1.
As expected, the blockade was set to begin at dawn, and almost no light was shining through Lexa's window anymore. Along with the stillness of the moment, the peacefulness and quietness on the last floor of The Tower contrasted with the agitation and passion in the Commander's chamber.
Along with the experience she gained through her many years leading the Trikru, Lexa learned much about patience, especially in the hardships faced in the battlefield. The Commander had an incredible ability of managing her emotions and behavior, a great control over herself indeed, but the woman whose body was on top of hers could make her come undone in the blink of an eye - both figuratively and, especially, literally.
When Clarke touched her, Heda was no more. The great warrior, Commander of the Trikru, leader of the Kongeda... It all became a distant memory in Lexa's mind; like a dream you know you just had, but cannot remember it.
For her, Clarke's touch was like pouring hydrazine into fire: it caused Lexa's brain to fire explosions of feelings she could barely understand herself. It was like sensing a breeze from the trees free of radiation for the first time: both liberating and calming. When Clarke's hands caressed the curves of her naked body, there was nothing else in the world Lexa coveted more. She felt like she could stay there for eternity, but also eagerly hoped for those hands to move to their final destination.
Clarke had been there, in her bed, for almost two hours. It felt like an eternity, but also like just a few seconds, after all, how little and insignificant can mere 120 minutes feel when compared to the lifetime she wished to stay in Clarke's embrace. The minutes felt like hours; the hours felt like seconds; and each second was an eternity, for every touch and every kiss was imprinted into their hearts and mind forever.
Clarke placed a final kiss on Lexa's collarbone before pulling back. She didn't need to say a word, for her eyes said it all. For the well-being of the sky people, the Kongeda and even Lexa, she knew she had to flee. Yet, she would never make it past the blockade before dawn.
"Lexa," she said being kissed by the last rays of Sun shining through the window, "How am I making it out of Polis… Alive?"
"Do you still wish to leave, Clarke?" Lexa's posture changed; the Commander was back into her spirit a little bit. But her eyes were still teary, they begged Clarke for one answer. Stay.
"You know what I wish. But we need to think with our heads, not our hearts right now. For the safety of all our people." She tucked Lexa's brown locks behind her ear and caressed her cheek.
"So you are saying," she let a smirk out, "that I am in your heart, Clarke kom Skikru?"
"And you will always be." Clarke smiled back and placed a gentle kiss on Lexa's begging lips. "Me being on the other side of the line won't change a thing about this. Us. Just give us a little time and we will solve the situation with Pike in Arkadia."
Lexa's eyes deviated from Clarke's for a brief second as she looked down, pensative. The blonde's hand brought their sight back together, and another kiss calmed the restlessness of Lexa's heart. In that moment, they both felt something strange, unique; they knew that, come what may, they would still be ok.
Octavia and Indra had been long gone with two of the Trikru's fastest horses, and Lexa knew Clarke would not be able to reach them in time. She got up from her bed looking decided; Heda was back again. As she began dressing up, Clarke just stood there in her bed, gazing at the beautiful woman in front of her.
"What are you going to do?" she asked confused.
"We are going to go now. Or do you want people to think the blockade is just a scene?"
We? Did she really just say we?
"What do you mean, Lexa?"
"I was already thinking of sending Indra with you and Octavia. Even beat, she is still my most trustworthy warrior. But she's gone. They both are. There is no one else I would trust your life with and there is no safer way for you to ride back to Arkadia, than by my side."
By this time, Clarke was already up and dressing up as well. She said nothing, just nodded.
"Here, take these." She handed Clarke a pair of pants, a shirt and a jacket. "It will feel more comfortable during our journey."
Before they left the room, when Lexa had her hands on the door, Clarke pulled her back and kissed her. She had a tight grip on Lexa's hand before letting go to open the door.
"Let's go, Commander."
Lexa wanted to travel light and fast. She gathered a small group of warriors, and, by the time she and Clarke reached the stables, the horses were already saddled. Provisions were also taken care of. Thus, in the brisk of the night, the group began their journey towards Arkadia. They would travel for a few hours and stop at one of the Trikru villages to rest; by Lexa's calculations, they would be in Arkadia by nightfall the following day.
