Disclaimer: In my world, there's nothing wrong with MerDer. Meredith doesn't have anything to worry about and…. ::::::SPOILER ALERT!!:::::: That skanky bar girl wouldn't have been offered an episode arc for next season, possibly thirteen episodes ::::: END SPIOLER ALERT::::
Strongly Recommended Soundtrack for the chapter – Make This Go On Forever by Snow Patrol. It's kind of a necessity to this chapter since every single bit of the lyrics fit with this.
"Derek!"
She yelled after him as they crossed the "bridge" that connected one part of the hospital to the other.
"Derek! Why the hell are you acting like this?" She yelled again.
Derek whipped around to face Meredith. He ran his hand over his chin quickly as he looked at her. How the hell could she not know why he was acting like this? After everything she'd put him through the day before, after not communicating even after she told him she was going to communicate. How the hell could she not know?
A small smirk grew on his face to mask the pain and anger that he was feeling as a result of her.
"I met a woman last night." He said in a light tone of voice, the annoying smirk still on his face.
Just in that moment Meredith froze. It wasn't the first time that Meredith Grey had ever frozen, but this was a completely different kind of freeze. If a bullet were to enter her right then she would literally shatter into a million pieces at Derek Shepherd's feet.
"Should I be worried?" She asked him, her voice lowering. She tried to brush off his statement; he was Derek and she was Meredith. They'd survived Satan and McVet and everything else that had been thrown at them. She died and they were still together. They practically lived together and even though they fought they still were Derek and Meredith. She'd had faith that they could get through this up until now. Now her faith began to waver.
A dark look went across his face and he looked at her, his eyes colder than they'd ever been before. Even when she'd been with Finn the darkness never reached the level it had now.
"Yeah, you should be worried." He bit out as he turned away, in a low, even voice, as if he were warning her. Which, she supposed, he was. Warning her that after losing everything in her life, she was about to lose him once again.
Derek walked away from her and pushed through the doors that led to the OR floor and she stood there, stunned.
Frozen was nothing to how she was feeling now.
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Derek pulled off his scrub cap after a successful surgery and he made his way to the nurses station to check on his charts.
"Has anyone seen Meredith?" He heard an eyebrow-less Cristina asked Izzie and George.
"No, not since this morning." Izzie said and George looked up. "You can't find Meredith? She's your maid of honor, isn't she supposed to stay with you for the whole day or something? And why are you even here?" He added another question onto his string.
"I need surgery to get me through the day." Cristina explained through a clenched jaw. "And I need Meredith now."
Derek listened to all this absentmindedly, his curiosity growing slightly. Meredith hadn't been seen since this morning?
"Dr. Shepherd," He heard his name and looked up and saw Cristina. His lips twitched with amusement.
"Dr. Yang. Or are you going to be Dr. Burke from now on?" He asked her pleasantly.
Cristina gave him a small glare which was un-effective due to her lack of eyebrows.
"I need to know where Meredith is. Have you seen her?" She asked. He sighed and shook his head. "No, I haven't, not since I went into surgery this morning."
She glanced at the board quickly and scanned it for his operation that hadn't yet been cleared from the schedule.
"That was over three hours ago!" She said in frustration. Derek felt a weight drop in his stomach as he looked at the board and he realized she was right. It had been over three hours since he'd spoken with Meredith, since he'd told her about the girl in the bar.
"No one," He cleared his throat. "No one's seen her since?" He asked.
"Have you been listening to me at all?" Cristina asked him incredulously. He looked at the board once more, trying to convince himself otherwise; she couldn't possibly be gone for three hours.
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"Stevens!" Bailey yelled. "Where the hell is Grey? She was supposed to be doing a bowl resection with me this morning!"
"I uh, don't know Dr. Bailey. No one's seen her since this morning." Izzie replied, stuttering a little in the beginning.
"Well who was the last one to see her?"
Cristina stormed into the room, a nervous, sarcastic wreck.
