I pull hard against the chains. I'm so fill of anger I can't even think straight. I don't even know but so much rage is in me. Let me go I shout. Except it's only in my head. I'm only screaming and yelling in anger out loud.
"Shut up! Are you going to talk sensibly or Not?" John asks. To that I resolve into strict silence. The defiance on my face. "Fine if he doesn't want to talk then don't let him." It's then that I'm severely gagged. Cloth tied in and around my mouth. But I don't stop pulling and fighting the chains around my hands and feet.
After a while I slow down in my attempts to break the restraints. I don't have my legacies and I'm only wearing myself out. I know I can't break out of these.
After a while John and six reappear. I only look at them with disdain. I'm rejecting whatever their about to say. But they don't say anything. Instead they pull out a needle filled with some liquid, but before they get any closer to me I start fightimg again. But it isn't effective. Between their sheer force and telekinesis they pin into the corner and drug me. I draw weak and tired after that. I black out. I don't sleep, I just black out.
As I come too I regain my stance. I'm determined not to break. I try to pull at the chains as silently as possible. But that's a short term project. It couldn't be too long after I come too that six returns again. I refuse to make eye contact and sit up straighter. Six sees my message. She has another shot of whatever their putting in me and gives me a slight kick as she leaves. My body quickly is weak again. It isn't until now I realize how awful I feel. But I push through any pain. I don't want to give in to anything they ask for.
Despite my rebellion my body broke down. I slip into unconsciousness. But I swear I feel my body shutting down from the pain.
What must be hours later i realize I've pissed myself. My pants are cold and my hands and floor are stinky and it smells like urin. I'm disgusted and embarrassed. My stomach growls in hunger and I feel sweaty and sick. I'm thirsty and downright in bad shape. I just take a deep breath through my nose, my mouth still gagged. And for the first time I choose to sleep on my own accord.
I don't know how long I slept, but at one point I feel and pang of pressure and then fall into deep sleep again. Afterward I realize it was probably more of the drugs.
I'm dying of thirst. I have a reach from dehydration and hunger and I smell from sweat, piss And vomit which has come up my throat but was forces down again. I feel as food as I stink. None the less, when John approaches me I give him a death stare and reject his presence.
"You ready to talk yet?" He asks casually. Taking my coldness as an answer he drugs me again. I take a breath as I feel it go through my skin. It hurts and I forget about resisting it.
I'm drugged three more times in a continuous stream. Each time I sit still and silently. I don't fight them but I don't accept it either. Every time rolling my eyes or huffing. But it take it's toll on me.
I'm sitting in days worth piss and I might have even shot my pants. I haven't had anything to drink or eat since they brought me here however long ago. So when John comes in again to dose me again with drugs, my forehead is resting on my knees. Which I've managed to put in front of me as opposed under me. However my ankles are still chained to the walls.
John approaches and I painfully look up to meet his gaze. I rest myself back down again and wait until John's finished. I sense is gaze as he leaves.
I didn't fight it this time. I feel too weak. My body is telling me it needs it to stop. I can't handle the drugs anymore. My wrists and ankles are burned and bleeding from my pulling at them too much, I need to vomit and breathing has begun to hurt.
Later on John comes in while I'm asleep while leaning into the corner. But I'm partly awake just trying to feel better. It all hurts.
On his next visit, I'm shivering. When I see the needle once again I stiffle a cry. My body and mind running into panic at the idea of being druggedOf being drugged again. I don't think my body can handle, Every time I become more and more weak. John must sense my fear.
I'm looking downward trying to hide the forming tears when John all prepared t drug me again leans in closer than nessacery.
"I don't have to drug you right now." He said getting more of my attention. "But you can't be making a racket or fighting or anything today. Understand?" My head throbbing I nod my head up and down a few quick times. John copies my action. "Okay. Cause any problems though and we'll do it all over again."
He speaks authoritivly and confident. And as he walks away tears finally fall from my eyes. I let them come. I hurt so much and I'm tired.
I spend the whole day like this. Remembering at all costs to keep quiet and behave. My hope is I'll feel better, but sitting quietly is only part of it. The drugs linger in my system and I'm uncomfortable in the chains.
My gag is still in and the floor is covered in my piss. But I manage I relax for a bit. Not for enjoyment but to be calm. I'm able to breath smoothly and relax my body some. I even take a decent nap. And I can think straight.
Thinking clearly is a huge one. I think about everything that's happened. And I try to understand myself. And I know what their going to what to know. And I know that I have to talk, show them that I'm not who I used to be. But that is easier said then done.
