A/N – TMNT 2012, set directly after the finale. Spoilers abound.

Expendable

The impromptu dance party we had thrown ourselves to celebrate saving the world was winding to a close. Sensei excused himself over an hour ago saying that his head was aching after his set-to with the Shredder. He gave me a strange look before he slid apart the shoji separating his room from the dojo. It seemed as though he was carrying the weight of a new, heavy burden, but I was sure he would tell us in his own time. Trying to make Sensei talk when he doesn't want to is like trying to break through a brick wall using your own head as a battering ram; painful, pointless, and not worth the inevitable headache.

I shook myself out of my funk, and turned back to my remaining family. This…this was a time to have fun, to unwind from the day's terrible pressure, and, let's be honest, pat ourselves on the backs a little. My brothers had been amazing today, and I couldn't be more proud of them. A fond smile hovered around my mouth as I watched them take a well-earned break from worrying about the rest of the world.

Donatello had ceased being whirled around the tatami-covered dance floor by April, and was now deep in earnest conversation with her de-Kraanged father. Kirby O'Neil was none the worse for his experience, and we certainly didn't hold a grudge against him.

April had twirled herself in the direction of my two youngest brothers. It seemed Mikey had needed no prompting to pick up the threads of silliness where Donnie had left them; April was testing the waters of her kunoichi skills by balancing on the soles of his feet, held rigidly in the air as he balanced on his shell. Both my honorary big sister and my baby brother were shrieking with laughter, her higher-pitched giggles mixing with his sweet chuckles, a feel-good symphony that seemed to drown out the music already playing.

My heart lurched as April attempted an ill-fated change in balance, but Raph was immediately there to catch her as she toppled sideways. She laughed as he swirled her around before setting her down, and Mikey was immediately there, clamouring for Raphael to give him the same treatment. My red-banded brother rolled his eyes, but obeyed, hoisting our youngest brother into the air and spinning in a circle.

To think I'd almost left all this behind. If Raph hadn't swooped in and caught me when he did, or if I had 'abandoned ship' any later after securing Kraang Prime, well. It didn't bear thinking about, so I wouldn't. No harm done, anyway. I smiled brightly and headed toward the less rowdy of the two groups gathered in the dojo. Mr O'Neil looked up as I approached, and welcomed me with a smile, then excused himself politely. However, Donnie didn't seem to acknowledge my presence at all. He kept his head lowered as I bent into a crouch, and didn't attempt to start a conversation. To break the stale silence, I blurted out the first thing that came into my head.

"Rough day today, huh?"

Ouch, that was stupid. Donnie knew as well as I did that today had been a little more than 'rough'; he was there, he shared the same cuts and bruises that we were all suffering from. Apparently he shared my sentiment. Donatello gave me a withering look, then rose to his feet with a wince and stalked out of the room.

…huh?

Standing abruptly, I made a move to follow my taller brother out of the dojo. I hadn't gotten more than two steps out of the door when Mikey's voice stopped me in my tracks.

"Leo! Where're you going?! Don't leave now! We're still goin' strong, bro!"

Ordinarily, I wouldn't have taken much notice of him at this point. Mikey is a sociable guy, and likes everyone to have as much fun as he's having, regardless of how unenthusiastic his companion. It can get pretty tiring at times, and I've found that the best way to deal with him when he's in playful puppy-mode is to give him a pat on the head and quickly make myself scarce.

But…

Tonight there was a kind of frantic anxiety bubbling under the surface of his brittle cheerfulness; the bright smile we all depended on him to provide was strained. April, by this time sitting comfortably on Raph's broad shoulders, shot my youngest brother an alarmed look, then turned an inscrutable gaze on me. I felt immediately uncomfortable, recalling what April was capable of when she was mad. Rolled-up newspaper, anyone?

I smiled back at my baby brother, my own expression as poorly constructed as his. I decided to try out my father's excuse.

