Hello everyone. This is Monica7725 (author of another Fred/Hermione story, Someday We'll Know) and FatCatInAHat (Author of the Fred/Hermione, On My Own). Okay, so this note is by Monica, but anyway…. Let me explain a little bit about this story. It is random and insane, but very funny. At least I think so. It was written by the two of us, but in the most unconventional of ways. That is, one of us would write anywhere between one line to two paragraphs, and then the other would write something else. So basically, we have a story where just about every other line was randomly throw together. I think it's funny, and I hope you do too.

Chapter One- The Watch Pixie

"ACK! Get out! Shut the door! Close your eyes! SOMETHING!"

"Stop being such a drama queen!"

Hermione glared at him. "I'm in my TOWEL! GET OUT!"

Fred just stood there with a smirk. "I really don't mind. Go about your business."

"FREDRICK WEASLEY! Get OUT or I will FORCE you to!"

"Go right ahead."

Hermione huffed and ran towards the bathroom. She pulled on the door. "Shit."

"You didn't see Ginny run in there? It's a pity that those candies have such a bad side effect," he told her. "George and me were planning on a release this fall."

Hermione was too upset with the fact that Fred was looking at her while she was so scantly clad to pity her best friend. In fact, she was so upset that she didn't even take note of Fred's bad grammar. "At least get out of the doorway so that I can change!"

"You do realize that Ginny could open that door at anytime, while you are changing?" Fred asked. By now he was just trying to annoy Hermione.

"What, do you think I was planning on changing in the middle of the hall way! I meant move so that I can get to Ginny's Room!"

"I wouldn't go in there." He said. "There was a terrible accident. There's now a large hole in her floor."

Hermione huffed. "So what do you expect me to do then? Prance around the hallway in my towel?"

Fred gave her a sly grin and shrugged. "If you really want to." He said mock
nonchalantly.

Hermione glared at him, and then a thought struck her. "I suppose I could always go find Ron... He wouldn't mind letting me change in his room..." She smiled wickedly.

Fred paled considerably, and then suddenly perked up. "Of course he wouldn't mind, he's not home. Remember? Him and Harry went somewhere."

She was prepared for that. "Oh, bother, I suppose you are correct. I don't want to just go into his room without his permission. Is George in your room? I'm sure I could change in there..."

"No, George is cleaning up the mess in Ginny's room, actually."

"Well, since it's George, I wouldn't feel about letting myself in. I'll just be going..." She walked, still holding her towel firmly in place, towards the twins' room.

Fred Apparated in front of the door, just as she walked in front of it. "I didn't say you could go in there."

Hermione, uncomfortable with her closeness to the older boy attempted to step backward. Keyword being attempted. Crookshanks had, coincidentally, been walking behind her. This caused her to trip and fall backwards over the cat, who let out a loud 'hiss' and went running off.

She had, thankfully, kept a firm grip on her towel. She jumped up and found that Fred was doubled over laughing. Taking her chance, she ran into the twins' room and tried to lock the door.Fred started to countdown from five. "Five...four...three...two..."

Hermione screamed.

The door to the twin's room flew open and Hermione almost ran into Fred.

"What are you doing keeping a thing like that locked up in your room?" She screamed at him, slamming the door shut behind her.

Fred chuckled. "Haven't you ever heard of a watch dog?"

Hermione glared. "The word "dog" implies that it's a canine."

"Okay, it's a watch pixie." Fred said.

Before she could reply, the pair was interrupted by a barn owl suddenly swooping in from, much to George's dismay, the whole in Ginny's room. She owl dropped a letter in front of Hermione. She picked up the letter and quickly scanned its contents. She looked back up at Fred, tears in her eyes.

"I'm going to Ron's Room." She said, her voice shaking.

Fred raised an eyebrow as he watched her walk away.

That was close, he thought. The next thing that was going to come out of her mouth was going to be something like ''Watch pixie'? That thing's an overgrown hamster.'" He grinned to himself at the thought of this.

His grin faded as he watched Hermione walk away. What was that about?

Hermione had closed the door, clothes in hand. She dressed quickly, trying to keep her mind occupied. Blaise had not just broken up with her.

She heard Fred knocking at the door.

"No," She shouted quickly. "Go away!"

Fred ignored her, and walked in. At least he was being decent enough to have his eyes closed.

