Money and Martydom
His father wasn't necessarily late, considering his work ended at six and it had just turned seven o'clock. But because Yamato hadn't seen nor heard from his father since Monday and it was now Friday, he deemed it acceptable to be a little bit worried about him. He couldn't do anything to contact him though. Neither of them could afford a cell phone and it was obvious that the man would leave the office at the earliest opportunity. Even so, instead of making desperate calls to try and find him, Yamato still insisted that if his father eventually decided to come home he would want something to eat. So he cooked up what little they could afford; miso soup. It would hardly pass for a main dish, being practically just salted water, but it was better than nothing.
Hearing a rattle of clumsy footsteps being dragged up the apartment block stairs he turned down the heat of the stove and turned to the front door. When he heard the jingling of keys being dropped several times and being clumsily jammed into the lock, he counted down on his fingers.
"Three, two, one."
It was precisely on the mark that his father threw open the door and completely collapsed onto the dusty wooden floor of the hallway, in an almost comatose state. The stench of alcohol that had been stained into his clothes overpowered the moist aroma of food. Sighing to himself, Yamato realised that his father had probably drunk more than they could afford.
"Do you want some soup, Dad?"
The only answer that he received was an incoherent grunt from the man who rolled over to lie on his back. So, with a sour face and a punch to the table as he walked by, he decided that he would do the honour of dragging his father to his royal quarters. He felt his arms almost pop out of their sockets under the strain of hauling the adult into a standing position. The man pathetically had the dry remains of vomit on his shoes and a newly printed layer of dust caked on the back of his work jacket.
"Please don't puke on me. I'm begging you, please, dear God, don't puke on me."
He mumbled to his father as he felt him shake within his arms. Carefully he withstood the hassle of making his way around the apartment, trying desperately not to break anything. There were filthy mugs and glasses precariously placed around the living area, old CD cases that had been crushed underfoot, a full ashtray lay on the floor just waiting to be knocked over. The place was a mess, and strewn with unintentional traps to turn the place into even more of a mess. But, with luck and patience, Yamato finally made it into his father's bedroom. He threw him haplessly on the bed and watched as the man pathetically crawled towards his pillow to lay his drunken head upon it. The man hadn't taken off his shoes or anything, and he just went straight to sleep.
Picking up whatever rubbish he could Yamato went back to the kitchen to serve himself dinner.
'Well at least I get double helpings' he thought to himself as he sat at the table to eat his steaming broth. He reluctantly fiddled with it, taking a spoonful and lifting it to his mouth only to stop and pour it back into the flower printed bowl. It was supposed to smell delicious, considering he hadn't eaten since the day before, but for some reason the flavoured steam only made him feel sick. He closed his eyes and quickly pushed the spoon into his mouth, only to find that instead of a satisfying feeling of being fed he felt a spring in his throat push the mouthful back up and choked after finding it unbearable to swallow. His throat burned from the warm liquid and he deducted that he definitely wasn't hungry any more. So he abandoned his efforts and hoped that he might be coaxed to eat with something more appetizing. The soup was poured down the sink, leaving bits of steamed vegetables, and the bowl was left in the sink to be washed later on.
Looking towards the digital clock on the oven Yamato jumped to see that it was almost seven thirty. He had only twenty minutes to get to his first job at the café down town. Rushing into his room and jumping over furniture he wriggled into his plain black uniform and looped the car keys around his finger. His room was only a little bit dirtier than the rest of the house but he preferred it to be that way. The litter is what supposedly gave it "character".
"Bye Dad! I'll be back later!
He called as he slammed the apartment door shut. He skipped three stairs at a time down towards the block parking lot where his baby sat, waiting for him. His car looked like a diamond among a pile of coal from its position in the dingy parking lot. His gorgeous Jaguar XJ220 was a machine from the heavens with a glossy blue coat that made it glow in the dreary Japanese street lights. It had taken him since he was practically a child to save up for it and he had to cut back on a lot of luxuries, but it was so definitely worth it. Just stepping into the drivers seat was like stepping upon Nirvana. The leather still had that fresh, new scent and the seat was adjusted perfectly for him to sink into. It was unintentional when he took that moment to savour it, but he instantly snapped back into gear and started the mighty engine. It roared like the battle cry of Mars when revved, but once on the open road, hummed delicately like the smooth love song of Venus.
He came to a perfect stop in front of the café as though that parking space had been reserved especially for him, and when he get out the car he spotted the silhouette of Daisuke lingering by the door. He was more Taichi's friend than his own, but Daisuke kept popping up for a chat here and there and 'dropping in' while he was at work. His burgundy locks were barely style, and he still wore the goggles that Taichi had given him as a congratulatory gift after a good soccer game.
"Hey, Yamato. A bit late for your shift isn't it?"
Yamato locked the car and jogged up to the door as he spoke to Daisuke.
"Yeah, I know. It's just another late mark in my book. I still wonder why I haven't been fired yet."
"It's because you make a damn good cup of coffee."
He gave a small wave and pushed himself away from the wall, preparing to leave.
"I know you're busy, so I'll come back when the place is less busy to talk to you properly, okay?"
"Thanks, Daisuke. I'll see you later."
With a smile he opened the door and the little bell attached to it jingled as a greeting. Yamato sprinted inside and with immense speed he had himself behind the counter and already serving customers. Fridays always were the busiest days of the week and tonight was definitely going to be a long night. Stylish ladies and gentlemen were seated at the round, mahogany tables that were placed randomly around the café, each fastidiously sipping their drinks. Very few were actually participating in conversation but that was quite common with the regulars that came on Fridays. Classic fifties blues was presently playing softly; the male tenor was smooth enough to only underline the murmuring of the customers. With very few staff and an 'everyone knows everyone' colleague relationship it seemed like a stereotypical corner shop café.
The coffee machine let out a buzz and a click to signal that it had finished boiling and Yamato poured his first drink of the night.
Although it seemed fairly bizarre for a small cafto be open at midnight, it wasn't until about twelve thirty that people finally decided to call it a night and grab their coats. This is because the live entertainment didn't start until about ten o'clock, and each self promoting musician was something spectacular to see for their own reasons. For example, there was the young girl that came at eleven who couldn't be older than sixteen. She looked as though she was too young to take anything seriously in life, but when she sang the blues you could see in her eyes that she lived for her music. That sweet voice understood the pain or joy of the lyrics that a mature woman wouldn't be able to mimic. Then there was the eighty year old saxophonist that often came at the end of the evening, so there weren't many people there to see him. But he didn't mind. He just came to share his talent to whoever was awake at the time, and you could see in his greying eyes that he truly loved doing it. He was someone that Yamato truly admired, and would hopefully one day be able to hold a proper conversation with.
The bell above the door jingled, but the plump woman singing at the front wasn't distracted in the least and continued on with her heartfelt ballad. Daisuke walked in and caught Yamato's eye while he sat down at an empty table. Yamato was already preparing Daisuke's usual order; a strong mocha with nutmeg and a brandy muffin. After dropping it off on his table and exchanging a shy smile he returned to the counter to better listen to the rest of the woman's song.
