on here?

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James Potter walks down one of Hogwarts' numerous hallways, humming a tune that's been buzzing around in his head all day. It's one of those tunes he hears Sirius sing in the shower, that proceeds to get stuck in his head all day and generally annoy everyone around him while he attempts to figure out what it is.

After one such day, Remus finally lost patience, asking him why he doesn't just ask Sirius what the song is when it's obviously where he's heard it to begin with.

"Because, Moony, it's the principle of the thing," was the answer. James Potter does not ask Sirius what the names of songs are, as Sirius Black is widely acknowledged to have the Worst Taste In Music Of Any Hogwarts Student, Ever. Besides, James likes to think he knows more than Sirius, even though any other person in the year – Sirius included – would tell you they're on an even footing, complementing each other. James is better at Transfiguration and Defence, Sirius Charms and Potions.

Neither of them are any good at Divination.

However, due to James' intense concentration while he tries to place the name of the song, he doesn't notice the small fact that he's arrived at the top of one of the moving staircases. Or at least, he doesn't until his foot sinks firmly into the trick step.

"Bugger," he thinks. After an experimental wriggle with his leg, he reconsiders this thought. "Buggerfuck," He's definitely stuck there until someone comes along to free him.

Joy.

***

"Oh why, hellooooo James. Whatever are you doing down there old bean?"

"Oh, you know me Sirius, wherever the laziness strikes and all that."

"Need a hand?"

"…no."

"Don't you roll your eyes at me James Harold Potter!"

"Don't middle name me, Sirius Orion Black!"

"Touché. Anyway, listen, do you need a hand out or not, only I'm on the way to the kitchens to feed Harold."

"Sirius, I've told you before to stop naming your stomach after my middle name. It's fucking creepy."

"Who says he's named after you. Egomaniac, honestly."

"Sirius, fuck off and help me out 'cause I want a muffin."

"You're lucky you have such a great best friend you know."

"I do know Sirius. Now let's fuck off sharpish, before Filch turns up and threatens to chain us to his ceiling."

"He's a right kinky bugger, our Filch."

"Sirius…"

"Fucking off."

"Good puppy."

***