Lexa's decision to leave Polis was also a bit strategic. Due to the recent clash with the Ice Nation, turmoil had risen in the capital, and she wanted to leave and let the wind take the dust away. Not all of her ambassadors and counselors agreed with her decision to protect Clarke - especially Titus - but what could they do? Who was to defy the Commander who had just defeated one of the greatest warriors in the Kongeda.
As the silence of the night began to creep into their thoughts, for some reason, Costia came to Clarke's mind. Lexa had talked about her only once, at Finn's burning ceremony. But that one time was enough for Clarke to sense the pain she felt not because she had lost someone of great importance to her, but because that made her shut herself down for love. Will we have the same fate? Lexa says love is weakness, but is it really? Then how do I feel so empowered by being close to her? Why does her love make me feel greater, better? Lost in her own thoughts, Clarke couldn't find an answer to those questions. Her grimace gave her away and it didn't take much for Lexa to notice it.
"What is wrong?" she said barely turning her head towards Clarke.
"Nothing, I'm just thinking."
"Are you regretting choosing the other side already? It is not too late for us to turn back to Polis…" Lexa's voice was as soft as the bed sheets they had just made love in. But, although she managed to hide most of her insecurity behind the jokingly air of her question, her eyes could not lie. A part of her was afraid Clarke's passion was just a spark from the friction of the moment; she was fearful that it was all augmented by the fact they would probably not see each other again.
"Lexa. Stop. Why are you making this face?" Clarke's voice came out a little more aggressive than she intended it to.
"What face? This is my face." She stared back at Clarke, with her piercing unblinking Heda eyes.
"Stop. You had the same look on your face when we talked after the missile attack to Tondc. What are you afraid of? What is bothering you?"
Clarke's words pierced right through Lexa's heart and took her right back in time. How does she know me like this? That was the day everything changed for her. It was the day she showed Clarke the difficult decisions she had to face during war times. She showed Clarke that there would always be sacrifice in war. But above all, she saw in herself, in a deep, hidden and buried part of her unconscious self, that she had begun to care about Clarke more than she wanted to. More than it was safe to. That day, although she tried to deny it to herself, changed her. She saw a little bit of Clarke settling into her. She accused her of caring too much and basing her decisions on her feelings and her trust in Octavia, but she knew she was the one about to do it herself. She was about to make a decision solely based on how she felt about Clarke. For some reason, she trusted her. And that gut feeling that she could trust Clarke was the spark that ignited the fire inside Lexa's heart once again.
"Heda, we have arrived."
The guard's voice brought her back to reality. The people from the village were already waiting for Lexa. A tent had been made for her, and one for her guest as well.
Without saying a single word to each other, Clarke and Lexa walked side by side to their tents. They stopped in front of Clarke's tent.
"The warriors who travelled with us will be sleeping near the gates; the village warriors will be guarding the village over night so we can rest. You'll be safe." Lexa's voice was reassuring and calm, but it caused more of a turmoil inside Clarke than it made her relax. What is wrong with her? Why is she sounding so formal?
"Thank you," Clarke was confused, she did not know what to call Lexa, "Heda. Good night." The hesitation in her voice was palpable. The two shared a penetrating gaze before Clarke made her way into her tent.
The tent was surprisingly spacious and was certainly bigger than the rooms people had back in Arkadia. The large bed on the center was covered by some type of animal fur, and, although it wasn't anywhere near as comfortable as Lexa's bed back at The Tower, it was much more comfortable than the ground.
The sharp noise of Lexa's knife swinging swiftly through the air made Clarke's heart stop for a second. Lexa was sitting on the bed, looking almost as if she were somewhere between sleeping and meditating, and, although Clarke approached her with the best of the intentions, she could not help but get startled.
"Clarke!" her voice was surprised and nervous. "What are you doing here? I thought you were asleep." She moved the knife from Clarke's neck and put it at her bedside table.
"I couldn't sleep. We need to talk, but now is clearly not the time. I'll let you get back to whatever it is that you were doing." As she began to get up, she felt Lexa's hand tightening against hers.
