without
you
by omi
"I am to be married by the end of this year," Atobe announced distantly.
He stood in the center of the room, impeccably suited, the perfect picture of the haughty princeling. The only thing that gave him away were his fingers, compulsively smoothing the cufflinks at his sleeves.
Tezuka blinked.
"Ah," he said belatedly in response, and was silent. And then, he added stiffly, after a moment's thought. "Congratulations."
Atobe's lips twisted cursorily in a rough approximation of a smile.
"Really? I don't find all that much to be congratulated about, myself," answered Atobe with perfectly calculated disdain. He stalked towards the front of the window, and looked moodily out onto the quiet street below. "She's one of those Suzukis the banking and shipping ones, not the automobile ones. Our fathers play golf together." And arranged this on their own, went unsaid.
Tezuka was quiet.
It was an inevitable conclusion, really, something to be expected.
They were both male, both the only child of their families. There were social obligations and responsibilities to be met. And Atobe Tezuka's heart clenched within his chest Atobe had more responsibilities than most. The only heir to a vast fortune, the weight of the Atobe family's dynastic hopes on his shoulders.
Ridiculous, really, to think they could stay together.
But.
He thought they would have more time.
He thought he could hold the world off a little longer.
He thought he could let go when the time came. He thought that time would only come later.
And now, with everything slipping out of his grasp, Tezuka realised he was wrong. The world was spinning out of control perhaps it was never in his control in the first place, from the instant they stepped onto the courts to play each other, to the moment Atobe reached forward and pressed his lips against his, and he did not pull away immediately.
Atobe swung around. "They picked December 25 for the day," he said abruptly. "Will you come?"
An imperceptable shudder ran across Tezuka. He willed himself to stillness, not to shatter.
Atobe smiled then, his lips twisting with helplessness and of tightly restrained desperation. He walked over to Tezuka, made to bend, to touch, but hesitated. In the end, he straightened without touching Tezuka, and walked to the door.
He lingered there, his eyes swallowing the last sight of Tezuka, hungrily storing it against the drought of the days to come, and finally, walked away.
Days passed. Some inched on with painful slow clarity, others vanished in a grey haze. The weather cooled, and Tezuka continued with his final year thesis with the same deliberate care he applied to everything he undertakes. If his friends noticed that he was quieter than ever, no one said anything.
Most of the Seigaku team had gone on to attend the same university. Oishi, Inui and Fuji were in different faculties, but they made it a point to gather semi-regularly.
It was at one of such gatherings, when they met their old Hyoutei rivals at the same pub.
Oshitari strolled over, glass in hand, nodding politely at them.
"How are you, Oshitari-san?" asked Oishi politely.
Oshitari lifted an elegant shoulder, "Ah, same old, same old..." he drawled. "Someone's getting married tomorrow, though." He said, lifting his glass to his lips. Dark blue eyes barely flickered towards Tezuka's face.
There was a moment of silence, then Fuji caught the verbal gauntlet and deftly flung it back, "Sa... Oshitari-kun, you've finally gotten one of your girlfriends pregnant and taking responsibility for your actions?"
Oshitari choked, spewing his gin and tonic all over himself and onto half the table.
In the the general scramble for napkins and cleaning up, the earlier announcement was forgotten and Oshitari was dragged back by his ex-teammates. When the genius from Hyoutei was safely away, an embarassed silence fell around the table.
"Tezuka" Three seperate voices sounded in unison around the table.
Tezuka pushed away from the table. "Excuse me," he said simply, ignoring the startlement of his friends as he simply walked out without coat or scarf.
He did not know where he was going, the neon lights and sounds of the city streets blaring in a muted roar in his ears. He didn't even realise someone was behind him, calling his name, until a warm hand caught his arm, and swung him around.
"Tezuka!" Oishi breathed heavily, his breath coming out in small white puffs from his nose and mouth. He awkwardly draped Tezuka's own coat around his shoulders, and a scarf around his neck. "You'll catch your death, walking around in the cold like that without your coat." Concern shone in his face, and Oishi braced Tezuka with both hands.
"Tezuka, I" Oishi, honest, dependable Oishi started to say, but could not continue.
Tezuka looked at his oldest friend. "Thank you," he said simply. And trusting that Oishi would understand, as he had always understood, Tezuka walked away. Alone.
He went back to the apartment they had shared.
The door swung open under his touch.
Tezuka walked through the familiar rooms, his scarf, then his coat fell onto the floor as he walked further in, towards the bedroom.
It was dark inside, with only the ambient light of the city streets streaming in the window.
But it was enough to light up the fully-dressed figure lying spreadeagled on the bed.
Something within Tezuka's chest loosened, and gave way. He moved to stand at the foot of the bed, looking down at the figure.
Without opening his eyes, Atobe murmured, "It's my last night of freedom."
"Ah."
His hands raised up, like a child's seeking warmth, reaching unerringly towards Tezuka.
The sex that night was rough and frantic. Desperate.
He covered Atobe's body in bruising kisses, determined to leave his mark, and Atobe was more than willing to go along with it. He arched under the onslaught of the kisses and caresses, wrapped his legs around Tezuka's waist.
He left his own marks on Tezuka, a bite mark on his shoulder, sucking hard at the side of his neck.
It was their last night together. And then, their last morning.
As the cold grey light dawned, Atobe moved from Tezuka's side.
"I have to go."
"..."
Atobe smiled wryly. He pressed a kiss onto Tezuka's forehead, and, gathering his clothes, walked out of the room and out of Tezuka's life.
It was a lovely ceremony, everyone agreed.
The bride was gorgeous, the groom, almost too handsome for words. Everyone who was anyone were there to attend the union of the two great fortunes of Japan.
No one noticed a quiet young man who slipped unobtrusively into the hall at the last minute, who took care to stand at the very back away from everyone's eyes.
He stood there as the bride and groom drank to each other's health, through the long winding speeches from their respective parents, from the groom's best man, and the bride's best friend.
He watched silently from afar, his eyes fastened to the groom, as he took his bride's hand, and led her up the aisle to where the priest waited.
Silently in his mind, Tezuka thinks, an eternity too late, Let's run away.
And in his heart, Atobe replies, Yes, even as his bride says, 'I do'.
fini.