"Sorry Mikey, I've got a pretty killer headache. Think I'll just go sit and relax for a bit."

For the second time in less than ten minutes, I got the terrible feeling that I'd just said something moronic. Michelangelo's face paled drastically, freckles and bruises alike standing out in sharp relief against his skin. He took a few steps towards me, halting at first, then rocketed to my side in a matter of milliseconds. I stood still, utterly speechless, as he began to panic.

"Your head hurts?! Why does your head hurt? Did you hit your head? Did you get hurt?! Why didn't you tell us, Leo! RAPH, Leo's hurt! You should've told us! You…you should've…"

He was hyperventilating, I think. Certainly breathing far faster than was healthy; shallow, heaving gasps that he seemed to scrape from the very top of his lungs. Trembling hands caressed my face and neck, clumsily looking for terrible injuries that I had accidentally convinced him I was suffering from. Raph had set April down by this point, and he, April, and Mr O'Neil were striding towards us, fear evident in their expressions. I stopped them with a brief shake of my head and rested my hands on Mikey's cheeks, forcing him to look at me. Was he seriously this shaken up?

"Mikey."

"You…you shouldn't have…Leo, you…"

"Mikey. Look at me, little brother. Please."

He obeyed, lips still moving silently, hands still stroking over my head.

"I'm not hurt, Mikey. I'm fine, see?"

In one swift movement, I slipped off my blue bandana, allowing it to flutter carelessly to the dojo floor as I bent my head to my shorter brother's eye level. After a few seconds, I straightened up, and repeated my assurance.

"I'm fine, bro. Everything's cool, ok?"

I expected that to be the end of it, for him to go back to his usual annoying, adorable self. To be completely honest, I still suspected him of play-acting the entire episode. What I didn't expect was for his face to screw up into an anguished expression, and his eyes to fill with tears that overflowed immediately. They ran down my hands, still on his cheeks, and soaked into my wrist wraps. Michelangelo doesn't cry much, his disposition is much too sunny. When he does give in to his emotions, his tears are like a summer shower; gentle, and over before you need an umbrella.

This was different. Deep, ugly choking noises that were almost groans were coming from him, mixed with high-pitched whines and shuddering gasps for breath. His sobbing sounded painful, like it was being dragged from his chest over broken glass. I had never, ever seen Mikey like this, and I sincerely hope I never will again. All I could do was pull him to me, and sink to my knees, folding myself around him like the shield from the world I wished I could be.

Still reeling from this unexpected breakdown, I offered the only words of comfort that I could.

"Ssh…it's okay, Mikey. Come on, come on, calm down, buddy. What's wrong? Look at me. Look at me!"

He seemed beyond hearing my voice, instead burying his face in my neck and keening with this sudden, mysterious grief that had me utterly stumped. I drew him closer, and looked up at the others, panicked beyond belief. April was huddled next to her father, her hand drawn up to her mouth in an agitated gesture that spoke of both her desire to help, and her knowledge that keeping her distance was best. Raphael…poor Raph was practically vibrating with helplessness, or was it fury? His green eyes were alight with something unreadable, and as he met my eyes a snarl twisted his beak. The music, previously unnoticed, stopped abruptly as he lifted his foot and slammed it into the record player. The sudden noise made April yelp, and her father led her quickly out of the dojo. I never broke eye-contact with my most volatile brother, so I was able to see the rage on his face turn quickly to remorse. He took one long look at the turtle still shuddering in my arms, then left as swiftly as the O'Neils.

The dojo seemed bigger than ever now that the party mood had evaporated. Sensei was shut away in his rooms, Donnie had blanked me completely, and Raph had stormed out. And Mikey…

He was a little calmer now; the terrifying bout of sobbing that had gripped him earlier was now a steady flood of tears that soaked my neck. He didn't look like he was going to stop anytime soon, and the cold atmosphere of the dojo was starting to get to me. I tightened my grip around his shell, and hoisted him up over my shoulder. It was a testament to how out of it he was that he didn't utter any protest other than a slight hitch in his sobbing.