Sometimes it bothered him that Daisuke kept hanging around him and visiting him at work. It wasn't that he was complaining, not at all. It was nice to know that someone enjoyed his company, and Daisuke was a really nice guy. Even when he acted a bit crazy or hyper, Yamato enjoyed having his lively company to brighten his spirits. But Daisuke was a really sporty type of person and it made him curious that he would want to hang around with someone like himself. He was usually quiet, only speaking when he had something worth saying, and he never participated in sport. From what he had heard about Daisuke he was straight as well so it wasn't a matter of him having a crush on him either.
Yamato was brought out of his thoughts when the alto melody of the woman came to an end and the audience started a quiet applaud. He took his hand off of the coffee machine handle and gave a weak clap as well while she walked off of the stage, stumbling a bit on the handmade set of stairs. The cafwas properly clearing out now that the entertainment had finished and the quiet music from the speakers started to play once more. Customers showed their gratitude to him with a few waves and smiles as they left which he returned gratefully. The sophisticated society that frequently visited the cafwere an admired crowd.
The cafhad slowly emptied now to about three tables, one of them being occupied by Daisuke. So, Yamato deemed this the time to have a proper talk with him now. But for some reason, his smile felt forced as he went to sit next to the younger man.
"So, what brings you here way past your bedtime?"
Yamato mocked, sitting on the table next to Daisuke's and folding his arms in a jokingly stern fashion. Daisuke let out a chortle that echoed in his third mug of coffee as he lowered it from his lips.
"I was running a few errands and dropped by. I know how lonely you get here without me to keep you company."
Yamato gave a tired laugh, getting a bit of entertainment from Daisuke's excuse. But he honestly knew that when Daisuke visited this late he had a reason. And after so many of these late night visits, he knew what it was.
"So, who did Taichi sleep with this time?"
He smiled sadly and rolled up his shirt sleeves, keeping eye contact to a minimal amount. His soft voice was quieter than usual and void of emotion. The atmosphere around them had stopped being laughable the moment he'd said those words, and Daisuke's mood darkened considerably as well.
This was why Yamato found it difficult to show a genuine smile.
It was known to both of them that Taichi had a bit of a problem. But then again, saying that it was a 'bit of a problem' was an understatement.
It had started in high school, where everyone was experimenting with everything. It was all about having fun and being rebellious, fucking with the system and generally bullshitting around. To begin with, Taichi would only do it so that he could have the energy to keep on partying for days on end. He wouldn't need sleep after a handful of whatever he could get a hold of from the shady men that he'd approach in alleyways. This phase would have been fine if he'd known when to give it up and grow up.
But Taichi had always had an addictive personality.
It seemed that the teenage lifestyle was never over for him. When everyone left those rebellious days behind them to get a respectable job, he was still stuck in a rut. And everyone around him suffered for it. His mother was forced to spend his university funds, his sister was unable to spend as much time with him as she wanted, and Yamato was forced to deal with the consequences that came from having a lover that didn't understand what was going on around him half the time. Sometimes it seemed like he was no longer the person that he'd fallen in love with.
Daisuke knew about Taichi's mishaps, being one of the few people that Taichi liked to hang around with. So, he stirred his cooling coffee with his finger and slowly spoke.
"It was yesterday. There was this stupid woman that dragged him into it. I'm sorry."
"There's no reason for you to be sorry. You weren't the one he fucked."
Yamato sighed quietly while scratching his forearms and watching the men clear the stage. It certainly wasn't anything to be surprised about. Girl or boy, Taichi just couldn't say no to them.
Daisuke got out of his own chair to sit next to Yamato, but he didn't make any physical gestures to give comfort. He simply sat next to him.
"I'm probably gonna sound like a bastard of a friend to Taichi, but...why are you with him? He's done this too often to be funny any more and no matter what I've done, or you've done, to help him, he's just ignoring us. Maybe it's best for you to just...break up."
Just the mention of breaking up caused aches within Yamato. He hated the idea of leaving Taichi. Even if he wasn't the same as he was before, he always held hope that maybe he would come to his senses and return to his old self. He shook his head and unconsciously place his arms across his chest, as though he were trying to mimic the action of being held.
"I don't think I'm going to break up with him just yet. I haven't tried my best to get him clean, so I still have good faith in him. And once all of this is behind us, I'll know that I did all that I could and we worked through it together."
He smiled at the delusional image that he held in his mind of Taichi thanking him for his loving support and them running away together into the sunset. It was a beautiful image to aim for. But it was only an image. It would be impossible for reality to compare to it.
"You're really stuck on him, huh?"
Daisuke's voice shattered the image and he turned to look at the younger man, the sorrowful smile still lingering on his weary face.
"He's my best friend and the one I love. He's been beside me my whole life. And if I lose him...then I don't have much left."
"I'm not sure that's a good way of thinking about it. That just makes it sound like you're just afraid of being alone, which is impossible. You'll still have all of your friends, your brother, your dad, and you might even be able to make new friends. Think about what you gain from being with Taichi rather than what you'd lose if you weren't."
Daisuke pried Yamato's hand out from the hold that he'd had around himself, and he held it between his own. From the gleaming blush on his face Yamato could tell that just that small amount of physical contact made Daisuke feel very awkward.
"I? not the only one that doesn't like to see you hurt."
With glowing cheeks he gave a warm smile, which Yamato happily returned. But, after considering Daisuke's words, his muscles loosened and he looked back to his lap.
"I'll think about it. If that's my last resort then...I'll just have to deal with it. After all, leaving him might be some kind of wakeup call for him."
It was undecided whether he'd said that to please Daisuke or he'd actually started to consider it. The thought of being with Taichi still caused a deep pain within his chest, and a sickly shiver would run down his spine.
"Thanks, Daisuke. That means a lot to me. As a thank you gift I would give you that coffee on the house, but I'm a bit short on money at the moment."
Yamato said while peeling his hand out from between Daisuke's. As he stood up to brush off the crumbs on his apron he watched the other man give a smile and wave away Yamato's desire to reward him, like it was an unwanted insect.
"I don't need a thank you. I ordered with the intention of paying, and that is what I still intend to do."
Yamato placed the empty coffee mug and plate on a tray while Daisuke dug around clumsily or a few notes in his front pocket. His jeans were so uncomfortably fitted that he had to wriggle around in his seat in order to fit his hand into the denim compartment. But his hands surfaced victorious, holding two crumpled notes. As Yamato cleaned the table with one calculated swipe of a wet cloth Daisuke held out the first note.
"This is for the drink."
He laughed and Yamato accepted it with a nod. But before he could turn to leave Daisuke had already tucked the second note into the front pocket of his apron.
"And this is for the excellent service."
He winked. Yamato was never one to accept charitable donations, but considering he couldn't spare change to buy a close friend a cup of coffee, he concluded that it may be necessary that he accepted it. And so, feeling a deep gratitude and warmth of his friend, he was overcome with a powerful urge to embrace the man opposite from him. Which is exactly what he did. He practically dropped the tray of crockery onto the table and threw his arms around the younger man, almost ripping off his neck with his enthusiasm.