"Let's make a deal." He said, eyes still firmly shut. "You tell me what that was about, and I will tell you about my... erm... pixie."

Hermione sighed. "You can open your eyes, I'm dressed." He slowly let one eye open, and then opened them both fully.

"Now you can tell me what's wrong," He suggested.

"Nope. You made this deal, you can go first."

"Experiment gone wrong, end of story." Fred answered. "It's your turn."

"Erm... well... you see... You know..." She sighed, resignedly. "Blaise broke up with me."

Fred couldn't help but look a little happy.

"That's okay. He smelled funny anyway." He grinned at her.

Hermione gave him a sour look. "This is a serious matter, Fred!"

"Well, excuse me if I'm more than a little happy that you are available again." His eyes widened in horror, as he realized what he had said. "I think I need to go help George with that hole."

Hermione was too shocked to stop him from rushing out of the room.

Fred walked into Ginny's room, where George was still repairing the large gap in the floor."I'm an ass."

George grinned. "I know. The question is though, what made you an ass this time?""Besides the fact I let slip to Hermione that I was glad her boyfriend broke-up with her?" Fred shook his head slowly at the thought.

George turned around to him. "You didn't." He said.

"I did."

"Fred! She must be flipping out! What did she say? After you said it, I mean."

Fred looked shamefully at the ground. "I didn't stay to find out her reaction."

"Oh, great Fred. Real nice job." He frowned at his brother.

"You know how she is! For all I know, she could've conjured a steak to throw at my head!" Fred told him.

George furrowed his brow. "Why would she be throwing steak at you?"

"Erm... well... It was the first thing that came to mind!"

George rolled his eyes. "Ginny is going to murder you."

"Why? What did I do?"

"Look at the hole you put in her floor! Now, take that damage, and add it too what you did to Hermione, and you are so dead."

Fred looked around the room. "If you ask me, it adds some style."

"STLYE!" Ginny's voice boomed behind him.

Fred jumped.

"And what is George talking about! WHAT did you do to Hermione!"

"Nothing," Fred lied, turning to face her.

"Right, and I don't have a large hole in my floor!"

Fred grinned. "Well, if that's settled, I'll just be going!"

He quickly slipped passed Ginny, and ran to his room. Once there, he closed the door behind him, and locked it. He looked around, he suddenly jumped. His 'watch pixie' was nowhere to be seen.

He shrugged, figuring he would find it later. Or let George find it.

Or maybe, by the scream echoing through the house, Hermione had already found it.

Fred paled. Hermione. He ran to where he had last seen her, in Ron's room. She wasn't there.

Where the Hell would it-the kitchen! He ran down the stairs and quickly into the kitchen. The 'watch pixie' had lifted Hermione off the floor and was attempting to fly through the kitchen door. Again, the key word being "attempting."

Fred quickly rushed to the door and slammed it shut. "Down Snuggles!" He yelled.

Unfortunately, "Snuggles" had misinterpreted what he meant, and dropped Hermione. Right on top of Fred.

They didn't fall to the ground, but, once he let Hermione go, the fireworks started.

"'WATCH PIXIE!' IT'S AN OVERGROWN FLYING HAMSTER!" She screamed at him.

He smiled innocently at her and shrugged.

She glared at him.

"Are you trying to pull a Hagrid! Honestly! 'Snuggles?' That's almost as bad as Fluffy!"

Fred gave her a curious look. "Fluffy?"

Hermione shrugged. It wasn't really a big deal anymore. That happened ages ago. She could disclose Fluffy's identity.

"Hagrid's three headed dog."

"Three-headed dog! As in the one that was guarding the third floor corridor in your first year?" Fred asked.

"How did you know about that?"

"Hey, the second Dumbledore said 'the third floor corridor is out of bounds to those who do not wish to die a very painful death,' we had a plan on getting in there." He answered.

"You two are impossible!" Suddenly, Hermione got very red. As if she had just remembered something.

"Fred. We need to talk."

Fred, too, became red, but followed Hermione up the stairs and into his own room, where she closed the door once they both were in."Listen. I want to know what you meant... about... me being available. Care to elaborate?"

"Not particularly, no." Fred said.

Hermione rolled her eyes. She figured he would be difficult.

"How about we pretend it never happened?" Fred requested.

"How about no?" Hermione said, walking towards the door, attempting to block him from escaping.

