By RisingSun
Bright lights flash around the stage, and three judges sit facing the stage. The host of the show struts out from one of the side doors. She tosses her hair and beams at the cheering crowd.
Host: Hi there! Welcome to the show, "Are You Hot?" dedicated to deciding once and for all WHO are the sexiest characters from Ranma ½. Applause and catcalls Now, we're here today with our three judges, who'll get to pick the best looking hotties from the series! More applause, names are shouted out from the audience. Meet Anna, Bob, and Chris, our judges! Cheering. Now, what do you three have to say about our contestants today?
Anna: Well, considering that "Ranma ½" is about teenage martial artists, I'm sure that we'll get a pretty *hot* show tonight.
Chris: Even so, I've heard that there are some pretty wrinkled old goats in the story too.
Bob: What I'm curious about is whether Ranma is going to show up as either a girl or boy. It'll be a good show either way. Lecherous grin
Host: Excellent! Now that we've established that, let's bring out our first contestant for today, Shampoo! Cheers
Bright lights flash, and a side door opens. At first, we are blinded by the intense lighting. A voluptuous, purple haired girl comes bouncing out. Shampoo is wearing a skimpy, strapless two-piece bikini, with a detached mandarin collar. The white silk is decorated with dark blue Chinese flower patterns.
Host: Here all the way from China, this Amazon warrior works as a waitress in the famous Cat Café, a ramen noodle shop. She enjoys riding her bike and spending time with her airen. A shout is heard from backstage, but is instantly muffled She's bouncy, energetic, and willing to please! Cheering from her fans Well, judges, what do you have to say?
Anna: Shampoo, you have a beautiful and exotic face. Your lashes are to die for! I'll have to give you a 9.5 on that.
Shampoo: Thank you! Blinks and smiles widely. She strikes a pose, giggling
Bob: Whoohoo! Nice legs! Umm… are those real?
Shampoo: What real?
Bob: Your boobs.
Shampoo: Eh…. Heh heh…
Bob: C'mon, the truth!
Shampoo: Shampoo get a little help from ancient spell, but no important.
Bob: Yes, yes… over all, I'd give a 9. You have a very curvy body, but I'll have to take points off for the … assistance. Shampoo pouts for a second, but giggles and waves to the crowd, bouncing on her toes
Chris: Hmm… I'd say… an 8.5 for sex appeal. Boos from the audience You're very sexy, Shampoo, but you're a little too forward. Try being a little bit more reserved—mystery always seduces well.
Shampoo: Huh. Starts to look a little irritated
Host: hurriedly Thank you Shampoo! Shampoo bounces off, though a little less energetically than when she came on Now, our next contestant is also from the famous Amazon village, which is renowned for it's fighters and beautiful people! Bright flashing lights. The side door opens I give you, Shampoo's great great great sweat drop great grandmother, Cologne!
There are screams of horror as Cologne comes into view. The shriveled old ghoul is (thankfully) only in a one-piece bathing suit with a large yin-yang on the front, but even that leaves too much for imagination. Cries of agony from the back of the room punctuate the pale, sweating faces of the audience members. Parents hide their children's eyes.
Host: Cologne owns the Cat Café, and enjoys making potions. She loves jewelry.
Bob: with averted eyes Ok, ok, let's make this quick. Cologne, you get a zero for you face, a zero for your body, and a zero for sex appeal.
Chris: Next!
Cologne: I'll have you know that I was beautiful in my youth… a picture of the young shampoo appears from nowhere
Anna: When was that… the Mesozoic era?
Cologne: Watch your mouth, young lady. She waves her stick threateningly I could beat your…
Host: Let's move on now, shall we? Cologne leaves the stage All right! The next contestant is the last one from the Amazon village… Mousse!
The audience members start to revive as a well-built young man strides out from the previously unused side door. Mousse is not wearing his glasses, and his eyes flash. He wears small black swim trunks.
Host: The rumor is that men from the Amazon village are weak and subservient, but this here, ladies and gentlemen, is one fine specimen of a man! applause Mouse is the master of the Hidden Weapons Technique, and can… the host trails off when he sees Mousse posing and flexing in front of the exit door Umm… hello? Mouse? The stage is over here? someone hands Mousse a pair of glasses. He flushes and goes onto the stage. … Umm, did I mention that he has terrible eyesight? Well judges? What say you?
Chris: Hm, sexy eyes there. But please don't wear the glasses. And what's with the hair, dude? I mean, come on, it makes you look like a girl! I'll give you an 8.3. boos from audience
Mousse: strained smile …
Anna: But you have got some hunky body! What is that, a six-pack?
Mouse: proudly Of course! Flexes stomach muscles, to the delight of the crowd
Anna: fanning herself Hooo! I'll have to give you a 9.4 for that! Cheering. Mousse smiles
Bob: Overall sex appeal… well man, you have great potential, but I don't think you quite do as much with it as you could, y'know? I'd give you an 8.9. Boos from the fans. Mousse accepts this calmly.
Host: Thank you Mouse! Mouse goes off stage. The person who lent him the glasses goes shouting after him. A scuffle ensues, and a duck potty comes flying out.
Chris: Now where did he hide that?
Host: Eh… well… stay tuned to the show! Coming up next, after the commercials, we get to meet the Tendo family. Those three sisters are well worth watching! Theme song plays, cameras zoom out
A/N: Heh, aren't I inspired? I know, this is very different from my other, dramatic angsty fics. But I couldn't help it, really!