Carrying him to the living area, I noticed that here, too, was empty of any friendly presence. The door to Donnie's lab was firmly closed, and, though I could hear April and her father behind the partition in the kitchen, I didn't want to bother them. Raph was nowhere to be seen. What had I done to stir up my family this much?

Sitting in the middle of one of the long couches in front of the T.V, I settled my baby brother so that his body was lying halfway across my lap.

"Feel like telling me what's up, Mikey?"

He shook his head, hiccupping a little. Fresh tears soaked into his already saturated mask. I worked at the knot at the back of his head, and slipped the wet orange fabric off of him. Without his bandana, his blue eyes looked larger than ever, and so, so sad.

"Okay, buddy, you don't have to tell me. But you need to calm down a little. Kimi ha Nii-chan o kowagaruseru, otouto."

The slip into our native Japanese seemed to calm him slightly. He looked at me and nodded shakily. "S-sorry, Leo."

"It's okay, little brother. You're okay. Just rest."

He nodded again, and closed his sore eyes, his breath still hitching with the occasional sob. A few minutes passed while I stroked his head and arms, avoiding the bruises and small injuries he'd gotten from the battles earlier today. I thought he'd drifted off, when his voice, small and so young, startled me a little.

"Don't…don't l-leave again, Leo. Please don't."

Ah. So that's what this was about. Everything had been so crazy, I hadn't had time to consider the implications of my earlier 'heroics' at TCRI, and aboard the Kraang ship. Honestly, all that had occupied my mind at the time was, first and foremost, to make sure that my family was safe. If I had to risk myself for them to get out alive, well…that's what would have to happen. When I'd seen their smiles and embraced them after escaping the alien ship, it didn't even cross my mind that they would still be upset. We were high on the thrill of saving the world, buoyant and laughing, and I just didn't see problem festering.

I should have seen it.

A presence behind me caught my attention. I tilted my head backwards until an upside-down Raph filled my vision. He quirked a humourless grin at my position, and vaulted neatly into the sunken seating area.

"Here. Thought he might need this."

He proffered a wet face cloth, and I laid it gently over Mikey's tear-swollen eyes. Our youngest brother had fallen asleep, and didn't utter a murmur as the cool fabric landed on his face. Raphael lifted Mikey's legs and slid in next to me, settling the slumbering turtle over his lap so that he was lying on both of us.

"Thanks, Raph."

He nodded, and we sat in silence for a few moments. The fighting instinct from earlier had left him, now he just seemed very tired. From the corner of my eye, I could see him sneaking glances at me, opening his mouth to say something, and then thinking better of it. He busied himself checking a long scrape on Mikey's shin, then fidgeting with the remote. Finally, after five minutes of agitated movement, he let out a long sigh.

"He tell you what was up?"

I shook my head. "He wouldn't – couldn't talk about it. But I'm starting to get a pretty good idea."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Raph seemed to let this sink in for a moment. Then, in a flash of movement that somehow didn't dislodge Mikey, he twisted, pulled back his fist, and socked me in the shoulder. Hard.

"Hey! Ouch, man. What was that for?!"

"For being a dork," he murmured sullenly. In a rare show of affection, he laid his head on the shoulder he'd just punched, and rested there.

"Don't do it again. You…you can't leave us like that, ever again, Leo."

Apparently done with talking, he picked up the remote, and turned on the T.V. I laid my head on his, filled with burning guilt at what my actions had done to my younger brothers.

"…Never again, Raph."

He didn't reply, but the three of us stayed in that huddle for hours.

I awoke from the doze I'd fallen into, suddenly aware that I was being watched. Focusing my bleary eyes, I eventually recognised Donatello sitting on the floor in front of me, his knees drawn up to his chin. He looked passive enough, but I could sense that my immediate-younger brother still had a bone to pick. Eventually, he picked up his head, and spoke.