"Thank you."
If he didn't have his face buried in a thick shoulder he would have been able to see the bizarre colour of Daisuke's face after being hugged so unexpectedly by his senior. Although he wanted to sincerely respond to the affection that was shown to him, he was too embarrassed to show similar enthusiasm without laughing. So, he gave a few quick pats to Yamato's bony shoulder and slowly led him out of his arms.
"Sorry. I think I've just really embarrassed myself."
Yamato laughed and scratched his neck as he backed away to pick up the tray he'd abandoned. Daisuke displayed similar hesitance but grinned nonetheless like his usual self.
"Don't worry about it. I'll see you round, okay?"
And with that he picked up his jacket from the back of his chair and rushed to the exit sporting rose pricked cheeks and ears. He spared a glance as he opened the door to the blonde waiter who was now swiping the other tables with a distant gleam in his eyes, and kept an eye on him as he left the building and passed the large window.
Yamato hadn't been fired for his lateness that evening, but his pay had been docked for all of other the times that he'd been late as well. That added up to two hours pay, which didn't seem like a lot, but his wages were so low that those two hours pay made a great difference in his lifestyle. Not even the soft seats of his car could cheer him up on the drive home this time. And when he finally reached the car park he pulled into the parking space, turned off the ignition and looped the key around his finger, but he didn't leave the car. Instead he leant his head against the wheel, being careful not to beep the horn as he pressed his head into the leather. He just wanted a moment to think without distraction. In the apartment his mind would always stay to what needed cleaning, what needed fixing, what was missing and how much money it would cost to obtain all this. But in his car, he already had everthing he needed.
He didn't know whether he should bother confronting Taichi about what he'd done. They'd sunk into a routine that was painful on his pride to think about. He'd bring up the problem, Taichi would apologise and tell him how much he loved him, then Yamato would forgive him and hand him more money to bring him back to the start of the cycle. He'd even stopped getting angry at Taichi for things. Now, he was just sick of it all and the monotony of their relationship. It wasn't as though he ever intended on leaving Taichi. Even when he'd cheated thefirst time it had never been considered as an option. Taichi used to be the only constant in his life. His father would come and go in a drunken stupor, his mother would try desperately to keep Takeru away from him and directionless life style, even his friends slowly began to grow apart from him when they went to university and he was forced to get a job. But Taichi had never quit on him. Whether he wanted him there or not, Taichi would come to his apartment practically every other day since their first day of meeting. That was probably why the ended up falling in love.
When they were young Yamato didn't mind Taichi going out and partying because usually they'd be doing it together. When Taichi struggled for money to buy beer so did he, and when Taichi felt like doing a few lines and crashing at a strangers house he would be right there with him, equally oblivious to what was going on around him.
But times had changed.
He had responsibilities now.
While Taichi was still embracing his youth he'd grown up.
Maybe Daisuke had a good point. Normally when a child was bad they should have something valuable taken away from them, like a toy or television privileges. And since Taichi was acting like a kid then he should be punished like one too, right? So, what better thing to confiscate than himself...right?
But what if he wasn't as valuable as he thought to Taichi?
If it was okay to sleep with so many other people in the first place then maybe Taichi would just tell him 'fine, I didn't really want you anyway.'
Yamato banged his head against the steering wheel a few times more, not caring if he set off the airbag. He could already feel the spreading swell of a bruise forming. If the time came to it, Yamato knew he probably wouldn't leave Taichi. He didn't have the courage.
"Shit."
He breathed into the leather of the steering wheel and unbuckled his seat belt. He wanted to eat four tubs of chocolate ice-cream and a family size pizza with a side dish of two bottles of whiskey. But, noticing the feelig in his stomach he knew that he'd probably end up going to bed after a glass of water. At least he was saving money on food.
Yamato was dreaming of a boat upon raging waters. A storm rocked the wooden vessel powerfully and led him off course into open waters. When he hit monstrous wave the front of the boat was completely immersed in water and he could feel his whole body lean forward into the swaying depths of blue that he slowly sank into. But once he was thrown off the boat his struggles ended. It was cozy and warm beneath the water. He no longer wanted to fight against it. He relaxed and let his body be taken with the tide. If he looked above to the he could see the storm hammering against the surface of the waves, as though he were looking at the rain through a window in the ceiling.
Suddenly he felt a strong hand delve into the sea to grab onto him. It dragged hi with an iron grip towards the storm that waited for him above, no matter how much he tried to struggle. As he broke through the waves his body went into shock and he could feel panic. It felt as though he were a flopping fish and a million hooks were buried into him, pulling him in all directions. A voice soon began to echo in his ear over the thudding of rain against his face.
"Yamato. Wake up."
But as he gradually became more conscious to his surroundings, and the waves washed him upon a dry shore that felt a lot like his bed, he could see who the voice belonged to.
"Yamato. Son, where is your wallet?"
The stench of vomit, ramen and the sharpness of lingering alcohol invaded Yamato's senses on his father's breath. He was barely awake and was most certainly not in the mood to deal with finances so early in the morning. His attempt to pull away from the smell was thwarted when he realised that the reason he couldn't feel his arm was because his father had a deathly grip upon it.
"mmmm...Dad? Why do you want to know? I already gave you some money."
Saying this he peeled his parent's had off of him and rolled over, further into the warmth of the blankets. But just ignoring the problem obviously didn't make it go away. The older man only climbed onto the bed and began shaking him again.
"I know, I know, it's just...yesterday, Ritsu wanted me to buy him a drink and I kept telling him no, but he wouldn't listen and was telling me that he always buys me drinks and that he wants payback so I-"
"You know what, Dad? I don't really care about your shitty reasons behind it."
Yamato interrupted after having enough of the old man's ramblings. He threw off the covers as well as his father's invading hands and sat up with a huff. When he jumped around the other man to enter the living room, his father followed like a dog begging for food from its master.
"Oh, son, please don't be like that. I just-"
"I'm not being like anything. I'm just tired."
He snapped at him and dug around in the jeans he'd worn the night before to pull out his leather wallet. The poor thing was starved and felt so thin. But even so, Yamato pulled out a ¥2000 note and held it out.
"Here."
He expected the man to snatch it up greedily, but he only stared at it with a sad expression.
"Um...Yamato...I-I'm really sorry but-"
"But you need more than that. Right...I get it. So how much?"
"Well...I owe Ritsu about 1000...and then Hajime bought me a few drinks too so that-"
When Masaharu looked at his son's face he could see that he wasn't interested in his stories. He just wanted the painful moment to be over and done with. So, with a heavy sigh he broke the news.
"I need about ¥7000"
With a splutter Yamato collapsed onto the sofa, ignoring the fact that he was probably sitting on a mound of dirty clothes and plates. ¥7000 could buy him a weeks worth of food for both of them. And yet, somehow, that had managed to all be spent on drink in only three days.