"It doesn't matter, I'm not telling." He stuck out his tongue.

"Fred!" Hermione yelled in exasperation. "Stop being so immature!"

"Only if you can catch me!" He Disapparated.

Hermione rolled her eyes. Apparantly he had forgotten that she was now seventeen. And she had a pretty good idea where he would apparate to...

But, instead of wasting her energy Disapparating after him, she just walked across the hall.

He was too predictable. "Lock yourself in the bathroom why don't you! You spend more time in there than I do!"

The door swung open, and, to Hermione's surprise, Mr. Weasley walked out.

"Hehe..." was all Hermione could say. She blushed deep red. "Erm... I was... looking for Fred..."

"It's all right dear. But, you know, I hate being accused of being in the bathroom longer than you." Mr. Weasley joked. "This has something to do with Snuggles, doesn't it?"

Hermione looked at him incredulously. "You KNOW about Snuggles! And you let them KEEP it!" And then, as an after thought, she added, "And, no, it isn't about that foul, over-grown hamster..."

"Watch pixie," He corrected.

Hermione, not wanting to be rude, resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Well, in any case, have you seen or heard from the foul, over-grown ham-" she caught herself, "pixie's owner?"

"Well, not really. I mean, are you planning on injuring one of them?" He asked.

"Not George. Possibly Fred. But it would be well deserved, I assure you..."

She quickly added, "And, I promise, there would be no permanent damage..."

"Well, in that case," Mr. Weasley said, "Fred is in the other bathroom."

Hermione grinned manically. As Mr. Weasley walked down the hall, he heard her mutter, "I knew he was predictable..."

Suddenly, something red and furry ran passed her and into Ginny's room.

"FREDRICK WEASLEY!"

Hermione grimaced. She would have to get to that bathroom fast. Fred would try to escape the house after he heard Ginny's shrieks. She raced to the bathroom in the downstairs hall, and magicked the door open. She had found her target.

Or so she thought.

Hermione grimaced. "Ron! What the hell are you doing! And aren't you supposed to be out with Harry!"

"Well, I was about to go to the bathroom," he told her. "And, there is a pretty funny story with what happened with Harry and all. He he..."

"What happened to Harry?"

"Erm... Uh..." He looked uncomfortable. Hermione gave him a pointed look.

"Don't lie to me. We both know you are awful at it. By the way, we'll be having a discussion a little later about what you were really doing in here. Because, honestly. It is awful to mess with your sister's cosmetics!"

"Well, you see, Harry and I ran into Malfoy and... well, go see for yourself, in my room." Ron led Hermione out of the bathroom and into his.

Sitting on Ron's bed, was a girl with raven hair, bright green eyes, and a furious look.

"Hermione, meet Harrietta."

Hermione's eyes bulged. "What did he do to you!"

"I don't know!" 'Harrietta' squealed, suddenly bursting into tears.

Ron sat down next to her and sighed, then whispered to Hermione, "She's a little sensitive."

"Well, I hate to say this, but I think we are going to need the twins."

Harry, or rather, Harrietta's eyes grew wide.

"What! Why!"

"Isn't it obvious? They deal with pranks for a living. They must know a way to reverse it..."

Harrietta started sobbing louder. "They... and... Malfoy..."

There was a knock on the door, and they all turned around to see one of the twins in the doorway.

"If you're Fred you'd better run for your life," Hermione said darkly.

"Sadly, I am George." He told her.

"'Sadly'?" Ron asked in disbelief. "If you had been Fred, she would have murdered you mate!" He turned to Hermione. "And what did Fred do?"

Her face went red, and then she started mumbling.

"How do you know about Snuggles?" Ron asked her.

"That stupid overgrown hamster-"

"Watch pixie." He corrected.

"Watch PIXIE! WATCH PIXIE!"

Harrietta's sobs, if possible, grew louder from Hermione's volume.

"Oh, will you shut up!" Hermione screamed at her, then turned to George. "FIX HIM!"

George was startled from her request.

"That's a little mean, don't you think? Looks like a girl to me..." George said. "And a pretty one too..."

"That, George, is Harry." Ron told him. George started blushing ferociously.

"Erm... wouldn't the proper name be... I dunno... something like... Harriet?"

"Actually," Hermione started, "he favors Harrietta..."

George raised his eyebrow. "I see. Who did this anyway?"