What must be the end of the day but feels like an eternity, John returns.
"Think we can talk now?" He said almost gently. Aware of the tears on my face and the fact that I've been quiet all per his request. I nod and my eyes are welling up.
"Alright. I'm gonna take this off." John announces as he unties the gag and removes it.
I feel released after what must be days of being restrained. My first act is to cough a good few hard times and to catch some breath. My face burns and tears are threatened.
I mean my forehead to my knees again and take another needed breath. I look back up again at John and say "thank you." But it comes out as a croak my throat dry and raw and my lungs still on fire. Luckily John knows what I mean. He gives a content nod and takes a breath himself.
"Here. You should have some water." He says as he pulls out a bottle of water and holds it to my lips. I drink it gratefully and get a shock of pleasure and nausea.
" Thank you" I announce again this time coherently.
"you feel Okay?" He a asks.
"wouldn't quite say that." I answer soberly but honest.
"Reasonable." John tells me. "It's been six days" he answers the question before I can even ask it. I give a weak and tired smile.
"Your kidding" I add sadly. John just nods. I sit back some and John sits on one leg the other bent up against his cheast.
We both know where we need to go from here.
" Your gonna make me talk huh?" I say acknowledging that I've already agreed too. John nods and jumps to it.
"Start with this. Why'd you fly off after the fight in Virginia?"
I stare at the ground as I reminiest and bite my lip in a strange smile.
"I ah..." I start. "I was in bad shape. The building was down around me. I assumed you had won. And I knew you assumed I was dead. And boy did I feel it. I wanted to be." I pause John is listening intently. "I just wanted to get away. I wanted to get as far away from that place as fast as I could. I didn't want someone to find me, I didn't want anyone to say anything to me, I didn't want anyone to see me. So when I realized there were clean up crews going through it and they were getting close, I split. I shot out of there as fast as I could and went up as high as I could muster."
I break here. Watching John's expression. His arms are crossed but he seems to know what I'm getting at.
" Why didn't you go back or find someone. Say something?" John asks. I look at him in an obvious way.
"I was dead to you guys. I figured that was next. If you knew I was alive you'd do then essentially what your doing Now. I figured that by being dead you could all live your lives..and you wouldn't bother with me. If just go too to some island done here and stay out of it all. I knew you'd just lock me up. So I thought, i figured I'd just disappear."
I'm tearing up a bit. John looks at me intensely. Evaluating my answer. I look nervously at the floor. I'm exhausted. I havn't really done anything the past few days but sit chained to the wall, but inside I'm done. I'm surprised I'm still awake.
John must be tired too. Because after another moment of thought he said,
"Its late." I keep my eye contact to the floor. "I don't want to have to gag you again for the night..." John has hardly finished his sentence before I respond.
"I'll be quiet." John looks at me at my abrupt response. "I promise." I add. This time more softly.
John sits in contemplation for the longest few seconds ever.
"Please." I beg. Looking him in the eye.
"Okay" he answers nodding his head. "We can talk more tomorrow. Just try to get some sleep and not to make too much noise." He instructs as he gets up and leaves.
I can't chock up enough courage to say anything else. I'm choking up. So I squeak out,
"Okay."
At the doorway he stops to talk to someone. Six I think. But I'm already phasing in and out of myself. Trying to hold back sobs I didn't know I had. But amongst their conversation I hear
"He's going to try to keep quiet?" Six asks.
"Ya. I'm going to let him take the night. Het it out of him ya know. I didn't push him very hard for today but it's enough. I think he, I think it'll be good for him to just have a few hours." John says as they walk away.
Their going to let me take tonight to do what I need to. To get it out. To cry. John knows I have some tears in me. He wants me to let it out. I've already started before he walks away.
I feel like my empty stomach retracts. I sob as silently as possible. I force myself into the corner. My back to the wall. I try to feel warm or safe. But nothing comforts me.
I cry. I wipe the tears in my knees and shoulders, my hands still tightly chained behind my back.
I loose my breath once or twice throughout the night. But I try to smother the sounds of my cries. However surprisingly out of no where at I assume is the middle of the night six is at the door. My first fear is I'm making too much noise and she came to gag me again.
"Sorry. I'll shut up." I stammer out hoping to please her.
"Its fine." She answers softly. She then flicks a switch and some of the lights go out in the room. And she leaves again.
I try and get some rest. I try to be as comfortable as possible, but it's still difficult in my position. Even so I slept better than I and before. And it felt good to have a bit freedom. I was still tied up but the gag was out and I wasn't drugged. I just felt better. Maybe the crying helped too.