"A-Are you shitting me? I can't-"
"Please, this is the last time. I'm getting my pay check next week so I can return it all with interest. And then after that I'm going to be more responsible with my money. No more bars or parties, I promise you, son. And I mean it."
With that much money gone Yamato feared that he'd have to work double shifts or take up another job to get it back. In the past when he'd worked three jobs it had been hell. He didn't have enough money to buy food to give him energy for the job he'd taken up in order to earn money. It was a harsh cycle. He would come home abused and tired, unable to take off his own shoes due to the fatigue.
Looking back into his wallet he looked to see the last three slips of paper that he had to keep him alive for the next week. And then, with a flinch he took out two of them and held them out to his father, not daring to look as he gave them away.
"Okay."
He bit his tongue to punish himself for the shake in his voice. The snatch from his father's hand was so quick that he didn't have enough to feel the money being taken from him.
"Take good care of it. That's my dinner allowance for next week."
"Thank you so much."
Yamato didn't react to the kiss that was placed upon the top of his head, nor the call that his father gave as he rushed out of the apartment. Instead he sat there, wallowing in misery and looking at the last scrap of money in his wallet. There was no point in going to bed or spending a moment trying to erase the event from his mind. His second job started in two hours anyway. So, he stumbled into the kitchen to begin his day. He put some water in a pan and set it to boil for his usual cup of coffee. They hadn't been able to afford a kettle for a while. After that he almost went to turn on the radio, only to find an empty plug socket where it should have been. It had been pawned last week to help pay the gas bill. He put a piece of bread in the toaster and went to the fridge for some butter, but it was completely empty aside from a six pack of beer. Some instant coffee was placed in a mug in preparation. Their filter had been broken for a while now so there was no chance of having a decent drink.
When the toast popped up, warm and ready to be eaten, Yamato found himself hesitating. The churning feeling that he'd been having in his stomach morphed his perception of food. It looked inedible to him now.
In his frustration he huffed as he threw his breakfast in the bin and even poured the coffee he'd made down the sink. He glared at the dark liquid as it swivelled around the drain. The only noise in the apartment was the glugging of the drain as it drank his coffee, and his heavy breaths as he hunched over the sink.
"Time for work."
He muttered and rubbed his cold hands together as he went to get dressed.
The radiator was broken.
Yamato's second job was at a school on the edge of Odaiba as a music tutor. It had been a lot of effort to get the job, but it always been something that he'd wanted to do. He had more than enough experience, the only problem had been his age and qualifications. He hadn't completed grades or gotten a degree in music. The head of the music department had known that self tutoring would only get a person so far. But Yamato was determined to prove his worth. And it had done him well. Now he was able to experience the joy of influencing the younger generation. It was such a privilege to have a child learn from him.
The area around the school was one of the factors that had influenced him to apply for the job. Because it was on the outskirts of Odaiba it was quiet and empty, but that only served to make the area more peaceful. When he walked around to have lunch he would be able to hear the children having fun during their hour of play, whereas in central Odaiba he would hear nothing but speeding cars, persistent salesmen and the chatter coming from overcrowded bars and cheap restaurant chains.
On this particular day he was unable to afford lunch, nor did he particularly want to eat. So, instead of sitting in the park like he usually would, he took a wander around the area. Sadly the Sakura trees that lined the pond weren't in bloom for him to enjoy, but he knew that when they were it would make the place even more beautiful. He could have walked in circles for hours and not noticed that any time had gone by. That is, until the skies opened up and a flood of downpour fell upon him. With his jacket over his head he sprinted back to the school to make it in time for his next student.
When he tumbled into the school reception he left a stream of rain water leading behind him back out into the rain.
"Welcome back, Yamato. Did you have a good lunch? Do you need a towel?"
The cheery receptionist gave him a refreshingly honest smile as she flicked back her long black hair. Yamato folded his trench coat over his arm and nodded as he approached the desk.
"Ah, thank you Mommoko. I think a drenched sensei might have frightened my students."
She held out a small white towel from the medical kit which he took gratefully.
"On the contrary, I think that a drenched sensei is quite charming."
She laughed as he shook out his hair and used the towel to wipe his face and arms. Just as he was about to head back to his room her sweet voice called out to him again.
"Oh, and Yamato, you have a visitor waiting for you in room six. I told him that you were out, but he insisted that he wait for you."
"Thank you."
It was surprising for him to have a visitor during work hours, but considering he didn't have a cell phone it was plausible. If there was an emergency the only way of contacting him would be to find him directly.
Before barging into the room, Yamato peered through the small window to peek at his supposed visitor. He couldn't really see anyone though. It was impossible to get a look at the whole room through the small window.
Opening the door revealed to him someone he'd never expect as a guest.
His younger brother, who was most probably missing a lecture in order to see him.
"Takeru? What are you doing here? You've never-"
"Nii-chan. I'm in a bit of trouble."
Takeru squabbled before he was even able to get into the room with his whole body. But once the door was closed behind him, Yamato gave his sibling his full attention.
"Trouble? What kind of trouble?"
"Money. I need-"
"Woah, hold on. Mum is the one you should go to for money troubles, we discussed this. She doesn't want me lending you anything."
"Well that's difficult, considering she cut me off!"
"Huh?"
"Yeah, just like that! No warning or anything! She just said 'Takeru, I've had enough of this' and just flat out refused to give me money."
Yamato sighed. Takeru was obviously exaggerating the situation. Their mother was not one to make a decision without warning or particular reasons. So, Yamato leaned back against the teacher's desk and gave his brother a stern look while folding his arms.
"What could have been the reason for that do you think?"
His sarcastic remark wet unnoticed by Takeru, who only continued with his story with full enthusiasm and innocent eyes.
"I dunno. But whatever it is, it's ruined everything. I'm late on rent at my dorm, I owe guys money, I can't buy food and I can't even afford to use my car. I have to get the bus."
"What about your part time job?"
"I got fired a few weeks ago."
Yamato's sigh sounded more like a grunt of frustration. He dug his hands into his eyes, finally feeling the tiredness that he should have experienced that morning.
"Takeru, that was your third job since-"
"I know, I know. I don't need a fucking lecture from you as well. You don't even understand anyway. I can barely keep up my studies let alone hold down a regular job, and to get any reasonable amount of money I have to work double shifts! Which is ridiculous! So-"
"So you want a loan from me?"
"Please, Nii-chan. Just ¥10,000, I'll pay-"
"10,000? Are you fucking with me? I can't afford dinner let alone lend you 10,000 !"
"Then get another job!"
"Why don't you get another job?"
"Because I'm the one that's going to university! My education is important! You have time to work another job, but I don't."
"So you think my time isn't valuable? I'm already working two full-time jobs Takeru. It's not fair."
"Tell that to Mum, she doesn't understand what fair means either."
Takeru's volume had increased tenfold as he pleaded his case. He'd been unable to stand still since Yamato had walked into the room, constantly hopping from table to table, having a seat for ten seconds and the standing again. Just watching him made Yamato nervous and he decided that it was time to tone down his temper. He should never show his angry side to his little brother. With a deep exhale he continued to talk.