"Malfoy," they all answered in unison,

"Pretty good prank if you ask me." George told them, he was now close to Harrietta's face.

"I don't care how good it is!" George jumped back at her sudden outburst. "Just change me back!"

"Wow. Malfoy was thorough. He even sounds like a girl..."

This made Harry, or rather, Harrietta, wail louder.

"George! Stop upsetting the woman!" Ron hissed.

George ignored him. "I hate to say this, but he got you good. Major props to Malfoy."

"Just change him back already!"

Harrietta screamed, "Yes! Before Ginny sees me!"

"Before I see-oh my GOD! HARRY!" Ginny had just walked in the room, dropping the bag that she was carrying, scattering her cosmetics all over the floor.

Harrietta shrieked and rolled over on the bed, hiding his face.

It didn't matter what he did, Ginny had already seen him and she ran out of the room quickly.

"Everyone in this house is going nutters! Really, Harry, none of us needs to see that!" Ginny called back.

"Ginny!" Harry sobbed in his feminine voice.

"Look at what you all did! Fix him already! So that I can get on with KFFA!" Hermione said.

"All right, I guess." George sighed, he pulled out his wand and muttered something. But nothing happened. "Okay, back to real life now- what is KFFA, Hermione?"

"Kick Fred's Fu-"

"THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GOING TO DO!" Harrietta screeched.

George ignored him, rolled his eyes, and led Hermione out of the room.

Harrietta started wailing loudly again.

"After you show me whatever you are going to show me, will you please help Harry? I would hate to think that Ginny would break up with him over this, but you never know..."

George's eyes grew wide. "Break up? Wouldn't that imply that they are dating!"

Hermione looked down at her bare wrist. "Oh, look at the time, I have to go Kick Fred's Fucking Ass now." She quickly dashed away, she was barely down the stairs when she heard George scream.

"HARRIETTA POTTER YOU BETTER NOT HAVE TOUCHED A HAIR ON MY SISTER!"

Hermione grimaced. "Oops..." She muttered. The shrieking appeared to have lured Fred out of his hiding spot. He was making his way up the stairs. And, luck decided to be on Hermione's side for once, he hadn't seen her. Yet.

Hermione took out her wand and went quickly and silently to his room and hid behind the door.

Just as Fred passed the door, she jumped out and latched herself onto him. This would ensure that he wouldn't be able to apparate. Not unless he wanted her to go with him.

But, see, the problem is, a person who has just been toppled on doesn't have great balance. Consequently, Fred and Hermione tumbled to the floor.

"Why, Hermione, I knew you loved me, but this is going too far." He grinned.

Hermione, on top of Fred, still had her wand in hand, having clutched it tightly during the fall, and was pointing it in his face.

The grin quickly left Fred's face. "I'll be shutting up now."

Hermione didn't get off of him. In the position they were in, he wasn't able to run or apparate. Her voice deadly calm, she said,

"We need to talk."

"That's not usually what one does in a position like this." Fred told her.

"Do you think I care? This is only so you don't run and/or apparate. Like you did last time."

"It's not like I was thinking of running and/or apparating anyway."

Hermione, if possible, started to look more deadly. "We. Need. To. Talk."

"Those are the four words everyone hates to hear."

"Yes, well, I suppose you should have thought about that before you told me that you were glad Blaise broke up with me."

"Well, that was an accident. I was only trying to cheer you up." He lied.

"I doubt that."

Fred rolled his eyes. "Well, I'm sorry that I don't like you like everyone else, your majesty."

"I'll drop it, for now." Hermione said. "But I still have to talk to you about your stupid overgrown hamster-"

"WATCH PIXIE!" Fred sat up, his face right in front of Hermione's.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "If that's the way you are going to be, I'm not dropping the Blaise thing. Tell me what you meant. You said, and I quote, "Well excuse me if I'm more than a little happy that you are available again." That is not nothing. It implies that either, a) you really, really hated Blaise, which I doubt, by the way, since you two got along pretty well, or, b..." She closed her eyes, anticipating his answer. "you like me."

Fred, who tried to do it gently, honestly he did, pushed her off of him, and sprinted out the door.

Hermione stood up and brushed herself off. "This is going to be harder than I thought."

Hehehe. We hope you all enjoyed that. Yeah, it's random, and not really like anything we've ever written before, but kind of funny. Hope you keep reading!

Love,

The Twinlettes.