"That would be Shepherd. Because everyone knows just how McDreamy he is with her. He probably told her to meet him in an on call room and he stood her up." Cristina snapped, sarcasm dripping from her voice.
Bailey glared at Cristina, moving her jaw around. "Shepherd, huh?" She looked at the door, her eyes flashing.
"What the hell has he done with my intern now?"
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Derek spun around when he felt her presence.
"Miranda," He greeted her. She responded with her trademark glare.
"Don't you dare 'Miranda' me!" She said. "Now where the hell is my intern?"
He swallowed. "I don't know. I haven't seen her since before my surgery this morning."
Bailey's eyes narrowed. "And what did you say to her?" She asked, placing a hand on her hip.
"Nothing… except I might have given her the impression that we were over." Derek thought moodily to himself.
"What the hell did you do to her?" Bailey asked, firmer and slower.
"I didn't do anything, it's what she did to herself!" He snapped at Bailey before storming away.
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Supply closets had a way of finding Meredith Grey. Some people used them for sex, important conversations… she used them to cry like she'd never cried before.
Silent sobs wracked her body as she sat on the floor, leaning against one of the metal shelves. She couldn't breathe, she literally couldn't breathe, and she couldn't stop crying. She put her hands over her mouth several times to try to force herself to stop, but all that did was muffle the pained screams that eventually emanated from her.
"Yeah, you should be."
His voice rang through her head over and over again as well as the look that preceded and followed those words. She should be worried. This was worse than Addison had ever been. He'd had a history with Addison, she was his wife! He had an obligation to her, and even though it hurt, she had understood why he left her to be with Addison. He had to try.
He wouldn't be him if he didn't try.
But now he was actually considering leaving her for some woman he met in a bar. Her sobs turned to pained laughter as she realized that's what she was to him. She wasn't anything special to him, she wasn't extraordinary. No matter what her mother had told her on her way out of… wherever. If she were extraordinary she would have been enough for him, her love, their love would have been enough for him.
But it wasn't.
She wasn't.
She was the girl in a bar that he picked up to screw. She hadn't saved him from drowning. She hadn't pulled him up for fresh air.
She'd always be the girl he screwed to get over being screwed.
"You don't marry the rebound girl!" Izzie's voice entered her mind and she quickly slapped her hand to her mouth as her eyes squeezed shut, hot tears escaping her eyes and spilling down her cheeks.
"When I met you, I thought I had found the person, that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done."
She was foolish. You don't marry the rebound girl, and she was so obviously the rebound girl. She let herself believe that they had something, something real and true. Foolish, foolish little girl.
Her sobs continued, shoulders shaking, and she continually gasped for air that wasn't coming. She slowly fell sideways to the floor, and she curled into a fetal position, crying for everything she had lost.
Crying because she needed help to breathe and the one person that had done that was not there because he didn't want to.
Please don't let this turn into something it's not, I can only give you everything I've got. I can't be as sorry as you think I should. But I still love you more than anyone else could.
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A/N: So after last night's preview… this started coming to me. I dreamt about it. I woke up this morning because of a storm and then started thinking about the situation. Couldn't go back to sleep. Got up and started writing it. It was supposed to be a one-shot. But it's spinning out into something more. Much more. I stopped here because if I went on who knows how long this thing would be. The rest is written. This is now going to be a short story. But if I get enough response or if anyone wants it to be a bit longer then I'll see what I can do. I'll definitely wrap it up before things start to get repetitive. I promise.
And by the way, if you didn't listen to Make This Go On Forever… you should. Now, I am NOT kidding people. You HAVE to listen to that song, at least during the scene where Mer is in the closet. Go. Don't have the CD? Go find it at www(dot)imeem(dot)com. Seriously, I'm not doing this to be a nuisance. I can't stress it enough!
Haha. Anyway… I hope you enjoyed this bit of an angst filled fans angsty worries about the currently angsty merder!!
Please check out and review my other stories: You Don't Get to Call Me a Whore, Stolen, He Could Never Stay Angry with Her, and Perfectly Ordinary.
Thanks for reading and please review!
Ta-ta for now!