"Maybe this is her way of getting you to be more independent and responsible. Even if you've got a good job you still need to take care of your finances. You can't be blowing it all on parties and food."
"I don't blow it all. I'd just like to have a social life occasionally."
"And that is perfectly fine. But it's all good in moderation."
Takeru pushed away from the table that he'd been seated on for all of five seconds in order to approach his brother. It was visible in his face that his patience was wearing thin. He'd been talking to his brother for a good amount of time now, and he still hadn't been able to get what he'd came for. Usually his brother would comply to his every whim without the need for any persuasive skills.
"I didn't come here for a lesson in finances Nii-chan. I just need a bit of money to get me started this week. Then I'll find a new job to pay for the rest of it."
Looking at the bright youthful eyes of his baby brother made Yamato want to give him anything he wanted. He would give Takeru the world if he could. He could only hope that Takeru wasn't purposely trying to play on his weakness. Takeru wouldn't be evil like that. With Takeru now being in arm's length of him, Yamato was able to pull him into an apologetic one armed hug.
"I'm sorry, Takeru. If I had it I would give it to you, believe me. But I can't. I don't have enough."
He could feel his brother tense in his arms and pull away sharply, throwing Yamato's arm back and denying his affection.
"Thanks for your help."
His tone was sarcastic and low as he stormed towards the door. Yamato grabbed his arm before he was able to pull the door off its hinges.
"Takeru, please don't do this. I said I'm sorry. I don't know what to do to-"
Takeru turned around in one movement. His face said everything that Yamato had feared. His eyes were squinted in anger, with a glossy sheen of collecting tears coating them.
"You obviously can't do anything useful for me so why don't you just fuck off. I'll get my own money."
He shook off his brothers arms with enough force to make him stumble back a few paces, and he threw open the door. Yamato stood, shocked, as he watched his beloved sibling storm away from him in anger towards the reception. He wanted to call out to him. He wanted to make him happy. Takeru had never walked away from him in anger from him. When he finally found his voice he reached out in panic.
"Taker-"
"Mr Ishida?"
He was interrupted by the timid voice of the young girl behind him. He pulled back his hand and composed himself, seeing that Takeru had now left the building. With a false smile he turned to his meek student.
"Ah, I'm sorry Shina. Were you waiting long?"
She laughed and shook her head, still too young to realise that she had imposed on a serious moment. Instead she tucked her music book under her arm and reached for her Sensei's hand to lead him to the music room.
Yamato felt an unbearable, yet imaginary weight press against his chest as he lay dozing on his sofa. He'd had to call in sick at the cafbecause he'd practically fainted on his way home. It was damn lucky that he'd lost consciousness while the car was parked. He knew the cause, ad he knew how to solve it. The only problem was that his problem refused to comply. He'd made a fresh batch of soup when he came home, no matter how ill the smell made him feel. But, even with his strong will to eat he still managed to vomit up every drop and more of what he'd eaten.
Yamato regretted not changing into dry clothes now that he realised that he was chilled to the bone. The combination of cold water and cold air had him shivering. Struggling to get comfortable he squirmed onto his back and placed a pillow over his head to block out the buzz from the old refrigerator and the clatter coming from the apartment next to his. But because of this Yamato was unable to hear the front door open and close as well as the muted footsteps that approached him. Only the sudden weight of someone jumping on top of him woke him up.
"Wakey wakey."
Yamato heard the muffle of a deep voice filter through the padded cushion over his face. When he pulled it away he wasn't surprised to see that he was being straddled by a large figure. Two thick long legs were parted over his hips to hold him in place, two dark muscular arms rested next to his face and two deep brown eyes looked deep into his own. He laughed and placed the cushion back over his face.
"Oh God, what a sight to wake up to."
He could feel the rumble of Taichi laughing as well, and this time the cushion was forcefully removed and thrown across the room.
"Is that supposed to be a compliment or an insult?"
Taichi smiled and lowered himself so that their chests were connected and his warm exhales would brush against his face.
"Whatever makes you happy, darling."
Yamato replied, poking his tongue out playfully. But his playful mood died a swift and painless death as soon as Taichi decided that he wanted to kiss him. Their lips met and Yamato felt an electricity stir within him. It wasn't the kind of powerful shock that he'd normally feel. But instead it was a blissful buzz of attraction that felt more natural.
As Taichi slowly and tenderly moved against his lips, Yamato reached up to stroke his cheek and neck. Delving deeper and wanting more from him, he began to nip and lick and at Taichi's lower lip, liking how he was meeting his actions with equal want and meeting his tongue with his own. Wanting more contact between them Taichi rested his weight on one arm so to tuck the other beneath his lover and pull him closer, rubbing their chests and hips together with a steady passion. Yamato too locked his arm around Taichi's waist to pull him closer to feel that delicious heat that he needed. His temperature had already jumped from dangerously low to uncomfortably hot.
They were so familiar with each other's kisses that their lips and tongues moved together like cogs in a clock, understanding which direction the other was going to move before it had even begun to happen. And when Taichi hesitantly pulled away he left several lingering pecks upon his lips before resting his face into the sweet smelling neck of his lover, breathing air onto Yamato's sensitive place behind his ear.
"Mmm, was that because you had a good day or a bad day?"
He mumbled, feeling a short shiver rush through the man beneath him as he planted tiny kisses and bites behind his ear where a light red mark would soon blossom.
"I think I'm gonna end up dead before tomorrow."
Yamato sighed, wanting to say it with contempt, but while feeling so relaxed it sounded slightly more light hearted than intended. Either way Taichi still smiled. Lifting his head he could see that Yamato had his eyes closed once more, ready to go to sleep. But he wouldn't allow that. He pinched the poor man's nose and watched as he tried to bat him away.
"Well don't die just yet. I haven't seen you in a while. Don't I deserve a proper greeting?"
He pleaded in a lustful voice and released Yamato's nose to undo the buttons on the soaking wet shirt that he wore.
"Selfish bastard."
He heard the blonde mutter with no hint of spite. So with a lusty chuckle he merely continued to undress him.
"Only for you, my love."
It was lucky that his father wasn't home, because Yamato couldn't have stopped Taichi even if he wanted to. He was too weak when it came to this man.
With the buttons of his shirt all undone Taichi peeled the fabric off of Yamato's wet skin to reveal his naked torso, gleaming with moisture beneath the harsh overhead light. He could see that his lover was shaking from the cold. Tiny shivers rattled the delicately pale skin that had been revealed to him and his rosy nipples were pert, reaching out for Taichi's warm touch. So he did his best to provide the man with the warmth he needed. He ran his hands firmly over Yamato's stomach and leant into him so to cover him with his own chest. He could tell that Yamato was thankful for it when he felt two delicate hands link behind his neck and pull him closer. He could feel the increasing rise and fall of the other's chest as his breaths became more irregular, though he could tell that he was trying so hard to keep it in check.