"You really scared them, you know."

I looked down at our two youngest brothers. Raphael was deeply asleep, snoring gently into my ear from his position on my shoulder. Mikey had curled into a ball on my lap, his feet resting against Raph's stomach, Raph's hand holding our baby brother's ankle tightly. It was adorable, but stank of insecurity. I'd done that to them.

"…I know."

"You scared me, too."

"I know. I'm so sorry, Donnie."

His eyes clenched shut, and he hung his head. The tension between us grew to breaking point, then, all of a sudden, he let out a soft huff of laughter, and knuckled his eyes.

"You really are an idiot, Leo. I'm never letting you watch Space Heroes again. Captain Ryan is clearly a bad influence."

I smiled back at him. "Captain Ryan is a hero."

"Heroes don't go down with their ships, Leo. That's not heroics, that's…a bad contingency plan, at best."

"I suppose you're the go-to guy for contingency plans, huh, chart-boy?"

We both chuckled a little at that. Our laughter died down, and I put across my point.

"I had to get you guys out. Nothing else mattered. If anything happened to you…I…"

He interrupted me, a furious light in his eyes. "And how do you think we feel?! Tell me this, Leo. If Mikey had told us to go on without him when he was cornered by Kraang Prime, would you?"

I gritted my teeth. "Stop it."

"I mean, surely it would have made sense, logically. We would have all gotten away. That's what he would've wanted, just like you."

"No."

"No, what? You said it yourself. Nothing else mattered, but us getting out safe. I'm sure Mikey wou-"

"STOP!"

We both fell silent. I glanced down to see if my outburst had disturbed my slumbering brothers, but they were still deeply asleep. The mental and physical exertions of the day had worn them down so much, I doubted even a session of Sensei's randori would rouse them. Donnie shifted, and drew my attention back to himself.

"So now you understand why we're upset."

I certainly did. Leaving Mikey, leaving any of my brothers behind was unthinkable. It wasn't an option; I'd be destroyed if anything happened to them. No wonder they were mad at me. Perhaps my heroes were wrong. Sacrifice wasn't the way to complete a mission, even one as potentially disastrous as we had undertaken.

"…I really am sorry, Donnie. It won't…it won't happen again."

He sighed once more, then looked up at me with a brittle smile. "You can't promise that, Leo. But…thank you. Thank you for keeping us safe. Thank you for caring about us that much, big brother."

Choked up, I lowered my head, raising it only when I felt Donnie's hands on my cheeks. He touched his forehead to mine, and shook me slightly.

"You are not expendable. We'd be lost without you."

He let me go and turned away, giving me a chance to dash away my tears. Whilst I was rubbing my eyes, I felt him sit heavily at my side, and draw his legs slowly up to rest on the couch next to me. Mirroring Raph's position, he laid his head on my shoulder.

"I am beyond exhausted and I don't want to haul these two to their rooms. Looks like we're crashing here tonight," he offered by way of explanation.

That was fine by me. Already, my eyelids were drooping. I was sore, battered and bruised, and I knew they were too, but I could feel the last of the tension drain away from us all. Raph and Mikey seemed to snuggle in a little closer, feeling the barrier between us shatter even in sleep. It was okay now; we had saved the world, eradicated the Kraang, rescued April, and we were together.

As my eyes drifted shut, I felt a familiar presence standing over us, voicing a pleased hum that the bond between us had been restored. The last thing I knew before I feel into a grateful sleep was the feeling of Sensei draping a blanket around us, enclosing us in a cosy bubble of togetherness.

…I won't do that to you again. I promise.

A/N – Agh, this just poured out of me, and I am exhausted. First TMNT fic completed, yay! I intend for this to be a series of short stories; I actually have another in the works, but Leo demanded I tell his story first.

"Kimi ha Nii-chan o kowagaruseru, otouto." – You're scaring me, little brother. (Lit – You're scaring big bro – Leo is speaking to Mikey as if he were a child.)