"No, stay. Please." Her eyes were glistening. "What is it that is keeping you from sleeping? Are you worried about the blockade? Don't be, I told you'd be safe..." Clarke's voice interrupted her.
"No. It is you. What was that at the forest? You were worried. I could see it in your eyes, but you zoned out and didn't talk."
"I was just thinking, Clarke." She turned her body a little, almost turning her back at Clarke.
"What is wrong?" Clarke brought her hands to Lexa's shoulders and the touch of their skins calmed Lexa's heart a bit.
"This, Clarke. You and me. It is so right that it is wrong." Clarke's hands kept caressing her shoulders, but she kept quiet, waiting for Lexa to continue.
"This afternoon, when you came into my room. All I wanted to do was to ask you to run away with me. Run from all responsibilities. From everything." Lexa's head was down; Clarke's long fingers pressed down the strong muscles in her back in the most relaxing way possible.
"So why didn't you?" Clarke already knew the answer, but she knew Lexa needed to say it herself.
"Because we can't. We have our duties and to be Commander is to be alone." Those words punctured straight through Clarke's heart.
"Says who? Who created this stupid rule?"
"Clarke, it has always been our way, you know that."
"So you don't love me enough to risk losing your people? Is that it?" Clarke's voice began to fail. Her grip tightened as she tried to hold back her tears. Lexa turned around and got on her knees so they would see eye to eye.
"Don't you see? It is the complete opposite. My love for you is so big that I am willing to give up on everything." She held Clarke's face, cupping her cheeks and gently caressing them all the way to her ears. "That day that the Maunon hit Tondc, I realized how much I cared about you. And today, when you brought up the conversation we had at the ceremony, by remembering my words, it hurt me, somehow. Do you remember what I told you that day?"
"Yes," Clark nodded, "you said that we need to stop caring in order to be strong. If we care, then we put the ones we love in danger, for love is weakness. With the right information, an enemy could hit you harder with a single arrow in the right place than with the power of 100 missiles anywhere else." Clarke's shoulders began to frown.
"Exactly, Clarke. By loving you I am putting everyone in danger, but at the end of the day, the one person I cannot accept that will get hurt by this is you, Clarke. At the woods, I thought you were having second thoughts about what happened back at The Tower, and that is why I was off." Loving me? Did she just say that she loved me?
"Second thoughts? About what? Us?" Clarke's tone was questioning. Lexa nodded. "Are you nuts?" her lips urgently looked for Lexa's. "Unless you turn into a crazy ass leader, I am not going anywhere. What happened in that room was not just a moment of feeble fragility, Lexa. It was real. This," she brought Lexa's hands to her chest, "is real."
Lexa's hand just followed the contour of the shirt Clarke was wearing and began to expose her shoulder as they shared a sultry and passionate kiss.
As Lexa's hands began to follow Clarke's curves down to the dimples on her lower back, the blonde let a shy moan escape her guts. There was nothing sexier than hearing Clarke and knowing that she was the reason for her pleasure, her happiness. Her lips go to encounter Clarke's collarbone and begin an excruciating path down her chest. Moans. Clarke's grip onto her butt got tighter as her fingers rested inside her back pockets.
"Lexa…" Her voice was urgent; pleading for her touch.
"I will kiss every inch of your body," she said as her hands unzipped Clarke's pants.
With Goosebumps all over, Clarke tried to concentrate in her one task: undress Lexa.
They now laid nude, except for the silky gray sheet entangled with their bodies. They were one. One person. One heart. Lexa's perfume was entrancing; Clarke could get lost on it forever. Their hands intertwined. Their legs tangled. Their breaths synchronized but out of sync. Their kisses were so passionate and shy at the same time. As if their lips would never meet again and as if they were just meeting each other. An unbearably fragile sensation of powerless and strength at the same time. They exchanged no words. They weren't necessary. Just feelings. As Clarke's tongue began to mark a trail down to Lexa's neck, then nipples, then center, the Commander could not think straight. Everything she was, and everything she knew was irrelevant at that moment. All she knew was desire. A deep sigh escapes Lexa; her grip tightens on Clarke's hand resting on her breast and on the bed sheets. There, in the middle of the woods, they are just two girls, giving up and giving in.