He kissed the dip of his sternum and felt the slender hands clench his hair, sending delicious spark of gentle pain down his neck. He felt a magnetic pull towards Yamato's lips, craving to kiss them again. Although they were both lazy in their movements the pleasure from them hadn't been dulled. When Taichi ground down onto Yamato's hips they both felt the heat from the friction through their jeans, and when Yamato dragged a lone finger slowly down Taichi's clothed spine he still shivered and bit down on the other's lip in satisfaction. He licked the wound afterwards of course in apology, which evoked a pleasing sigh from Yamato as he clung tighter to Taichi and wound his legs around the larger man's hips, bringing them in closer contact. The undulating of their hips became rhythmic and louder gasps were breathed between eachother's lips.
"Do you wanna take this to the bedroom?"
Taichi smiled and kissed Yamato's chin before moving to his neck. His breath brushed Yamato's ear and even ruffled the sensitive hairs on his neck which stood up instantly in pleasured shock.
"mmm, you're gonna have to drag me though. I can't move."
"That's fine with me."
With that as his only warning Taichi tightly wound his arms around Yamato's waist and pulled him against his chest. He didn't recieve any sort of resistance other than a surprised yelp and for Yamato to cling desperately to his shoulders when he was lifted into the air. Laughing, Taichi merely kissed his neck and kept a tight hold of him. He could feel Yamato's erection pressing against his stomach and he found himself to be suddenly much more energetic. The tender massage that he'd been giving to Yamato's back evolved into needy clinging and groping while his teeth worked to create viscious red marks across Yamato's neck. He didn't even need to look at where he was going in order to make his way to the bedroom. The trip had been made millions of times before and now he had memorised every nook of his lover's apartment. And when they finally made it to the bed he was bold enough to leave the door open.
Yamato stirred, trying to stop himself from falling asleep. It was difficult to keep conscious when he was so snug, tucked into the chest of his lover. The connection of their skin was no longer lustful, but instead comforting; secure. He could feel Taichi's arm press him closer while the other stroked his hair.
"You feeling any better?"
He could feel more than hear Taichi speak to him.
"I feel even more tired than before, jackass."
He laughed and buried his face into the larger man's neck, pinching his arm as a joking punishment. Taichi yelped even though he'd hardly intended it to be painful.
"It's not my fault. If you didn't want it then you should've locked the front door. Seeing you look so cute when I came in...how could I resist?"
Taichi nipped at the delicate shoulder in his sight, seeing that it was one place that he had yet to leave his mark upon. When he unconsciously moved to rub his hands over Yamato's hips he felt him jump and push him away.
"Don't do that! You're hands are fucking cold!"
"So warm them up for me."
He heard Yamato shout and fidget as he tortured the poor man with his icy digits. It couldn't be helped considering the apartment felt like an ice box. But within their own world under the blankets they were warm. Their fighting didn't last long after Yamato discovered that if he moved too much then cold air would seep under the blankets. It wasn't as if he minded Taichi's cold hands. So long as they belonged to Taichi, Yamato would accept them no matter what their condition. He lay content while Taichi caressed his neck with his chilled hands, absorbing his body heat slowly. He even rubbed his own hand over Taichi's so to create friction. With the rhythmic pressure that Taichi placed on his jaw and behind his ear, Yamato found himself slowly drifting off to sleep again. His mind was wrapped in a warm blanket and he could hear Taichi's breathing accompanied with the quiet buzzing from the kitchen.
But as soon as that warmth was gone, Yamato found himself wide awake again.
Taichi had withdrawn from his hold and sat up in the bed. Yamato simply pulled the covers down to get a better view of his tanned back as he stretched to pull out the kinks from lying in one position for too long.
"Are you going out again?"
He asked regretfully as he pulled the covers over his shoulders to compensate from the loss of a warm body in the bed with him. It was depressing to see that his lover didn't have enough time to bask in the afterglow of sex with him. Taichi's eagerness to leave had even spoilt the mellow atmosphere that had finally been achieved after a day full of nothing but strife.
"Yeah, I was just going to meet up with a few of the guys for drinks."
Yamato nodded and rolled over to face away from Taichi after he'd covered his muscled back with his shirt. Yamato listened to the rustle of denim, the sharp sound of a zip being fastened while rubbing his legs and hands together to recreate the warmth that he'd felt before. His struggle was interrupted when he felt Taichi lie back to rest his head on his shoulder.
"Yama, Do you have any change that you could lend me?"
Yamato couldn't see Taichi's face because he was still tucked up in the covers, but he knew from the voice that he used that he probably wore his pitiful pleading expression. He tried his best to suppress a huff of annoyance and pulled the covers over his face.
"What do you mean when you say change?"
"Not much. About 4000 would be great. I owe a bit to some friends."
"Don't you mean dealers?"
Yamato threw back the covers and exclaimed, forcing Taichi to roll away before he was hit with the blonde's swinging shoulder. Jumping off the bed he watched as Yamato stormed out of the room, pulling on his pyjama bottoms as he stomped away.
"Yamato? What's wrong?"
He called out and went to the doorway to watch Yamato head to the kitchen. He hadn't gone there for any particular reason other than to create a distance between him and Taichi before he took out his day's anguish out on him with a few punches. He held tight onto the kitchen counter as he watched Taichi approach him from the corner of his eye.
"What's got you so uptight all of a sudden?"
Just before he could put his arms around him Yamato spun around to push him away, back in the direction of the door. He pointed a thin calloused finger towards Taichi's baffled expression.
"You! You've gotten me uptight. I'm not giving you any money."
"Is this because I did something?"
Yamato growled in frustration and folded his arms. Although he was upset that Taichi had fucked around that wasn't the main reason why he was refusing his request. Taichi had cheated many times before and Yamato would still lend him money. The problem was that Taichi was using him like a cash point. All he had to do was press a few buttons, insert his dick, and then money would come out. He'd been in the apartment all of forty five minutes and they hadn't even had a full conversation yet before he was intending to leave with more of his lover's hard earned money.
"I did something again didn't I? Well, what did I do? I don't remember."
"Of course you don't fucking remember. And it doesn't matter to me what or who you did. It's just-"
"Come on, Yama. You know I'm not like that. I only have eyes for you."
"Then why would you-"
"This addiction makes it so that I'm not myself. I'm trying my best to change. "
This conversation was sounding even more familiar to Yamato every second it continued. It was quite embarrassing to realise that he had yet to complete an entire sentence without Taichi jumping in to make excuses.
"If you were trying your best the-"
"I am! I'll do anything, Yama. This is just the last time. If you don't have the money then I can wait for it or-"
"Shut up and let me talk!"
His voice boomed throughout the small apartment and probably through the apartments so either side of it as well. Taichi backed away to where he started. As he'd bee trying to persuade Yamato he'd been slowly approaching him without noticing it. He gulped down any fighting words and looked into the blue eyes that glared at him from across the room. There was a power within them that Taichi hadn't seen in a long time which, as inappropriate as it was, sought to stir his loins once more. He'd always loved to see Yamato so passionately filled with emotion, be it anger, sorrow or joy. He kept his mouth shut and watched with frozen wide eyes as Yamato continued.
Yamato on the other hand was shocked with his boldness, and the obedience of Taichi. Now that there was silence he almost felt too bashful to continue. But luckily, there was still enough of left of the adrenalin pumping through him to keep up his courageous charade.
"Even if I did have the money, I still wouldn't give it to you."
Taichi's eye twitched as though he were suppressing something, but he didn't interject immediately lie Yamato had expected. So Yamato softened his stance and continued.
"This is the first time I've seen you in two weeks and all you do is have your fill of my body and then ask me to pay you. I'm not going to-"
"Yama, it isn't like that at all. How could you think-"
"I told you to shut up!"
Taichi winced and bit his tongue. With a deep inhale Yamato spoke.
"Whenever I give into your begs and pleas for money you just take it, blow it all on drugs and alcohol, and then shove your dick into the first thing you come across. Not only am I left alone, broke, but you are making me vulnerable to so many STDs because of your fucking around. I refuse to suffer because of your problems."
As he continued, Yamato could see how Taichi's face contorted and changed as different emotions swept through him like changing tides. He'd finally managed to say what he'd always wanted. But it wouldn't be enough as it was. It wasn't enough for Taichi to just know that he was upset. He wanted to get across just how upset he was. That was when his mind brought him back unwillingly to what Daisuke said to him the day before.
"The next time it happens I'm going to do what I should have done the first time."
It sounded as though he were speaking to himself. A part of him wished that Taichi wouldn't be able to hear him so he could pretend he hadn't said it. Just like in his dream that morning he felt as though he were in a rocking boat with the sea pushing against the sides with its many hands, trying to tip him over. He held the counter behind him in a white knuckled grip and consulted his voice of reason, which sounded a lot like Daisuke's. Despite his complex, Yamato decided to stop rolling the words on his tongue and finally spit them out. The same words that came down on Taichi like the blade of a guillotine.
"I'm going to put an end to us."
Taichi felt a stab in his chest, as though Yamato had physically wounded him.
"Yama, you can't be serious!"
He laughed only to reassure himself that Yamato has just joking or trying to intimidate him. There was no way Yamato would leave him. They'd been together so long, it must've been his cruel way of putting his message across. But when he reached out to Yamato, expecting him to take his hand and apologise, the other merely shook his head. Taichi found his strength again. If Yamato wouldn't take his hand by choice then Taichi would just have to grab it by force. With a dive he took hold of the pale wrist and pulled Yamato to him. There was some resistance, but since his legs had been so weak he simply stumbled into Taichi's chest.
"You-You're gonna waste all these years for just a little setback?"
He put his hand to the pale cheek, hoping to evoke sympathy in him. He stroked the small freckle that sat beneath the wide blue eye with his thumb and tucked his fingers beneath his sharp jaw bone. No matter how he held Yamato he would always fit perfectly against him. His hand was the perfect size and form to cup the delicate face. Yamato too could feel the flawless connection between their bodies. It tingled where they were connected. But he couldn't be carried away by his hormones. He feigned apathy and took hold of Taichi's wrist to pull away his hand.
"If that's what it takes, then yes."
He whispered, keeping his eyes locked with the watery oaken ones that stared back at him.
"You don't love me any more, do you? You're using this as an excuse to get rid of me!"
Taichi was the one to pull away this time, not liking how his eyes itched and stung the longer he looked at Yamato.
"Don't send me on a fucking guilt trip, Taichi! I love you when you're with me and when your sober. But when you're out, fucking other people and killing yourself with...with that-"
He didn't know how to continue. The image of Taichi in the state that he often came home in gave Yamato the feeling of a hand being clamped around his throat. It felt as though his jaw had rusted shut when he chose to speak on.
"I can't say that I love you when you're out...doing shit like that."
Taichi didn't really feel sad any more. He felt betrayed. Abandoned by the one man he loved with his entire being. He wiped his arm across his eyes were that itchy feeling persisted to annoy him and he backed out of the kitchen towards to door.
"You know what? I don't need a fucking lecture from you. You don't understand. I just wanted to have a nice evening with the man I love and you just...and you just fuck it up by saying something like that. I just wanted a few yen, not the lottery."
His arms were tense and completely rigid while he tried to put his shoes on. On the other hand, Yamato was strangely calm, padding slowly towards where Taichi sat doing up his shoe laces. Leaning against the wall he slowly lowered himself to the floor to sit beside him. He was shivering the same way a small animal would when faced with a predator. Not even holding his hands across his chest calmed his rattling bones. His back would collide with the wall behind him with every muscle spasm. His eyes followed Taichi. His tense shoulders had been tucked up to his ears, making his task even more difficult and taking up unnecessary time when all he wanted was to get out of the apartment and wash the incident away with a few shots of something strong.
"Did you know, Takeru said something like that to me today as well? 'I don't want your lectures, just your money. You don't understand'."
Yamato stuttered around his chattering teeth. He could hear Taichi stop moving in order to pay him the slightest bit of attention.
"Well, if it's so difficult for an idiot like me to understand then why don't you go to him for money. Why don't you fuck him instead of me? He'd understand, right?"
He brought his knees up to his chest and tucked his head between them. The shaking was getting so hard to control. His spine ached from all of the contractions.
"You'd make each other so fucking happy. You could go out drinking, and snorting brick dust all night long and you wouldn't have to deal with all of my stupid lectures and therapy sessions."
It wasn't until he'd said it that he'd realised what a spiteful thing he'd said. He hadn't even intended to involve Takeru, but after his argument that afternoon he unreasonably decided that he fit well into their problem, and he couldn't stop himself from saying those things.
"That's low, Yamato."
He heard Taichi choke, his voice sounding more watery than he'd expected.
"That's really fucking low."
Yamato heard a loud bang and the clatter of metal hitting the floor. Taichi had kicked over the shoe rack. He had a face that didn't suit him at all. A dark flush of rage dominated his tanned features and the itching of his eyes finally gave way to salty streams that were now running down his cheeks. Yamato couldn't stand the sight.
"How could you even suggest that? You're the one I love, even if you don't love me back any more."
Yamato's lack of response was frightening, but it only served to fuel Taichi's anger and frustration. With a slam to the floor his pushed himself to standing. Any derision that he had intended to throw was stopped at the front of his teeth when he saw that Yamato had his face tucked in his knees.
"Yama, look at me."
He ordered, sounding more like a scolding parent than his lover. Yamato heard him loud and clear. It was impossible to ignore that demanding voice. But, hearing the rattle at the back of Taichi's throat and the emotion in his voice was scary. He didn't want to see that stricken face and give in to him. With a deep shiver he folded further into himself and felt the grooves of his spine rub against the wall in a painful manor.
"Look at me!"
The wall behind him shook violently with the force of a powerful impact very suddenly and Yamato pulled his head up the same way a hare would when startled. Taichi's movements had been seemingly silent, but with the position that the were now in Yamato could feel his ascendency. Taichi's hands fists were almost embedded in the walls next to his head, and the pulsating muscles in his limbs were at a close enough range to intimidate Yamato within his own weak form. Taichi was kneeling in front of him with his chest pressed up against Yamato's knees, commandeering most of his personal space, and their faces only a hair's breadth apart. Yamato could only inhale Taichi's warm, moist breath as he practically demanded eye contact with his presence. Within those leaking brown orbs a fire had been stirred and Yamato could feel his skin burning by simply looking into them. It became too hot to breathe, think, speak, move. It was too late to look away now that the fire had started to spread. Taichi spoke slowly and deliberately, keeping his jaw tense unintentionally.
"Tell me you love me."
He sucked in his bottom lip and bit down as hard as he could so to swallow a sob that had bubble in his throat. It was one thing to cry in front of Yamato, but it was another to allow himself to fall into hysteric bawls and cries. The longer he waited for a reply, the faster his strength began to leave him. His fists began to unfurl, his lips began to quiver despite the deep teeth marks he had made in them, and his arms weakened as well, forcing him to lean into Yamato even closer so to stop himself from fully collapsing on top of him. Their lips were almost connected. If he used his tongues to wet his lips then surely he would be wetting Yamato's at the same time.
"Please,"
He whispered, tasting his own desperation on his tongue, which was a bitterness unlike any sour fruit. It was a flavour that could only be washed out of his mouth by the taste of another's lips-lips that were so close to his own that he brushed their chapped surface as he spoke. His gaze darted to those quivering rose petals, only to fly back up a moment later to wash himself in the watery blue eyes that stared back at him, shocked and conflicted.
"just tell me. You love me right? Of course you do. You wouldn't really leave me, would you? Yama?"
No reply. But Yamato's features softened, letting down his guard and commanding himself to listen to what Taichi was telling him, rather than just stare into his eyes and long that those pupils would never stray to the sight of another young streetwalker ever again. His response was on the tip of his tongue; a mechanical response that he was so used to telling him. 'I love you, too'. But he pulled on his own reigns and stopped himself. The whole point of this confrontation was that he wouldn't make the same repetitive mistake of submitting to the man's tearful pleas. It was best for both of them. When he tried to turn away Taichi snatched his face in his hands and forced him to turn back to look at him.
"I love you so much."
He sobbed while loosening his grip on the delicate jaw and drawing a faint line down Yamato's neck with his fingers very lightly. But even that small amount of contact had Yamato's skin heating up, feeling like Taichi had just branded him.
"Maybe you should go, Taichi."
It came out as a whisper, unintended to offend. He stroked Taichi's hands while removing them from his body. He was cruel because his insult had seemed so affectionate and tender. You wouldn't normally do such a thing to a man you had just told to get out of your house.
Taichi jumped back in horror and shock. Yamato looked so calm as he unfolded his legs to stretch in front of him.
"Fuck you."
He growled and practically dug his nails into the wall to stand. Even with such a fierce expression his legs felt liquefied beneath his own weight.
"Fuck you! How could you - Ugh Fuck you!"
Taichi still had one of his shoes undone, but he didn't give a damn. He wanted out of there as soon as possible. He grabbed his jacket that lay in a heap on the floor beside him, gripping onto the wall as though he were leaning over the edge of a cliff.
"You want to get rid of me so fucking badly? Then fine! I'm off to get completely wasted and shove my diseased dick into the first mammal that comes within a mile of me!"
He practically ripped the door off of its hinges as he pulled it open, sending the shoes that had been knocked on to the floor flying across the corridor. Even when a sharp loafer smacked Yamato's leg he didn't move. His eyes stung from not blinking as he observed Taichi stomp and bang his fist against the door frame.
"I don't need you, or your fucking money!"
He didn't close the door after him and instead dashed down the stairs in long leaps, a harsh clang reverberating through the building every time his foot came in solid contact with the metal stairs. The harsh outside wind had now entered Yamato's apartment as an unwelcome guest and stabbed his naked chest with a million icy needles. He didn't want to close the door yet though; not while he could still Taichi's footsteps as he descended the stairs. It was a terrifyingly lulling noise to hear the love of his life running away from him. But even if it felt like clawed hands were ripping his chest open and pawing at his heart, he was still convinced that good would eventually come from his decision. The was still a battered and bleeding part of his former spirit that remained with him, which alone was enough to force him to stand and shut the door.
My gosh, I haven't written for so long that I forgot how much work it takes. I could have been writing for days and still only produced about 12,000 words. It's the same feeling as running on a
treadmill for ages. After all that running there is no satisfaction of actually being anywhere different. There's just a burn in your ass and thighs.
Anyways...
Hello people.
This is a rewritten version of my fiction "Love, life, liquor and silence are all I want".
For people who are reading this story for the first time, it's best if you don't read the old one because it would only ruin the plot. There were plot holes, character flaws and a childish writing style. Wouldn't you much rather wait for a really good story than read the crappy version of it?...exactly.
For people who have read the other one then I have to say that quite a lot of this fic has been changed, so don't just assume that I've only changed the characters. A lot of the plot is different now and I've added in more ideas and taken a few away. All in all, the story is more rounded. Before I just had tons of ideas that I just wanted to mesh together without thinking whther they'd work or not. Also, my writing style has developed since I wrote the old version in my opinion, which makes a huge difference in itself, but I've also learned how to make the characters more fluid and realistic. I think that the little changes in what the characters say and act really makes a difference to define their personality; conversations flow much easier and are less repetitive. Also, I think this version of the story might end up slightly more depressing than the other one...which seems difficult but somehow possible. What can I say...I'm a sucker for tragedy.
The old version of this story is gonna be taken down in a couple of weeks to make way for this one's debut.
And finally, if you actually want to follow me as an author or just fancy reading another one of my fics then you should now that I have two Digimon oneshots completed and on their way. And guess what - there's actually no yaoi in them! But don't toss the idea just yet. In one of them you could probably imagine that there is some boy love in it, but I hadn't initially intended it to be interpreted in that way. In the second fic the couple is heterosexual, but I still like the pairing even though I'll alwalys be a yaoi fan at heart. Both are dramatic and angsty and are best read while listening to good music. I might add a theme song to them to listen to while you read them. It really creates an atmosphere to the story.
So thankyou for your time. I'd be so happy if you left a review. Tell me of any errors that I can fix since I've gotten out of the habbit of proof reading my stories.
The more reviews there are, the faster I'll update and I'll be less likely to forget to write.
Bed. of. nails. and. sandpaper
x
P.S. sorry that there's no full sex scene, but it's the first chapter...I need to preserve the passion...and also I'm a bit out of practice and I'm a bit bashful when it comes to intimate scenes like that. I feel like there's someone watching me type from behind that's just gonna jump out and scream "gay pervert" and destroy my newly fixed laptop ='[ . I just need to work back my courage to write sexual things and not completely cringe.